


Eloquence Doesn't Always Equal Intelligence.

by itsnotlove



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Denial of Feelings, I'm going to try and avoid tagging this story as it might ruin the fun, M/M, Slow Build, Slow Romance, Sneakiness, The Author Regrets Nothing, Unrequited Love, Wet Dream, but I might change my mind further down the track.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-15
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-03-30 15:55:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 94,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3942694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsnotlove/pseuds/itsnotlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Humans, as a general rule, have always believed themselves to be superior to not only every other creature in existence, but to each other. Because of this belief, humans have a tendency to lie to themselves and exaggerate even the silliest of things."</p><p>There's no summary for this story (as it might ruin the fun), but if you liked my other works, I think you'll enjoy this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue.

Humans, as a general rule, have always believed themselves to be superior to not only every other creature in existence, but to each other. Because of this belief, humans have a tendency to lie to themselves and exaggerate even the silliest of things.  
   
Individuals, through their own selfishness, believe themselves to be the centre of the universe. They believe that their hopes, their feelings, their emotions are the only ones that matter. Though the individual will concede that others do indeed feel similar things, they still believe that they themselves are feeling whatever emotion is currently possessing them the most vividly.

  
_“I’m so angry, I could kill him/her.”_  
  
_“I’ve never been so sad, I could cry for days.”_  
  
_“This is the happiest day of my life.”_

  
Sound familiar? Of course it does. You’ve said these things either to others or to yourself. Don’t worry, it’s only human. That’s why I don’t believe in the truth or in lies. Though those statements, and many like them, are exaggerated falsehoods, _you_ believe them to be the truth.  
  
Are you still with me?  
  
Good, but please feel free to have a break if you need one. There’s no shame in admitting that you’re having trouble keeping up.  
  
Where was I? Ah, that’s right. Humans are liars. Now, you might try to reason with me here and say “I try hard not to lie!” or “Humans don’t lie intentionally, they’re simply expressing what they’re feeling! If they have nothing else to compare it to, of course it feels extreme!”  
  
Well, I suppose I can’t really argue with you (or rather, I’ll choose not to at this time). So how about we discuss other, non-verbal lies? Your body, for instance, has a natural limiter of sorts. Though you might feel as though you’re using your muscles to their full extent, you’re only ever using a fraction of their potential.  This is so you can prevent major injury, though occasionally you will be able to use your full strength (in a life or death situation).  
  
“What about Heiwajima Shizuo?”  
  
I don’t need to hear you to know that’s what you’re likely to ask. Heiwajima Shizuo is, on all accounts, an anomaly.  
  
Not only is he lacking the natural limiter on his body (allowing him to use 100% of his body's potential at all times, resulting in superhuman strength), he’s also the exception to every rule I’ve mentioned so far.  
  
Heiwajima Shizuo is not a liar.  
  
I’m not simply speaking about his personality (though sources have stated that they would be surprised to learn that the man had told even a single untruth). No, there’s nothing about him that isn’t honest.  
  
Physically, his body displays its full strength at all times. More than that, his lack of a limiter seems to extend to his emotions as well. The man is incapable of feeling anything unless it is in extremes. Be it physical pain, anguish, love, or rage- Heiwajima Shizuo feels everything in extremes. This, of course, extends to his self-control which, likewise, is an extreme.

   
That could be the reason why a certain informant considers the Monster of Ikebukuro to be inhuman. If one is honest, or incapable of telling a lie, then he cannot be human.

It’s my personal belief that it’s actually the opposite. It’s my opinion that Heiwajima Shizuo is the very definition of human, though he’s admittedly an amplified version of it. It’s a wonder that a creature as seemingly ineloquent as him could become such a symbol, but stranger things have happened.  
  
In any case, I believe I've taken up enough of your time for today. Perhaps we could continue this discussion at another time, you can find me in my chatroom 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you’re interested.  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi.**  
  
  


* * *

* * *

* * *

  


Thank you for reading! This story is one that I've been thinking about for quite a while. Though the introduction is quite small (and seemingly irrelevant), if you can stick it out for another few chapters I promise that there will definitely be some plot!

  
Tsukumoya might be a little bit out of character, so I apologise if that's the case. I have a bit of trouble writing him, but that's how it is I guess.

  
Anyway, let me know what you think and feel free to point out any typos you might spot!


	2. Chapter 01

**_Seven years ago_ **

**Orihara Izaya, reborn!**

**Orihara Izaya**

How did you find my game?

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Hello, Orihara-san.

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Is that how you greet everyone you meet, or am I just lucky?

**Orihara Izaya**

You lost your right to be offended the moment you sent me such a ridiculously insulting email.  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

I’ll ask you again, how did you find my game? There were only three copies of it, and I never uploaded it to the internet.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Then I suppose it’s a mystery.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Shouldn’t you be studying instead of crafting condescending and tedious video games?

**Orihara Izaya**

How much do you know about me?

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

I know enough. It’s not particularly difficult to find information about you.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Let me guess, you’re a pot-bellied old man with a fetish for schoolboys?

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Haha! I’m afraid I don’t fit your image of me.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Who are you, exactly? Have we met?

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Are you likely to believe anything I say?

 

**Orihara Izaya**

…

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Let’s just say I’m someone who knows you, Orihara-san.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Then forget me.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

How could I forget the creator of such a pretentious video game?

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Just leave me alone. You’re annoying.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Whatever you say, Orihara-san. But I think you’ll be back.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Don’t count on it.

 

**Orihara Izaya, confirmed dead!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

We’ll see.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Orihara Izaya is one of the most feared individuals in Ikebukuro. Cunning, ruthless, and manipulative are a few of the words commonly used to describe him. However, these attributes are not the only reason one should avoid him whenever he’s seen in Ikebukuro.

 

‘ _IIIZZAAAYYYAAA!_ ” The blonde monster howled, sprinting down the narrow alleyway.

                                                                        

The only reply he received was the maniacal laughter coming from the brunette in front of him as he gracefully dodged the impossible-to-throw projectiles that were being aimed at him. All it took was a few sharp turns down a few different corners and he’d managed to lose sight of his pursuer. Frowning in disappointment, he hurried up the fire escape and made his way to a rooftop.  
  
“Today’s chase was only twenty-minutes,” He sighed, peeking over the edge to watch as the monster below frantically tried to locate him, “You really are a dumb beast, Shizu-chan.”  
  
He turned his back to the scene below him and leaned against the edge of the roof. He’d had some time to kill between appointments which is why he’d teased the beast, but he still had another fifteen minutes to wait until his client showed up.  
  
Having nothing better to do, he pulled out his phone and opened a browser. He hadn’t checked Tsukumoya’s blog for a while and, always looking for an opportunity to insult the ~~superior~~ anonymous informant, decided to read the latest update.  
  
[ _That could be the reason why a certain informant considers the Monster of Ikebukuro to be inhuman. If one is honest, or incapable of telling a lie, then he cannot be human._  
  
It’s my personal belief that it’s actually the opposite. It’s my opinion that Heiwajima Shizuo is the very definition of human, though he’s admittedly an amplified version of it. ]  
  
Izaya laughed darkly at the text, immediately making his way to the chatroom mentioned at the end of the article.

 

**Orihara Izaya, reborn!**

**Orihara Izaya**

What drivel you write.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Which drivel would you be referring to?  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

“Shizu-chan is the definition of human”? Are you serious?

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Hmm, that does sound quite similar to something I posted recently.

**Orihara Izaya**

I can’t believe you dared to include me in an article that ludicrous.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

I don’t recall mentioning you, Orihara.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

“A certain informant”

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Who says you’re the only informant I speak with? We aren’t exclusive.

**Orihara Izaya**

What nonsense!

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

You’re so possessive. I had no idea you felt this way.  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

Don’t imply something so idiotic, you’ll make me vomit.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

You’re so cruel, Iza-chan.  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

Iza-what?

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Don’t you ‘chan’ me!  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

My apologies. I assumed that your liberal use of the honorific might be your way of subconsciously asking for it to be used.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Am I supposed to believe that?  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Do you believe anything I say if you don’t pay for it?  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Was there something in particular you came here for?

 

**Orihara Izaya**

I had a few moments spare and decided to pass the time reading your blog.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

I can see now that it was a poor idea. I believe my IQ might have been lowered.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

And you decided to talk to me about the update because it was about Shizuo?

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Of course not. I merely wanted to inform you of your idiocy.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

If that’s what you want to believe…

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Don’t act so arrogantly. You might have my personal information, but you don’t know anything about me apart from that.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

I wouldn’t be so sure about that.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Though, your obsession with Shizuo isn’t exactly a closely guarded secret.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

I believe you mean ‘hatred’. I loathe Shizu-chan.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

If you say so.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

You’re disgusting.

 

 **Orihara Izaya, confirmed dead!**  
  
  
Izaya angrily locked his phone and shoved it a little too violently back into his pocket. There were only three things he hated in this world, and they were Shizuo, Tsukumoya Shinichi, and not knowing something. Unfortunately, the informant needed to bear Tsukumoya’s antics as he was one of his primary sources of information.

 

He’d never met the man in person before and knew very little about him, which irked him to no end. It had been whilst he was still in high school that they’d met. Izaya had created a simple video game which mocked the player relentlessly with a seemingly endless amount of text that crawled up the screen at a snail’s pace. Izaya had only made three copies of it, each copy stored on a CD, and hadn’t uploaded it to the internet.

 

He’d given Shinra a copy to play with (though he heard the underground doctor hadn’t actually played it) and had kept the other two copies for himself. Somehow, Tsukumoya had managed to find a copy of it and had actually finished it (an accomplishment in itself as the game lasted for approximately six hours and consisted only of the mocking text) and sent Izaya an email to mock it.

 

Izaya, having his interest piqued, tracked down the sender and came across the chatroom. He’d been instantly annoyed by the attitude of the stranger, finding that he wasn’t susceptible to the taunts and manipulation the informant dealt out. Izaya had planned to ignore the anonymous chatter at first, but after being approached by the yakuza and coming up at a dead end whilst searching for information, he’d taken the chance and asked Tsukumoya for help a few months after their first meeting.

 

Tsukumoya gladly obliged, instantly sending the information asked of him. However, he also made it clear that he would expect payment for his services in the future which resulted in a somewhat professional relationship between the two.

  
“I really want to cut you to pieces.” Izaya mumbled under his breath, leaning over the side of the building once again. It looked as though Shizuo had given up the search, no longer appearing among the crowds below.

 

Hearing the sounds of his client making their way up the fire escape behind him, Izaya fixed a professional sneer to his face and turned around. It was business time, and he’d have plenty of time to be indignant later.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The man known by Orihara Izaya as Tsukumoya Shinichi chuckled softly to himself as he locked his smartphone. He’d known that Izaya would read the article he’d written on Heiwajima Shizuo and was pleased with the outcome. Teasing Izaya was by far his favourite pastime, and the only reason he had a blog in the first place was because it was an easy way to provoke the informant. In fact, Izaya was the only person who was able to access it (not that Izaya was aware of this).

 

Smiling softly to himself, the man placed the smart phone into a hidden pocket and checked his flip phone for the time. He sighed unhappily and walked in the direction of his job. Teasing Izaya might be fun, but being available twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week certainly had its drawbacks. He’d once considered scaling back the hours he was available for the brunette, but in the end couldn’t go through with it.

 

If he wasn’t available at all times, he might miss something important and it would leave the brunette informant to his own devices which was never a good thing. Honestly, for someone so clever, Izaya was incredibly oblivious to almost everything.

 

Izaya had always assumed that he’d managed to avoid death, injury, and imprisonment due to his own efforts. This was true to a point, as the informant had an uncanny ability to escape danger and used his intelligence as a weapon. However, it was impossible to anyone to be injury free in his line of work for six years.

 

Or it would be impossible if Izaya hadn’t received help behind the scenes. Tsukumoya was the better informant of the two of them, always having better information and more of it. This information was, at first, collected accidentally, but now he made sure he knew about everything at all times. He used this information as a shield to protect a clueless Izaya, making sure to blackmail, threaten, or bribe anyone who dared to consider coming up against him.

 

In a way, Tsukumoya was like a protective parent watching his child from the sidelines. That thought caused another chuckle to escape Tsukumoya as he thought about how strange it would be to compare his feelings to that of a parents.

 

 _‘Well, parents do love their children so I suppose that part is partly true,’_ he thought to himself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The sun had already begun to set by the time Izaya returned back to Shinjuku. The information his client, a wealthy businessman which a penchant for women who weren’t interested in him, had requested was easy enough to find. Of course, Izaya had told the man that he’d have to wait a few days for it just so that he could watch the man panic.  
  
A few days was too long, he’d begged, didn’t Izaya know who he was? He needed the information for his defence against the woman’s rape allegations immediately! Izaya had feigned a look of understanding and assured the man he’d do his best, all whilst laughing on the inside.  
  
He loved humans, he really did. He loved every one of them no matter their faults. However, the woman in question was far more interesting than the pig of a man standing before him and Izaya had already chosen a side.  
  
“Namie~” He sung, walking through the door and toeing off his shoes, “Has it arrived yet?”  
  
The woman rolled her eyes in response, “It’s on your desk.”

  
Izaya excitedly clapped his hands and skipped over to his desk, thin fingers grasping a small file. His smile widened at the photographs inside the folder and he laughed loudly. “Wonderful!”  
  
“Disgusting.” Namie muttered, visibly uncomfortable with her employer’s happiness.  
  
“Namie~,” Izaya cooed once again, “Please set up a meeting wit-”  
  
“You have a meeting with both the relevant parties tomorrow.” Namie interrupted as she gathered her things, “There should be a note in your day planner.”  
  
“What a wonderful housewife you make, Namie. You’re so organised.”  
  
The woman ignored the idiot that was her employer, opting instead to clock out and go home. There would never be a day that she’d willing spend a second longer with Izaya unless she was being paid for it.  
  
Izaya sat in his chair just as the door clicked shut behind his secretary. It was almost too easy for him to play with his humans, especially when they left incriminating evidence in easy to find locations. He closed the file and threw it lightly onto his desk and began spinning in his chair slowly.  
  
With nothing else to occupy his mind, his thoughts slipped back to the blog he’d read earlier that afternoon.  
  
“Ridiculous.” He said to the empty room, his lips thinning at the memory.  
  
Unable to shake his irritation, he spun once more in his chair and stopped once he reached his computer screen. His earlier departure from a certain chatroom had been less than composed, and Izaya reasoned that he needed to return in order to save face.  
  
Fingers gliding across the keyboard, he made his way back toward the subject of his ire, hoping that he’d might be able to irritate the anonymous informant at least this once.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_Nine years ago._ **

****

****

****

****

 

Hurt.  
  
Anger.  
  
Pain.  
  
Sadness.  
  
The emotions flickered through him all at once and clouded his senses. It was too much for anyone, let alone a middle schooler, to handle. The emotions were in their extremes, causing a sort of breakdown in the young boy.  
  
“HAAA! AHHHHH!” He howled, no longer able to form words to express his agony as he hit three adult attackers with a street sign.  
  
It was over quickly.  
  
Surveying the damage, the young blonde boy dropped the street sign and took a few heavy breaths. _‘Shit!’._  
  
He had to escape, had to get out of there and get back home. He ran as fast as he could, ignoring the mumbled complaints of passers-by he bumped into along the way. ‘ _No, no, no! Not again!_ ’  
  
He half-opened half-crashed through the front door of his parents’ house, leaning his body against it once he was safely inside and sliding down to the floor. He looked at his trembling hands as if they held the answer and fought to keep his tears to himself.  
  
“Brother?” a younger boy asked tentatively, walking calmly into the room.  
  
The blonde looked up slowly, tears that threatened to fall clouding his vision. The boys stared at each other in silent conversation, each unsure of what to say to the other. Finally, the younger boy reached out a hand.  
  
Shizuo, the blonde, smiled weakly at the gestured and pulled himself from the floor. Closing the small distance between him and his brother, he grasped the hand softly.  
  
“You must be thirsty.” The younger brother said, pulling his sibling toward the kitchen.  
  
The blonde nodded gently, keeping his gaze at his feet and rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand until he was asked to sit down. “Thanks,” he mumbled as a glass jar of milk was placed beside him.  
  
The younger brother watched curiously as Shizuo drank the milk all at once, taking a seat next to the boy who would one day be known as the Monster of Ikebukuro.  
  
“It happened again.” Shizuo mumbled, wiping off his milk moustache. “Sorry, Kasuka…”  
  
“How long?” Kasuka asked, knowing that telling his brother it wasn’t his fault would be a pointless endeavour. The words had been spoken so many times that they’d lost most of their meaning and only served to make the blonde feel worse.  
  
“F-fifteen.” Shizuo replied.  
  
“Fifteen minutes…” Kasuka thought aloud, “That’s three minutes longer than yesterday. You’re getting better, brother.”  
  
The blonde smiled weakly. True, it was longer today than it was yesterday, or even the day before, but it still wasn’t long enough.  
  
A small hand softly grabbed the slightly larger and dirtier one, giving it a gentle squeeze.  
  
“Do… Do you think I’ll be ready in time?” Shizuo asked hopefully, dreading a negative answer.  
  
Kasuka nodded once in reply, “Yes.”  
  
Shizuo returned the gentle squeeze and closed his eyes, emotionally exhausted and disappointed with himself. He had been hurt too many times to get his hopes up fully, but a part of him dared to dream of the day he’d be able to control himself. If Kasuka, his clever younger brother, believed in him then it had to be possible.  
  
Right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Orihara Izaya, reborn!**

**  
Tsukumoya Shinichi**

What’s this?

 

**Orihara Izaya**

?

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

You’ve decided to visit me twice in one day. What’s the occasion?

 

**Orihara Izaya**

No occasion. I simply wasn’t through with you.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Ah, I see. So it wasn’t a tantrum I witnessed earlier?

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Don’t be stupid. You lack the ability to evoke even the slightest of emotions in me.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

I wonder who would believe such a statement.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

It doesn’t matter if you believe it or not, unlike a certain beast I possess self-control.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Four.   


**Orihara Izaya**

Four what?

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

It only took you four sentences to bring up Shizuo.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

You really do lack self-awareness.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Given that he was the subject of the blog we were discussing, it’s hardly a surprise that he’d be mentioned.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

For someone who considers themselves to be the best informant in Tokyo, you really are uninformed when it comes to yourself.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Don’t imply such disgusting things.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

I’m merely here to have a civil discussion about how wrong you are.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Is that how it is? Well, please continue.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

That monster is not human.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Is that all? I expected something a little more in depth.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

That’s all that needs to be said.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

You should at least cite some examples to back up your claim.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

I neither need nor want to. I know that you’re just trying to get information on Shizu-chan out of me.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

You caught me.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

I’m the only one who needs to know about Shizu-chan. I don’t understand why you have no information on him anyway.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

“I’m the only one who needs to know about Shizu-chan”- you can see why people assume you’re obsessed.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Nonsense. “If you know the enemy and you know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles”.  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

“If you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperilled in every single battle”.  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

I am not ‘imperilled’ in my fights with Shizu-chan.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Perhaps not, but for a battle that has raged for close to a decade, your battles have always ended in a stalemate.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

I don’t need to hear that from you, a man too afraid to step away from his computer.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

You’re probably right. My apologies, Orihara-sama.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

You’ve become boring.

 

**Orihara Izaya, confirmed dead!**

Izaya exited the chatroom in a huff, his annoyance only growing. He’d spent years trying to one-up the anonymous chatter but had yet to succeed. Infuriated by his situation, the informant decided to take his frustrations out on someone else.

 

Picking up his phone, he sent three messages to three different numbers before leaning back in his chair with a smile on his face. As unhealthy as a therapist would tell him it was, he really felt so much better when he spread the misery around.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shizuo stubbed his cigarette out in the small ashtray he had on his coffee table. He’d returned home from work a little later than usual as he’d insisted on making up the thirty five minutes he’d taken off work in order to chase the flea throughout Ikebukuro.

 

It was while he was considering his dinner options that he heard a loud hammering on his apartment door followed by some jeering. With a straight face, he slowly rose from his seat on the couch and walked over to the front door. Taking a breath as if to steady himself, he ripped it open and growled at the men on the other side.  
  
“What?”  
  
The men, no longer feeling confident as they stood toe-to-toe with the infamous blonde, tried not to whimper, “We’re here to fuck you up, Heiwajima!”  
  
Shizuo’s eyes narrowed dangerously but he made no move forward. “Too tired for this shit, fuck off.”  
  
He tried to close the door only to have a hand force it back open. He took a step back, not bothering to dodge the metal bar that came down on his head.  
  
“What…” the wielder of said pole asked, surprised to find his once straight pole bent in the middle.  
  
“That could kill me, you know…” the blonde said quietly, staring directly into the eyes of his attacker, “So whatever happens now is self-defence, right?”  
  
It was over in seconds. Shizuo unleashed his wrath, allowing the pent-up rage he kept so tightly under control flow through his veins. His assailants were plentiful, a second and third group showing up just as he’d finished taking care of the first group.  
  
Once he’d finished, he watched the men on the ground with a frown, wondering if he’d gone too far.  
  
‘ _They’re all breathing…_ ’ he thought to himself, shrugging as he returned to his apartment.  
  
He locked the door behind him, removing his sunglasses and rubbing his face with a hand in silence. He hated violence, and he hated hurting the idiots who thought they could attack him.  
  
“Izaya…” he mumbled to the empty room in a voice that was obviously straining. It had to be the flea. It was _always_ the flea.  
  
His hand slipped down to cover his mouth and he fought to contain himself. His body urged him to let go, to release the pent up emotion that were threatening to overtake him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_Eight years ago._ **

****

****

****

****

 

 

“How long?” Kasuka asked as his brother closed the front door of their home, his clothes slightly dirtied and torn.  
  
Kasuka had been expecting the worst. It was Shizuo’s first day of high school and despite all the work they’d done, there was no guarantee that it would pay off. Only furthering his anxiety was the fact that Shizuo had kept his back to him, leaning his forehead against the door in an effort to hide himself.  
  
“Sixty-five.” Came the strained reply in a shaky voice.  
  
“That’s the longest yet.” Kasuka spoke, walking toward his brother. He wasn’t sure why he seemed to be so depressed and, for a moment, Kasuka feared the worst. “Brother, what happened?” Shizuo's shoulders shook gently and the younger Heiwajima tentatively placed a hand on one.  
  
That’s when he heard it. It started off soft but steadily grew into a deep, throaty laugh that he’d never once heard in his life. Kasuka removed his hand and took a step backward, tilting his head in confusion at the sight of his older brother _laughing._

 

“…brother?”  
  
Shizuo pushed himself off the door and faced his brother, a wide, toothy grin on his face replacing the usual frown. Kasuka’s eyes widened just a little as he took in the sight before him.  
  
“Kasuka…” he said, excitement and happiness dripping from his voice like wax. He seemed too excited to continue his sentence, the words unable to make it past the grin.  
  
“What happened?” Kasuka asked again. Whatever it is must have been amazing to cause such a reaction.  
  
“I…” Shizuo rubbed his face with a hand in an attempt to hide his joy, “I can’t… it’s too embarrassing…”  
  
Now Kasuka _had_ to know. “Tell me.”

Shizuo studied his face briefly, “Okay, okay. But you can’t laugh, alright?”  
  
Kasuka nodded, holding his breath in anticipation.  
  
“I… I’m… Shizuo started, his face red as he began to speak, “I’m in love.”  
  
Kasuka’s expression didn’t change despite the revelation, but Shizuo could read him like a book.

 

“Oi! I told you not to laugh!”  
  
“Sorry, brother.” Kasuka said calmly, “It was unexpected news.”  
  
Shizuo grinned, “You’re tellin’ me. I can’t believe it myself.”  
  
“Who are they? Did you meet them at school?”  
  
Shizuo’s face grew darker, “Yeah. Let’s get a drink and I’ll tell you everything.”

 

The two brothers walked into the kitchen and sat down with a glass of milk each. Once Shizuo had composed himself enough to speak, he told his brother the story of how he met a young Orihara Izaya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :D
> 
> I've decided to just lean into the skid and let Tsukumoya be a bit out of character since it suits the purposes of this story. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :D
> 
> Please feel free to point out any typos you might spot. :D


	3. Chapter 02

Losing the internal battle, Shizuo’s hand dropped from his face and he wrapped his arms around his waist as a deep, throaty laugh echoed throughout his apartment. He laughed harder than he thought he could, causing his sides to ache and his throat to run dry as he slid to the floor. His laughter was so hysterical that he terrified those who lay beaten on the other side of the door.

 

After some minutes the laughter ceased and his shoulders simply shook in silence. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, a large grin on his face. He was glad that he’d been in the privacy of his own home as he wasn’t sure he’d be able to explain his sudden joy at a seemingly infuriating situation.  
  
“Well, better react the way he wants.” Shizuo wheezed to himself as he collected his wallet and phone. He lit a cigarette on his way out the door and made his way to Russia Sushi so he could complain loudly about his shitty flea to all who would listen. With the Dollars being what it was, it was a sure-fire way of giving Izaya the response he apparently wanted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

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**_Eight years ago._ **

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Kasuka slowly sipped his milk as he watched his brother recount his day. Shizuo had become quite animated, gesturing wildly with his hands as he excitedly told his brother about the less than ideal meeting that had taken place.  
  
“…and so after I’d taken them all out I was still angry so I punched the goal post.”  
  
Kasuka nodded, as if this were a perfectly normal way of venting ones frustrations.  
  
“But I felt really bad about it because the soccer team would need to replace it, so I was trying to figure out how I could make it up to their manager when I heard this clapping.”  
  
“Clapping?”  
  
“Yeah, clapping.” Shizuo’s hand formed a fist and a peculiar expression adorned his face. “So I turn around and Shinra is there- you remember Shinra? That really creepy kid with glasses I went to elementary school with?”  
  
“The one who kept asking for your blood?” Kasuka replied, unable to forget such a strange person.  
  
“Yeah… anyway, he’s behind me with this guy and says something like “This is Orihara Izaya, I went to middle school with him and he’s an arsehole,” or something like that.” Shizuo’s face darkened just a little more, “Turns out this guy was the one who was clapping, and he had this _look_ like he thought he was just so good. Like he was thinking about picking a fight with me.”  
  
“What happened?”  
  
“Well, I said he pissed me off.” Shizuo replied, “Because that’s enough to make ‘em run usually. But this guy, he says “Oh? Too bad. I thought you and I could have some fun,” so I told him to shut up, because he reeks like those other bastards who keep trying to make me fight for them.”

 

“Then you got into a fight?” Kasuka asked, wondering how any of this had to do with love. So far, it just sounded as though his older brother had put yet another idiot into hospital.

  
“You could say that. I tried to keep my anger under control, so I just punched the seat he was on. Y’know, just to scare him or bruise him up a little, but…”  
  
Kasuka watched in awe as Shizuo began to laugh once again, the sound a contrast to the almost sadistic look that graced his features. After a few moments, he’d calmed himself enough to continue his story.  
  
“But he moved out of the way, he’s like a flea or something, really fast and jumpy.” Shizuo chuckled, “Then, he pulls out this crappy little knife outta nowhere and cuts me here.” Shizuo jabbed a thumb toward his chest, which proudly displayed a small cut and dried blood. “So I ended up chasing him down but I couldn’t catch him, and I ended up being tricked and got hit by a truck-”  
  
“A truck?”  
  
“Yeah, and he pays the driver and just leaves me there in the street.” Shizuo’s chuckles became a little louder, “So I figured he must’ve gone to Shinra’s after that to get patched up since he was jumping everywhere before and kept hitting walls and stuff. So I go there, rip the door off and threaten to kill him.”  
  
“Why? Were you still upset?”  
  
“Nah, thought it’d scare him.” Shizuo picked up their milk cartons and moved them to the sink then poured himself a glass of water, “Didn’t though.”  
  
Kasuka continued to watch his brother, waiting for him to explain the part that included anything resembling love. After a few minutes it became apparent that Shizuo wasn’t going to explain further and Kasuka decided to simply ask. “Brother, what does this have to do with love?”  
  
“Oh yeah.” He placed his glass in the sink and leaned on the counter, running a hand roughly through his hair in an attempt to hide the redness of his face, “Well, it’s him.”  
  
“Him?”  
  
“Orihara… I… I think I love him.”  
  
“…”  
  
“Don’t look at me like that,” Shizuo flushed, “I know it’s not normal or anything but you should have seen him. He’s like… I don’t even know what he’s like. But he’s not afraid of me or anything, even if he is really shady.”  
  
“And that’s why you love him?”  
  
“I think so.”  
  
“So why did you make it look like you hate him?” Kasuka asked, “I don’t think this is how you’re supposed to confess.”  
  
“Ah, well… like I said, he seems shady as hell, you know? I just know he’s going to be a pain in my neck and he’s going to get into all sorts of crap, so it’ll be better this way.”  
  
“I don’t understand.”  
  
“Well, you know that plan we talked about? I’m really sorry, but I think I’m going to have to change it a bit.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Shi-zu-o!” A loud and friendly voice called out toward the scowling blonde, “Come, eat sushi. Stop frown with sushi smiles.”  
  
Shizuo shot the Russian a dirty look but made his way into the sushi bar anyway. Simon, though well intentioned, was one of the people Shizuo was cautious of. It wasn’t particularly because he felt physically threatened by the giant Russian, but more because of his eyes.

 

Simon, from what Shizuo had gathered over the years, was a man who had lived through some unbearably painful experiences. Despite his smiles and chipper attitude, it was obvious that he was perceptive and knew more than he let on. Shizuo didn’t have anything against him though, and always found Simon’s presence to be more calming than irritating for the most part.

 

Shizuo feigned ignorance when the customers of the sushi bar began shuffling around nervously. Some left in a hurry, and he honestly couldn’t blame them. He’d been muttering about all the different ways he could kill Izaya and it was no surprise that those surrounding him were terrified.  
  
“Shizuo,” Dennis spoke from over the counter, “Sit down and I’ll bring you sushi.”  
  
Shizuo nodded and made his way to a private booth, sliding the door closed behind him. He stopped his muttering and allowed himself a deep sigh instead. It was hard to do this, and only got harder as the years went by.

 

He dug out his flip phone and checked a few token spots on the internet, smirking a little when he found a video of himself abusing a brick wall. Izaya would have to be pretty pissed if he’d sent three groups to his apartment that evening, and Shizuo was certain the informant would show up now he’d ventured out for dinner. A fifteen-second video of a brick wall crumbling would hardly be satisfying, after all.  
  
The muffled footsteps outside the thin sliding door became louder and Shizuo slipped his phone back into his pocket just as it opened. Simon, having returned inside in order to serve food, smiled happily down at the blonde.  
  
“Shi-zuo, you look sad! Sad and hungry!” he said, placing the tray of questionable food on the table with a surprising amount of delicacy, “Don’t worry, sushi cure your heart hurt.”  
  
“Thanks for the food.” Shizuo mumbled, trying to look as annoyed as possible though he was sure Simon could see through him.  
  
Taking the hint, Simon slid the door closed and Shizuo listened as his footsteps grew fainter. Picking up his chopsticks he began to slowly eat his food, savouring the bizarre flavours and wondering how much time he had left before his meal was interrupted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**[PRIVATE POST]**

Heiwajima Shizuo is someone who most would describe to be an honest man who detests lies with every part of his being. He is straightforward and honest, even if it does him no favours, and he can be relied upon for many things. I myself have written about how honest Heiwajima is.  
  
His few friends and acquaintances, a group made up primarily of strange people and a certain urban legend, respect him immensely despite their fear of him. They know that Shizuo doesn’t hurt anyone consciously, and that he hates his strength and short temper. They know that, despite how it may seem to outsiders, the man longs for nothing more than peace.  
  
His younger brother, however, is the one who knows the most about him. He would agree with most everything that Shizuo’s friends would say about him, but disagrees on one universally-accepted point: He knows that his brother is a liar.  
  
There are many forms of lies. There are White Lies, which are small and mostly harmless, not unlike a Polite Lie. There are the lies you tell children in order to help them understand things that might be too difficult to explain. There are half-truths, exaggerations, frauds, and deflections. For the most part, these don’t apply to Shizuo.  
  
No, Shizuo is a special kind of liar. His specialty is one that people can debate about, with some saying it’s lying whilst others say it _technically_ isn’t. Don’t get me wrong, it definitely is a lie even if it is almost impossible to catch him in the act.  
  
Heiwajima Shizuo lies by omission. He misrepresents the truth by allowing others to believe whatever they like and he doesn’t correct them. Of course, he only lies like this when it has something to do with a certain informant.  
  
If the world believes him to be an idiot, he lies by not correcting them. If the world believes he hates a certain person more than anything, once again he does nothing to prove how wrong they are. If his friends, family, and the entire city of Ikebukuro believe that he has no control over his strength and temper…  
  
Well, he does feel bad about that one, but it’s unavoidable. After all, terrorising the villagers is a small price to pay if it makes a certain _someone_ happy.  
  
But I digress.  
  
Heiwajima Kasuka, or Hanejima Yuuhei as he’s more commonly known, knows that his brother is a liar. He doesn’t try to rehabilitate his older brother or make him feel guilty over it, if anything he actually tries to help him lie. Kasuka is the only person that Shizuo is fully honest with, and he’s aware of all of his older brother’s faults and secrets.  
  
What you may need to know about these brothers is that they are both as abnormal as each other. Shizuo, as I’ve said before, feels everything in extremes. His emotions are powerful forces of nature, strong enough that they’d destroy anyone unaccustomed to them. Kasuka, however, appears to have no emotions.  
  
It isn’t that he is devoid of feeling, no, it’s just that he is incapable of showing his feelings to the outside world in a way it would understand. His face remains expressionless at all times, and only his older brother is able to decipher him. That could be why the brothers are so close and why they trust each other so much.  
  
Who knows for certain, I doubt that even they do.  
  
I’m rambling again, aren’t I? Ah, my apologies.  
  
So, Heiwajima Shizuo is a liar and Heiwajima Kasuka is his accomplice…  
  
My apologies once again, it would appear that something has come up and I’ll be forced to continue this later. It really is a good thing this post is only viewable to me, otherwise the world would see just how rude I am.

  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Izaya grinned as he read the first of many messages being posted onto the Dollars forum. They were all the same, though the wording varied, with each poster gossiping about how the Monster of Ikebukuro was in a foul mood. A video that had been uploaded displayed the fearsome blonde taking out his frustrations on a brick wall, though most people chose to keep their distance so there was little evidence recorded.

 

Izaya laughed at Shizuo’s misfortune, pleased to have a distraction from his earlier conversation with Tsukumoya. Izaya was _not_ obsessed with the brute, he merely enjoyed watching him suffer. Shizuo wasn’t human, he was simply a beast dressed to look like one and it was Izaya’s _duty_ to put him down like the dangerous animal he was.  
  
The updates began to thin once Shizuo had apparently reached his destination (Russia Sushi, from what Izaya could tell) and Izaya grabbed his coat. Though angering Shizuo from a distance had been fun, it hadn’t been enough to fully satisfy the informant. He skipped out of his apartment and toward the station, a heart full of twisted anticipation at the thought of inducing a rage in the beast that could force Simon to step in.  
  
On nights like these, Izaya would usually walk to Ikebukuro and stretch his legs. Tonight however, he was moving quickly toward the station. There was no way of knowing how long Shizuo would be in the restaurant, and he _needed_ to be in the restaurant if Izaya was going to be having any fun. Simon’s presence would assure his safety but he’d still be able to get in some much needed teasing.  
  
The train ride was uneventful as most other commuters were too tired to do anything interesting. Izaya much preferred the business of the after-school crowd, with their rumours and gossiping making for more interesting observations.  
  
It wasn’t long before the train stopped in Ikebukuro, and the brunette left the station quickly. He moved swiftly, slinking through the back alleys to ensure that no one could see him jogging. Of course, he was only jogging because he had a time limit. If he missed the window and Shizuo left before he got there, he’d never be able to relieve himself of this tension.  
  
“I-zay-a,” a familiar voice called out once he’d made it to his destination, “You hungry? Fresh Otoro for you, you want take out?”  
  
“Actually Simon, I would like to dine in today.”  
  
The Russian eyed the brunette suspiciously, “Come, I get you good seat.” He said, opening the door for the latest customer.  
  
Izaya followed him inside obediently, his smile becoming more genuine with each step. He was shown to a private booth and took his seat. “Who is in the other booth?”  
  
“Private booth is private.” Simon retorted, making his way toward the kitchen. Izaya laughed to himself a little more loudly than necessary, making sure his voice would travel throughout the restaurant.  
  
He heard a faint snapping from nearby in response, followed by his personal phone vibrating.  
  
[ You really are obsessed, Orihara. It’s a little sad to watch. ]  
  
Izaya frowned at the message. It was sent from an anonymous source, but it was obvious who it was from.  
  
[ I have no idea what you’re talking about. If anything, you seem to be obsessed with me. ]  
  
He had barely placed his phone on the table before it vibrated again.  
  
[ I merely gather information. I don’t actively stalk anyone, unlike yourself. ]  
  
[ I’m not stalking anyone. I just felt like eating sushi, and Shizu-chan just happens to be here. ]  
  
[ Did you feel like eating sushi before or after you learned he was there? ]  
  
Izaya turned his phone off, not feeling confident enough to reply. He didn’t care what Tsukumoya thought, and he refused to play a game that didn’t benefit him. Feeling even more frustrated, he decided it was time to do what he had come to do.  
  
He slinked out of his booth and took the few steps toward the one beside his. He raised a hand and knocked gently, ears straining for a reply.  
  
“What?” An annoyed voice grunted.  
  
Smirking, Izaya slid open the door and drank in the surprise on Shizuo’s face.  
  
“The fuck do you want, louse?” he growled, shaking as he fought to contain his rage.  
  
“That’s not very nice, Shizu-chan.” Izaya replied, calmly taking a seat across from Shizuo, “I thought we could have dinner together like we did back in high school.”  
  
“Fuck off.”  
  
“Isn’t it nostalgic?” Izaya sighed happily, ignoring the death stare being thrown at him, “You and me both at Russia Sushi?”  
  
“Only reason was because Simon made me.” Shizuo replied, “Now get lost before I kick your arse.”  
  
“You’re so mean, Shizu-chan!” Izaya said in a hurt voice.  
  
Shizuo growled and gripped the table, fingers digging into the wood. The pair stared at each other, eyeing the other up and making plans. Thankfully, they were interrupted.  
  
“I-zay-a, you lost?” Simon asked as he carried over Izaya’s meal, “Or you friends now? Sushi make friends?”  
  
“Like hell we’re friends!” Shizuo snapped, though his grip on the table lessened.  
  
“You really shouldn’t imply such disgusting things, Simon.”  
  
“No friends?” Simon asked, looking a little hurt, “Then back to booth. Eat sushi quiet.”  
  
Izaya frowned but followed the direction anyway, knowing that his mere presence would be enough to irritate the beast in the booth beside him. Taking his seat, he turned his phone back on (because now that Shizuo knew he was here, he might need it to call Shinra) and began to feast on his delicious Otoro.  
  
_Zrrt-zrrt!_

 

He looked down at his phone despite his better judgement, scowling at the message he saw.  
  
[ Maybe he’ll understand your feelings next time. Don’t give up, Orihara. ]  
  
He turned his phone over as a show of defiance, deciding that he’d once again try to locate the anonymous informant. After all, if he wouldn’t be able to punish him if he didn’t know who he was.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  ** _Seven years ago._**

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**Orihara Izaya, reborn!**

**  
Orihara Izaya**

I was wondering.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Wondering?

  
**Orihara Izaya**

What information do you have on Heiwajima Shizuo?

  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

You must be serious to use his full name.

**Orihara Izaya**

Just tell me what you know.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Shizuo has more strength than any person ought to.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Also, I suspect that he isn’t a natural blonde.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Very funny. I asked for information, not common knowledge.

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

That’s all I know, I’m afraid.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Unlike you, he’s difficult to get information on.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

Ha! It’s not hard to learn things about Shizu-chan. You’re losing your touch.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

If you knew all about him, you wouldn’t be asking me for more information.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

I can’t be faulted for wishing to know more about my enemy.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

So, what information do you have on him?  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

I’m the only one who needs to know about Shizu-chan. If you want information, you’ll have to find it yourself.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

That just makes it sound as though you’re trying to save face.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

You can think what you want, but since I’m in a good mood I will share one piece of information with you.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

Shizu-chan loves strawberry milkshakes, but he only buys them from one place.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

From just one place?  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

Every other place makes the milkshakes too thick and it gives him a headache when he drinks it.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

That seems like quite an intimate thing to know about.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Intimate? Not at all. It will be easier to poison him now that I know.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Orihara, are you sure you hate Shizuo?  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

Yes. Why do you ask?  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

No reason.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Whatever. Do you have that information on Asuki Group yet?

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

I’ll be sending it to you this evening.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

I’ll wire you the rest of your payment once I have a look at it.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

I know you won’t listen to me, but you really should stop playing gangster soon.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Your concern has been noted and I now feel nauseous.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya confirmed dead!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

I wonder how long it will be until you’re actually confirmed dead.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter dooonnne. I had wanted it to be a little longer, but oh well! 
> 
> Thank you for reading! :D


	4. Chapter 03

It had been weeks since that night at Russia Sushi, and Izaya hadn’t returned to Ikebukuro. It wasn’t that he was avoiding the city (because to avoid something (or someone) would mean that he was admitting to something that simply wasn’t true), no, he’d been caught up in his work. Work which he’d usually pass off to his long-suffering secretary.  


Namie hadn’t said anything directly about this sudden change in work ethic, though she couldn’t help but wonder what had caused it. At first, she had felt a sense of victory in finally having an employer who worked as hard as she did. She’d even had the homicidal urge she felt whenever he was around quieten somewhat, glad that she was finally being treated as a secretary and not a babysitter.  
  
That feeling only lasted for the first day.  
  
It wasn’t long before she began to miss the quiet stretches of time she’d once had when Izaya had run in and out of the office. Not to mention having the filing system how she wanted it. Izaya, it seemed, had his own way of organising things and it annoyed her. Her productivity was cut down by 25% because she had trouble locating the newly-arranged documents she needed for her work.

 

She didn’t know when he’d rearranged everything, but she was beyond frustrated with it. She looked toward his desk from the bookcase, watching as he idly clicked a mouse and leaned his head into a palm lazily. The urge to murder became a little more powerful.  
  
“Stop playing with my files.” She snapped, making no attempt to hide her hostility.  
  
He rolled his head slightly, watching her from the corner of his eyes. “ _Your_ files?”  
  
“My system is far more logical and efficient.” She glared in return. “If you want to play secretary instead, I’m sure I’ll make a far more successful information broker.”  
  
“I didn’t that you were so kinky.” Izaya moved his head back toward the screen in front of him. “Could it be that Namie-san enjoys role-play?”  
  
Namie slammed the drawer in response and made her way toward the kitchen, heels clicking as she went. “I had an interesting conversation yesterday.”  
  
“Oh?” Izaya pushed away from the desk, stretching as he rose from his chair to follow the woman. Her tone had been neutral, but he had a feeling whatever she had to say would be interesting.  
  
“At first I was disgusted by it and assumed it was some awful attempt at humour.” She said, clicking on the kettle and searching for a mug. “But now I can’t help but wonder if it was partially correct.”  
  
Izaya leaned on the counter, tilting his head slightly. He knew she was leading him, waiting for him to prompt her into continuing but he refused to play along.

  
She stayed quiet until the kettle had boiled, pouring just the right of water into an expensive teapot. “Would you care to know who I was speaking with?”  
  
“I would like a cup of tea.”  
  
Without missing a beat, the woman continued, “A friend of yours, Tsukumoya Shinichi.”  
  
The edge of Izaya’s lips dipped slightly and Namie’s rose in retaliation. “Why are you speaking with Tsukumoya?”  
  
“We were discussing how predictable you are.”  
  
“I hardly think that I’m pr-”  
  
“You are.” She said, cutting him off, “But to think simple teasing could stop you from leaving the office. It’s pathetic.”  
  
“Namie-san, you shouldn’t believe all the things you hear on the internet.” Izaya replied icily, his tone acting as a warning.  
  
Namie brushed it off, “I didn’t believe everything of course, but after being given time to think on it, it does make sense.”  
  
“What would?”  
  
She took her time in answering, pouring only one cup of tea and bringing it to her lips. “The teasing wouldn’t impact you at all if it wasn’t true.”  
  
Izaya grinned, his teeth flashing dangerously as a bitter laugh passed them. “How ridiculous.”  
  
“If it’s so ridiculous, then why are you here moping?” She replied, unfazed by the display.  
  
“I have nothing to prove.”  
  
“You’re proving a lot more than you think with this avoidant behaviour.”  
  
Izaya maintained eye contact in a silent battle for a few moments before removing the grin in favour of a smirk. “As it would happen, I do have business at Raira.”  
  
A threat if she’d ever heard one, the implications of the statement clear. “If you lay a finger on Seiji, I won’t hesitate to destroy you in the most painful way imaginable. Don’t assume that my skills have weakened simply because I haven’t performed any experiments lately.”  
  
Izaya laughed in response, grabbing his coat and making for the door. “Some other time, maybe.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

  


 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Why Izaya?  
  
This was the question that repeated itself endlessly in Shizuo’s mind as he flew through the air in a painful but seemingly graceful arc. Time had slowed down, or perhaps his mind had sped up, and the memories of their first meeting slammed into him with more force than the truck had.  
  
Shizuo was vaguely aware of how bizarre this whole situation was, but he was used to being bizarre and it didn’t really faze him. He wondered briefly if he should be seeing his life flash before his eyes instead. He _had_ just been hit by a truck, after all. Then again, it was only a truck and it wasn’t as if he hadn’t survived such a thing in the past.  
  
So he accepted his current predicament and, seeing no point in trying to change an unchangeable situation, decided to use his now sped-up thoughts to address the question that kept repeating itself.  
  
Why Izaya?  
  
_‘It’s not that he’s special or that he isn’t,’_ He thinks, reaching the apex of his journey, _‘It probably has nothing to do with that at all.’  
  
‘Maybe it’s his eyes? No, they’re like quicksand but that isn’t any sort of reason to fall in love. Or am I really that shallow? He’s never _ not _been handsome, and that cocky attitude of his knows it, too.’  
  
_ He faintly registers the slight feeling in his stomach that indicates he’s falling, but it’s so small it’s almost pleasant. He opens his eyes just a little, looking for the clouds that must be hiding above him.  
  
_‘Maybe it’s the attitude itself? Or maybe it’s because he’s not afraid of me. That doesn’t mean anything really, he’s not afraid of anyone. He’s insane, probably.’_ He smiles inwardly at that, as though the mental health of the man he craves is somehow cute.  
  
_‘Maybe it’s because he’s strong, strong enough to fight me- ah, but have I ever seriously fought him? Would I win if I tried?’  
  
_ The ground is getting closer, and his muscles tighten just a little out of instinct.  
  
_‘Maybe it’s because he’s strong but needs to be protected. Am I the only one who can protect him? I’ve done it for so many years already, maybe I’m the only one who wants to.’_

He hits the ground once, and time speeds up again leaving him dizzy. He bounces once and collides with the hard tar of the road again, rolling slightly further down before stopping abruptly. He’s limp but not lifeless, scaring those who were unfortunate to see it happen when he looks like he’s anything but in pain.  
  
_‘Ah, it’s no use.’_ He thinks to himself, eyes still skyward as he finally finds a tuft of white, _‘It’s just because it’s him.’_

He hears something, or rather, he hears everything all at once. The sounds of gasps, whispers, and even a sob, hurried footsteps and tyres skidding, the sound of a horse-  
  
“Celty?”

He can’t be sure, so he leans his head backward slightly so he can see behind him. His best friend, the headless rider, is almost hopping from foot to foot in a panic. She’s fumbling with her PDA, desperately typing, pointing it at him, snatching it back before he has a chance to look, and typing again.  
  
He laughs a little at that and decides it’s time to get out of the street. “I’m fine,” he mumbles, getting to his feet.  
  
Celty looks unconvinced, even without a head. [ Are you sure? Does it hurt? What happened? ]  
  
“Ah, I just… sorry.” Shizuo rubs the back of his neck and looks around for the driver. It had been an accident, and he wants to make sure they exchange details so he can pay him for repairs. “Where’d the driver go?”  
  
“H-he ran,” someone says from the crowd in a scared voice. They probably think Shizuo is going to lose it.  
  
“Oh.” He scans the crowd and finds a group of students with their schoolbags, “Uh, can I borrow a pen and paper?”  
  
A few nods and trembling hands later and Shizuo has written an apology, his name and phone number on a piece of paper and slipped it under the wind shield wiper. It had been his fault for not looking where he was going, and he didn’t want the driver to be afraid.  
  
He turned his attention back to the flustered dullahan who had been trying to get his attention.  
  
[ We need to go to Shinra! ]  
  
[ I’m worried about you! ]

[ Let me see your head ]  
  
“Sure,” he replied, lighting up a smoke and beginning the short walk to the doctors apartment, “What’s wrong with my head though?”  


Celty and Shooter are following him cautiously, with barely visible shadows inspecting the back of his head. They pull away, apparently pleased with whatever they saw.  
  
[ You were laughing after you were hit… I just wanted to check… ]  
  
“Sorry ‘bout that.” Shizuo replied, looking at the pavement, “I didn’t mean to worry you.”  
  
[ Don’t apologise! It’s fine as long as you’re okay. ]  
  
Smiling at the kind words, the duo made the rest of the trip in silence.  
  


  
  
  


 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_Just over nine years ago._ **

****

****

****

****

 

 

It was funny, in a way, how wrong people were about his brother. Kasuka was possibly the only person who ever saw Shizuo like this, calm and with a look of concentration on his face as he helped him with his homework. He had no doubt in his mind that no one would ever believe that the boy beside him was more intelligent than he looked.  
  
It made Kasuka’s heart hurt just thinking about it.  
  
“Did that make sense?” Shizuo asked, bringing Kasuka out of his thoughts.  
  
“Yes, thank you.” He replied.

  
“Make sure you write down how you did it.” Shizuo said, placing the now-blunt pencil on the desk, “Teachers.. they get really weird about it if you don’t. They’ll say you cheated.”  
  
Kasuka knew his brother was speaking from experience. “I won’t forget.”  
  
“Good…” Shizuo scratched his head, “Um, when you’re done do you think you could help me with something?”  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“Well um, I thought it’d be a good idea to dye my hair…” Shizuo said quietly, obviously embarrassed, “My senpai said it might make people stay away, y’know? Stop the fights.”  
  
“I don’t know how to dye hair.”  
  
“It’s got instructions, but if you don’t want to that’s-”  
  
“It’s okay, let’s do it now.” Kasuka replied, standing up and walking toward the bathroom.  
  
Shizuo followed shortly after, a bowl, a bottle of peroxide and some powder in a sachet in his hands. He handed the objects to his brother and sat on the edge of the bathtub, watching as he carefully read the instructions and began to mix everything together.  
  
“Do you think it’ll look stupid?” Shizuo asked nervously.  
  
“No.”  
  
“Good…”  
  
The sounds of a chopstick mixing the strong smelling goop was the only thing heard for some time. Once Kasuka was satisfied, he walked toward his brother.  
  
“Brother, your shirt.”  
  
“Oh, yeah.” Shizuo pulled his school shirt over his head, too lazy to unbutton it, and threw it into the corner. Kasuka applied some of the substance to his hair clumsily and he shivered at the cold.  
  
“Brother,” Kasuka said after a while, “Do you like being this way?”  
  
“’course not.” Shizuo replied quickly, “I hate it, but it’s not like there’s anything I can do about it. I’ve tried everything!”  
  
“I know.” Kasuka said, regretting ever saying anything. He had to keep going though. “But… I think you…”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I think you can do it.” _Get better, work harder, move forward, not waste your life._

  
“I’ve tried everything…” Shizuo replied sadly, “I just… I can’t help it.”  
  
Kasuka applied the rest of the bleach and took a step back to inspect his work. “Brother, I think you can if you try again. Maybe by the time you start high school you’ll be…”  
  
_Stronger_.  
  
  
Shizuo sighed into his hands, “The breathing and stuff they tell me to do… it doesn’t work, just makes me angrier.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“What else can I do?”  
  
“I think… maybe instead of that, you should try to think about what you want.” Kasuka said in a voice barely louder than a whisper, “You get really angry, but maybe you can get really happy as well.”  
  
“What I want, huh…” Shizuo stood up and looked in the bathroom mirror, studying his reflection as though he’d never seen it before. “That… could work, but… I don’t know what I want though.”  
  
“Yes you do.”  
  
“I do?”  
  
Kasuka nodded once, “You want peace. If you do well in school, maybe you can get a job that makes you happy.”  
  
“That… I don’t think I’m smart enough for that.” Shizuo replied, chuckling sadly.  
  
“Brother, you’re very smart when you aren’t...” He paused, looking for a word that didn’t exist.  
  
“Emotional and angry.” Shizuo finished.  
  
“It doesn’t have to be that way.”  
  
Shizuo sighed heavily, tilting his head backward to look at the ceiling in defeat. “I’ll… try.”

  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Celty walks Shizuo to the door and lets him in, apologising as she leaves. She has a job, it would seem, and had actually been on her way when she saw the accident.  
  
Shizuo apologises as well and sends her off, closing the door behind him and gritting his teeth. He really didn’t want to be here, not with Shinra. The underground doctor wasn’t a bad person, he was just exceptionally annoying and incredibly condescending. Shizuo often wondered whether it was deliberate, but he couldn’t quite tell.  
  
“Oi, Shinra.” He calls out, pushing off the door and walking toward the living room. He can hear muffled voices but doesn’t pay much attention to them.  
  
“Shizuo-kun?” Shinra says, surprised to find the blonde in his home. “How did you-”  
  
“Celty brought me here.” Shizuo replied, standing awkwardly. “She saw me get hit by a truck and made me come.”  
  
“Oh, uh,” Shinra splutters, eyes darting back to the spare room. “Are you hurt anywhere?”  
  
“I don’t think so?” though the blood dripping onto the floor from the road burn on his leg begs to differ. “Can I go?”  
  
Shinra sighs and shakes his head, “I’ll give you a once over.”  


Shinra walks back into the spare room as Shizuo sits down, and more muffled voices can be heard. It annoys Shizuo, because he’s pretty sure he knows what’s going on and Shinra is treating him like he’s an idiot.  
  
“Shizuo-kun,” He says, coming back into the room with a first aid kit, “I don’t want you to get angry and break anything, but-”  
  
“Shizu-chan.”  
  
Shizuo looks up at the source of the voice and hides the smile that threatens to appear with a growl.  
  
“What are you doing here, flea?” _‘You aren’t hurt, are you?’  
  
_ “Are you jealous?” Izaya replies smoothly, walking into the room “Maybe Shizu-chan wishes he was the one to hurt me?”  
  
“You aren’t hurt, Izaya-kun.” Shinra says as he cuts into the leg of Shizuo’s pants.  
  
“Tch.” _‘I’m glad you’re okay.’  
  
_ “You ruin all my fun, Shinra.” Izaya sat on the couch opposite from Shizuo and crossed his legs.  
  
Shizuo watched him as he did it, glaring all the while. “If you’re not hurt then get lost.”  
  
“My, how rude.” The informant laughed, “Not only have you bled everywhere, but now you’re dictating who can and can’t visit Shinra?”  
  
“Actually, Izaya-kun-” Shinra tried, desperate to separate the two. He really liked his couch and didn’t want to see it literally go out the window.  
  
  
“Then stop starin’ at me, louse.”  
  
Izaya just laughed and kept his eyes on the blonde.  
  
Shizuo and Izaya stared at each other in silence and Shinra tried to make his hands work faster. The damage wasn’t anything severe and with how fast Shizuo healed, he only needed to disinfect the area and-  
  
“Shinra,” Izaya chirped, “About that thing.”  
  
“I already said no.” Shinra mumbled.  
  
“You’re so cruel, to turn your back on an old friend.”  
  
Shizuo snorted, receiving an icy glare in return.  
  
“Are you trying to communicate?”  
  
“Are you tryin’ to say you have friends?”  
  
Shinra decided that cleaning the wound wasn’t overly important and hastily applied a gauze. “All done, Shizuo-kun. Now-”  
  
“You say that as if you yourself have them.” Izaya replied, “It’s usually sweet when a pet thinks that it’s part of the family, but I’m somehow sickened now.”  
  
“Oi!” Shizuo yelled, jumping to his feet. “I’m not a fucking animal, louse!”  
  
Izaya laughed but remained seated, leaving a flustered Shinra to clean up his mess.  
  
“Shizuo-kun, please! Celty loves this couch as much as I do!” He placed his hands on his shoulders, hoping Shizuo would rip them off, “Don’t listen to him. Just go home.”  
  
“Tch, shitty flea.” He muttered, walking toward the door. “Not worth it.”  
  
“Bye-bye, Shizu-chan!”  
  
Shinra kept an eye on the door after it closed, only turning to face the brunette with a death wish when he heard some chuckling. “Why do you do this?” He asked exasperated.  
  
“Because it’s fun.” Izaya replied. “Now, I’d like you to reconsider.”  
  
“I already said no.” Shinra said, “And even if I did think sleeping pills were a good idea, I’d still say no after you almost got my apartment destroyed.”  
  
Izaya frowned, “Then what would you suggest?”  
  
“Nothing.” Shinra replied, packing up his kit, “They’re just dreams. Even with sleeping pills, you’d still have them.”  
  
“You’re a terrible doctor, Shinra.”  
  
“And you’re a terrible person.”  
  
With a slight huff Izaya left the apartment, making sure to move as much of Shizuo’s blood around as he could on the way out.  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

**

  


 

 

 

 

 

 

  
**_Eight years ago._**

****

****

****

****

 

For the first time in his life, Izaya felt trapped. He’d miscalculated almost everything. The people surrounding him, a small but violent gang, weren’t supposed to find out about him. They weren’t supposed to react this way if they did, and they weren’t supposed to catch him. The alley he ran down was supposed to be empty, and there definitely wasn’t supposed to be a high concrete wall at the end of it.  
  
It was safe to assume that this was not a good day for him.  
  
“Where are you gonna run now, eh?” A teen, slightly older than Izaya, jeered over the sound of a metal pipe running along the wall.  
  
“Look at him, he’s shittin’ himself!” Another laughed.  
  
“You gonna cry?”  
  
“Maybe he’ll ask for his mummy!”  
  
A dozen witty remarks sat on Izaya’s tongue but he chose to keep them to himself for now, too busy searching for something, _anything_ that would help him escape. There was nothing though, nothing but a single flickblade in his hand and no matter how fast he was, the alley was narrow and he didn’t have enough room to take them all on.  
  
“Nothing to say now, huh?” The boy with the pipe laughed, slowly moving closer. Izaya was sure the boys were cautious because of his reputation, but that wouldn’t save him for long.  
  
“I have plenty to say, actually.” Izaya said, surprising himself with how even his voice sounded, “I just doubt you’d be able to understand any of it.”  
  
“You calling us stupid?”  
  
“I wouldn’t be wrong in doing so.”  
  
The boy stopped only feet away from him with a cruel smile. “I was just going to break a leg or two, but you’re really asking for it, huh.”  
  
Izaya felt a shiver run down his spine. He didn’t want a broken leg, or two broken legs. He had no doubt that the boy with the pipe wasn’t bluffing though, and the only thing he could do is take the torture with a smile. He swallowed heavily.  
  
“Really now, how boring.”  
  
One of the other boys charged him and he fended him off with a flick of his wrist, spilling blood onto the concrete floor. The movement, however, opened him up to another attack and he was pushed against a wall. His head hit the concrete hard but he kept his eyes open, struggling to break free. It was no use though, not with a second person now holding him in place and his blade by his feet.  
  
The boy with the pipe laughed at his struggling before swinging his weapon like a baseball bat. Izaya tried to curl in on himself when it hit his stomach but was kept upright by his captors. He didn’t scream though, only letting out a small gasp in surprise.  
  
“No yell, huh?” The boy asked, “How ‘bout we try a knee next?”  
  
“IZAYA! YOU BASTARD!”  
  
Shizuo was at the end of the alleyway charging toward them, seemingly oblivious to the current situation.  
  
“Friend of yours?” The boy holding him on the right said, getting a scoff in return.  
  
“Shizu-chan isn’t a friend.”  
  
“Bet you’re just saying that so we don’t hurt him, like that’ll work.” The boy with the pipe said, turning around to face the beast. He grinned as Shizuo got closer, lifting the pipe and taking a swing and-

  
_Crack!  
_  
The pipe split in half once it made contact with Shizuo’s forehead, blood trickling down from the impact site. Shizuo, literally seeing red, took his eyes off Izaya and stared at the boy who hit him.  
  
“What the fu-” The boy couldn’t finish as he was suddenly airborne, flying through the air and landing with a sickening _thump_ at the end of the alleyway. The others, panicking after seeing their leader fly, began an all-out assault on the blonde.  
  
It didn’t last long, and Shizuo beat them all easily. He hadn’t even used a quarter of the strength he usually would, as he’d promised Kasuka he’d try to break fewer limbs that week.  
  
Sensing an opportunity, Izaya rose on shaky feet from where he’d slumped and carefully moved around the panting blonde. He made it half way down the alley before he turned to speak.  
  
“Thanks for the help, Shizu-chan!” He called as happily as he could manage, hoping to grate on the stupid beasts nerves. Stupid, because he’d been so hell-bent on killing him that he hadn’t noticed someone else doing just that, or that Izaya had slipped past him in the commotion.  
  
Shizuo turned quickly, eyes slightly wide in surprise before they narrowed. “Fucking bastard! Get back here!” He yelled, starting the chase.  
  
Izaya laughed loudly as he ran from the alley, feeling as though his luck was changing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another two chapters up tonight! I feel so impressive!
> 
> Thank you for the lovely comments, you guys make me want to update even faster! Haha.
> 
> There probably won't be another update for this tomorrow, as I'll be trying to finish the next chapter of SH. By the looks of it, I'll probably end up updating this every two days (or maybe more, if coffee works).
> 
> Anyway! Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy it :)


	5. Chapter 04: How long?

**_01 minute, 13 seconds_ **

 

The first day is hard. Shizuo tries with everything he has to stop the rage from building within him. He breaks out in a sweat from the effort, fighting against every fibre of his being that was telling him to _grabthrowsmashbreakkill_.  
  
By the time he gets home he’s disheartened, only feeling worse when Kasuka is there to meet him at the door.  
  
“How long?” He asks.  
  
“Not enough.” Shizuo replies, and walks past him to his room.

 

 

**_04 minutes, 27 seconds_ **

 

Three weeks in and the time has grown a little. It’s barely progress, in Shizuo’s eyes, but Kasuka seems proud. When he asks this time, Shizuo feels a little less guilty. Kasuka smiles in the way that only Shizuo can see and tells him to come to the kitchen.  
  
Sitting down, he watches his brother bring something out of the fridge and place it in front of him.  
  
“Strawberry milk?” Shizuo asks, a bit confused as to what this means.  
  
“I bought it on the way home.” Kasuka replies. He doesn’t say that he used the last of his pocket money to buy the expensive one Shizuo likes, or that he did it because he knew his brother would break the four minute mark. He doesn’t have to, because Shizuo already knows and is desperately hiding his red face in his hands.  
  
“Thanks.” He says. _‘Thank you for believing in me.’_

 

 

**_07 minutes_ **

****

A month and a half and progress is still being made. Kasuka suspects that the time would be longer if Shizuo could just stop hating himself. It’s hard to watch, and even harder to listen to the self-deprecating comments. Shizuo is scared that things won’t get better and Kasuka is the only one who believes in him.  
  
Kasuka starts using the same technique as his brother to stay calm.

 

 

**_05 minutes, 42 seconds_ **

****

Two months in and it isn’t Shizuo’s fault. Their parents, though well-meaning, had sat him down the day before and explained that they _understand_. They don’t, of course, and it’s only made everything worse.  
  
_“We know you’ll always be this way,”_ His mother says and he can’t hear anything after that. The words weave their way through his brain, cutting the edges of his skull and making it harder for him to think. The next day, his time goes down and for the first time in his short life he considers suicide.  
  
He doesn’t do more than think about it, telling himself that he’d only be more of a disappointment if he did anything. His own self-hate is the only thing that makes him step back from the ledge.

 

 

**_09 minutes, 52 seconds_ **

****

Things are slightly better now. Four months in and it seems there are fewer people who recognise him. People still come looking for fights, but they’re searching for a brunette who just doesn’t exist anymore. It’s hard to walk away when he hears people looking for him, but he manages to do it almost every time.

****

 

**_12 minutes_ **

****

Five months in and the time is growing steadily longer. Shizuo no longer dreads coming home to answer Kasuka’s question, instead feeling a little proud of himself.  
  
Twelve minutes isn’t long, maybe, but it’s the longest he’s ever been able to hold his anger down. Being blonde seems to be helping as well, serving as a warning sign to most who’d try to pick a fight with him. When Shizuo smiles now, it’s not as forced as it used to be.

 

 

**_15 minutes, 2 seconds_ **

****

He tried, he really did. He managed to lengthen his time by three whole minutes, an unheard of leap, but he still lost it. He cries when he gets home, too full of emotions he doesn’t understand to hold it in. Kasuka leads him by the hand to the kitchen, sitting him down and giving him some milk to drink.  
  
Kasuka doesn’t ask until he’s calm, and reminds him that he lasted three minutes longer than the day before once he does. It’s of little comfort though, when the skin on his palms is still stinging from where the twisted metal of the street sign rubbed against him.  
  
He asks his younger brother if he’ll be ready in time for high school and the ‘yes’ he receives is enough to give him hope. The stinging on his hands is forgotten, and he squeezes the smaller hand in his.

 

 

**_17 minutes_ **

****

Six months in and he hasn’t had another relapse. He’s excited now, repeating the number in his head like a spell. Seventeen minutes is only three minutes short of twenty, and it’s a milestone he can’t wait to pass. Twenty minutes will mean this was all for something, that he’s more human than he ever thought.  
  
He’s noticing other changes as well. His grades have improved a little and his parents don’t seem as distant. ‘ _Maybe,_ ’ he thinks, ‘ _They’ll believe in me soon, too._ ’

 

 

**_28 minutes, 22 seconds_ **

****

Eight months of hard work and he’s almost at thirty minutes.  
  
“Thirty minutes is half an hour,” Kasuka reminds him after he gets home from school. “Maybe we can do something special when you get there.”  
  
They decide that they’ll go to the aquarium when (no longer _if_ ) he makes it to thirty minutes. With how calm he’s been lately, his parents probably wouldn’t mind it, and Shizuo wants to see all the different kinds of fish.

 

 

**_49 minutes_ **

****

Ten months, almost a year and almost an hour. Shizuo is smiling more, though he’s still quite alone. His legend surpasses his personality and keeps people at a distance. It doesn’t matter though, because once he gets to high school everything will change.  
  
He’s a little late to come home, running into an acquaintance from elementary school. Shinra excitedly tells him that they’ll both be going to Raira next year before he starts asking for blood again. He always does this, Shizuo thinks, and he’s happy that he’s learned to control himself a little better.  
  
The last thing he would need is a murder charge when he’s barely a teenager. He wonders if Shinra can read his mind, because the bespectacled boy suddenly looks at the time and excuses himself. He has to meet a friend at school for club, he says, before rambling about how whoever he’s meeting isn’t really a friend but sort of is.  
  
Shizuo cuts him off with a goodbye, turning his back and walking home quickly. He doesn’t really care about the strange boy or his friend-in-name-only.

 

 

**_65 minutes_ **

****

It’s his first day of high school and he managed to keep his stomach settled somehow. He had hoped that he’d be anonymous, but the rumours of his strength and temper preceded him. A group had been trying to pick fights with him all day until it climaxed on the soccer field. He’d held his anger for so long that he had extra energy by the end of it and took it out on a goal.  
  
He hears clapping behind him and turns to see Shinra with a handsome boy and a cocky smile. There’s something about him he can’t place, but it doesn’t matter in the end. As usual, it finishes with a fight but it’s the first time he loses. He hides his smile, more curious than anything, and follows the boy to Shinra’s apartment.  
  
He tries his hardest to scare him but it doesn’t work, the cocky smile just morphs into a grin and suddenly his heart hurts. By the time he leaves, he knows everything he needs to. His whole world and his future changed the moment he saw him. He runs home to tell Kasuka and he knows he worries him when he laughs.  
  
It’s the first time he’s laughed that he can remember, and it feels good.

 

 

**_6 hours, 18 minutes and 32 seconds_ **

 

Shizuo’s second day of high school. He’s surprised himself when he finally checks the time, unable to believe it. He sprints home and almost knocks Kasuka over in his haste to get to the front door, falling to his knees after dodging.  
  
“Kasuka!” he pants, grinning larger than he ever has before.  
  
“How long?” Kasuka asks, wondering if his older brother had added another half hour or so to his time. He must have if he’s this happy.  
  
Shizuo grins, unable to respond. He rips off his watch, too excited to unfasten it correctly, and hands it to his brother.  
  
“Is this…?” Kasuka begins to ask, though the Shizuo’s happiness is evidence enough that it isn’t some sort of mistake. He reads the time, still ticking away, “Six hours, 34 minutes.”  
  
Shizuo climbs to his feet, grin only getting wider. “I did it.”  
  
“How?”  
  
“Uh…”  
  
Kasuka nods in understanding. Shizuo doesn’t need to visualise what he wants anymore because he can see it every day at school. His ‘what’ has become a ‘who’, and it’s easier for him to hold himself together.  
  
For the first time, Kasuka smiles in a way that even a stranger would recognise, the corner of his lips elevating just a fraction. Though he’d been sceptical when his brother had told him the change in plans the day before, he’s even more supportive now. If it works, his brother will have the peaceful life he has always wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! :) 
> 
> I know this chapter is really short, but I felt like it should be a stand alone. I hope you enjoyed it :D


	6. Chapter 05

_“I know this was my idea, but I don’t think now is a good time to introduce you.” Shinra said as we walked to the soccer field, “If we can hear him from here then he’s probably in a bad mood.”  
  
“Who could possibly stay in a bad mood once they’ve met me?” I replied, chuckling at Shinra’s unimpressed reaction.  
  
“On second thought, you’d probably put him in a bad mood anyway. Maybe he’ll be too tired to beat you to death by the time we get there.”  
  
We walked the final fifty metres to the soccer field, the sounds of muffled yells, roars, and breaking bones filling the air. Taking a seat a safe but still close distance from the carnage, I couldn’t take my eyes off the beast in front of me.  
  
He was raw, passionate, and exposed. He looked like a monster, which somehow made him more fascinating. Roaring with power, I see his eyes just once. They were filled with things I couldn’t hope to comprehend and I wanted to see more, more, more. This monster was undoubtedly human, possibly more human than anyone I’d ever seen before. He let the darkness that dwells within all of us out to be seen by the world.  
  
He was beautiful in all his ugliness.  
  
I could hear Shinra mumbling something boring about the way this boy’s body worked, but I couldn’t bring myself to respond. By the time it was over, the goal was _ punched _into the air and he stood with his back to us, breathing heavily. It seemed so personal that I couldn’t bring myself to think of something clever to say, so I simply clapped.  
  
That’s when he turned around, giving me a once over with now calm eyes.  
  
“This is Orihara Izaya, he went to my middle school. He’s not a good guy… Actually, he’s kind of an arsehole.” Shinra said happily, earlier doubts apparently faded.  
  
“That’s awful, Shinra.”  
  
“No, no. I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”  
  
“You piss me off.” The boy said suddenly._

_“Huh?” Shinra sounded, confused by the reaction.  
  
“Oh?” I said, not really knowing how else to react. I wasn’t deluded enough to believe that I was a good person, but this was the first time anyone had said something so bluntly. It usually took at least a conversation for someone to realise that I wasn’t what I appeared to be. “Too bad. I thought you and I could have some fun.”_

_  
“Shut up.” He snapped, turning his back to me. He appeared annoyed, but his eyes lacked the anger I’d seen in them before._ ‘Maybe he’s embarrassed, Shinra did mention that he hasn’t been approached by many people.’

_“Don’t be like that, Shizuo-kun.” I replied happily. Everything after that happened quickly and my body moved before my brain had a chance to catch up.  
  
I leapt from my seat a second before his fist shattered it, and jumped around behind him. He hadn’t expected that, and he looked around wildly in confusion.  
  
Taking my chance, I darted in front of him and slashed him once across the chest with my flickblade. It wasn’t deep enough to cause any damage, but it should have been deeper than it was. It was shocking, how it was barely deeper than a paper cut._

_“See..? It’s fun, isn’t it?”  
  
He stared at me, eyes still lacking the anger I’d seen in them earlier. Something was definitely there, something I couldn’t read. I wanted that anger, that animalistic stare but all I could see was confusion mixed with something else.  
  
After a few moments the chase began, and I sprinted out of Rajin and toward the centre of Ikebukuro. He kept up, surprisingly, still without that look of pure rage I’d seen before. The only way to stop him was to trick him into being hit by a truck, but even after I’d compensated the driver and teased Shizu-chan, he didn’t get that angry look again.  
  
Where was the rage? Where was the naked human emotion, on display for everyone to see? I can’t figure him out unless he lays himself bare for me. I need to strip him of everything, inspect him, appraise him and label him. How can he be human if I don’t understand him? How can I lo-  
  
_

Izaya eyes snapped open and he sat up quickly, slightly panting in panic.  
  
“Fucking Shinra.” He mumbled, running a hand through his hair. It was the same stupid dream he’d had every night for the last few weeks. A memory that serves only to remind him of his past failures. It had been eight years since that day, and he could still remember the anger in Shizuo’s eyes. It was something he had only seen once and hadn’t been able to replicate, no matter what he had done.  
  
Deciding sleep was too risky, Izaya dragged himself out of bed and stumbled out of his bedroom. Feeling irritated, he forced himself down the dark stairs and wound up sitting at his desk. His chair soothed him somewhat, calming his heart and reminding himself of who he was. He wasn’t a man who would accept defeat, and he wouldn’t allow himself to be beaten by a stupid memory.  
  
“Stupid protozoan.”  
  
It was Tsukumoya’s fault really, as the idiot seemed to constantly harp on about Shizuo to him. The teasing, as seemingly harmless as it was, seemed to be more common these days and Izaya was certain it was the cause of these dreams.  
  
Tsukumoya, the coward, needed to be punished.  
  
Having renewed his objective, Izaya chuckled darkly as he watched his computer come to life. He’d find the anonymous informant tonight and pay him a visit, and force him to take responsibility for all of Izaya’s sleepless nights.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
**_Eight years ago._**

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“What’s wrong, brother?” Kasuka asked as Shizuo toed off his shoes. He’d stopped asking how long Shizuo had managed to control himself, as the number had only continued to grow.  
  
Shizuo let out a deep sigh and tried to straighten his dirty clothes. “I almost lost it.”  
  
“What happened?”  
  
“I almost didn’t make in time today…” Shizuo muttered angrily, leaning his back against the closed door and balling his hands into fists. “They almost got him… if I had been a few minutes later…”  
  
Kasuka nodded and walked back to the kitchen, taking a seat at the table. By the time Shizuo entered, his irritation had only increased.  
  
“Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit!” He muttered to himself as he paced the room, “Pissed off! Annoyed! Annoyed! Annoyed! Annoyed! Annoyed! Annoyed! Annoyed! Annoyed! Annoyed! Annoyed! Annoyed! Annoyed! Annoyed!”  
  
Kasuka watched as his brother paced, growing more frustrated with each utterance. He rose from his seat and grabbed a small carton of milk from the fridge, placing it on the table. The sound of glass hitting wood seemed to bring Shizuo out of his own thoughts.  
  
“Yeah, I know.” He picked up the milk and drank it all at once, wiping his mouth after he was done. He was dangerously close to losing it, and that was something he wanted to avoid at all costs.  
  
“Was Orihara-san alright?”  
  
“Yeah, got there in time… but those bastards still managed to hit him in the stomach with a metal pole! Fucking cowards.” Shizuo spat, becoming angrier as he remembered what had happened. “They all ganged up on him! Probably knew they couldn’t beat him one on one, or even three on one!”  
  
“Did you get hurt?”  
  
“They got me once in the head but it’s already healed up.” Shizuo moved his hair away from the wound so his brother could inspect it, “Just… I’m pissed off! I almost didn’t make it this time.”  
  
“Brother, I’ve been thinking…” Kasuka said, ignoring his brother’s irritation, “I don’t think you’ll be able to protect Orihara-san like this forever.”  
  
“The hell I can’t!” Shizuo yelled, “I’ll... I’ll just be faster next time! Or I’ll beat ‘em up before they can get to him! Or-”

  
“Brother.” Kasuka placed a hand on Shizuo’s shoulder, startling him. He’d been too wrapped up in his own thoughts to notice his younger brother move from his chair. “I didn’t say you couldn’t protect him, but you can’t keep doing it this way. Hiding your intelligence, pretending to be angry all the time… It will only do so much.”  
  
  
“W-what other way is there? I can’t do anything else, Kasuka.” Shizuo looked at the ground, “I’m strong, this is the only thing I’m good at.”  
  
“That’s not true. You’re smart.” Kasuka replied, willing his brother to believe him. “You’re very smart when you aren’t emotional, and you have that under control now.”  
  
“Tch.” Shizuo kept his eyes on the floor, too embarrassed to look up. Even though Kasuka had said this before, he wasn’t used to compliments.  
  
“Brother, how did you know that Orihara-san would be attacked today?”  
  
“I… don’t know.” Shizuo replied, furrowing his brows as he tried to put his thoughts into words, “I’d heard some stuff, you know. Just people talking… I guess I sorta just worked it out.”  
  
“That’s because you’re smart.” Kasuka said, still staring at his brother, “I went to the library after school today and picked up some books for you.”  
  
“You did?” Shizuo looked up, happy that his brother had done something for him.  
  
“Yes. I’ve put them in your room… I think they’ll help.”  
  
“Thanks, Kasuka.”  
  
“I believe you’ll figure out what to do, brother.” Kasuka said, taking a step backward and reclaiming his chair. “I know you will.”

******

**[PRIVATE POST]**

Why am I awake this early? That’s a fantastic question, though I must say it’s a little forward of you to ask. Well, you see, I’m expecting an angry brunette to contact me shortly. He’s trying to find me again, and let’s just he won’t be able to. I am better at this, after all.  
  
So, while I wait for the inevitable “Tsukumoya, you bastard! Do you think this is funny?” I thought I might try to finish this post. Who knows, perhaps Orihara will actually be a decent enough hacker one day to read it and I mustn’t leave something unfinished. Ah, I would really love to see the look on his face if he were ever to find out that I had more information on Shizuo than he does.  
  
Now, where did we finish up last time…? _“So, Heiwajima Shizuo is a liar and Heiwajima Kasuka is his accomplice.”  
_  
Wonderful. Looking back, I’m unsure as to whether labelling Kasuka as an accomplice was really fair of me. He was the one who put certain ideas in his older brother’s head, but he only ever acted as an ear and never actively helped Shizuo with what he did.  
  
Then again, people are thrown into jail for simply knowing about crimes and not reporting them, so he can’t be entirely innocent.

Kasuka is, by everything definition, a loving younger brother. Despite appearances, he does seem to look up to his older brother (for reasons unknown) and would definitely do anything in his power to make Shizuo happy. The day that Shizuo came home, smiling like a fool, and told him about meeting Orihara Izaya was the first time Kasuka had ever seen Shizuo happy.  
  
It was an unconventional sort of happiness, certainly. There are very few who would fall in love with a person who cuts them, and even fewer who would continue to love that person after eight years of escalating violence and no affection. Nevertheless, Kasuka had apparently never thought that this was strange and continued to support his older brother.

What does this have to do with Shizuo being a liar? Well, as I said earlier, Shizuo lies by omission. He’s a dreadful liar really, so it’s probably a good thing people never ask him the right questions. The only thing he seems to be good at is pretending to be angry.  
  
Yes, he pretends. It’s funny, isn’t it, how we assume that yelling and punching indicates anger. No one ever asks him if he’s actually angry though, so he never tells them he isn’t. An entire childhood of bearing an unstoppable rage had taught him all the motions he needed to become convincing.  
  
A punch here, a kick there, yell now, punch again, growl something scary, etc. People won’t question it if you’re strong enough to punch a train from Ikebukuro to Hokkaido.  
  
That’s one of the reasons he’s a liar. The second reason is because he pretends to be stupid.  
  
Perhaps stupid is the wrong word, but he undoubtedly dumbs himself down. When Shizuo first began high school, his grades had steadily risen after months of learning to control his emotions, only to dip after meeting Orihara Izaya. It’s strange that a boy capable of making it into the top ten of every exam was suddenly only in the top 70.  
  
His grades, though low, were suspiciously never low enough for the school to ask him to take supplementary classes or to kick him out. Some suspect that the teachers were afraid to ask, but the truth is much more confusing than that.

It was bizarre, but Shizuo would get almost every question wrong. The ones he got right, however, were impeccable. If the same question were asked in various ways, he’d usually get the first one correct then either ignore the others or they’d be only _just_ wrong because of a misplaced decimal point or misspelled word.  
  
It was baffling, to say the least, but no one thought to ask him about it. No one thought that the violent blonde could possibly be failing on purpose, because he’d have nothing to gain. Well, nothing they could see anyway.

Each of Shizuo’s failures were celebrated, loudly, by Orihara Izaya. Orihara would find Shizuo and mock him relentlessly, until a balled up fist would make a hole in a wall, Orihara would laugh, and the chase would be on. Though the school denies it was because of these chases, several buildings at Rajin had to be rebuilt after the pair graduated.  
  
I’m off topic again, aren’t I? I must be getting old if I’m rambling this shamelessly. The point is, of course, that Heiwajima Shizuo lies about himself in order to make Orihara Izaya happy and to keep him safe. Heiwajima Kasuka is aware of these lies, and is the only one Shizuo confides in. Though he doesn’t directly help Shizuo, he seems to offer a lot of insight and advice.  
  
The brothers are truly a force to be reckoned with. If only Shizuo had fallen in love with world peace, there may be fewer nuclear warheads on the planet.  
  
I suppose you’re wondering how I know this much about Shizuo, or why I myself lie to Orihara by saying I know nothing about ‘his Shizu-chan’. The answer to that is very simple:  
  
…  
  
You didn’t think I’d actually tell you, did you? How naïve you are. An informant may specialise is telling the secrets of others, but they never reveal their own. Not yet, anyway.  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 **Orihara Izaya, reborn!  
  
  
Orihara Izaya  
** You bastard.

  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** Do you think this is funny?

  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** Good morning, Orihara. What can I do for you today?  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

Cut the bullshit. You know why I’m here.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Do I now?  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

It’s not funny.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

I thought it was.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** It isn’t! You bastard!  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

Anyone who tries to track you down is going to think I’m you!  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

I don’t see why you’re so offended. I’m an infinitely better informant, so you should take it as a compliment.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** You coward! You don’t even have the courage to face me!  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

If I beat you in a war of words, what makes you think you’d fare any better in person?  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** Don’t underestimate me, Tsukumoya. I’ve spent almost a decade fighting an idiot with more strength that sense. You’d be nothing compared to that beast.  
  
**  
Tsukumoya Shinichi**

You know, I’ll start to get jealous if you keep bringing Shizuo up every time we talk.  
  
**  
Orihara Izaya  
** Hilarious. And please stop talking about that protozoan!  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

My life has been interrupted more than enough because of your terrible jokes already.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Oh? Could it be that you’re having bad dreams?  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

...  
  
  


**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Is it, though? It would explain why you’re up this late, and why you were visiting that underground doctor.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

Shinra is an old friend. It was a personal call, not that it’s any of your business.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

That isn’t very believable.  


**Orihara Izaya**

I don’t need to explain myself to you.  
**  
  
Orihara Izaya**

Just remove me from anything that is associated with you. I don’t want people coming to me to settle scores with you.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya, confirmed dead!**

 

Izaya slammed his fist into the table in frustration. Tsukumoya was beyond infuriating and always seemed to be one step ahead of him. When he’d attempted to trace the anonymous informant earlier, everything he did lead straight back to Izaya himself.  
  
Izaya had almost thrown his computer out the window, he was so ~~humiliated~~ angry.  
  
How could someone so anonymous know so much? How could they collect so much information and know so much about him in particular? The only thing Izaya had over Tsukumoya was his file on Shizuo, but even that wasn’t quite as large as it could be.  
  
Izaya had collected an incredible amount of information on the blonde over the years and possibly knew more about him than anyone else, but it wasn’t enough. He still couldn’t figure out what the look in his eyes meant, or why that rage never resurfaced.  
  
Groaning, he let his head hit the wood of his desk with a soft _thump_ , resigning himself to yet another sleepless night because of the two idiots he hated more than anything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you sure you’re alright, Shizuo?” Tom asked for the fifth time, “You can go home early if you need to.”  
  
Shizuo yawned loudly, “I’m fine. Just a bit tired.”  
  
“Couldn’t sleep?”  
  
Shizuo chuckled a little, “Not much. I’ll be fine though.”  
  
Tom looked as though he wanted to protest some more but kept quiet. If his stubborn kohai said he was fine, there wasn’t anything he could do about it. “Well, we’re a bit ahead of schedule. I know it’s too early for lunch, but how about we stop and grab some coffee?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
The pair walked through the crowds to a small coffee shop, taking a small seat by the window. Tom had ordered their drinks and insisted to pay, Shizuo mumbling his thanks in return. Shizuo didn’t like the bitterness of coffee, and always had far too much milk and sugar in his but Tom never said anything about it.  
  
“So, Shizuo…” Tom said after a few moments of comfortable silence, “Is something bothering you lately?”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“You seem… tired, lately.”  
  
“Oh…” Shizuo took a sip of his milk coffee, “Can’t sleep is all.”  
  
“Maybe you should have a break after all. You might be strong, but you aren’t invincible.” Tom replied.  
  
“No, I’m fine. Really.”  
  
“Is something bothering you?” Tom tried again, “You know I don’t like to pry, but I’m worried about you.”  
  
“Tch.” Shizuo fiddled with his sunglasses, slightly embarrassed by his senpai’s caring words, “Thanks, but-”  
  
“You’re fine?”  
  
Shizuo nodded and sipped his drink, using the cup to mask his smile. He didn’t deserve such kindness.  
  
“Oh no…”  
  
“Tom-san?”  
  
“It’s nothing.” Tom looked away from the window, darting his head around the shop “Hey, do you recognise that waitress? Have we met her before?”  
  
‘ _Ah, Izaya’s outside._ ’ “Um, I don’t think so.” Shizuo replied before looking outside. He crushed his cup with one hand, dropping it onto the table as he stood up. “Tom-san?”  
  
Tom sighed heavily and covered his face with a hand. “Go ahead.”  
  
Shizuo nodded and stomped outside, quickly making his way toward a conveniently-placed stop sign.  
  
“ _III-ZZZAAAYYY-AAA!_ ” He growled, as one hand ripped the groaning metal pole out of the ground, “I TOLD YOU TO STAY OUT OF IKEBUKURO!”  
  
Izaya turned on his heel, a malicious grin settling on his tired features. “Good morning, Shizu-chan! Did your owner let you off your leash today?”  
  
“YOU’RE DEAD, FLEA!”  
  
Izaya laughed as he turned, running toward a nearby alleyway. Shizuo yelled some more, bolting after him with the warped sign in his right hand.  
  
In the coffee shop, Tom leaned on his palm and sighed heavily. “For someone so tired, you sure have a lot of energy whenever he’s around.”  
  
He finished his drink and gave the waitress a generous tip before he left, making his way to Russia Sushi. The chases could be as short as ten minutes or as long as three hours, and he felt like complaining to a sympathetic ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, this was a little late, sorry about that! 
> 
> Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It's getting hard to restrain myself when I write this story, since I really, _really_ want to drop even more hints about where it's going. Honestly, it's so hard to be me sometimes (I kid, I kid).
> 
> Anyway! Thank you for reading :D


	7. Chapter 06

“Shizu-chan, as much as I appreciate the attention, I’d prefer it if you ran along home.” Izaya teased, his irritation at the chase obvious.  
  
“Tch, don’t flatter yourself, louse!” Shizuo panted, “Go back to Shinjuku if it pisses you off so much!”  
  
The two were standing in an alleyway facing each other and trying to catch their breath. The chase had been harder than usual, with Izaya jumping all over the place in an effort to get away from Shizuo.  
  
“I’d be gone by now if you hadn’t decided to come running after me.” Izaya hissed, “All you’ve done is made me late.”  
  
“Not my fault you’re a shitty flea with a shitty job.”  
  
“My job requires brains, which is more than I can say for whatever it is you’re doing.”  
  
Shizuo growled out several curses and began moving slowly toward Izaya.  
  
“Did I hit a nerve?” Izaya chuckled, holding his ground, “You must know it as well. Your job could be done just as easily by a guard dog. In fact, a dog might do a better job.”  
  
“Izaya- _kun…_ ” Shizuo spat, making his way toward a dumpster. He placed his hands on the sides of it and grinned at the informant.  
  
Izaya took a step backward, eyes darting around the alleyway for escape. If he ran toward the exit behind him, there was no guarantee that Shizuo would miss him, but the alley was too narrow for him to move out of its path if he stayed still. “Well Shizu-chan, as I said I am late for an appointment.”  
  
Shizuo laughed and dug his fingers into the metal sides of the dumpster, slowly lifting it above his head. With a loud grunt, he threw it as hard as he could toward the informant.

Izaya smiled wide and ran toward Shizuo just as the projectile was released, catching him off guard. All Shizuo heard was some faint laughter before he watched Izaya run up the wall next to him, springing off it once he’d reached head-height and vaulting over the dumbstruck blonde.  
  
“SHITTY FLEA!” He yelled, whipping himself around as quickly as he could. Izaya was already gone, and Shizuo jogged toward the exit. It was impossible to see which direction he’d escaped to, as the crowd on both sides obstructed his line of site. He cursed loudly and pulled out his phone, looking for the message he was sure that Tom had sent him.  
  
[ I’ll wait for you at Russia Sushi. ]  
  
After sending a quick reply, Shizuo pulled out his packet of cigarettes and lit one up. He inhaled deeply and leaned against the wall of the alley with his eyes closed. ‘ _What appointment do you have here today, huh?_ ’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tell me, have you ever read a story called ‘ _The Lion in Love_ ’? I wouldn’t be surprised if you hadn’t, as it was written over two thousand years ago in Ancient Greece. It’s part of a collection of stories, or fables, supposedly told by a slave by the name of Aesop.

There’s controversy over whether all of those stories were written by the same person, but that isn’t entirely relevant. What is relevant, however, is the story. As I’m sure you haven’t found the time to read it, allow me to give you a brief summary.  
  
A lion one day falls in love with a beautiful maiden and goes to her parents in order to ask for her hand in marriage. The parents do not wish to give him their daughter, but are also afraid of what repercussions they may face if they decline his request.  
  
The maiden’s father tells the lion that though he is honoured by his request, he feels as though the lion might accidentally injure his daughter and asks that the lion have his claws and teeth removed first. The lion was too in love to decline, and had his claws trimmed and teeth removed.

When he returned for his bride however, the parents laughed in his face and beat him to death. Of course, modern retellings omit the part about the lion being killed, but the moral is still valid either way.  
  
Why am I talking about this? Well, it’s because of the moral, of course. The original moral of the story was something along the lines of _‘If you follow the advice of your enemies, you will run into danger’_. After many retellings and hundreds of years, however, the moral seemed to change. It was later seen as a cautionary tale against being led astray by passion.  
  
After some more time, its moral changed once again, becoming what it is today: Love can tame the wildest.  
  
I’m aware that those who may read this would scoff at such a thing, so I’ll save further discussion on that particular moral for another day and instead focus on my original point.  
  
Evolution.  
  
Tell me, what is it that changed about that story over the years? There have certainly been many different versions of it, but the core has always remained the same. How is it that the moral managed to change not once, but twice?  
  
It has nothing to do with the story or its wording, and everything to do with those who tell it. The story remained the same but the storytellers changed, as did the times. People evolve and change in various ways, and their views change with them.  
  
It’s incredible, really, that something so simple could take on so many different meanings over the years.  
  
I suppose you’re wondering what my point is? Unfortunately, there is no point. This update is nothing more than a commentary on human behaviour. A simple thought of mine I thought I might share.  
  
Perhaps I should find better ways to share such musings, but then I wouldn’t be able to engage in such thrilling conversations afterward. As always, you can find me in my chatroom at any time, should you wish to share your thoughts on the matter.

**  
Tsukumoya Shinichi**

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“Shi-zu-o! Come eat sushi, feel better after playing with I-zay-a.” A booming voice called out as Shizuo approached the sushi bar.  
  
“I’m not playing with him!” Shizuo scowled, ignoring the smile planted firmly on Simons face.  
  
“Play like children in street, is fun, yes?”  
  
“Shut up.” Shizuo replied angrily, walking past the giant Russian and into the restaurant. He hoped that such a mild response could be blamed on his tiredness and that no one would think any differently.  
  
“Shizuo!” Tom called, waving at the blonde. Shizuo walked over to where Tom was seated at the bar and sat on a stool beside him.  
  
“Sorry ‘bout that…” He mumbled, looking at his hands.  
  
“It’s fine.” Tom replied, “What’s done is done. But you shouldn’t let him get to you so much.”  
  
“Can’t help it. He’s such a shitty flea, and he’ll raise hell if I let him run around.”  
  
“Maybe if you ignored him…” Tom stopped himself from finishing that train of thought once he noticed Shizuo forming tight fists. “It doesn’t matter. How about you get something to eat? My treat.”  
  
Shizuo looked up at him with wide eyes, “You don’t have to-”  
  
“I want to, you must be tired and it was my fault for pointing him out anyway.” Tom interrupted, slapping Shizuo on the back. “Just tell Dennis what you’d like.”  
  
Shizuo nodded and ordered something that appeared edible, not willing to try the day’s special. Shizuo and Tom sat in a comfortable silence, simply enjoying their lunch break.  
  
_Zzrt-Zzrt_

  
“Is that your phone, Shizuo?” Tom asked, looking around the bar.  
  
Shizuo pulled out his flip phone and furrowed his brow, “Don’t think so.”  
  
“Oh, I thought I heard a phone vibrating.” Tom replied as he checked his. “Must have been in my head.”  
  
“Ah.” Shizuo mumbled, “I’m going to the bathroom.”  
  
Tom nodded to signal he’d heard, and Shizuo rose from his stool and walked toward the back of the restaurant.

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**_Eight years ago._ **

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Contrary to popular belief, Shizuo enjoyed reading. He preferred fictional stories that involved amazing adventures and an anti-hero, but occasionally he’d branch out and read autobiographies or non-fiction about the things that interested him.  
  
What he didn’t enjoy was learning about things he found boring. Boring things, he found, frustrated him easily, which lead him down a path of destruction. Unfortunately, the books Kasuka had borrowed from the library had nothing to do with his interests.

However, he didn’t want to disappoint his younger brother and he had been assured that reading these books might help him in his quest to protect a certain brunette, so he sighed heavily and made himself comfortable.  
  
“Who even wants to learn about computers?” He muttered, picking up the first book in the pile. Better to get it over with now than worry about late fees.  
  
It took him two days to finish the first book, and a day to finish the second. By the time he’d started the third, things were becoming easier to understand and he wanted to test out his new-found knowledge.

Waiting until everyone at school had left, he’d sneak into the computer lab and quietly practice various things. The first thing he did was create a website (not that it ever went online). It was quite simple and embarrassing (as it consisted mainly of cat facts and photographs), but he was happy with it anyway. It bothered him more than he’d like to admit when he deleted it, not wanting to leave any evidence of his activities behind.  
  
As the months progressed, he found himself becoming more interested in programming and often used the internet to learn as much as he could. A lot of the tips he read were false, he soon found out, but he managed to make friends with a few people online who taught him more and more.

By the end of the year, he was able to safely poke his nose into other people’s computers without leaving a trace. It wasn’t something he was proud of (he’d been ashamed of himself until Kasuka had reassured him), but it became easier to monitor the other kids at school and figure out when they were planning to attack Izaya.

The only place he refused to look was Izaya’s personal computer. Something about it felt wrong, and no matter how curious he was he never attempted to hack it. Seeing Izaya at school was enough for him, and the potential problems getting caught would create far outweighed any positives.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Izaya leaned up against a building and took a deep breath. He’d been lucky to only be five or so minutes late for his appointment, and even though the client wasn’t that important, he cursed Shizuo nonetheless. Shizuo was a toy he played with in his free time, and he hated when his presence impacted his professionalism.  
  
Izaya pulled out his phone and sent a quick email to Namie, instructing her to forward an email to his previous client as soon as their money found its way into his account. Sometimes his work really was too easy, when fools asked him for easy to find information.

He’d once wondered if he should feel bad about taking their money, but the idea didn’t stay for long. He was paid to do the work for them, as they were either too unintelligent or lazy to do it themselves. After a few years of putting up with nonsense clients, he soon found himself enjoying it, revelling in their ineptitude.  
  
Sighing lightly to himself, he wondered if Shizuo was still prowling the area. A quick visit to the Dollars website soon eased his fears, and he learned the beast was filling its gut at Russia Sushi. __  
  
‘Should I go play, or go home?’

The heaviness of his eyelids implored him to go home, and he flagged down a taxi. The walk to the station wasn’t far, but he would run the risk of bumping into people he couldn’t be bothered with if he were to take a train.

He settled himself into the back of the cab and instructed the driver on where to go, then pulled out his phone once again. The sleepless nights were certainly beginning to catch up with him, and he decided to read Tsukumoya’s blog in an effort to keep himself awake.

He chuckled to himself at Tsukumoya’s observations and immediately logged into the chatroom. Tsukumoya certainly wrote some moronic things, but this really was terrible even for him. The observations were so obvious, he might as well just write about the sky being blue.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_Seven years ago._ **

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_Knock, knock._

  
Shizuo looked up from his book and toward his open door. “Hey, Kasuka.”  
  
“Am I interrupting you?” Kasuka asked from the doorway.  
  
“No, just reading. Nothin’ I don’t know already though.” Shizuo replied, gingerly placing a piece of paper between the pages and placing the book on his nightstand. “What’s up?”  
  
Kasuka walked into the room, closing the door behind him. “I asked our parents for a computer.”  
  
“Why do you need a computer?” Shizuo asked, trying to mask his frown. Computers were expensive, and though his family wasn’t poor they weren’t rich either.  
  
“I don’t.” Kasuka replied as he sat on the edge of Shizuo’s bed.  
  
“Then why-”  
  
“For you.”  
  
“Me? Why do I need one?” Shizuo asked, shocked by what he was hearing. “What if I break it?”  
  
“You won’t.”  
  
“Mum and Dad aren’t going to buy me a computer, Kasuka.”  
  
“They’ll buy me one.” Kasuka replied. It was an unfortunate fact of life that their parents would never trust Shizuo around anything that expensive. “I’ll keep it in my room and you can use it.”  
  
“Kasuka-”  
  
“You need it to look after Orihara-san, don’t you?”  
  
Shizuo frowned and looked at his hands. It was true that things were easier to find out once he’d started going online, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty. “But I’ll break it.”  
  
“You won’t.” Kasuka repeated. “You haven’t broken anything accidentally in months. As long as no one else sees you using it, it should be fine, right?”  
  
“I guess…”  
  
“And from what you’ve been saying about Orihara-san lately, you’ll definitely need it to keep an eye on him.”  
  
Shizuo shrugged, and a small smile pulled at his lips. “He’s such an idiot. Gettin’ messed up with gangs.”  
  
“If you let him get beaten just once, he might stop.”  
  
“No, he’d just dig himself deeper.” Shizuo sighed, leaning backward until his head hit the wall behind him, “I saw him the other day, talking to some older guys. They looked like yakuza or something.”  
  
“Brother…”  
  
“I know, it’s bad. But I’m not getting mixed up with them. I don’t think he’s working for them or anything, but he might before the year is up.”  
  
Kasuka watched his older brothers face as it changed expressions, settling on something that looked to be a mixture of disgust and pride. “Are you… happy about that?”  
  
“No!” Shizuo snapped a little too loudly, “Shit, sorry! I didn’t mean to yell.” He ran a hand through his hair and pulled on a few strands in frustration. “It’s just… I don’t know, it’s so like him I guess. I actually feel worse for them, y’know?”  
  
Kasuka nodded.  
  
“But he’s not gonna stop so…”  
  
“You’ve decided you aren’t going to confess?”  
  
A soft shade of pink stained Shizuo’s cheeks, “Yeah… I’m not…”  
  
Kasuka tilted his head slightly to the side and let out a sigh. “I think you’re making a mistake.”  
  
“Already told you, he doesn’t like me.” Shizuo mumbled, averting his eyes. “Pretty sure he likes girls.”  
  
“You like girls as well, brother.”  
  
“Yeah, but I think he _only_ likes girls…”  
  
“If say so.” Kasuka rose to his feet and moved toward the door, resting a hand on the handle. “The computer is being delivered tomorrow.”  
  
“Thanks, Kasuka.” The brothers looked at each other for a moment longer before Kasuka left. The younger Heiwajima wondered whether his brother would ever realise that Izaya was just as obsessed with him as he was with Izaya.

_‘Brother, you can be such an idiot sometimes.’_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 **Orihara Izaya, reborn!**  
  
  
Orihara Izaya

Your latest update was certainly entertaining.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Ah, if it isn’t Tokyo’s second best informant, Orihara Izaya.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

I’m pleased that you enjoyed the read.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

I won’t doubt that it was hilarious. How do you think of such ridiculous things?  


**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Now, now. You shouldn’t call a thing ridiculous simply because you don’t understand it.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

What is there to understand? You hardly spoke of anything ground-breaking.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Once again you fail to read between the lines.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

There isn’t anything between the lines to read.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Humans change. There isn’t anything new about that observation.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

There isn’t? Hm, I wonder if that’s all you found in my post.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

People change, ideas change. It’s all the same.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

You really shouldn’t attempt to look any more intelligent than you are.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

You’ve got me there. I’m painfully aware of my actions, and I’ll attempt to better myself in the future.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

How convincing you are.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Was there anything else you wanted to add?

 

**Orihara Izaya**

So eager to rid yourself of me?

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

I don’t particularly enjoy conversations that go nowhere. Especially when my partner is incapable of finding a deeper meaning in my writing.  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

If there was a deeper meaning I would have found it.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

I’m far too busy for this anyway, and I still haven’t forgiven you for using my information.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

You should really learn to take a joke, Orihara.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

You should learn to stop being such a coward.

 

**Orihara Izaya, confirmed dead!**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_Seven years ago._ **

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“It’s just a game, Shinra.” Izaya said, pushing the disk toward his bespectacled friend.  
  
“Nothing is ever that simple with you.” Shinra replied, “Why do you want me to play it, anyway?”  
  
“I want to see how much you complete.”  
  
“I bet there’s a catch.” Shinra sighed, “I’ll have a look, alright? Just put it on my desk and I’ll pick it up before I go home.”  
  
“I’ve only made three copies, so _try_ not to lose it.” Izaya said as he placed the disk on Shinra’s desk. “Should we buy lunch today?”  
  
“What do you mean ‘we’? Since when did we have lunch together?”  
  
“Since it started to annoy Shizu-chan, of course.” Izaya sung, “Hurry up, I want to buy some bread before they run out.”  
  
“Fine, fine.” Shinra said as he was dragged from the room and toward the cafeteria.  
  
Once their steps had faded, Shizuo crawled out from beneath the teacher’s desk and stretched himself out. He hadn’t been spying, really, he’d just panicked once he’d heard Izaya come into the room.  
  
Something he’d heard had piqued his interest, though. He walked over to Shinra’s desk and picked up the disc that had been left there, inspecting it carefully. Pocketing it, he sprinted out of the room and toward the computer lab. The only occupant was scared off as soon as Shizuo entered and he quickly sat at a computer and placed the disc carefully into the computer.

  
A few seemingly-endless minutes later, he ejected the disc and replaced it with a blank one. As he waited for the data to copy onto the new disk, he sprinted back to the classroom and placed it back onto Shinra’s desk, then sprinted back to the computer lab, ignoring all the curious looks he was given.  


He arrived just in time to see the disc eject, and he carefully wrapped it in tissue paper and placed it into a nearby book. He deleted any evidence he might have left from the computer, grabbed the book, and made his way out of school.  
  
He didn’t skip often and he felt a little bad about wasting his teacher’s time, but he was dying to know what Izaya had been working on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 _‘For someone so smart you certainly are stupid sometimes, Orihara.’_ Tsukumoya thought to himself as he placed his smart phone back into his hidden pocket. _‘You missed something so obvious. What was once a fable about enemies became a fable about lovers, simply because people looked at the same situation through a different lens.’_  
  
He pulled out his flip phone to check the time. He’d spoken to Orihara for far longer than he’d originally meant to, and would now be forced to make an excuse for the time he wasted.  
  
Sighing, he looked in the mirror with a frown. He had no regrets about spending all of this time and energy on the brunette informant, but it really did inconvenience him at times. _‘As long as he stays safe and where I can tease him, that’s all that really matters.’_  
  
He exited the room and made his way back to where he’d come from, still struggling to come up with an excuse.  
  
“Shizuo, are you feeling alright?” Tom asked with a look of concern.  
  
“Yeah uh, just wanted to wash my face and hands a bit.” Shizuo replied, hoping that his senpai wouldn’t ask any further questions.  
  
“If you say so…” Tom frowned, “Actually, why don’t you head home after lunch and get some rest?”  
  
“I’m fine, Tom-san.”  
  
“Ah, it’s just that I have an appointment so I’ll leave work early anyway.”  
  
_‘You’re a terrible liar, Tom-san.’_ Shizuo smiled a little, “Oh, okay. Thanks then.”  
  
Shizuo picked up his chopsticks and poked the strange looking sushi in front of him. A sleep would be good, especially if Izaya was going to keep him up again tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...so, that happened... :D
> 
> I know that this revelation makes Shizuo a little ooc, but I hope you bear with it anyway. Also, if you get the chance, have a look back through the conversation between Tsukumoya and Izaya. The level of sassiness increases tenfold when you know who Tsukumoya is. :D
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter (and that you hopefully didn't see _that_ coming)! :D


	8. Chapter 07

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, for those of you who haven't read the Light Novels. Tsukumoya contacting Izaya about a video game is actually canon, and was written about in Nicococo!! (http://anni-fiesta.livejournal.com/63672.html). I've adjusted how Izaya gave a copy to Shinra slightly, but if you want more information then have a read. If you don't want to read that, I'll give you a quick run down:
> 
> Izaya made a video game. The game is as infuriating as Izaya, and makes you want to punch him in the face. Everyone is glad that Shizuo was never given a copy.
> 
> Anyway. There you go! :D

**_Seven years ago._ **

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Shizuo _hated_ fancy words. Long, complicated words, in his experience, were almost always used to mask a person’s true intentions. In his opinion, people who use flowery language are **not** _individuals_ being _verbose_ , they’re idiots who talk too much.  
  
Yet, there he sat at the desk in his room, a pen and paper mocking him from where they sat next to an open thesaurus. It was maddening (or _galling_ , or _exasperating_ , or _infuriating_ , he supposed). He resisted the urge to bang his head ( _cranium_ ) against the desk, lest he break yet another one, and groaned loudly in frustration.  
  
Even _thinking_ about talking to Izaya was a pain in the arse ( _vexatious_ ). It was a necessary evil, however, and he read over what he’d written so far.  
  
  
_Dear Idiot,_

_I played your game, and you’re pretty up yourself, huh? I mean, what was that? It’s six hours of you being a jerk and acting like you’re better than everyone._

_Seriously, don’t you study? And what was with all the fancy words? Are you trying to prove something or impress someone?_

_God, you’re annoying._

_From, ~~Heiwajima Shizuo~~  
  
  
_

It sounded too much like him and he knew he had to sound different enough to avoid suspicion. Flipping through the thesaurus, he made a few changes ( _modifications, revisions_ ).  
  
  
_~~Dear idiot~~ Izaya,_

_I played your game, and ~~you’re pretty up yourself~~ found it to be audacious and arrogant. I mean, what was that? It’s ~~six~~ a sextet of hours of you ~~being~~ subsisting as an ~~idiot~~ ignoramus and acting ~~like~~ as though you’re ~~better than everyone~~ a narcissistic simpleton.  
  
~~Seriously~~ , Vigorously, ~~don’t~~ do you not study? And ~~what’s with all the fancy words~~ why would you use such decorative and extravagant wording? Are you ~~trying~~ attempting to ~~prove~~ substantiate something or ~~impress~~ influence someone?_

_God, you’re ~~annoying~~ vexatious._

_From, ~~Heiwajima Shizuo~~_  
  
  
“Shit.”  
  
Shizuo stared at the letter ( _memo, document_ ) in front of him in an effort to understand ( _decipher_ ) it. Giving up, he stood up and left the room, thesaurus and paper in hand, and made his way to Kasuka’s bedroom.  
  
“Kasuka, do you have a minute?” He asked through the open door.  
  
“What is it brother?” the younger Heiwajima replied, turning away from his game of Tetris.  
  
“Uh, I was hoping you could help me with something.” Shizuo said sheepishly as he made his way through the door, “You remember how I played that game yesterday?”  
  
“I don’t think anyone could classify that as a game, brother.” Kasuka had come home the previous day to find his older brother on the verge of destroying the house. The game had been nothing more than six painful hours of Izaya taunting the ‘player’, and no amount of love for its creator made it any less enraging.  
  
“Guess not.” Shizuo chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck, “But I figure I should probably say something about it anyway, y’know? So I was writing Izaya a letter but it sounds too much like me.”  
  
“Can I see what you’ve written?”  
  
Shizuo nodded and handed his note to Kasuka, who read it twice before slowly looking up at his older brother.  
  
“Look, I know it’s bad but you don’t have to laugh at it!”  
  
“I’m sorry, that’s rude of me.” Kasuka’s face remained expressionless, “You can’t give this to him.”  
  
“Oh… is it that bad?”  
  
“It sounds a lot like you, and it’s in your handwriting as well.”  
  
“How else would I give it to him?”  
  
“Why don’t you email him?”  
  
“That… could work.” Shizuo smiled. He could be more anonymous online, and Izaya would never suspect him. “But what should I say? I’m not used to using these sorts of words, and they’re annoying the hell out of me.”  
  
“I’ll write something for you and you can tell me how it looks.” Kasuka replied, bringing out a fresh piece of paper. “By the time Orihara-san replies, it’ll be easier for you to talk to him.”  
  
“You think he’ll reply?”  
  
“If he’s how you’ve described him, he definitely will. You should start to think about how you’d like to talk to him in the future.”  
  
“Yeah, that’s a good point.” Shizuo flopped himself onto Kasuka’s bed, moved his arms under his head and stared at the ceiling. “I was thinking about building a chatroom or somethin’. They’re pretty easy to make and it’d be harder for him to track me down.”  
  
“That’s a good idea.” Kasuka replied as he scribbled, “Have you thought of a fake name to use?”  
  
“No.” Shizuo screwed up his face in disgust, “I hate the idea of that. Our parents gave us our names and put a lot of thought into it. It feels wrong.”  
  
“If you don’t use a fake name, what will he call you? Our parents won’t mind, and they won’t find out anyway.”  
  
“I guess…” Shizuo thought to himself for a moment, “How about something like ‘Beast’?”  
  
“…he’d know that’s you straight away.”  
  
“Or, um… How about Yamada Tarō?”  
  
“That sounds very fake and common.” Kasuka put down his pencil, “What about… Tsukumoya?”  
  
Shizuo furrowed his brows, “I don’t like it.”  
  
“How about Tsukumoya Shinichi?”

  
“I _really_ don’t like it.” Shizuo huffed, “Sounds stuck up.”  
  
Kasuka added something to his note, “That’s why you should use it. It doesn’t sound like you. Read this and tell me what you think.”  
  
Shizuo sat up and pushed himself to the edge of the bed so he could read the note.  


“It doesn’t sound very fancy.”  
  
“It doesn’t need to.” Kasuka explained, “It’s being sent to Orihara-san, not from him. You don’t need to try and impress him.”  
  
“I guess…”  
  
“Trust me, brother. You don’t want to carry that thesaurus with you everywhere.”  
  
“Yeah, people might ask questions.” Shizuo snorted, “Do you mind if I use the computer? I already have a template for that chatroom, so it won’t take long to get everything up and running…”  
  
“Go ahead. I’ll get us something to drink.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There were very few things in this world that could panic a certain blonde in a bartender’s suit. His best friend had no head and had fought countless enemies, yet a text message from the right person at the right time could send him into a flurry of panic and worry.  


He’d been lying on his couch with his eyes half closed when his flip phone notified him of a new message. He’d almost ignored it, but given that he’d been able to go home early he decided he had the patience to deal with whoever was messaging him.  
  
[ Brother, is it alright for me to come visit you today? ]  
  
He’d almost dropped his phone after that, and hurriedly sent a reply to give Kasuka the okay. What followed was thirty minutes of Shizuo jogging around his small home nervously, wiping down already clean surfaces and vacuuming for the second time in as many days.

  
He didn’t own enough for his flat to ever become untidy, but the aged wallpaper and worn carpet always made it feel messier than it already was. Shizuo was just about to clean the toilet for the third time when a soft knock on the door stopped him.  
  
“It’s open.” He called out, not bothering to see who it was.

  
The door opened seconds after, and Kasuka made his way inside. “Hello brother, it’s been a while.”  
  
“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that…” Shizuo replied, rubbing the back of his neck.  
  
“It’s not your fault, I’ve been busy.” The younger Heiwajima replied, sitting himself on the old couch. “How have you been?”  
  
“Same old… Can I get you a drink or something?”  
  
“I’m fine.”  
  
Shizuo nodded his head and sat on the other end of the couch, fingers twitching for a cigarette. The two brothers sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, simply enjoying each other’s company.  
  
“How is he?” Kasuka said, breaking the silence and giving Shizuo a pointed look. Shizuo’s lips twitched a little before he answered.  
  
“Still being a little shit. He’s trying to find me again.”  
  
“Can he?”  
  
“No.” Shizuo replied confidently, “It’s pissing him off that he can’t as well.”  
  
“Brother-”  
  
“I know.” The craving won out, and Shizuo plucked a cigarette from his pack on the table and looked at his brother for permission. Kasuka nodded, and Shizuo lit it up and took a long drag. “I know, but I can’t tell him and I can’t stop either.”  
  
“Maybe you could stop talking to him and just look out for him like you used to.”  


“Can’t. He’s worse than these.” Shizuo chuckled bitterly and motioned toward his smoke, “I don’t think I can give it up even if I want to.”  
  
Kasuka followed the thin trail of smoke with his eyes. “Brother, I know you don’t want to, but maybe you could talk to him. As Shizuo.”  
  
“He’d cut me to shreds before I even said hello.” Shizuo took another drag and looked at the ceiling, “I guess I’ve really failed as a big brother, huh? Always talkin’ to you about this stuff.”  
  
Kasuka shook his head, “I want you to be happy, brother. You deserve to be happy.”  
  
“Tch,” Shizuo readjusted his sunglasses before remembering that he was indoors and removing them. “How’s Ruri-chan?”  
  
“She’s fine.” Kasuka replied.  
  
Shizuo looked at his brother and laughed a little, “You really like her, huh?”  
  
Kasuka’s expression didn’t change, but Shizuo somehow managed to see how embarrassed he was by the question as he answered. “I think so.”  
  
“That’s good.” The blonde grinned. “Can you stay for long? Maybe we can get something to eat…”  
  
Kasuka looked at his watch, “I just need to make a call first.”  
  
“You can invite her, y’know.” Shizuo smiled knowingly, “Everyone knows you calm me down, so I won’t have to act like an idiot.”  
  
“Okay.” Kasuka walked out the door in search of privacy, closing it quietly behind him.  
  
Shizuo looked back at the ceiling and took a final drag from his dying cigarette. “Must be nice to be able to talk to her whenever you want, huh.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

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**_Seven years ago._ **

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Orihara Izaya had always been intelligent. His teachers and other adults often praised him on his level of maturity, brightness, and overall potential. He was always close to the top of his classes (if not number one), and he was ultimately used to praise.

In fact, he’d never received a serious criticism before. Of course, he’d been teased occasionally by unfortunate classmates or had silly untruths yelled at him in anger, but he’d never been poorly critiqued. There had never been a test that Orihara Izaya had failed, which is possibly the reason why he had no idea how to handle the email he had just received.  
  
It was short and to the point, and he loathed every word. There was nothing about it that he didn’t find repulsive. The word usage and the disgusting nonchalance made him queasy and irrational. For the first time in his seventeen years, he was _pissed_. He was so pissed, in fact, that he even had a momentary glimpse of what might possibly be sympathy toward a certain rage-machine.

How dare this _stranger_ (who quite obviously knew nothing about anything) believe that he had the right to insult something that _Orihara_ _Izaya_ had made? Izaya was bright and full of potential, therefore anything he creates must also be brilliant.

He read the email again for the fifteenth time, despite having already memorised it.

  
_Orihara-san,_

_I recently had the misfortune of playing your game and found your ideas to be childish and boring._

_If you have the need to create something similar in the future, please stop yourself._

_Sincerely,_

_Tsukumoya Shinichi._

  
Opening up a new tab, he did a quick search for the name. To his surprise, he found a chatroom that supposedly belonged to the man in question. He wrote down the address and did a little more snooping, but after finding nothing useful decided to talk to the man himself.  
  
Taking a deep breath, he calmed himself as much as he could and let his trademark sneer rest on his features before entering.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 _“I know this was my idea, but I don’t think now is a good time to introduce you.” Shinra said as we walked to the soccer field, “If we can hear him from here then he’s probably in a bad mood.”  
  
“Who could possibly stay in a bad mood once they’ve met me?” I replied, chuckling at Shinra’s unimpressed reaction.  
  
“On second thought, you’d probably put him in a bad mood anyway. Maybe he’ll be too tired to beat you to death by the time we get there.”  
  
We walked the final fifty metres to the soccer field, the sounds of muffled yells, roars, and breaking bones filling the air. Taking a seat a safe but still close distance from the carnage, I couldn’t take my eyes off the beast in front of me.  
  
He was raw, passionate, and exposed. He looked like a monster, which somehow made him more fascinating. Roaring with power, I see his eyes just once. They were filled with things I couldn’t hope to comprehend and I wanted to see more, more, more. This monster was undoubtedly human, possibly more human than anyone I’d ever seen before. He let the darkness that dwells within all of us out to be seen by the world.  
  
He was beautiful in all his ugliness.  
  
I could hear Shinra mumbling something about how he felt this was a terrible idea after all, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Shizu-chan for long enough to stop Shinra from leaving. By the time it was over, the goal was _ punched _into the air and Shizu-chan stood with his back to me, breathing heavily. It seemed so personal that I couldn’t bring myself to think of something clever to say, so I simply clapped.  
  
That’s when he turned around, giving me a once over with now calm eyes.  
  
“Who the fuck are you?” He growled.  
  
“Orihara Izaya. I went to middle school with Shinra, but it looks like you’ve scared him off.” I replied happily, “That’s probably for the best anyway, he’d only tell you I’m an arsehole.”  
  
“You piss me off.” The boy said suddenly.  
  
“Oh?” I said, not really knowing how else to react. I wasn’t deluded enough to believe that I was a good person, but this was the first time anyone had said something so bluntly. It usually took at least a conversation for someone to realise that I wasn’t what I appeared to be. “Too bad. I thought you and I could have some fun.”_

 _  
“Shut up.” He snapped, turning his back to me. He appeared annoyed, but his eyes lacked the anger I’d seen in them before._ ‘Maybe he’s embarrassed, Shinra did mention that he hasn’t been approached by many people.’  


_“Don’t be like that, Shizu-chan.” I replied happily. Everything after that happened quickly and my body moved before my brain had a chance to catch up.  
  
I leapt from my seat a second before his fist shattered it, and jumped around behind him. He’d expected that though, and grabbed my shirt before I had a chance to escape.  
  
It would have been useless to struggle, so I pulled out my flickblade and slashed him once across the chest. It wasn’t deep enough to cause any damage, but it should have been deeper than it was. It was shocking, how it was barely deeper than a paper cut._

_“See..? It’s fun, isn’t it?”  
  
He stared at me, eyes still lacking the anger I’d seen in them earlier but becoming clouded with something far more confusing. His pupils had dilated somewhat, and I found myself drawn to it. I wanted that anger, but this animalistic stare was hypnotising.  
  
He leaned in toward me, baring his teeth in a predatory smile as hot breath tickled my ear.  
  
“Run, flea.”  
  
He pushed me backward and I stumbled slightly, holding my blade out in front of me. “What?”  
  
“You wanted fun, right?” He replied gruffly, lighting a cigarette, “Run, so I can catch you.”  
  
His words, though nothing special, triggered something inside my stomach. I pocketed my blade and skipped past him. “Shizu-chan wouldn’t be able to catch me twice.”  
  
He kept up, surprisingly, still without that look of pure rage I’d seen before. The only way to stop him would be to trick him into being hit by a truck. I sprinted down the narrow alley, looking over my shoulder as I went.  
  
A part of me was disappointed to find that he wasn’t there, but it only reminded me that there was no one else capable of keeping up with me.  
  
“Gotcha.”  
  
Strong hands grabbed my shoulders and shoved me into a wall. Dust from the bricks settled on my dark jacket, and I looked at my captor before I could think better of it.  
  
He looked different, and the last rays of the sun lit his hair just enough to make it look as though he were on fire. I licked my lips but remained silent, hoping he wouldn’t hear how loud my heart was beating.  
  
“I caught you, _ Izaya. _”  
  
He pressed his muscular body against mine and I whined at the friction. I was struggling against him now, but had no interest in escape. He laughed softly as he leaned in, and I closed my eyes a second before I felt dry lips pressing against mine.  
  
“Izaya…” He moaned into my mouth. “Isn’t this fun?”  
  
“Shizu-chan…”  
  
“Izaya!” He repeated a little more loudly, rubbing himself up against me.  
  
_ “Shizu-chan…”  
  
“Izaya!” _His hand moved from my shoulders, and he hit my head with a book._ “Izaya! You don’t pay me enough to deal with this!”  
  
  
“Shi..zu-chan?”  
  
“How disgusting.” Namie grimaced before hitting Izaya’s head with her book once again, “Can’t you have _those_ dreams in your bedroom?”  
  
“What?” Izaya sat up and looked around.  
  
He was in his living room on a couch, not in the alley against a wall.  
  
Namie was the one hitting him, not Shizu-chan.  
  
Looking at his pants, he soon noticed the only thing he’d shared with his dream.  
  
“Namie-”  
  
“I’m not cleaning this.” Namie snapped, turning on her heel and walking back toward her desk. “I don’t want to know _what_ you were dreaming or _why_ you kept moaning Heiwajima’s name either.”  
  
“I was not moa-”  
  
Namie raised a hand, stopping him from finishing his sentence. “Go shower.”  
  
Izaya stood up quickly and awkwardly made his way to the bathroom. His face was hot, but it wasn’t out of embarrassment. No, he was angry and disgusted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Russia Sushi was known throughout Ikebukuro as an acquired taste. Tourists would usually ignore it, but the locals had grown used to its eccentric owners and bizarre menu. It was a spot that guaranteed safety (due to the presence of a certain giant Russian) and where you could find some level of privacy.

  
It was unfortunate for Hijiribe Ruri that her two dinner companions were both locals, and that her boyfriend’s older brother had insisted on paying for dinner.  


“Shi-zu-o!” Simon greeted as they approached the sushi bar, “Sushi two times today! You have good taste! Bring friends for sushi!”

  
“Yeah.” Shizuo replied calmly. “Got any booths?”  
  
“For three?” Simon asked, only just noticing the two bodies behind the blonde.  
  
Shizuo nodded, “Don’t wanna be interrupted.”  
  
Simon smiled brightly, “Come in!”  
  
The trio followed Simon into the restaurant quietly, and Ruri wondered whether she and Kasuka had needed disguises at all. Every customer in the restaurant was watching Shizuo with widened eyes, and she doubted that they would have been noticed had they been on fire.  
  
“I get something special for you, give love sushi.” Simon said as he seated his customers.  
  
“Nothin’ weird.” Shizuo cautioned, though he knew it was in vein. The Russian laughed to himself as he walked away from them, muttering something nonsensical. “Tch.”  
  
Ruri looked at the menu on the table and raised an eyebrow, “Deep fried strawberry sushi?”  
  
“Russia Sushi is quite creative.” Kasuka replied.  
  
“Creative, huh.” Shizuo snorted, “This place used to freak me out when I was in high school.”  
  
“Why’s that?” Ruri asked curiously.

  
The brothers shared a look before Shizuo responded. “Ah, no reason. Just used to eat here a lot I guess.”  
  
“I see.”  
  
“I heard you’re filmin’ a new movie or something?” Shizuo asked, trying to change the subject. “How’s that going?”  
  
“Fine. I’m in charge of the special effects make up.”  
  
“Eh?”  
  
“It’s special make up that makes things more realistic.” Kasuka explained, “For wounds and monsters.”  
  
“Oh, yeah.” Shizuo scratched his neck, “That looks like it’d be hard.”  
  
Ruri shrugged a little and the booth fell into an uneasy silence. Ruri had the distinct feeling that the two brothers, who kept giving each other strange looks, were having a silent conversation.  
  
“Sushi for you!” Simon called happily as he walked toward the booth, and Shizuo slid the door open a fraction to allow him access. “Special sushi for special friends! Sushi make you happy, very good fish sushi.”  
  
The occupants mumbled a thank you and began to pick at their food whilst Simon watched over them.  
  
“What?” Shizuo asked gruffly, feigning impatience.  
  
“Get new shipment today. Very nice sushi, tasty fresh fish.”  
  
“So what?”  
  
“Lots of Otoro today.”  
  
“Tastes like crap, too bitter.” Shizuo replied, unsure of where Simon was going with this.  
  
“Thank you for letting us know.” Kasuka spoke, with a slight bow of his head.  
  
Simon smiled a little more broadly before he left, and Ruri wasn’t the only one feeling as though she’d missed something.  
  
“Tch. Already eating sushi and he’s tryin’ to sell me more.”  
  
“He knows you don’t like _Otoro_ , brother.”  
  
“Yeah! Dunno why he’d…” Shizuo let his sentence trail off as he realised. _‘Izaya will probably be here soon.’  
  
_ Ruri glanced between the brothers once again and sighed. She’d long given up trying to figure them out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_Seven years ago._ **

****

****

****

****

 

 

   


 

  


“KASUKA!” Shizuo bellowed from his younger brother’s room, not caring how inappropriate it was. “ ** _KASUKA_**!” He yelled again, eyes glued to the screen despite the fact he was backing away from it.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Kasuka asked breathlessly as he came into the room. He’d been outside watching the clouds and had sprinted inside once he’d heard Shizuo calling him. Shizuo, despite yelling every day in public, very rarely raised his voice at home and the sound of it had sent a chill down the young boy’s spine.  
  
Shizuo didn’t respond verbally, and pointed a shaky finger at the computer. Kasuka took a step forward and read the text on the screen.  
  


**[ Orihara Izaya, reborn! ]**

  


“He hasn’t said anything yet.” Kasuka noted, turning back toward his brother, “What’s wrong?”  
  
“What do you mean ‘What’s wrong’?” Shizuo flailed, “He’s going to say something!”  
  
“Isn’t that a good thing?”  
  
“He’s going to know it’s me!”  
  
Kasuka fought the urge to smile at his ridiculous older brother. “I’ll help you.”  
  
Shizuo shook his head rapidly, “He’ll still know! He’s so _smart_ , Kasuka! Can’t you jus-”  
  
“No. I can’t do it for you.” Kasuka interrupted firmly, “It has to be you.”  
  
The brothers stared at each other for a moment before a soft _beep_ interrupted them.  
  


**Orihara Izaya**

How did you find my game?  


  
“Brother, you need to reply.” Kasuka said, reaching out a hand. Shizuo stared at it as if it were made of poison, “Brother.”  
  
Swallowing heavily, Shizuo took Kasuka’s hand and allowed himself to be dragged toward the computer. He sat down nervously and poised his fingers over the keys. “What… do I say?”  
  
“You should greet him.”  
  
Shizuo nodded and typed quickly, hesitantly hitting Enter once he was done.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Hello, Orihara-san.

 

Shizuo looked at Kasuka for guidance. “How was that?”  
  
“You should scold him as well.” Kasuka replied, “For being rude.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“It’s something you wouldn’t usually do, so it will help you avoid suspicion.”  
  
Shizuo didn’t look convinced, but followed the advice anyway.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Is that how you greet everyone you meet, or am I just lucky?

  
  
The brothers stared at the screen and anxiously waited for a response.  
  
_Beep. Beep.  
  
  
_

**Orihara Izaya**

You lost the right to be offended the moment you sent me such a ridiculously insulting email.

**  
Orihara Izaya**

I’ll ask you again, how did you find my game? There were only three copies of it, and I never uploaded it to the internet.  
  


“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!”  
  
“Don’t panic, brother.”  
  
“How do I explain this?” Shizuo countered, “He only made _three_ copies! _Three!_ ”

  
“You don’t have to explain.” Kasuka replied, “You don’t have to tell him how you got a copy.”  
  
“I don’t want to _lie_!” Shizuo panicked, “I can’t lie anyway!”  
  
“Just don’t tell him. It’s only a lie if you say something that’s untrue.”  
  
Shizuo considered this before sighing heavily. It still felt wrong, but the need to stay anonymous was more important. He typed a quick response, looking to Kasuka for help. Kasuka pressed Enter, then typed another message and sent it before Shizuo could stop him.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Then I suppose it’s a mystery.

**  
Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Shouldn’t you be studying instead of crafting condescending and tedious video games?  


  
“Kasuka!” Shizuo exclaimed, growing even redder, “You can’t say that!”  
  
“It’s not that different from the email you sent.”  
  
“But-”  
  
_Beep.  
  
  
_**Orihara Izaya**

How much do you know about me?  
  
  
“I can’t believe he replied. Is he a masochist?”  
  
“He doesn’t want to lose to you.” Kasuka reasoned, placing a hand on Shizuo’s shoulder, “If you don’t let him win, he’ll keep coming back.”  
  
“So I should tease him?”  
  
Kasuka nodded. Shizuo shifted in his seat.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

I know enough. It’s not particularly difficult to find information about you.

 

“How’s that?”  
  
_Beep._ **  
  
  
**

**Orihara Izaya**

Let me guess, you’re a pot-bellied old man with a fetish for schoolboys?  
  
  
“I think it worked.” Kasuka replied, though Shizuo wasn’t listening in favour of snickering and typing a reply.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Haha! I’m afraid I don’t fit your image of me.

_  
Beep._

**Orihara Izaya**

Who are you, exactly? Have we met?

  


Shizuo looked at Kasuka. “’s not lying, right?”  
  
Kasuka shook his head.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Are you likely to believe anything I say?

 

**Orihara Izaya**

…

  
_Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.  
  
_

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Let’s just say I’m someone who knows you, Orihara-san.

  


Kasuka looked at his brother, studying the small smile on his face and the way his fingers moved confidently across the keyboard. He took a step away from the computer and sat on the bed.  
  
_Beep._

  
“Hey um, what’s a big word for something that’s really up itself?” Shizuo asked, “Something that’s not good but tries to be?”  
  
“Pretentious?”  
  
“Yeah… Pretentious…” Shizuo mumbled, typing away.  
  
_Beep._

_  
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap._

_  
Beep._

_  
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap… tap, tap.  
  
Beep.  
  
Tap, tap, tap.  
  
_ Shizuo moved his hands away from the keyboard and toward his face.  
  
“Brother?”  
  
“Thanks, Kasuka…” Shizuo muttered quietly, looking anywhere but at Kasuka.  
  
“Anytime.”  
  
Kasuka rose to his feet and patted his brother on the back before leaving the room. He wasn’t sure what happened, but he knew that Shizuo needed some time to himself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Namie-san~” Izaya sung from his position on the lounge, “Can’t you do it this once? Think of it as an opportunity to poison me.”  
  
“I have more than enough opportunities without collecting your Otoro.” Namie replied curtly, not wanting to do any more than she absolutely had to. “I am not going to Ikebukuro just to collect your dinner.”  
  
“Think of it as a field trip.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“I’ll pay you for the time it takes for you to collect it.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“I’ll pay you overtime.”  
  
“…No.”  
  
“I’ll pay you the normal rate and give you three more photographs of your precious brother.”  
  
“…” Namie thought hard for a moment. She really didn’t feel like catching a train to Ikebukuro then back to Shinjuku just to pick up some fish, but on the other hand, she could acquire more photographs of Seiji… “Fine.”  
  
Izaya clapped his hands once, “Very good! You can pick it up in an hour or so.”  
  
“Why not now?”  
  
“Because I said so.”  
  
A cruel smirk twisted Namie’s face just enough to make her look threatening. “I see.”

  
“What is it you _see_ , Namie-san?” Izaya asked, cheerfully.  
  
“Are you worried that I might let slip what I walked in on after my lunch break?”  
  
Izaya’s mask remained firmly in place, but Namie didn’t miss the flicker of anger behind his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Are you becoming senile in your old age?”  
  
She let the insult slide off her back and continued, “If I were to go to Russia Sushi right now, would I find Heiwajima there?”  
  
“Who knows?” Izaya replied airily, waving his hand dismissively, “I don’t keep track of where a beast might be.”  
  
Namie couldn’t help but snort. “You should attempt to make your lies more believable.”  
  
“You should remember your place.” Izaya replied, eyes narrowing.  
  
“I know my place.” Namie made eye contact with her employer, but her tone didn’t change despite his warning. “Unfortunately, my _place_ involves walking in on a sad man mumbling in his sleep.”  
  
“As I said, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”  
  
“I’m sure you don’t.” She replied, gathering her purse, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell him about the _dream_ you _weren’t_ having as long as you get that couch cleaned.”  
  
She strode quickly out of the apartment and closed the door behind her, leaving an embarrassed informant in her wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I was actually going to post a chapter earlier today, but I fell asleep. Then, I woke up and decided to add an extra 1k or so. This probably has nothing to do with the story, and everything to do with the amazing comments I've been getting! :D
> 
> Anyway! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, there should be another (slightly shorter) chapter up in the next day. <3 Thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 08

“You want drinks? Have nice sake after nice sushi!” Simon asked as he collected their dishes.  
  
“We’re fine, thank you.” Kasuka replied after noting Shizuo and Ruri shaking their heads.  
  
“Sushi for dessert?” Simon pressed, “Have nice banana sushi ice cream. Very good!”  
  
“No.” Shizuo growled. Simon got the hint and, not wanting to have to rebuild the sushi bar from the ground up, wandered off with their plates, leaving the door open.  
  
“We should go.” Kasuka said, “We’ll walk you home.”  
  
“Ah, you don’t have to do that.” Shizuo replied, pulling out a cigarette as he stood up. “Don’t want to put you out.”  
  
“It’s no trouble.” Ruri added, receiving a smile from the blonde for her efforts.  
  
“Well, if you don’t mind…”  
  
The sound of loud snickering caught the table’s attention, and Shizuo looked out the door. To his surprise, he found Namie standing by the counter, staring at him and smirking to herself.  
  
“Oi, what’s so funny?” He asked, knowing exactly who she was. They’d never been introduced but, well, having a secret identity as an informant occasionally had its perks.  
  
“I was just remembering something disgusting.” She replied. She was aware of Shizuo’s violent reputation, but he’d never actually hit a woman (on purpose) and felt quite safe.   
  
“You sayin’ I’m disgusting?”  
  
“Brother…” Kasuka said calmly, attempting to placate his older brother.  
  
“Not you, though I suppose you were involved unknowingly.” Namie sighed.   
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Shizuo lowered the volume of his voice, but made no attempt to lessen the bitterness.  
  
“If I told you that I’d be out of a job.”   
  
“I don’t even know you, lady.” Shizuo said, feigning ignorance and attempting to sound confused, “I’m not gonna make a complaint or anything.”  
  
“Whatever.” She turned to face a worried Dennis, “I’m here to pick up an unhealthy amount of Otoro. I believe you know who it’s for.”  
  
“Let’s go, brother.” Kasuka said, understanding the situation clearly.   
  
Shizuo nodded and walked ahead of Ruri and Kasuka, lighting his cigarette as soon as he got outside. “Sorry ‘bout that.” He mumbled to Ruri.  
  
“It’s okay.” She replied. She glanced between the brothers and noted their unspoken conversation. “Thank you for dinner, Shizuo-san. I’m a bit tired, so maybe Yuuhei-san can walk you home.”  
  
“Sorry…” Shizuo said quietly, “Kasuka, you should go with Ruri-chan. It’s not right to let a girl walk home alone.”  
  
“It’s fine, really. I’ll be catching a taxi anyway.” Ruri replied before Kasuka had a chance, “Thank you again for dinner.”  
  
The brothers watched as Ruri hailed a taxi, waving to them from the backseat as it pulled away from the curb. Shizuo sighed heavily and stomped on his cigarette. “Sorry Kasuka.”  
  
“It’s fine. But we should start walking, it’s getting dark.”  
  
Shizuo nodded and lit up another cigarette, following his brother quietly.  
  
“So, that’s his secretary?”  
  
“Yeah…”  
  
“I see.” Kasuka replied in a bored voice, though he was anything but. “What do you think she meant?”  
  
“Dunno.” Shizuo replied, gently kicking a pebble, “Probably nothin’.”  
  
“It could be something.” Kasuka said, “It’s strange that he’d send her to pick up his food. Doesn’t he love coming to Ikebukuro to play with you?”  
  
“Tch, don’t put it that way.” Shizuo said, adjusting his glasses to hide his smile, “But yeah, guess he does.”  
  
“I wonder what stopped him today.”  
  
“Probably tired. He was up all night again, and I already saw him today.”  
  
“Maybe.”  
  
“Definitely.” Shizuo sighed heavily, “I can’t get my hopes up about stuff like this. Hurts too much when I’m wrong.”  
  
“If you’re wrong…”   
  
“We’ve talked about this before, Kasuka.” Shizuo replied sternly, “It’s all one sided. And don’t give me that look, alright?”  
  
“Sorry, brother.” Kasuka looked at the darkening sky, “I know we’ve talked about this, but I think you should consider giving this up.”  
  
“I can’t.”  
  
“You deserve to be happy.” Kasuka said quietly, “This doesn’t make you happy.”  
  
Shizuo stopped walking and waited for Kasuka to face him. “It does.”  
  
“Brother, you deserve to be with someone who loves you. Someone you can hold and touch.”  
  
“Don’t need it.” Shizuo took a short drag but barely inhaled, “I don’t need to touch him, or kiss him, or do anything like that. ‘long as I can keep him safe I don’t care if he hates me. Not like I can’t talk to him either.”  
  
“You can’t talk to him, not as you.” Kasuka reminded him, “When you do, all you can do is call him a ‘flea’ and throw things at him.”  
  
Shizuo chuckled, “Yeah, but that’s alright. Little shit is a flea.”  
  
“Then why-”  
  
“Because, he’s a bloodsucker, you know? Sucks the life outta people.” Shizuo dropped his cigarette and pressed a foot on top of it, “But that’s not all. He makes me itchy all over. No matter how much I scratch, it doesn’t go away. No one else will be able to stop it either.”  
  
Kasuka looked at Shizuo, noting the serious look on his face. “Do you need any help?”  
  
“Nah. You do too much for me anyway.” Shizuo took a step forward and ruffled Kasuka’s hair, “You really should go to Ruri-chan. I’m sorry for embarrassing you.”  
  
Kasuka tilted his head slightly, “You aren’t embarrassing.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah.” Shizuo moved his hand and started to walk in the direction of his flat, “I’ll see you ‘round. Stay safe, alright?”  
  
“You too, brother.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
_‘Dreaming about having sex with someone you hate is a bad omen- A sign of horrible things to come…’_

_  
‘…dreaming about the penis signals upcoming wealth and good fortune…’_

_  
‘…kissing someone you hate in a dream could mean betrayal or reconciliation…’  
  
‘Wet dreams signify an exciting end to something you’re looking forward to…’  
  
‘…unfulfilled desires…’_

  
Izaya rolled his eyes and tried to remember why he’d go to the internet to look up something as obviously meaningless as a sex dream. He’d read enough studies to know that dreams meant absolutely nothing, and mentally told Freud to go fuck himself with his theories.   
  
This ~~dream~~ _nightmare_ was nothing more than his brain being illogical, and there was nothing wrong with admitting that the suggestion of a certain anonymous annoyance probably played a large role in planting the idea in his head.  
  
He closed his twelve open tabs (all of which had something to do with dreaming) and cleared his history. The last thing he needed was for Namie to go snooping through his computer for evidence. He spun slowly in his chair and tried to centre himself.  
  
It wasn’t as if Izaya hadn’t had sex dreams before, and it wasn’t the first time Shizuo had played a part in one either. It had never bothered him in the past (in fact, it amused him greatly), but _this_ dream had him worried. There was something about it that seemed more intimate than usual.  
  
He ran through the dream once again in his head, feeling more uncomfortable as he went. He wondered if it was perhaps because it was originally a memory, which made it slightly more realistic, but decided against it. Realism wasn’t the issue.  
  
It was the distinct lack of sex.  
  
Sex could be impersonal, rushed, and driven by lust. It could be excused as a momentary lack of self-control. His dream, however, didn’t progress to that point. He’d had a wet dream about a steamy make out session with his enemy.  
  
He stopped spinning in his chair and ran to the bathroom. Running cold water, he pooled it in his hands before splashing his face with it. It was humiliating to think that he’d allowed such a thing to occur, and in front of _Namie_ of all people. He’d never be given the opportunity to forget it.  
  
As if on cue, he heard the front door click shut and high-heeled footsteps echoing throughout the house. He dried his face with a hand towel and inspected his reflection. His mask was on, surprisingly, and was quite convincing.

He winked at himself before leaving the bathroom, slowly making his way to the kitchen. “Did you get lost along the way, Namie?”  
  
“Did I take too long?” Namie sneered, placing the Otoro into the fridge, “I suppose that conversation must have taken longer than I though.”  
  
“A conversation?” Izaya narrowed his eyes, already having an awful feeling. “How good for you, to be socialising at work.”  
  
“I wouldn’t call it socialising.”  
  
“I suppose the only one you want to ‘socialise’ with is your brother.”  
  
“Of course, Seiji is more interesting and well-spoken than Heiwajima was.” She replied coolly, heels clacking on the floor as she left the kitchen.  
  
“You spoke to Shizu-chan?”  
  
“I spoke, he barked.”  
  
“Careful now, you’re starting to sound bitter.” Izaya followed Namie to her desk, leaning a hip against it once she sat down. “Don’t tell me Shizu-chan hurt your feelings?”  
  
“I have none that he’s capable of hurting. You, on the other hand…” Izaya shot her a look to warn her of how close she was to the edge, “I didn’t mention anything. The idiot doesn’t even know who I am.”  
  
Izaya hummed, pushing himself off her desk. “What did you say?”  
  
“Nothing really, just that he reminded me of something disgusting.”  
  
“I’m sure that went well.” Izaya chuckled, walking back to his desk and resting in his leather chair. “He doesn’t take criticism well.”  
  
“Neither did the girl he was with. She looked quite irritated by me.” Namie chanced a look out the corner of her eyes at the brunette, waiting for his reaction.  
  
“I’m surprised he managed to scare someone into a date.” Izaya muttered, “How awful it must be for her.”  
  
Namie ignored him and began her typing, but kept a close eye on her employer. She knew a few of his tells, and was aware that the fact that he was doing _nothing_ meant that he was definitely thinking something.  
  
“Go home for the day.” He said after some time, “Your glares are beginning to annoy me.”  
  
Namie collected her things without a word, only snickering once she’d made it to the door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  


**_Eight years ago._ **

****

****

****

****

 

 

   


 

  
“LET ME GO!” Shizuo bellowed, kicking his legs wildly at his captor.  
  
“No, you boys eat sushi.” Simon replied calmly, as if holding two teenage boys in the air by their collars didn’t strain him at all. “Fighting make you hungry. Eat sushi, be friends.”  
  
“Simon, I hate to agree with Shizu-chan, but this really is ridiculous.” Izaya said as he fought to keep his voice even.  
  
“I warn you boys. Next time, I catch and make you friendly.” Simon sighed, tossing the two boys in through the door of the restaurant. “Eat sushi! Be happy!”  
  
“No thank you.” Izaya said as he adjusted himself, “I have no desire to have a dinner date with a protozoan who should be kept tied up outside.”  
  
Shizuo, who had reluctantly sat himself down on a stool, leapt to his feet. “WHAT? I DON’T WANNA DATE THIS LOUSE!” _‘Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! STOP BLUSHING!’_  
  
“If you two don’t sit down and stop bothering my customers, Simon will be the only one to save you.” Dennis replied coolly, picking up a knife as he spoke.  
  
“FUCK THIS!” Shizuo yelled, hoping that his red face could be attributed to his apparent anger. He strode past Izaya toward the door, clipping him with his shoulder as he did. Izaya flew backward and hit the counter before slipping to the floor. “…”  
  
“Still hungry?” Simon asked, walking through the door after hearing the yelling. He looked at Shizuo who was rooted to the spot, obviously trying very hard to not look at Izaya. He smiled softly, and Shizuo wondered briefly if the Russian knew more than he let on. “You need sushi, Shizuo.”  
  
“Fuck off!” _‘Please don’t make me do this!’_  
  
Simon took a step toward the blonde and placed a heavy hand on his shoulder, “Sit.”  
  
Shizuo screwed up his face and took a deep breath. _‘There’s no getting out of this.’_ With a nod, he reclaimed his place at the counter and crossed his arms.  
  
“I-zay-a, floor is for feet.” Simon reached out a hand to help the boy up, but Izaya ignored it, standing on his own.  
  
“Это бесполезно, Саймон.” Izaya muttered.  
  
“Бабушка гадала, надвое сказала” Simon replied without batting an eye. He’d always had an inkling that Izaya could understand his conversations with Dennis.  
  
“What are you talking about?” Shizuo asked.  
  
“Sushi.” Dennis replied, and placed two plates on the table.  
  
“Eat sushi, be happy. Make friends.” Simon reiterated, pushing Izaya toward the stool next to Shizuo.   
  
“Tch.” Shizuo looked the other way, but uncrossed his arms, snaking a hand toward his chopsticks. “Don’t get used to this, flea. I’ll punch you as soon as we’re done.”  
  
Izaya rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, Shizu-chan.”  


**

**\--- Kanra has entered the chatroom ---**

**  
Kanra** [ Good~ evening~ ☆ ]

  
**Kanra** [ It’s everyone’s idol Kanra-chan~! ☆ ] **  
  
**

**Setton** [ Good evening ]

 **Tanaka Taro** [Hello ]  
  
**Tanaka Taro** [ Did you hear the news about Shizuo-san, Kanra? ]

 **  
Kanra** [ Ah~, that he tricked some poor girl into a date? ]

 **  
Kanra** [ I hope she’s okay! I wonder if he blackmailed her parents... ]

 **  
Kanra** [ So scary! ]  
  
**Tanaka Taro** [ A date? ]

 **  
Setton** [ When did Shizuo go on a date? ]  


**Kanra** [ This evening~, I saw it with my own eyes! ]

 

 **Setton** [ I’ll be right back… sorry. ]

 

**\--- Setton has left the chatroom ---**

**Tanaka Taro** [ I didn’t know that… Did you hear the other news? ]

 **  
Kanra** [ What other news would that be? ]

 **  
Tanaka Taro** [ Apparently he was out with Hanejima Yuuhei tonight as well. ]

 **  
Tanaka Taro** [ Did you see them? I heard they’re brothers. ]  
  
**Tanaka Taro** [ …Kanra? ]  
  
  
**\--- Kanra has left the chatroom ---**

**  
\--- Setton has entered the chatroom ---**

**  
Setton** [ Sorry about that, I had to make a call. ]

 **Setton** [ Where did Kanra go? ]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Shizuo had barely made it out of the shower in time to answer his phone. He’d been surprised to discover Celty calling him and, after yelling down the phone at her in an attempt to remind her that he couldn’t hear her (and hearing Shinra doing the same in the background), had managed to hang up the phone.   
  
What had followed was a flurry of text messages from the dullahan that he had given up trying to read, which is why he was currently standing in the kitchen wearing nothing but a towel. Rubbing his eyes, he decided to dry himself off before answering.   
  
When his phone had stopped vibrating, he picked it up and read what she’d sent him.  
  
[ Shizuo! You didn’t tell me you liked someone! ]  
  
“What the fuck…” Shizuo said to himself, feeling his heart beat a little faster.  
  
[ You were with them today, right? ]  
  
[ Why didn’t you tell me? I would have supported you! ]

  
“Seriously? You’d support me with the flea?” Shizuo was more dumbfounded than anything by that message.  
  
[ Not that you have to tell me everything, but you can if you want! I won’t tell Shinra! ]  
  
‘ _You’d definitely tell him that I’m in love with Izaya, Celty._ ’  
  
[ So how did it go? How long has this been going on? ]  
  
Shizuo took a deep breath and decided to be honest. He began typing, occasionally rephrasing what he’d written. Still too nervous to send it, he read it out loud.   
  
“Celty, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I didn’t think you’d support me loving the flea. We aren’t dating, and I don’t plan on telling him or Shinra. Really, please don’t tell Shinra.”   
  
His thumb hovered over the send button and he took another deep breath and closed his eyes. ‘ _Just get it over with, idiot!_ ’  
  
_Zrrt-Zrrt._  
  
Shizuo jumped and almost dropped his phone. He hadn’t expected to get another message so soon. He saved what he’d written as a draft and opened the new message.  
  
[ Sorry, I don’t even know if the rumour I heard was real. All I heard was that you were with a girl at Russia Sushi tonight… I won’t tell Shinra, don’t worry! ]  
  
Shizuo’s face turned bright red and his stomach flipped. ‘ _I almost…_ ’  
  
[ I was there with Kasuka and Ruri. It wasn’t a date. ]  
  
Shizuo put his phone on the kitchen bench and crouched down, hiding his face in his hands. He’d been careless and had almost let slip his biggest secret. “Maybe Kasuka is right…”  
  
_Zrrt-Zrrt._

_  
Zrrt-Zrrt._

  
Shizuo stayed crouched but grabbed his phone with one hand, sliding it off the counter and hitting his head with a soft _thud._

  
[ I’m sorry for invading your privacy, Shizuo. I should have known better than to listen to Kanra! ]

[ Oh, you don’t know who she is. Sorry, I should say I shouldn’t listen to internet gossip! ]

  
Shizuo read the message, then read it again. Then a third time.   


He exited out of his messages and pressed ‘2’ on his speed dial.  
  
“ _Brother, what’s-_ ”  
  
“Kasuka. I… I think…”  
  
“ _Brother? What happened?_ ”  
  
“I…” Shizuo fought to contain his excitement. “I think you might be right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first! Izaya and Simon's conversation:
> 
> Izaya: It's useless, Simon.
> 
> Simon: Granny was telling fortunes, said two things (which basically means 'No one knows for certain').
> 
> This is a bit smaller than usual, but it's up nonetheless! Any update is a good update, no? (That's how I'm rationalising such a tiny chapter, anyway)
> 
> Anyhoo, thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter :D


	10. Chapter 09

Ikebukuro’s residents were scared. It was quite uncharacteristic, really, given the amount of gang violence and supernatural phenomena. The city as a whole was used to headless riders, red-eyed slashers, and flying vending machines. It was a city where the unexpected was no longer unexpected.  
  
However, sometimes, something truly unexpected would happen and everyone would become an anxious, quivering mess. That something happened to be a smiling, non-violent ex-bartender.

 

Rumours circulated online about the change. It had been subtle at first and very few noticed the lack of damage to public property. People assumed that Shizuo had just had a good day since no one had spotted a certain informant running through the streets.

 

By the end of the second day, people were beginning to talk and speculate. Once again, it was put down to a certain absence and all assumed things would be back to normal shortly.  
  
Now it was the seventh day, and people were nervous. The Dollars was going crazy with gossip, with some people swearing that Shizuo had found a girlfriend, some saying he must have finally killed Orihara Izaya ( _‘You can’t prove he hasn’t! He hasn’t been around for a week, so it can’t be a coincidence!_ ’), and other saying he’d lost his strength.  
  
A few people suggested they test out the latter theory, but others pooled a small amount of money in order to pay people to leave him alone. Whatever caused this change was a good thing (hopefully), and the general population wanted to enjoy this temporary peace as long as they could.

 

Shizuo didn’t pay attention to the rumours though, too high on his own hope to give a damn. He knew he should be acting and tossing people around, but he just couldn’t find the energy to lie. Shizuo knew that his hopes were tiny and would most likely be crushed to dust, so he wanted to enjoy this feeling for as long as he could.  
  
Because Orihara Izaya might _like-_ like him and that was fucking amazing.

 

“Shizuo?” Tom called for the third time, waving a hand in front of the blonde’s face. “Shizuo!”  
  
“Uh, sorry!” Shizuo mumbled, finally returning to the real world. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“Your cigarette… Isn’t that burning you?” Tom replied, wincing.  
  
Shizuo looked at his hand and noticed that the cherry of his cigarette was indeed burning his fingers. He dropped it immediately, stomping on it whilst he sucked his fingers. “Sorry, guess I zoned out.”  
  
"You aren't wrong... Did something good happen?”  
  
Shizuo turned his head and adjusted his glasses in an attempt to hide the smile he couldn’t hold back. “No…”  
  
Tom chuckled and slapped a hand on Shizuo’s shoulder, “You don’t have to tell me. As long as you’re happy, that’s the main thing.”  
  
“Thanks, Tom-san.” Shizuo mumbled through a grin, and scolded himself mentally for not being able to hold himself together more. He’d been learning to control his emotions for years, but he’d only been this happy once before and didn’t have enough practice in hiding it. “Where to next?”  
  
“The next place can wait for tomorrow. What do you say we go get a drink to celebrate whatever it is you can’t tell me?” Tom said, not wanting to take no for an answer. “I know you don’t like to drink, but there’s a bar I know that makes really nice chocolate cocktails.”  
  
“Chocolate..?”  
  
Tom smiled, he knew Shizuo too well. “Come on, I’m buying.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_Seven years ago._ **

****

****

****

****

 

 

 

 

 

_  
  
_ “Brother!” Kasuka called as he walked to the doorway. He heard a crash and some mumbled cursing, followed by quick footsteps as Shizuo flew toward him.  
  
“Thanks, Kasuka.” He mumbled as he stumbled into the room and sat on the computer chair.

**  
  
  
Orihara Izaya, reborn!**

 

**Orihara Izaya**

I was wondering.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Wondering?

  
**Orihara Izaya**

What information do you have on Heiwajima Shizuo?

  
 

Shizuo almost fell out of the chair, and Kasuka gave him a curious look. “Everything alright, brother?”  
  
“Look!” Shizuo almost giggled, “He’s asking about me!”  
  
“You should reply, brother.” Kasuka replied, looking over Shizuo’s shoulder.

**  
  
  
Tsukumoya Shinichi **

You must be serious to use his full name.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Just tell me what you know.

 

 

“What do I do?” Shizuo asked smiling, “Should I tell him anything?”  
  
“…I don’t think you should.” Kasuka replied, “It would be suspicious.”  
  
“Oh, yeah.” Shizuo hummed, “I’ll just tell him what everyone else knows, then.”  
  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Shizuo has more strength than any person ought to.

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Also, I suspect that he isn’t a natural blonde.

 

Shizuo chuckled and Kasuka sighed. His older brother really was ridiculous sometimes.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Very funny. I asked for information, not common knowledge.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

That’s all I know, I’m afraid.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Unlike you, he’s difficult to get information on.  
  
  
  
Shizuo sighed, feeling guilty for lying.  
  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

Ha! It’s not hard to learn things about Shizu-chan. You’re losing your touch.  
  
  
  


Shizuo snickered loudly.

  
 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

If you knew all about him, you wouldn’t be asking me for more information.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

I can’t be faulted for wishing to know more about my enemy.  
  
  
  
“Brother, you should ask him what he knows about you.”  
  
“Do you think he’d tell me anything?”  
  
“Yes.” Kasuka replied, “He doesn’t want to lose to you.”  
  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

So, what information do you have on him?

**Orihara Izaya**

I’m the only one who needs to know about Shizu-chan. If you want information, you’ll have to find it yourself.  
  
  


  
“Push him a little harder.” Kasuka said, trying to remind Shizuo that he was in the middle of a conversation.  
  
  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

That just makes it sound as though you’re trying to save face.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

You can think what you want, but since I’m in a good mood I will share one piece of information with you.

  
 

Shizuo and Kasuka unconsciously leaned toward the computer, waiting for a reply. Izaya was obvious aware of this, delaying for a good minute before replying.  
  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

Shizu-chan loves strawberry milkshakes, but he only buys them from one place.

  
 

Shizuo laughed loudly and his smile threatened to split his cheeks. Kasuka, realising that Shizuo was next to useless after reading that snippet, took over.  
  
  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

From just one place?  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

Every other place makes the milkshakes too thick and it gives him a headache when he drinks it.

  
 

Shizuo stood up and moved away from the chair, unable to contain himself. Kasuka took over the conversation, smiling inwardly at his ecstatic brother. Shizuo was happier now than he had been the day he first met Izaya, which was unbelievable.  
  
“How does he _know_ that? Kasuka! Did you _read_ that?” 

  
“I did.”

  
“What do you think that means? I didn’t tell anyone that!” Shizuo raved, pacing throughout the bedroom. “Well I can’t remember telling anyone anyway, but it’s true! I can’t believe it!”  
  
Kasuka typed a reply to Izaya and nodded his head whenever he could feel Shizuo’s eyes on him.

**  
  
  
Tsukumoya Shinichi**

That seems like quite an intimate thing to know about.

 

  
  
Shizuo leaned over Kasuka’s shoulder to read the reply.

**  
  
  
Orihara Izaya**

Intimate? Not at all. It will be easier to poison him now I know.

  
 

Shizuo burst out laughing and continued his happy chattering. Kasuka wondered whether he should ask his brother to get his milkshakes from somewhere else.  
  
  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Orihara, are you sure you hate Shizuo?  
  
  
  
  
“Kasuka!” Shizuo exclaimed, blushing furiously.  
  
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”  
  
“Yes, but-”

 

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Yes. Why do you ask?

  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

No reason.

**Orihara Izaya**

Whatever. Do you have that information on the Asuki Group yet?  
  
  
  
  
“Tell him I’ll email him with it later.” Shizuo mumbled.  
  
“Okay.” Kasuka replied as he typed, “I can finish this off if you’d like.”  
  
“Yeah… thanks.” Shizuo replied, walking out of the room. Kasuka listened to his door close and kept typing. No matter how much he wanted to comfort Shizuo, he knew it would hurt him more if he didn’t finish this chat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The bar had emptied slightly after Tom and Shizuo had shown up, leaving only a few drunks who either didn’t know or didn’t care about who Shizuo was. Tom hadn’t realised at the time, but it happened to be the same place Shizuo had once worked (before he had a slightly violent disagreement with the manager).  
  
The place had changed hands twice since then, and the bartender had been in a good enough mood to give Shizuo a drink on the house once Tom had explained they were celebrating. Shizuo took it reluctantly, thanking the bartender twice before proceeding to nurse it for a few hours. It was delicious, but the chocolate couldn’t hide the bitter taste of vodka.  
  
Tom, on the other hand, was having a _fantastic_ time. They’d been at the bar for a few hours and, despite not being a lightweight when it came to alcohol, was practically rolling on the floor.  
  
“I think it’s time to go home, Tom-san.” Shizuo said, wrapping an arm underneath his senpai’s shoulders and taking his weight.  
  
“Nooo, ’m fiiinnneee!” Tom slurred, “You’re almos’ drunk ‘nuff to tell me why you’re happpyyy!”  
  
Shizuo chuckled lightly and led the man outside. “Maybe next time.”  
  
“I should walk you ho-home.” Tom said, “I don’t wan’ my kohai goin’ home dis drunk by himself…”  
  
“It’s alright, Tom-san.” Shizuo flagged down a taxi, “Let’s get in the cab and go to your house first, okay?”  
  
“Okay, but then I’ll…I’ll…” Tom fell into the back seat, “I’ll… walk you home, okay?”  
  
“’kay.”  
  
The taxi ride took less than five minutes and Shizuo paid the driver a little extra for his trouble. He didn’t take taxi’s often, but it was generally hard for him to find one when everyone knew of his reputation so tipping now would help him in the future.  
  
“Where are your keys?”  
  
“In… pocket…” Tom slapped a hand on his leg and laughed to himself, apparently finding the situation to be hilarious.  
  
“Sorry to intrude…” Shizuo reached in two fingers and pulled the keys out quickly.  
  
“Tick-lish!”  
  
Shizuo shook his head, knowing just how embarrassed Tom would be in the morning. He unlocked the door and half-carried him to bed, taking off his shoes and tucking him into bed.  
  
“Good night, Tom-san.”  
  
“Shhhhhizuoooo!”  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“I’m shir…sty.”  
  
“I’ll get you some water.” Shizuo replied. He walked to the kitchen and filled up a glass, bringing it back to his boss.  
  
“Th-thanks,” Tom slurred, taking a massive gulp. Shizuo took the glass from him and put it on the bedside, then walked to the door and turned the lights off.  
  
“Good night.”  
  
“Shizzzuuooo!”  
  
Shizuo sighed and fought the urge to roll his eyes. He had no idea that Tom could be so clingy. “Yeah?”  
  
“Are you _really_ happy?” Tom asked, his eyes wide.  
  
Shizuo smiled softly and nodded before realising that Tom couldn’t see him. “Yeah, for now anyway.”  
  
“That’s… good…”  
  
“Good night, Tom-san.”  
  
“Night, Shizuooo.”  
  
Shizuo closed the door and walked quickly to the exit in case Tom decided to try and stop him again. He lit a smoke as soon as he got outside and closed his eyes.  
  
He really was happy. It had been so long since he’d had any hope and, despite knowing in his heart that it would be short-lived, he felt at peace. He gave himself permission for the first time in years to imagine how different life would be if Izaya returned his feelings.  
  
They’d still fight, and the chases would still happen, but what would change? Shizuo could live without sex, but he’d always dreamed of kissing Izaya just once. Or maybe holding his hand.  
  
_‘If he squeezed my hand just once and smiled at me, I could probably die happy.’  
  
_ No longer bothering to hide his smile, he slowly began his journey home.

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“I know I said I’d come with you, but I don’t think now is a good time to go see him.” Shinra said as we walked to the soccer field, “If we can hear him from here then he’s probably in a bad mood.”  
  
“How could he possibly stay in a bad mood once I’m there?” I replied, chuckling at Shinra’s unimpressed reaction.  
  
“You know, I have too much to live for after all.” Shinra said, stopping in his tracks. “He’s at the soccer field. I’m going home to my precious Celty.”  
  
“You’re such a coward, Shinra.”  
  
“Better a coward than dead, Izaya-kun!”  
  
_

_Laughing to myself, I walked the final fifty metres to the soccer field, the sounds of muffled yells, roars, and breaking bones filling the air. Taking a seat a safe but still close distance from the carnage, I couldn’t take my eyes off the beast in front of me.  
  
He was raw, passionate, and exposed. He looked like a monster, which somehow made him more fascinating. Roaring with power, I see his eyes just once. They were filled with things I couldn’t hope to comprehend and I wanted to see more, more, more. This monster was undoubtedly human, possibly more human than anyone I’d ever seen before. He let the darkness that dwells within all of us out to be seen by the world.  
  
He was beautiful in all his ugliness.  
  
By the time it was over, the goal was _ punched _into the air and Shizu-chan stood with his back to me, breathing heavily. It seemed so personal that I couldn’t bring myself to think of something clever to say, so I simply clapped.  
  
That’s when he turned around, giving me a once over with now calm eyes.  
  
“How long have you been there?” He growled.  
  
“Long enough.” I replied happily, “As always, you put on a nice show, Shizu-chan.”  
   
“You piss me off.” The boy said suddenly.  
  
“Oh?” I said, my smile only widening, “Too bad. I thought you and I could have some fun.”_

 _  
“Shut up.” He snapped, turning his back to me. He appeared annoyed, but his eyes lacked the anger I’d seen in them before._ ‘Maybe he’s embarrassed, he has said he hates doing this in public.’

_“Don’t be like that, Shizu-chan.” I replied happily. Everything after that happened quickly and my body moved before my brain had a chance to catch up.  
  
I leapt from my seat a second before he grabbed me, and jumped around behind him. He’d expected that though, and grabbed my hips before I had a chance to escape, dragging me close to him.  
  
It would have been useless to struggle, so I pulled out my flickblade and slashed him once across the chest. It wasn’t deep enough to cause any damage, but it should have been deeper than it was. It was shocking, how it was barely deeper than a paper cut._

_“See..? It’s fun, isn’t it?”  
  
He stared at me, eyes still lacking the anger I’d seen in them earlier but becoming clouded with something far more confusing. His pupils had dilated somewhat, and I found myself drawn to it. I wanted that anger, but this animalistic stare was hypnotising.  
  
He leaned in toward me, baring his teeth in a predatory smile as hot breath tickled my ear.  
  
“I thought you were looking for a different type of fun.” He purred, “I told you to wait for me at your place.”  
  
He pushed me backward and I stumbled slightly, holding my blade out in front of me. “Why? Don’t tell me you’re still embarrassed?”  
  
“You wanted fun, right?” He replied gruffly, lighting a cigarette, “Run, so I can catch you.”  
  
His words, though nothing special, triggered something inside my stomach. I pocketed my blade and skipped past him. “Shizu-chan wouldn’t be able to catch me again.”  
  
He kept up, still without that look of pure rage I’d seen before. We’d done this so many times I knew that the only way to stop him would be to trick him into being hit by a truck. I sprinted down the narrow alley, looking over my shoulder as I went.  
  
A part of me was disappointed to find that he wasn’t there, but it only reminded me that there was no one else capable of keeping up with me.  
  
“Gotcha.”  
  
Strong hands grabbed my shoulders and shoved me into a wall. Dust from the bricks settled on my dark jacket, and I looked at my captor before I could think better of it.  
  
He always looked different when we were alone, the last rays of the sun lighting his hair just enough to make it look as though he were on fire. I licked my lips but remained silent, hoping he wouldn’t hear how loud my heart was beating.  
  
“I caught you, _ Izaya. _” He purred, his lips only centimetres away from mine.  
  
He pressed his muscular body against mine and I whined at the friction. I was struggling against him now, but had no interest in escape.  
  
“Izaya…” He whispered. “Are you having fun?”  
  
“Shizu-chan…” I murmured, closing my eyes tightly. I wouldn’t be the first to give in today, not again.  
  
“Izaya…” He repeated a little more loudly, rubbing himself up against me. “If you want it, all you have to do is ask…”  
  
I shook my head, not trusting my voice.  
  
“Izaya-_ kun… _”  
  
Even with my eyes closed, I could tell he was smirking. No matter how much I protested, he could already feel how hard I was against his thigh. “Shi…zu-chan.”  
  
“Beg for it like a good boy, Izaya.” He teased, “If you don’t want it, I’ll just walk away.”  
  
_

_I opened my eyes and tried my best to glare at him. “I don’t beg, Shizu-chan.”  
  
He snickered loudly and backed away after one hard roll of his hips. “See you at school then.”  
  
Before I knew what I was doing, I pushed myself away from the wall and jumped onto him, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. I moved in for a kiss, but he was too fast. He pulled his head away laughing. “You have to beg for it, Izaya.”  
  
“Kiss me!” I yelled, no longer caring about my pride. His hands moved from his sides, grabbing my arse as he pushed me against the wall.  
  
“What else?” He whispered into my neck, “Tell me what you want.”  
  
“Kiss me! Fuck me! I don’t give a fuck!” I yelled again, losing control as he rubbed against me.  
  
“No need to yell, flea.” He chuckled, just before he attacked my lips and ground against me.  
  
“Nnngh… Shizu-cha-”  
  
 _

Izaya woke up, painfully hard and incredibly confused. Didn’t these dreams usually end with him waking up to wet sheets? He grimaced as soon as he had the thought, _‘That shouldn’t be what I’m worried about!’  
  
_ He slipped the covers off him, almost whining as the heavy blanket brushed against him. He would _not_ masturbate after a dream like that. He shuffled out of his bedroom and into the bathroom, stripping off and getting into the shower. The freezing water hit him hard and he almost jumped out, but the problem between his legs was more important than things such as comfort.  
  
Groaning, he leaned against the tiled wall and tried to think. He’d been avoiding Ikebukuro for a week now, and he hadn’t spoken to Tsukumoya either. Both of his ‘triggers’ were out of reach, yet he was _still_ having these dreams. Not only that, the dreams were definitely beginning to escalate.

  
“I’m not even the fucking top…” He mumbled.

  
He’d never bottomed before, and had never been with another man, which just added to the confusion. The only reason he wasn’t a virgin at all was because of a _mishap_ in high school, which was due to his own inexperience. He hadn’t really enjoyed himself if he was honest, and had found better ways to manipulate his followers since then.

  
He might be human, but he didn’t give into human urges. How could he claim to love all of humanity if he loved only certain humans in that way? He wasn’t about to start fucking every person he met just to keep it square. No, he was above that and definitely above getting topped by a beast.

  
Topped by the beast…  
  
Izaya groaned loudly at the thought, and cursed the shower which obviously wasn’t helping. He turned it off and shivered once he got out. Drying himself quickly (whilst avoiding a certain area), he slipped his pyjamas back on and made his way downstairs to his computer. If he had to be awake, he was going to make sure he wasn’t the only one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_Six years ago._ **

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Valentine’s Day was possibly the _worst_ day of the year to be around Shizuo at school. He never received any chocolates, and would glare angrily at any of the dozens of girls who gave them to Izaya. It was assumed by his classmates that this was because he was angry at Izaya, or that he just wanted chocolate (he’d buy it himself without any shame regardless of what day it was, so this theory was short-lived).

  
Izaya apparently believed the former, because each year he’d flaunt his chocolate in front of the angry blonde.  
  
“Ne, Shizu-chan~!” He called out, walking toward the desk where Shizuo was brooding with a plastic bag. “Didn’t get any chocolate this year?”  
  
“Shut up.” Shizuo snapped, turning to look the other direction in time to notice how all the other students were fleeing the room.  
  
“Aw, don’t be sad.” Izaya cooed with an insanely sweet voice, “Here, why don’t you have some of mine?”  
  
“I said shut up.” ‘ _I don’t want your left over chocolate, I want_ your _chocolate, idiot._ ’

  
“Don’t tell me you’re mad.” Izaya replied, ignoring the reply, “Maybe Shizu-chan has a _crush_ on one of my admirers?”

“Like hell I do.” _‘Why like them when you’re here?’_

 

“I wonder who it is…” Izaya paused thoughtfully, before skipping in front of Shizuo and rummaging through his bag of chocolate. “Maybe it’s Ito-chan? She does look like Shizu-chan’s type.”  
  
“Tch.”  
  
“Or could it be Inoue-chan?” Izaya pulled out a small box of red-wrapped chocolate. “I think it might~ be~!”  
  
“Shut up, louse!”  
  
“I wonder what I should get them for White Day…” Izaya’s sweet smile turned into a cruel smirk, “Or maybe I should _thank_ them now?”  
  
“…” _‘Please shut up. Just shut up, shut up, shut up!’  
  
_ “What’s the matter, Shizu-chan? Are you jealous?”  
  
“…” _‘YES! WOULD YOU FUCKING SHUT UP?’  
  
_ “I should invite Inoue-chan to my house then. I’ll thank her in all the ways you can’t.”  
  
Shizuo stood up and pushed the desk away, sending it flying across the room. “Shut the fuck up, flea!”  
  
“Ooo~, Shizu-chan is so scaaary!”  
  
“I’m warning you.”  
  
“If you want me to shut up then why don’t you make me, _monster_?”  
  
The students in the hall heard a series of loud crashes and some insane laughter, followed by a window shattering and Shizuo yelling at the top of his lungs. Valentine’s Day was a truly terrifying day for anyone unlucky enough to go to school with Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo.  
  
A few hours later, Shizuo arrived home. Kasuka didn’t hear him come in, only realising once he walked into the kitchen and found drops of blood staining the tile.  
  
“Brother?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Kasuka made his way to the bathroom and opened the door. Shizuo was in the bath tub, fully clothed, soaking in red-tinged water.  
  
“Orihara-san?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Are you oka-”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Shizuo had his eyes closed and his head pointed toward the ceiling. His face was screwed up in pain, but Kasuka was certain it had nothing to do with the multiple cuts on his body.  
  
“I’ll call Kishitani-san.” He said, walking out of the room before Shizuo could object. He made the call quickly and Shinra informed him he’d be there soon, but Kasuka didn’t go back to the bathroom.  
  
He took his seat at the dinner table in the kitchen and looked out the window, wondering how long his brother would do this to himself. _‘It’s been three years…’_ He’d thought about asking Shizuo to stop doing this, or to move on, but he knew it would be useless.  
  
Shizuo was the sort of person who did everything in extremes, after all, so of course his love would be no different. Kasuka continued to stare out the window until he heard a knock on the door. Standing up, he promised himself that he’d continue to support his brother no matter what happened. Even if it meant watching him burn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shizuo woke up to the sound of his smartphone beeping at him. He’d arrived home a little earlier and was almost asleep and tempted to ignore it, until he remembered what that sound meant. ‘ _Izaya’s online…_ ’  
  
He rolled out of bed and shuffled over to his closet, rummaging through his clothes until he found his laptop. It had been a gift from Kasuka years ago, and despite insisting, he’d never been allowed to pay his brother back for it. He opened the lid and turned it on as he walked back to his bed, waiting for the screen to load.  
  
His browser opened as soon as the desktop had loaded, directing him to the chatroom he’d set as his homepage.

  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya, reborn!**

**Orihara Izaya**

I hope I didn’t wake you.  
  
  
  
  
Shizuo rolled his eyes.  
  
  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Liar.  
  


**Orihara Izaya**

You caught me. I hope you were having a fantastic sleep and that I ruined everything. If you do sleep, that is.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

I suppose you’ll never know.

**  
Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Shouldn’t you be sleeping? I can imagine that your scheming is quite tiring.

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Ah~, I don’t need things such as sleep to scheme.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Don’t tell me you’re still having nightmares, Orihara.

  
 

Shizuo readjusted himself so he was lying on his stomach. His eyes were half shut, squinting at the brightness of his screen as he waited for a reply.

And waited… and waited…

 

**  
Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Did my soothing words send you to sleep?

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Of course not. I’m not a child.

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

So you are having bad dreams then. Tell me, what is it that scares a person like you?

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Nothing.  
  
  
  


“Liar…” Shizuo mumbled. He was interested now, and wanted to know exactly what it was that was keeping his unrequited love awake at night this time.

**  
  
  
Tsukumoya Shinichi**

If it were nothing, you would have just told me. Unless it’s about your beloved ‘Shizu-chan’.

  
  
  
More silence. Shizuo held his breath as he waited for the _beep_ to signal Izaya’s reply. It had only been a joke, but now he was starting to think he was right on the mark.  
  
  
  


**Orihara Izaya  
** Tell me, Tsukumoya. Why do you think we dream?  
  
  
  
  
Shizuo’s face turned bright red and he fought the urge to squeal like a school girl. Izaya had so obviously been dreaming about _him_. Whether or not the dream was a nightmare was irrelevant.  
  
  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** There are lots of reasons, but it depends on the context.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

What sort of dreams are you referring to?  
  
  
  
  
“Fuck!” Shizuo cursed. He’d been too excited to think, and might have pushed Izaya too hard. There was a strong possibility that he wouldn’t get an answer now. He shoved his face into his mattress in a half-hearted attempt to suffocate himself, almost believing that he imagined the soft _beep_ that sounded from his laptop.

 

**  
Orihara Izaya**

Memories. Or rather, memories that have been changed somewhat.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Changed into what? Nightmares?  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

… **  
  
  
Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Happy dreams?  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** The very happy sort.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

…?  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

Don’t act so disgusted and childish. This question has nothing to do with why I’m awake.  
  
  
  
  
Shizuo climbed back onto his bed, having rolled off after reading the last sentence. Orihara Izaya had quite possibly had a wet dream.  
  
About him.  
  
And was now telling him about it.  
  
The blood rushed from his brain and straight to his groin, and he muttered angrily to himself in an effort to focus.  
  
  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

That’s a very vague description, Orihara. Some more information would be helpful. **  
  
**

 

“Why did I ask that? Stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid pervert!” Shizuo yelled at himself, no longer caring enough for his neighbours to keep his voice down. “Keep it together!”  
  
  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

I didn’t have one of those dreams, so I’m unable to give you further information.  
  
**  
Tsukumoya Shinichi**

I see. Well, most dreams reflect unfulfilled desires.  
  
  
  
  
“ _Please_ be an unfulfilled desire!”

  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** How preposterous. You’re more unintelligent than I thought.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

What do you believe, then?  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

Studies have proven that dreams mean absolutely nothing.

  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Then why is yours bothering you? Are you in denial, Orihara?  
  
  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya, confirmed dead!  
  
  
  
  
**

Shizuo chuckled to himself and closed his laptop, moving it gently to the ground beside his bed. Izaya was having dreams- dirty, sexy, wet dreams- about _him_. He was so easy to read, and it was obvious he was in denial about it. Shizuo rolled onto his back and placed a hand on his lower abdomen, just above the elastic of his sweatpants, as he tried to figure out what Izaya had dreamt about.  
  
He ran his fingers along the border of his sweatpants, inching them underneath the worn elastic slowly. He wasn’t going to sleep any time soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, would you look at that? I'm early!
> 
> So, these chapters are getting slightly more awkward to write as time goes on (huehuehue). I'm not good at writing smut (or anything close to smut), so I apologise if it came across as awkward. If it gets bad, you totally have my permission to yell at me :D
> 
> Anyhoo, thanks for reading! If you see a typo, please feel free to point it out. <3


	11. Chapter 10

**[PRIVATE POST]**

I like cats.

Cats are incredibly selfish, self-serving, and vain. They shouldn’t be likeable at all, really, and yet they are loved by almost everyone (except dog people, of course). They’re annoying and moody, so you’ll never know if they’ll purr or hiss. They demand your attention and might destroy your home if you don’t give it to them in a timely fashion.  
  
They are cute, though. Humans can ignore the irritating parts of a cat because there are so many positive parts. They’re warm, smart, and incredibly adorable once they become used to you. Isn’t it funny how we focus on their positives when there are so many negatives?  
  
I know what you’re thinking: “Tsukumoya, I don’t come here to read about cats.” Well to be completely honest, you don’t come here at all (this _is_ a private post, after all), but I see your point anyway.  
  
How about we discuss a certain cat? Schrödinger's cat, for instance (did you really think I’d write a private post about cats instead of sharing it with the world?)  
  
Schrödinger's Cat is not an actual cat, but the name of a thought experiment. I won’t bore you with the history or specifics, but in the interests of clarity I’ll offer a short explanation:  
  
Let’s say that you place a cat into a steel chamber along with an undecayed radioactive particle and a Geiger counter that’s connected to a vial of poisonous gas. After you’ve closed the box, you have no way of knowing when the particle has decayed (as particle decay is random), but you do know that when it does decay it will activate the Geiger counter, which then releases the poisonous gas.

  
Obviously, the cat will then die.

  
However, you will not be able to tell if the cat is dead until you open the box to check. This means that the cat is in superposition (which is a principle of Quantum Theory, apparently), and therefore the cat is both alive and dead.

  
Of course the cat can’t actually be both (and I don’t recommend that you give this thought experiment a test run on your pets at home), which was the whole idea of the exercise. That’s irrelevant though.

  
Now, let’s set that aside for a moment and talk about Occam’s Razor. To put it simply, Occam’s Razor is the idea that the simplest answer (or the answer with fewest steps) is most likely the correct one. If there are two competing theories that can answer a single question, the simplest and most concise theory is the most likely to be correct.  
  
To explain the very basics of this, I will give you an example:  
  
Let’s say that whenever you come home, you take off your shoes and leave them beside the front door of your house. One day, you notice that you’re shoes aren’t there and are actually in your bedroom.  
  
Occam’s Razor would suggest that you forgot to remove your shoes by the front door and took them off in your bedroom, as opposed to someone breaking into your home to move them whilst you were asleep.  
  
Are you with me? These are the very basics of two principles that, honestly, I don’t understand as well as others might, so I apologise if my explanations are confusing. Before I move on, allow me to summarise what we’ve discussed:  
  
You have no idea what state something might be in until you look at it, and the simplest explanation is most often the correct one.  
  
Now that we’re all up to speed, let’s try and apply these principles to everyday life.  
  
Often in life, you’ll find yourself faced with cats that are trapped in boxes. You don’t hear them meowing or scratching, and you are sure they’re dead. Because if they were alive, they’d give you some sort of sign.  
  
So you mourn the cat and move on with your life, trying hard every day to keep your mind on other things. Your friends and family will tell you about other cats (or maybe dogs), and you’ll ignore them because you know that the only cat you ever wanted as a pet asphyxiated.  


After some time, you become used to this fact and learn to live without the cat. Then, one day, years later, you’re sitting next to the box and you hear a very quiet noise. Of course, you think nothing of it because the cat died years ago and even if it hadn’t, you haven’t fed it or nurtured it in any way. You might think about the cat on a daily basis, but there’s no way the cat would know that.  
  
So you ignore it.  
  
Then, days later, you hear a subtle scratching from the box. The cat might be, against all odds and reason, alive. The simplest answer is most often the correct one, and the simplest answer in this case (given the noises you’ve heard from the box) is that the cat is very much alive.  
  
Does that sound about right?  
  
Well, if we go back over my wording, I did say that the simplest answer is most often the correct one. There is no guarantee that the cat will be alive when you open the box. You might find your beloved pet, or you might find its reanimated corpse.  
  
So what would you do? Open the box on the off chance that the cat is alive, but set yourself up for bitter disappointment? Or do you leave it closed and live off hope for as long as you can?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Namie~,” Izaya whined from his desk.  
  
“What.” She replied, not bothering to even make it sound like a question. Ever since she’d walked in on Izaya’s moment , the idiot had barely left the office. Once again, her filing system was in ruins and she was close to snapping.  
  
“What are you making for lunch today?”  
  
“I’m not.”  
  
“I’m in the mood for hotpot, I think.”  
_  
“_ I’m not making you hotpot.” _  
  
_ “You’re being difficult, Namie-san.”  
  
Namie sighed. “Get out.”  
  
“Oh my.” Izaya chuckled, “Does Namie think she can order me around?”  
  
Namie stopped typing and turned to face her employer. The expression on her face was a mixture between concern and disgust, and she paused for a moment to gather her thoughts before repeating herself in a calm voice. “Izaya. Get out.”  
  
“Na-”  
  
“I don’t know why you, a grown man, are afraid of a little wet dream but I cannot take it.” She continued. “Every time something happens between you and Heiwajima, you lock yourself away, ruin my filing system and sulk.”

  
“Don’t tell me you’re concerned for my well-being?” Izaya smirked, “I hope Seiji doesn’t find out, or who might continue to _not_ return your feelings.”  
_  
_ Namie grit her teeth and swallowed her retort. She needed him _out,_ and letting him get to her would not help with that. “You’re being pathetic.”  
  
“It’s pathetic to stay indoors?”  
  
“When you’re hiding from a fantasy, yes.” Izaya seemed unconvinced, so Namie decided to come from another angle. “Try Exposure Therapy.”  
  
“I’m not afraid of Shizu-chan, so there’s no need for that.”  
  
“If that were true, you wouldn’t be avoiding Ikebukuro.”  
  
“This and that are different things.” Izaya replied, flopping his hands around as if to illustrate his point, “I simply haven’t had any business there.”  
  
“You do. Just like last time you hid away.”  
  
Izaya stopped his chair spinning and looked toward his secretary. “I did not and am not hiding.”  
  
“Then prove it.” Namie replied with a smirk, “Get out.” _  
  
_ “I have nothing to prove to you, Namie.”  
  
“Then I’ll operate under the assumption that you’re afraid of Heiwajima. I’ll be sure to inform your clients.”  
  
Izaya’s eyes narrowed dangerously and he glared at his secretary. “You really shouldn’t do that.”  
  
“Then get out. You have business in Ikebukuro that you’ve been avoiding.”  
  
“Email me the list of-”  
  
“I already have.”  
  
“I really don’t know what I’d do without you.” Izaya smiled sweetly, “But I might just like to find out.”  
  
“Whatever.” The woman replied, getting up from her seat to walk to the kitchen. “Don’t come back for at _least_ two hours.”  
  
Izaya watched her walk away and huffed to himself. He really didn’t care what Namie or his clients thought of him, but if word ever got back to Shizu-chan…  
  
It wasn’t as if it were true anyway. He wasn’t avoiding Ikebukuro, so there wasn’t a problem. With that thought in mind, Izaya placed a tack on Namie’s chair and walked out the door.  
  
_‘Exposure therapy…’_

_**_

**_Five years ago._ **

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 _‘It should have worked.’_ That’s all Izaya could think as he filmed Shizuo’s arrest.  
  
Izaya had been planning on moving from Ikebukuro to Shinjuku for a little while, as his daily chases with Shizuo were starting to take their toll on him professionally. It was difficult to sneak around when you had a six-foot-something blonde throwing things that were never supposed to become airborne at you on a daily basis.  
  
As a going away present to himself, he’d decided to truly enrage Shizuo and see if he could finally see that animalistic look once again. It had been around four years since he’d first met Shizuo, and the dumb brute was still refusing to display it for him.  
  
It pissed Izaya off.  
  
So, as a going-away present to himself, he’d decided to give it another try. It had been simple enough to lure the beast into a chase, and all he had to do was ensure they were at the right place at the wrong time. Izaya had already been suspected by the police for something minor, and it would be incredibly easy to make it look as though Shizuo was his accomplice. _  
  
_ Which brings us to now. The beast, in all his wisdom, had decided that the best way to prove his innocence was to throw a vending machine at one of the police cars. The police, terrified, advanced all at once. It didn’t take long to restrain Shizuo against a fence, where he continued to scream obscenities and accusations.  
  
Izaya had moved out from where he’d been hiding beneath a police car and stood behind the officers as they tried to calm the blonde down. Shizuo was the only one who could see him, and began yelling incoherently. _  
  
_ _‘Show me how angry you are, Shizu-chan.’  
  
_ The beast growled and cursed, no longer able to form sentences. Izaya pulled out his phone and started to record the arrest, giggling to himself as the beast thrashed harder against his restraints. Yet, the rage never reached his eyes and Izaya was left even more frustrated than he had been to begin with.  
  
_‘It should have worked.’  
  
_ After a minute or two, the threat of being caught himself became too high and he pocketed his phone, waving at Shizuo before sprinting off. He could still hear the strangled yells after he’d run about two blocks, but he didn’t feel satisfied.  
  
He stopped in an alleyway beside a dumpster and tried to collect himself. _  
  
_ _‘It should have worked…’  
  
_ He didn’t notice that his hands had already balled into fists, and for the first time in years he was unable to control himself. He kicked the dumpster as hard as he could, the loud bang cancelling out the small cry of pain that escaped his lips. _  
  
“It should have worked.”  
  
_

Taking a breath and closing his eyes, he managed to collect himself enough to limp home, swearing that he’d try again.  
  


 

  


 

 

 

 

**  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_Earlier that morning..._ **

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[ KASUKA! KASUKA ARE YOU AWAKE YET? ]  
  
[ Is everything alright, brother? ]  
  
[ KASUKA HE’S DREAMING ABOUT ME CAN YOU BELIEVE IT HE TOLD ME LAST NIGHT WELL HE DIDN’T EXACTLY SAY IT LIKE THAT BUT YOU KNOW HOW HE IS AND CAN YOU BELIEVE IT I THINK YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY BE RIGHT AND HE’S SO CUTE WHEN HE’S FLUSTERED LIKE THAT AND- (1/7) ]  
  
Kasuka ignored his other messages, opting to call his over-excited older brother instead.  
  
_“KASUKA! DID YOU GET MY MESSAGES?”_  
  
“Yes.” Kasuka replied, trying hard not to yawn. He’d only just woken up, and having Shizuo yell at him down the phone was starting to give him a headache. “What happened?”  
  
_“HE….HE…”_ Shizuo made a series of unintelligible noises.  
  
“Brother?”  
  
“ _He… he told me… well, he told the other me anyway…_ ” Shizuo paused, having trouble deciding how finish his sentence, “ _Well, not told but, he implied that he was having dreams about me._ ”  
  
“Dreams?”  
  
“ _You know… those sorts of dreams._ ”  
  
“Those sorts of… oh.”  
  
“ _Yeah._ ” Kasuka could practically hear Shizuo’s blush through the phone. “ _Can you believe it?_ ”  
  
“Yes.” Kasuka replied honestly, “What are you going to do?”  
  
“ _What do you mean?_ ”  
  
Kasuka rolled out of bed and made his way to the kitchen, “Are you going to talk to him about it? As Shizuo?”  
  
“ _W-what? No! No!_ ”  
  
“…”  
  
“ _I can’t._ ”  
  
“Okay.” The younger Heiwajima poured himself a glass of water and took a sip, “What will you do when you see him next?”  
  
“ _Tch, the flea won’t come see me after that._ ”  
  
“And if he does?”  
  
“ _He won’t._ ”  
  
“I see.”  
  
“ _Kasuka… Do you think that maybe…_ ” Shizuo let his sentence hang, too afraid to even say it out loud in case he jinxed it.  
  
“I do.”  
  
“ _Thanks. I, uh, didn’t wake you up, did I?_ ”  
  
“No.”  
  
“ _Oh good. Well, since you’re up and everything… can I tell you what happened?_ ”  
  
Kasuka smiled inwardly and nodded his head, knowing that even though Shizuo couldn’t see it he’d get the message. What followed was a slightly awkward thirty minute rant about how cute his older brother’s unrequited love was.  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ikebukuro was once again confused by Heiwajima Shizuo. The blonde was so happy that no one would be surprised if flowers started to bloom as he walked past. The man, known as violence incarnate, was on the verge of breaking into song.  
  
He literally had a skip in his step. Not that he noticed, as he was far too busy trying to cover his face and hide his grin. The same grin that he’d had since he’d found out a certain secret about a brunette informant.  
  
The sight was so confusing that it terrified all those who he and Tom visited that day, only adding to his bliss. There had only been one person who hadn’t come up with the money they owed immediately, choosing instead to pick a fight with Shizuo.  
  
Shizuo, however, wasn’t affected by this at all. He’d merely lowered his hand to reveal his crazed smile and said “Are you _sure_ you don’t have the money?” before they almost wet themselves and paid up.  
  
Tom, on the other hand, was not in a good place. He was nursing a killer hangover and trying to forget some incredibly embarrassing memories.  
  
“I know you said that it’s fine, but I really am sorry about last night, Shizuo.”  
  
“Happens to everyone, Tom-san.” Shizuo replied, trying to keep his voice even. “Don’t worry ‘bout it.”  
  
“I’m never going to drink that much again…” Tom sighed, rubbing his forehead with his palm.  
  
“Yeah.” Shizuo turned the other way, not wanting to look insensitive by smiling like an idiot. “How many more today?”  
  
“That was the last one, actually.” Tom said as he checked his phone, “We finished really early.”  
  
“Aha.” Shizuo let a hand brush against the hidden pocket where his smart phone was. _‘When am I going to hear from you again?’  
  
_ “What do you say we go visit some of tomorrow’s list?”  
  
“Sure.” _‘Are you going to come online tonight?’_  
  
“I think I need more coffee first.” Tom tucked his phone away, “Where was that place we went last week?”  
  
“Yeah.” _‘If you have another dream, are you going to tell me about it?’_  
  
“Shizuo?”  
  
“Yeah.” _‘Please tell me about it… in detail…’  
_  
Tom waved his hand in front of Shizuo’s face. “Shizuo?”  
  
“Ah, sorry.”  
  
Tom chuckled, “You’re even happier today than you were yesterday.”  
  
“Tch.” Shizuo looked at his feet. “It’s nothing.”  
  
“Did something else happen last night?”  
  
“…no.”  
  
Tom laughed, “I really wish I knew what made you so happy. You don’t have to tell me or anything, but whatever it is must be good.”  
  
Shizuo nodded just a little. “So where are we goin’?”  
  
“Let’s grab a coff-” Tom’s face paled considerably, “Coffee. Let’s go now, okay?”  
  
“What’s wrong?”  
  
“Ah, nothing. Just need to sit down.” Tom glanced behind Shizuo nervously, “Let’s go to that place that makes those iced chocolates you like.”  
  
Shizuo stopped walking and froze to the spot. He knew what it meant when Tom got like this, and knew who must be behind him. He screwed up his face in an effort to look angry and slowly turned around. _‘You aren’t meant to be here today.’_  
  
“Shizu-chan~,” Izaya drawled, “How unpleasant it is to see you here.”  
  
Shizuo fought hard to try and keep his expression angry, but that grin kept trying to make its way back to his face. He was in a sensory overload and struggling to stay standing. “F-flea! I told you to stay out of ‘bukuro!”  
  
“Shizu-chan doesn’t _own_ Ikebukuro.” Izaya tilted his head and studied Shizuo’s face. _‘What’s wrong with your face? Are you… smiling?’_ “I can do as I please.”  
  
Shizuo clenched his fists tightly. _‘Stop smiling, idiot! You can do this, just pick up that car and toss it at him like you would any other day!’  
  
_ “Hey, Shizuo-”  
  
“Tanaka-san, I think Shizu-chan is having a stroke.” Izaya interrupted, trying to keep his trademark smirk in place. He had been annoyed before he arrived in Ikebukuro, but seeing Shizuo _happy_ had made him livid and maintaining his happy façade was difficult.  
  
“Shut up, louse.” Shizuo snapped as his face continued to contort. _‘Are you thinking about your dream, Izaya?’_  
  
“You’re even less conversational than usual today.” Izaya sighed dramatically, “All of that progress you’ve made communicating with humans appears to have been lost.”  
  
“Izaya- _kun…_ ” _‘STOP THINKING ABOUT HIS DREAM!’  
  
_ “Yes, Shizu-chan?” _‘Why are you so happy? WHY AREN’T YOU ANGRY?!’_  
  
“I’m going to give you five seconds to fuck off.” _‘I_ really _want to watch you walk away, flea.’  
  
_ “Can you even count to five?” _‘Shouldn’t you be yelling and throwing things by now? Why do you look so strange?’_  
  
“Five…” _‘Those lips… Damnit!’  
  
_ “You’re really counting!” Izaya laughed. _‘What are you doing, idiot?’  
  
_ “Four…” _‘You look so cute when you’re pissed off…’  
  
_ “Izaya, I think you should go.” Tom interjected, though no one was listening to him.  
  
“Three…” _‘I wonder what face he’d make if I caught him today…’_  
  
“Ooh, I’m so scared! I surrender!” Izaya threw his arms above his head in mock surrender. ‘ _If you’re this happy, then maybe those rumours about you having a girlfriend are more accurate than I thought…’  
  
_ “Two…” Shizuo took the few steps over to the vending machine and hugged it in preparation. He looked over his shoulder at Izaya, who gave him his best smirk. “One.”  
  
Tom sighed and shook his head before jogging away. Shizuo no longer tried to hide his smile and lifted the machine over his head easily. “Last chance to run, flea.”  
  
“I wonder, can you count as high as ten?” _‘…am I dreaming again? Wait, no! GET ANGRY SHIZU-CHAN!’_  
  
With a loud grunt, Shizuo threw the vending machine at Izaya who side stepped it quickly before sprinting down the street.  
  
“OI! GET BACK HERE!” Shizuo yelled, taking off after him.  
  
Izaya laughed loudly and picked up the pace. For the first time since he could remember, he was truly terrified of being caught by the Monster of Ikebukuro. “No thanks, Shizu-chan! Don’t feel like dying today!”  
  
He heard the sound of groaning metal floating through the air and looked back just in time to see a street sign flying toward him. Smiling, he took a turn down an alley, dodging it at the last second. He sprinted down the alleyway to a street, then down another alley. Navigating his way through a maze that only he knew about, he ran even after he was sure the beast was no longer chasing him.  
  
It was only when he slowed down that he realised where he was.  
  
It was the same alley from his dreams and memories. He couldn’t remember running here deliberately and stumbled once he realised he must have done it unconsciously. He looked behind him nervously, praying to whatever might listen that he’d managed to shake Shizuo.  
  
“Gotcha!”  
  
Strong hands gripped his shoulders and shoved him into a wall, forcefully pushing the air from his lungs. ‘ _Fuck._ ’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliiifffhhhaannnnggeeerrr!
> 
> Alright, I know that Shizuo talking about Occam's Razor and Schrödinger's Cat might _seem_ OOC, but try to bear with it a little! Shizuo does like to read (and he does like cats), so... maybe? Haha.
> 
> Thank you for reading! You're all so wonderful and make me feel like some sort of writer! Sorry about leaving this on a cliffhanger, but... I think I might be a sadist. Also, thank you for all the lovely comments! Some of you even found me on Tumblr, and I feel incredibly special now! :D
> 
> <3


	12. Chapter 11

**_Five years ago_ **

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“Hello?”  
  
“ _Hello, this is Officer Mori from the Ikebukuro Police Department. Am I speaking with Heiwajima Kasuka?_ ”  
  
“Yes.” Kasuka replied, “Did something happen to my brother?”  
  
“ _I’m afraid I’m unable to say. Are you Heiwajima Shizuo’s brother?_ ”  
  
“Yes…”  
  
“ _Very well. Please hold the line._ ”  
  
Awful waiting music came through the phone and started Kasuka began to pace in his living room. He’d been expecting this call, but that didn’t stop him from being nervous.  
  
“ _Kasuka?_ ”  
  
“Brother, are you alright?”  
  
“ _Yeah, ‘m fine. Lis-_ ”  
  
“How much is your bail?” Kasuka asked as he was pulling on his shoes.  
  
“ _No, liste-_ ”  
  
“I should be there shortly, so please don’t worry.”  
  
“ _Kasuka. Listen,_ ” Shizuo tried again, lowering the volume of his voice. Kasuka stopped what he was doing, resting a hand on the handle of his front door. “ _Don’t come to the station._ ”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“ _You can’t be seen here, it would be bad for your career._ ”  
  
“That doe-”  
  
“ _It does matter. We’ve talked about this._ ” Shizuo sighed, and Kasuka could almost see a hand running through bleached hair, “ _I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have called you at all. I just… I need your help._ ”  
  
“…what do you need?”  
  
“ _You remember what we talked about?_ ”  
  
Kasuka paused, trying to remember their earlier conversation. “Yes.”  
  
“ _Okay, I hate to ask but, I need you to go take care of that. Do you remember how to log into the chatroom?_ ”  
  
“Brother, you’re in jail.” Kasuka said, ignoring his brother’s question, “Getting you out is more important.”  
  
“ _Don’t worry about that, I’ll be out shortly anyway._ ” Shizuo laughed a little, but it sounded strained, “ _It’s all taken care of, so I’ll probably be given probation._ ”  
  
“Probation? But you didn’t do anything.”  
  
“ _Well, I might have gotten a bit carried away and destroyed a police car…_ ”  
  
“…”  
  
“ _I’m really sorry, Kasuka. I know I’m a terrible brother, but there’s no one else I can ask. You know how important this is._ ”  
  
Kasuka bit back a sigh and nodded. “Okay.”  
  
“ _Thanks Kasuka. Uh, I’m sorry to be rude but I’ve got to g-_ ” Shizuo’s voice was cut off and replaced with an automated message. Kasuka hung up and leaned his head against the wall.  
  
He didn’t want to be Tsukumoya tonight. He didn’t want to talk to the man who had framed his brother. He wanted to go to the police station and raise hell. He wanted to free his brother and clear his name. He wanted to scream at Izaya for being so blind and have people recognise just how angry he was.  
  
He could still clearly recall each time that Shizuo had come home an emotional wreck, holding back the tears and slinking into the bathroom to soak himself. He could still see the pain etched into those features _every single time_ something like this happened to him. It wasn’t _fair._ His brother deserved so much better than this.  
  
_‘I swore to help him even if it meant watching him burn.’  
  
_ Against every one of his instincts, Kasuka toed off his shoes and walked back into the house, quickly locating his laptop. Opening up a browser, he made his way to his brother’s chatroom and signed in. All he’d have to do is wait and pray that he didn’t let his anger get the best of him.  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  


Shizuo might not have been the idiot that Izaya thought he was, but that didn’t mean he didn’t prefer it when things were simple. There was no need to over-complicate a situation just because you could, and there was rarely any benefit in over thinking for the sake of it.  
  
Of course, that didn’t mean he was incapable of handling a complicated situation, but today was a day that he had _really_ needed to be simple. After the new information he’d received from a certain informant the night before, he didn’t trust himself enough to play his role correctly.  
  
Izaya, apparently, was also struggling with this change. He’d been easy to predict, running the same route he had at least three times before which would lead Shizuo to being hit by a car or truck. Shizuo really hadn’t wanted to go flying through the air today (as there was no telling what he might babble about should he suffer a head injury), and had decided to cut Izaya off at the other end of the alley.  
  
He’d rounded it just in time to watch Izaya stumble. Shizuo looked around him, finding too many people watching to walk away.  
  
_‘Shit.’  
  
_ He took a few steps down the alleyway, eyes darting around in case Izaya had set up a trap. Seeing nothing strange, he walked a little faster. Izaya was looking behind him and hadn’t noticed him approaching. Shizuo swallowed the lump in his throat and reached out his hands-  
  
“Gotcha!”  
  
He gripped the thin shoulders firmly and shoved Izaya against the wall, noticing the small gasp the smaller man let out after the impact.  
  
_‘WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO NOW?’_

  
Shizuo tightened his grip a little and grinned down at Izaya, trying to make it as cruel looking as possible. “Gotcha, flea!” _‘What do I do? WHAT DO I DO?!’  
  
_ Izaya gave him a strange look that was quickly hidden by a smirk. _‘Am I dreaming again? This is a dream, right? There’s no way Shizu-chan could actually catch me so I must be lucid dreaming!’  
  
_ “Nothin’ to say?” Shizuo growled, “I told to you stay outta Ikebukuro!” _‘Look at his eyes, don’t look at his lips, idiot!’_  
  
“You’re always so violent, Shizu-chan.” _‘Don’t get an erection, don’t get an erection, you’re better than this!’_  
  
“And you’re always a shitty flea!” Shizuo growled, leaning in slightly _‘Shit! Why did I lean in? God, he smells so good. Focusfocusfocus! Don’t kiss him!’  
  
_ “And you’re a monster. Let me go.” _‘Don’t look at him! If I’m lucid dreaming, I can change this!’  
  
_ “You want me to let you go?” Shizuo laughed and tightened his grip again, feeling the fragile bones beneath his fingertips. “Then beg me.” _‘WHY WOULD I SAY THAT? FUCK, DON’T BEG!’_  
  
“…” Izaya’s eyes narrowed and he pushed himself further into the wall. _‘I am_ not _a masochist and this is not a turn on!’  
  
_ Shizuo tilted his head in confusion. Izaya was acting strangely and his mask kept slipping. He released the brunette’s shoulders and grabbed his wrists instead, pinning them above his head.  “You plannin’ something?” He growled, hoping that using the same line he had used a hundred times before could buy him some time so he could figure out what to do. _‘Fuck, this is even worse! Why did I think pinning him like this was a good idea?’_  
  
“That’s none of your concern.” Izaya replied calmly. “Let me go, Shizu-chan.” _‘KEEP IT TOGETHER!’_  
  
“I told ya, I’ll let you go if you beg me.” _‘DON’T YOU DARE BEG ME!’_  
  
“I’m _not_ begging you.” Izaya spat, trying to wriggle free. _‘Not good, not good! It’s too hot, he’s too close, I can’t breathe…’_  
  
Shizuo chuckled at Izaya’s attempt to escape and instinctively moved himself closer, only to regret it instantly. He hadn’t noticed the slight bulge in his pants that was now dangerously close to touching the informant until it was too late. ‘ _Oh fuck! NO, NO, NO! NOT HERE, DON’T DO THIS!_ ’  
  
Luckily for Shizuo, Izaya was having a pants problem of his own and kept his hips pressed into the wall and far away from him. Neither of the men chanced a look down, lest they alert the other of their current problem.  
  
Izaya stopped struggling and turned his face so he could stare directly into those hazel eyes. The men looked at each other in silence for a moment longer than what was natural before Shizuo looked away.  
  
“I should kill you.” He growled, “If I let you go, you’re just going to go fuck up someone else’s day.”  
  
“Would you prefer it if I just fucked yours up?”  
  
“Tch.” _‘Don’t say ‘fuck’ like that! Don’t say that right now!’_ Shizuo took a step backward and released Izaya’s wrists so he could pull out a cigarette.   
  
“Don’t tell me Shizu-chan is all talk?” Izaya lowered his arms slowly, not sure of what was happening. “I thought you wanted to kill me.” _‘Or fuck me, if this is a dream.’_  
  
“Just piss off back to Shinjuku.” Shizuo muttered as he began to walk away. “Stay out of ‘bukuro.”  
  
“Make me.” Izaya teased before he could stop himself. He had a rather urgent problem to take care of but he couldn’t help teasing the beast, especially when he was acting so strangely.  
  
Shizuo stopped walking but didn’t turn to face him. “Run, flea.” _‘Run because I don’t trust myself to hold back anymore and if you stay here I’ll recreate every one of your dreams.’_  
  
“Where’s the fun in that?” Izaya asked cautiously. This was starting to sound all too familiar and it was making him nervous.  
  
“Fun?” Shizuo chuckled, “The fun part is what happens when I catch you next.” _‘DON’T TRY TO SEDUCE HIM, IDIOT!’_  
  
“Shizu-chan wouldn’t be able to catch me twice.” Izaya said, echoing his dreams. _‘WHAT AM I DOING?’  
  
_ Shizuo dropped his cigarette and crushed it under his shoe before slowly turning around. The blonde had held himself back for eight _long_ years, and was struggling to keep his hands and mouth off the object of his affections.   
  
Izaya’s smirk fell from his face and he found himself starring at those eyes filled once again with things he couldn’t understand. The rage he’d longed for was still absent, but there was something else, something primal there that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up.  
  
It made him feel like prey, and he had the sudden urge to run screaming but his body wouldn’t move. Shizuo grinned grew larger, flashing teeth that shouldn’t be nearly as white as they were, and stalked back toward the informant.   
  
Izaya’s eyes widened momentarily as he took in the scene before him, searing it into his memory for later. He wasn’t dreaming. Shizuo had never looked this ~~amazing~~ _dangerous_ in his dreams. The beast stopped just in front of him, leaving him room to escape on both sides, then leaned his head toward his captive.  
  
“Don’t underestimate me, Izaya- _kun_.” _‘Because I would chase you anywhere.’  
  
_ Izaya whimpered before he could stop himself.  
  
Shizuo froze, unsure of what had just happened. _‘Did he just…’_  
  
“…”  
  
“…”  
  
Embarrassment flooded Izaya’s senses allowing him to reclaim control of his body. Taking advantage of Shizuo’s shock, he pushed himself off the wall and dodged the beast, sprinting toward the exit. He yelled a shaky “Bye-bye, Shizu-chan! Better luck next time!” over his shoulder and tried to convince himself that the _noise_ he made was all a part of some plot to confuse the blonde.  
  
Shizuo remained still, staring at the bricks in front of him as if Izaya were still there. He felt as though his limbs were ten times heavier than they had been a minute ago and as if all the air had been knocked out of him. Something in the back of his head tried to warn him that such a reaction was dangerous and that it would definitely be used against him in the future, but he couldn’t care.   
  
Not now. Not when Orihara fucking _Izaya_ had _whimpered_ like _that_ in from of _him._ No, whimpered _because of him_. Shizuo had heard many people make many noises over the years when he stood toe-to-toe with them, but they’d always sounded fearful.  
  
Izaya had sounded almost… ~~aroused~~ hopeful. As if he were waiting for Shizuo to-  
  
“ ** _DAMNIT_**!”  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_Five years ago_ **

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**Orihara Izaya, reborn!  
  
  
Orihara Izaya**

Good evening~  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Good evening.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

You’ve been busy.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** Ah, you heard about that, did you?

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Of course. I must say, I did think framing Shizuo was beneath you.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

Framing? Ha!  
  


**Orihara Izaya**

Just because he didn’t commit this crime doesn’t mean he hasn’t committed any.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

It’s not as if the charges will stick, anyway.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Setting him up as your accomplice was an interesting move.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

I don’t see how it was interesting. It just suited my purposes.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

It’s all a bit Freudian, don’t you think?

 

**Orihara Izaya**

Freudian? My desire to ruin the monster’s life isn’t a repressed wish, Tsukumoya.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

It wouldn’t surprise me if all of Tokyo knew.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

I was speaking about your unconscious desire to have him as your accomplice.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

Hahaha!

 

**Orihara Izaya**

That’s a stretch even for you.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

Is it? If you had wanted to get Shizuo arrested, aren’t there many other ways? You yourself said that he’d broken the law many times before.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

He’s nothing more than a distraction.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

**  
**

If you say so.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya**

Your imagination and idiocy never ceases to amaze me.  
  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

If that were correct, you wouldn’t have come to me to brag about it.  
  


**Orihara Izaya**

You’re being a pain tonight. Don’t tell me you feel sorry for that beast.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

The only one I feel sorry for is you, Orihara.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

You don’t have anyone else in your life who will speak to you, do you?  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya, confirmed dead!**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_‘What..?’  
  
_ Shizuo still hadn’t moved, still looking at the bricks in front of him as if they might offer some insight into what had just occurred. It had to be a trick, right? Somehow, Izaya had known that making that noise would shock Shizuo and give him time to escape.  
  
Or did Izaya _know_?   
  
_‘Don’t be stupid, there’s no way he’d pick up on it now.’_  
  
It had been eight years and the brunette had never mentioned it before. In the unlikely event that he _did_ know how Shizuo felt, he would have done more than whimper. He’d be teasing and flirting, trying to make Shizuo feel even worse than he already did. Shit, the flea was more likely to send Shizuo a sex video just to hurt him than he was to ignore it and fucking _whimper_.  
  
Shizuo was only vaguely aware of his flip phone ringing, and it wasn’t until the third call that he was able to find his way out of his thoughts. He pulled it out of his pocket slowly and tried to read the name on the notifications, but couldn’t concentrate enough to decipher it.  
  
“Probably just Tom-san…” He muttered, calling his senpai.  
  
“ _Shizuo! Are you alright?_ ”  
  
“Yeah. Sorry...”  
  
“ _You’ve been gone for hours! I thought you might have… It’s not important. Where are you?_ ”  
  
“Oh, uh, I’m in an alley.”  
  
“ _…_ ”  
  
“Are you near the park? I can come meet you?” Shizuo offered. He didn’t really feel like talking, but he didn’t want to be alone either.  
  
“ _Okay…_ ” Tom sighed, “ _Are you sure you’re alright? You sound a little strange._ ”  
  
“Yeah, I’m fine. See you soon.”  
  
Shizuo ended the call and dropped his hand to his side, letting the phone dangle from his fingertips. “What the hell was that, flea?” After taking another moment to compose himself, Shizuo pulled out his cigarettes and lit one up.   
  
_Zrrt-Zrrt._

  
“Tch. Didn’t think you’d come online so fast.” He bit the cigarette and reached into his hidden pocket, pulling out his smart phone. He squinted at the screen, confused by what he saw. “…Yagiri Namie?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“So, did you confess?” Namie asked when she heard the door slam.  
  
“Shut up, Namie.”  
  
“Don’t tell me he doesn’t return your feelings?” She continued, not bothering to mask her amusement. “I was sure that he would. He _does_ chase you around like a child.”  
  
“Namie.” Izaya hissed, walking into her line of sight, “Not today.”  
  
“Do you need me to buy you some chocolate?”  
  
“…”  
  
Namie laughed to herself, enjoying Izaya’s surprisingly candid reactions. “Whatever happened, you need to get over it. I don’t want you moping when you have work to do. It’s disgusting.”  
  
“I’m not _moping_ , and I have no work to do.”  
  
“You do.” She replied, “I can’t do everything for you.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“I don’t want to,” She replied, “and lovesickness is not an excuse to slack off. Unless you’re having trouble sitting?”  
  
“I thought your love for your brother was stronger than this.” Izaya sneered, “To put him in danger, just because you want to insult me instead of doing your job…”  
  
“If you dare lay a finger on Seiji, I’ll release the video I took of your little dream on the internet.”  
  
Izaya chuckled, “Your bluff won’t work on me, Namie-san.”  
  
“Who says it’s a bluff?” Namie replied, looking away from her computer, “I’ll make sure to send Heiwajima a copy first, of course.”  
  
Izaya gave his secretary a terrifying look. “I will kill you.”  
  
“I’ve taken precautions, obviously.”   
  
“What sort of precautions?” Izaya asked. He had a sinking feeling that his secretary wasn’t bluffing after all.  
  
Namie just smiled.  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Sorry again, Tom-san.” Shizuo mumbled over his cigarette as the two men sat on his favourite bench in the park. “I’ll… try harder next time.”  
  
“Its fine, Shizuo.” Tom replied. Both of them knew that it was far from fine or even normal, but Tom was sure the chases wouldn’t stop even if Shizuo wanted them to. “I can’t say I expected you to look so… uninjured, though.”  
  
“Huh? Why?”  
  
“You were gone for a while, but…” Tom scratched his temple with a finger and looked to the sky, “On the phone, you sounded really strange. And you don’t seem as happy now.”  
  
“Tch, who’d be happy when ‘bukuro is infested?”  
  
“You don’t sound unhappy either.” Tom chuckled cautiously, “You know, if you _did_ go a little overboard today-”  
  
“I didn’t kill him.” Shizuo said a little more loudly than he’d intended to, “Even if I did, I wouldn’t get you involved.”  
  
“Ah, sorry Shizuo. I didn’t mean to sound like I didn’t believe you. Ah, I’m really no good at this sort of thing.” Tom stood and laid a hand on his kohai’s shoulder. “Why don’t you take tomorrow off? Get your thoughts together.”  
  
Shizuo wanted to argue but knew it was useless. “Thanks.”  
  
“Good. I’m going back to the office, so you can head home whenever you like.”   
  
Shizuo mumbled a farewell and watched Tom leave. He felt guilty for running off, and confused by what he’d heard earlier. He wanted to talk to Kasuka about it, but he felt bad enough for calling him earlier that morning.  
  
Pulling out his phone, he flipped through his contact list. He didn’t have that many people saved, and there were few he knew who’d keep a secret. He pocketed his device and leaned backward, watching the clouds move slowly overhead.  
  
There was also that message from Namie to worry about. He’d never contacted the woman before, and he had no idea why she’d choose to speak with him now, let alone send him a file. He took a final drag on his cigarette and butted it out, and his fingers itched for his other phone. The message she’d sent had been simple enough to memorise, but he wanted to read it again just in case there was more to it.   
  
[ Orihara is an idiot. If he kills me, send this to Shizuo and upload it to the internet. Open it if you want, or don’t. I don’t care. ]  
  
Shizuo was curious and wanted to open the file, but he’d never once invaded Izaya’s privacy more than he’d needed to in the past. He’d made the conscious decision to store the file away for safe keeping and _not_ open it, but what if the informant was in trouble?  
  
Maybe Namie was blackmailing him into doing something he didn’t want to do? Or perhaps Izaya was at the centre of some dangerous plot that would see him injured or killed?  
  
Shizuo scoffed. _‘He’s always in the centre of some stupid plot.’_  
   
The familiar neigh of a horse drew his attention to away from his situation and toward the dullahan who had just parked in front of him.  
  
“Yo, Celty.”  
  
Celty dismounted and walked quickly over to the blonde, typing on her PDA as she walked. [ Hello, Shizuo. Is everything alright? ]  
  
“Huh? Fine… Why’s everyone asking me that?”  
  
[ You look a bit strange. ]  
  
[ Not strange in a bad way! Just… confused? ]  
  
Shizuo chuckled, “Yeah, guess I am.”  
  
Celty took a seat next to him on the bench. [ Do you want to talk about it? I have a little time… ]  
  
“Nah, it’s alright.”  
  
Celty nodded and lowered her PDA. She had known Shizuo ever since he was a teenager was sure that if she just waited in silence for a litt-  
  
“Celty, can I ask you a personal question?”  
  
Celty nodded slowly, unsure of where this was going.  
  
“You love Shinra, right? Even though he’s a dumbass?”  
  
Celty’s shoulders shook in silent laughter despite the embarrassing question. [ I… Yes... I don’t… I… ]  
  
Shizuo smiled at her reaction and held up a hand, “Sorry. Didn’t mean to embarrass you.”  
  
[ It’s fine. But… why are you asking? ]  
  
“Well… you hit him a lot right?”

[ Because he deserves it! You’ve heard what he says! ]  
  
“But you love him even though you hurt him?”  
  
Celty’s fingers twitched over her keypad, and she settled for a nod.   
  
“Right. That’s what I thought.”   
  
[ What’s going on, Shizuo? ]  
  
“Ah, nothing, nothing.” Shizuo ran a hand through his bleached hair and closed his eyes, “Jus’ thinking, that’s all.”  
  
[ Does this have something to do with that rumour the other day? ]  
  
“Huh? I told you already, that was Kasuka’s girlfriend Ruri-chan.”  
  
[ That doesn’t mean you don’t like someone… and you’ve been so happy lately! :D ]  
  
“Tch.” Shizuo readjusted his glasses and stood up, “There’s no woman, that I can promise you.”  
  
[ You know I wouldn’t tell Shinra, right? ]  
  
“Heh, I know. And I’d definitely tell you.”  
  
[ Then… Why are you so happy lately? ]

[ Not that it’s a bad thing! It’s a really good thing! ]  
  
“Ah, there’s no reason. Just am, I guess.” Shizuo yawned and covered his mouth, “Sorry, didn’t get much sleep last night.”  
  
[ If you’ve finished work I can give you a ride home. ]  
  
“I don’t want to put you to any trouble…”  
  
[ It’s fine :) Let’s go. ]  
  
Celty created a helmet from her shadows as she stood up and tossed it to Shizuo before walking back to Shooter. She looked at him expectantly once she mounted, waiting for him to walk over. Shizuo gave a shrug and followed her, looking forward to the ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late late late and smaller than it should have been! This was meant to be uploaded hours ago, but life got in the way I'm afraid! Don't worry though, I'll be sure to make it up to all of you. 
> 
> Anywayyy! Thank you for reading! Sorrynotsorry for making you think that a steamy alleyway encounter might happen. :D There's always next time ;)
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter! Please point out any typos you might spot. <3


	13. Chapter 12

I have a confession to make to whoever takes the time to read my blog. This is difficult for me, but I feel that it’s time to stop being a coward and to face my readers honestly.  
  
I, Tsukumoya Shinichi, haven’t always been this intelligent.  
  
I know, it’s a shock. I hope you don’t feel as though I’ve misled you, it was never my intention to betray your trust or to hurt you like this. I’ll explain a little more before you decide to never read my blog again.  
  
As I was saying, my intelligence did not seem to come naturally. In fact, it’s a learned behaviour. Intelligence became a necessity, and therefore I decided to become intelligent. It seems impossible, but I assure you it isn’t (I’m living proof, after all).  
  
How did I manage this feat? It was simple really, all I needed to do was read. I decided to read and learn as much as I could so that I could know as much as possible. All of that practice is probably what led to me becoming Tokyo’s _number_ _one_ informant.  
  
In addition to reading, I also took it upon myself to learn one new word a day and to use it in a sentence. This is a habit that has stayed with me over the years, and it has allowed me to exponentially expand my vocabulary. As I’ve decided to be honest, I’ve decided to share my word for today with you along with its definition:   
_  
Cratolagnia: Sexual arousal from displays of strength.  
_  
Isn’t learning fun? This is a relatively new and unheard of term that I only discovered today on my continued journey to greater intelligence. Yes, yes. I know what you’re thinking:   
  
“Tsukumoya, isn’t that the same as Sthenolagnia?”  
  
That’s a fantastic question. Whilst Sthenolagnia and Cratolagnia are quite similar, they do have one difference. Sthenolagnia refers to sexual arousal caused by muscles (large ones) and displays of strength, whereas Cratolagnia is sexual arousal caused only by strength.  
  
Fascinating, isn’t it?  
  
I suppose that it shouldn’t be all that surprising really. Research has suggested that there is a link between sex and violence in the human brain. Now, this research is based on experiments done on male mice (though Nebula may have taken it a step further), but it shouldn’t be that dissimilar from a human response.  
  
From what I can understand, violence and sex are controlled by intersecting parts of the brain. The overlapping area of cells is within the hypothalamus, and they act as a sort of ‘switch’ to decide whether it’s time to mate or fight. However, some of the same neurons fire during both of these behaviours. Therefore, when one is particularly violent, their brain is having a similar reaction to when they are quite aroused.

It sounds a little bizarre, but given that anger and anxiety can also have a direct link to arousal and attraction, it shouldn’t be too hard to believe.   
  
So what does all of this mean?  
  
I suppose I could begin to lecture you on the dangers of violent video games, or make a rather convincing yet utterly ridiculous argument on how said games are responsible for rape. Those might be fun, but they aren’t exactly what I had in mind.  
  
Instead, how about we question as to how a person might react when observing great feats of strength. Let’s say a person (it doesn’t matter who) is quite violent both verbally and physically, using a weapon, let’s say a knife, against their enemies and burning them with their words.

If that person were to witness an impressive show of violent strength (such as Heiwajima Shizuo’s), what would happen? If the observer is already acting violently and becomes angered by the person displaying their strength, one could almost assume that the observer would become aroused.  
  
Of course, this is merely conjecture on my part. I have no evidence that this could happen, and no one I can think of to ask about it. I have _no_ _idea_ who might be a mixture of anger, violence, and adrenaline when watching incredible feats of strength on a semi-regular basis.  
  
Ah, I suppose it’s a mystery. If you know of anyone who fits this description, please contact me via my chatroom. I’d love to discuss this further.  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Namie…” Izaya called in a voice barely above a whisper.  
  
“What?”  
  
“ _Namie._ ” He repeated, his tone sounding infinitely more dangerous. “What did you _do_ , Namie?”  
  
The secretary slowed her typing slightly as she thought about the question, “Which act of mine are you referring to?”  
  
“ _Tsukumoya_.”  
  
“Ah, he opened it then?” She replied absent-mindedly, the corner of her mouth twitching slightly “I can’t say I’m surprised. He is an informant li-”  
  
“Out.”  
  
Namie’s eyes darted toward Izaya’s desk and she immediately stopped what she was doing and started collecting her things. Izaya was radiating a sort of heat, a heat that made her want to run screaming- something that warned her about the many different ways her employer could ruin her life without ever leaving his swivel chair.  
  
Izaya turned his back to her as she left, listening as her heels clacked on the floors loudly before reaching the door. She paused for a moment as if she had wanted to say something, but ended up thinking better of it and leaving.

Izaya dropped his mask immediately, face contorting into an incredibly displeased frown whilst his cheeks became a near-unnoticeable shade of pink. He was furious, humiliated, angry, and _not_ aroused because those studies are _bullshit_ and even if they weren’t they didn’t apply to _him_.  
  
Orihara Izaya is a god among men and does _not_ have a traitorous hypothalamus. He allowed himself a full minute of indignation and rage before attempting to compose himself. Once he’d been able to at least feign calm, he turned back to his computer and stared at the screen, drawing up a plan in his mind.  
  
First of all, he’d find that rat bastard Tsukumoya and figure out a way make him hurt in ways he wasn’t aware he could. New and inventive methods that would haunt even his grandchildren.  
  
Second, he was going to punish Namie severely in a wide variety of ways, starting with that brother of hers.  
  
Third, he was going to stop having dreams about Shizuo. After their last altercation, Izaya had done some serious thinking and was certain that he’d discovered the answer to stopping that problem once and for all. It wasn’t a solution that he particularly looked forward to (so he told himself), but it was one that would grant him emancipation from these ridiculous _feelings_.  
  
That solution, however, required a steady hand and careful planning, which meant that he would have to get rid of other annoyances first. Cracking his knuckles, he lowered his fingers to the keyboard and let his trademark smirk fall on his lips. He’d find Tsukumoya this time, and he’d make sure to destroy him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shizuo was still sitting in bed, wrapped up in blankets and looking at the email Namie had sent him. He was still arguing with himself over whether it would be acceptable to open the attachment, but so far couldn’t bring himself to do so.   
  
He’d tried reasoning with himself by saying it was probably just a text document, but it was far too large for him to believe that. It had to be a video of some description. But of what? It must be something Izaya didn’t want anyone to see if his secretary had sent it to him for safe keeping.   
  
The list of possibilities was almost endless. Izaya wasn’t exactly the definition of innocent, so it could range from a murder video to a sex tape.   
  
_‘A sex tape…’  
_  
Shizuo groaned and covered his face with his pillow, trying to will the thought away. It still hurt to think about the time he knew Izaya had sex in high school with that stupid girl just because he thought Shizuo had a crush on her. Though he’d never heard of the informant sleeping with anyone else he couldn’t rule out the possibility.

It was a nightmare to think about, and he didn’t trust himself to contain his reaction should the video be something that awful. On the other hand, he had a self-imposed duty to protect the brunette and he couldn’t protect him against a threat that he wasn’t aware of.  
  
‘ _Maybe Kasuka could watch it?_ ’  
  
Shizuo shook his head under the pillow. He couldn’t keep dragging his younger brother into this mess. It was too much of a risk, because if Izaya ever found out what Shizuo had been doing it was already a death sentence. Kasuka didn’t need to be involved in that.  
  
No, there was only one thing he could do. He had to get advice from someone who was as obsessively in love as he was. No matter how ridiculous the thought was, Shizuo decided that the only person who could help him was Shinra.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
**_Eight years ago._**

****

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****

****

 

 

   


 

  
“But how do you know?” Shizuo asked his bespectacled friend once again, his patience running thin. He’d been listening to ramble on incessantly about Celty for a solid fifteen minutes, and still hadn’t received an answer to his original question. He’d been beginning to wonder whether asking Shinra to meet him on the roof for a chat had been worth it at all.  
  
“Huh? Know what?” Shinra replied.  
  
“How do you know you love her and it’s not, y’know, just because you want to…” Shizuo let his sentence go unfinished and looked away, embarrassed. Sure, they might be men but that didn’t mean that it was decent to discuss _that_.  
  
Shinra laughed at the blondes modest reaction, “Oh, I want to do that too! I don’t know that I’d be able to wait for our wedding night actually, not when Celty-”  
  
“Shinra.” Shizuo growled, hoping to prevent another mindless ramble.  
  
“Sorry, sorry! I just can’t help myself!” Shinra sighed and placed his elbows on his knees, resting his face in his palms. “But that’s how I know!”  
  
“Eh?”  
  
“I just can’t stop myself when it comes to her.” Shinra elaborated, “I think about her every minute of every day, and dream about her whenever I’m asleep! I can’t picture my life without her in it, and I wouldn’t want a life without her anyway.”  
  
“I see…”  
  
“That’s why I’ll never let her go.” Shinra’s face became serious, “Even if it’s what’s best for her, I won’t let her run away.”  
  
“That’s doesn’t sound like love, Shinra.”  
  
“It is love, and I’m selfish.” Shinra paused for a moment to collect his thoughts, “Even if she hates me, I can love her enough for both of us. She’s mine, and I’m hers, whether she likes it or not. I’d follow her anywhere, and I’m willing to be the bad guy if it means she’s safe and we’re together.”  
  
“…what if she hates you?”  
  
“I’d still follow her.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Love isn’t held back by things like hate, Shizuo. It’s an unstoppable force.” Shinra smiled at Shizuo who was still looking away. “Besides, if she hated me I’d still have a chance! It’s a strong emotion, almost as strong as love.”  
  
“Right.”  
  
“So, is he in trouble?”  
  
“Ye-What? Who?” Shizuo stuttered, face turning red. He turned back to Shinra and attempted to look threatening, “What are you saying?”  
  
Shinra swallowed a laugh and smiled knowingly, “Kasuka-kun. You love him a lot, right?”  
  
“‘Course. He’s my brother.” Shizuo’s heart pounded loudly in his ears.  
  
“I don’t think he hates you, Shizuo-kun.”  
  
“…”  
  
“I think if you give it some time, he might realise he loves you just as much.”  
  
“Tch,” Shizuo rose to his feet and dusted himself off, “Shouldn’t talk like that about someone’s family. People’ll get the wrong idea.”  
  
Shinra laughed and nodded his head, watching as a confused Shizuo went back inside the school. “And they say I’m obsessed.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Izaya stared at his computer in disbelief. He mentally ran through the list of steps he’d taken to get to where he was, and there was no mistake. He’d finally found something of Tsukumoya’s, but it wasn’t exactly what he’d expected.  
  
In fact, it was ridiculous.   
  
He furrowed his brows and thoroughly inspected the website. There was nothing hidden and it didn’t appear to be a front for anything. It was exactly what it looked like- A website dedicated to cat facts and photographs.  
  
“What…” He clicked through the pages and studied the text. Surely there had to be _some_ sort of hidden message in here. Tsukumoya sneakier than Izaya was and constantly one-upping him, so there had to be more to this than it seemed.  
  
He spied a photograph of twelve cats sleeping on a bed and read the caption out loud:   
  
“’A group of cats is called a ‘clowder’. If I had that many cats, I’d be on Clowder Nine’… Ugh.” Izaya didn’t bother to mask his disgust at the pun, and instead navigated his way to a page named ‘Celebrity Cats.’  
  
The page was full of media photographs of celebrities and their cats, though there were slightly more casual ones mixed in. The cat, named Dokusonmaru, had the most pictures of itself on the site but didn’t have its owners name published. It was something that gave Izaya pause, but he didn’t think too hard about it.  
  
With an exaggerated sigh, he stood up and backed away from the computer. He’d definitely need more caffeine if he were to scour this tedious website for clues.  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
“H-Heiwajima Shizuo!” The thug stuttered as he attempted to move away.   
  
“If you don’t stay still I can’t dig this bullet out.” Shinra said sternly, using one hand to hold a bleeding leg in place whilst the other reached for something sharp and shiny. “Shizuo-kun, if you insist on chatting whilst I work, could you at least help me out?”  
  
Shizuo frowned and grunted something that sounded like a curse before walking over to the quivering man. The man, a low level yakuza thug, whimpered in fear and tried to move away. Shizuo rolled his eyes and pushed him onto the table, resting one hand on his thigh and the other on his chest to keep him in place.  
  
“Didn’t realise you’d be workin’.”  
  
“Neither did I,” Shinra sighed, “I wanted to make up a nice romantic dinner for Celty and I.”  
  
“For Celty? But she ca-”  
  
“Yes, yes. I know, but she can still watch me eat and it would be so _romantic_ and afterward we’d have dessert! I was going to whip some cream and melt some chocolate and pour them all over he-”  
  
“ _Shinra_.” Shizuo warned. He really didn’t want to know where the rest of that sentence was heading. The thug made a small noise in pain, and Shizuo moved his hands slightly. No matter how well he could control his anger now, he still often forgot how strong he was. “Sorry.”  
  
“What was it you wanted to talk about?”  
  
“Uh…” Shizuo furrowed his brow slightly, trying to figure out how to ask his question without sounding suspicious. “Well, I wanted… some… advice.”  
  
“Trouble with Kasuka again?” Shinra beamed, ignoring the gasp of pain from his patient once he began digging around for the bullet.  
  
“Yeah… Y’see, I was given something of his by…”  
  
“His manager?”  
  
“Yeah. His manager gave me something but wasn’t ‘sposed to. And I don’t know if I should watch it or not.”  
  
“I see.”  
  
“I mean, I want to see what it is, just in case he’s in trouble or something, y’know? But I don’t want to invade his privacy either.”  
  
“And you can’t ask him about it?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Right.” Shinra pulled out the bullet and dropped it into a small tin next to him. “Well, if it were me and Celty, I’d watch it.”  
  
“Even if she’d be mad at you for it?”  
  
“Yes. Though, she’d never find out I had it.”  
  
“Right…”  
  
“But I guess it’s different, because our relationships are different. You can let him go now.”  
  
“I’ve tried to, but I can’t! It’s not that ea-”  
  
“No, Shizuo-kun.” Shinra stood up and pulled off his gloves, a mocking smile trying to make itself known, “You can let _him_ go now.”  
  
“…”  Shizuo released the thug as if he’d been burnt and moved away from him.  
  
“U-um, H-Heiwajima-san?” The thug stuttered, sounding terrified.  
  
“What?”   
  
“I… I don’t think you remember me, but you beat me up a few weeks ago…”  
  
“Huh?” Shizuo spun around and narrowed his eyes, “You pickin’ a fight then?”  
  
“No! No!” The thug replied panicking, “B-but you said I should take r-responsibility so… I didn’t mean to listen but…”  
   
“What?” Shizuo growled.  
  
“I-If you love them it should be o-okay, right?”  
  
“That’s enough, thug-san.” Shinra chirped happily, patting his patient on the leg, “Agreeing with me won’t get you a discount.”  
  
The thug nodded, but Shizuo kept looking at him anyway. “Why?”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Why would it be okay?”  
  
Shinra answered for the panicking man, “Because you aren’t going to hurt them, right? Those things are only bad if you want to use it against the person.”  
  
“Y-yes.”  
  
“I guess.” Shizuo sighed and closed his eyes, “Thanks. I’m going home.”  
  
“Try not to beat anyone up on the way, I want to get started on dinner!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
**_Nine years ago._**

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“I knew it would be a bad idea to introduce you today.” Shinra sighed, placing his first aid kit on the dining room table. “Come sit down over here.”  
  
“It was fun.” Izaya beamed as he plonked himself into a chair. “I really didn’t believe it, but he truly is a monster.”  
  
“You sound a little too happy about that.”  
  
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Izaya chuckled, “I saw him get hit by a truck you know, and he was still moving even after I left.”  
  
“You just left him there?”  
  
“Of course.” Izaya smirked, holding a hand out toward his friend, “Maybe you can do my nails while you’re at it?”  
  
“I’m more interested in the grazes along your back and shoulders.”  
  
“I’m not injured t-”  
  
“I can see the brick dust on your jacket, Izaya-kun.” Shinra replied, “Did you break anything?”  
  
“Of course not.” Izaya replied, insulted by the insinuation, “Shizu-chan isn’t fast enough to catch _me._ ”  
  
“Shizu-chan?”   
  
“I heard some girls calling him that. It has a pleasant ring to it, don’t you think?”  
  
“Please don’t call him that.” Shinra frowned, “At least, don’t call him that today. Give him a rest, you’re a lot to handle.”  
  
“Fine~. Now will you do my nails or not?”  
  
“I’ll look at them in a minute.” Shinra took a seat next to Izaya and leaned his elbow on the table, face resting in his palm. “You seem happy.”  
  
“I’m always happy, Shinra. It’s fantastic to be me.”  
  
“No, you seem happier after meeting Shizuo-kun.” Shinra smiled, “Why is that?”  
  
“It _was_ fun, being chased like that. If he weren’t so stupid, I suspect he might have had a chance of almost catching me.”  
  
“I saw you, you know. The face you made when you were watching him destroy the goal.”  
  
“Oh?”  
  
“You looked hypnotised. It reminded me of the way I look at my future wife.”  
  
“Don’t be disgusting, Shinra.”   
  
“You’re going red, you know.”  
  
“I am not. I would _know_ if I was and you’re simply saying that so that I become self-conscious and blush. It won’t work on me.”  
  
“Ah, you caught me!” Shinra laughed, leaning away from the table and reaching for his bag. “Show me your hands.”  
  
Izaya eyed him warily before offering a hand. “There would be nothing wrong with finding that display interesting, Shinra. I only love humans, so I’m afraid I might be forced to kill Shizu-chan.”  
  
“Shizuo-kun is very human. You’re just annoyed because he doesn’t like you, and you can’t understand him.”  
  
“There’s nothing to understand.”  
  
_BANG!  
  
_ “I think I have a visitor. Wait here for a moment.” Shinra said over the sound of a loud, deep voice, before moving toward the front door.  
  
Shinra found Celty waving her hands in front of her, and Shizuo holding the front door over his head with a strange look on his face. “What a coincidence, Izaya’s here too.” Shinra said happily before moving back toward the table and resuming his work on Izaya’s hands.  
  
Shizuo followed him into the room and watched the pair for a moment.  
  
“Hey, why aren’t you injured?” Izaya smirked, sending the blonde into a rage. Shinra watched them from the corner of his eye, noting the difference between Izaya’s face and his pulse.   
  
‘ _Izaya-kun, are you frightened or excited?_ ’  
  
“I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you! **I’ll kill you**!” Shizuo bellowed as Celty attempted to calm him down. He continued to wave the door over his head as some kind of warning, but never attempted to hurt the smug brunette with it.  
  
Izaya, for his part, only widened his smirk. Shinra swallowed a smile as he watched the two, not knowing if they’d realised what the catalyst for this violence was. His two friends seemed to actually like each other, even if they didn’t know it yet. A fight usually isn’t the way one makes friends, but the rules that governed society rarely applied to Shizuo or Izaya.  
  
“Shizuo-kun, please don’t throw the front door. You’ll make Celty sad if you do, and don’t you have to cook for Kasuka-kun tonight?”  
  
“Tch!” Shizuo gave Shinra a dirty look before letting his gaze move to Celty. “Sorry.” He rested the door on the wall and scratched the back of his head.   
  
“I’ll make sure he goes home and doesn’t stalk you.”  
  
“I wouldn’t stalk _him_ , Shinra.” Izaya chuckled.  
  
“Shut up, idiot! I’ll kill you if you follow me home!”   
  
“Shizuo-kun, if you don’t leave soon you won’t have time to cook.” Shinra repeated.  
  
“Whatever.” Shizuo replied gruffly before walking to the now empty doorway. “It ain’t over.”  
  
Izaya laughed at that and smiled to himself, and Celty inspected the door. _‘You two aren’t going to make life easy, are you?’_ Shinra thought to himself with a sigh. He just knew his two friends would be far too stupid to understand what was happening, and was positive he’d be in the middle of their ‘fight’ for a long time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 **Orihara Izaya, reborn!  
  
  
Orihara Izaya  
** By the looks of your post, you received Namie’s email.  
  
**  
Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** Good evening to you too, Orihara.  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** I have no idea what you’re talking about.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** I’m sure you don’t.   
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** Mock me all you want, I’m not ashamed. I cannot be held responsible for my body’s reactions once I’m unconscious.  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** It happens to all men, regardless of God status.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** I’m sure it does, Orihara.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** Feel free to laugh now. You won’t be able to shortly.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** Oh? Why is that?  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** Two reasons. First of all, I will be making sure that I never dream about that person ever again.   
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** Might I ask how you’ll be preventing your dreams?  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** Extreme exposure therapy.   
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** Exposure therapy? Are you planning on sitting next to them?  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** No, something far more intimate and unsavoury to think about. It’s not something I am looking forward to, but a recreation should work.  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
**..?  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** Don’t be such a prude, Tsukumoya. Ignoring me for saying such things really is immature.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** My apologies, Orihara. Something suddenly popped up, but I believe I can deal with it after our conversation.   
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** And here I thought I was the only one you spoke with.   
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** Don’t be jealous, Orihara. It isn’t very flattering.  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** So, intimate exposure therapy and a re-enactment? That doesn’t sound like you.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** That’s because it isn’t like me. However, desperate times and so on.   
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** The second reason, by the way, is that I’ve found you.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** No, you haven’t.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** Yes, I have.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** Trust me, Orihara. You definitely have not found me.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** Perhaps I haven’t found your precise location, but I’ve found where you are on the internet.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** If you’re referring to this chatroom…  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** I would never have guessed that you liked cats so much.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** Cats?  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** Once again you have surprised and disgusted me. If the cats weren’t bad enough, you also used ridiculous puns.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** I have no idea what you’re talking about, Orihara.  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** My name is quite common, though. Perhaps you found my doppelganger?   
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** ‘My name is quite common.’ Do you think that little of me?   
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** …  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** You’re only prolonging your own agony at this point.  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** I’m here to give you fair warning. I am hunting you, Tsukumoya.  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** I will find you. I will destroy you. I will raze your reputation to the ground and leave you immobilised.  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** I will make you wish for death.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** Wow… Orihara…  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** Are you sure you should be speaking to another man this way? Shizuo might get jealous.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya, confirmed dead!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about the late update! Life got in the way and I had absolutely no time to write anything D: To make it up to you guys, I'll be typing up another chapter which will be uploaded tomorrow! Tomorrows chapter will be this chapters part two, so things that might seem a bit confusing in this chapter will be explained in the next. If that makes sense at all? Haha.
> 
> One thing I will point out now is that Shizuo still has not opened the file Namie sent him (as of this chapter). It sort of looks as though he has, but he definitely hasn't.
> 
> Anyway! Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it :D


	14. Chapter 13

**_Seven years ago._ **

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“An unnaturally strong girl?” Shinra repeated, puzzled by Izaya’s question, “Hmm, the only unnaturally strong woman I know is Celty!”  
  
Izaya forced a smirk and spoke quickly, hoping to prevent Shinra’s inevitable rambling, “I heard that you went to elementary school with her, that you were friends?”  
  
“Nope, I only really talked to one guy, but even then we weren’t really _friends_. Well, not in the regular sense, anyway. But he-”  
  
Izaya furrowed his brows slightly before interrupting, “Are you sure? She might have bleached her hair now. Apparently, she threw a desk at some kids in your class, though I highly doubt that anyone would be able t-”  
  
“You _do_ mean Shizuo!” Shinra beamed, “Shizuo isn’t a girl. Ah, I remember that day! He ended up hurting himself again after that, but he wouldn’t let me insp- uh, help him. He’s always like that, he never lets me have fun.”  
  
‘ _It’s no wonder when you speak like that, Shinra._ ’  
  
“Anyway, why did you think he was a girl? You probably shouldn’t tell him that.”  
  
“’Shizu-chan’ was the name I was given, and it’s quite feminine.” Izaya sighed and resisted the urge to pinch his brows. “So, you saw him supposedly throw this desk?”  
  
“I did! It was mi-”  
  
“Define ‘throw’.”  
  
“Eh?” Shinra gave Izaya a quizzical look, “Well, he threw it. He picked it up by the le-”  
  
“Don’t lie to me, Shinra.”  
  
“I’m not.” Shinra smiled, “Shizuo-kun wasn’t born with a natural limiter on his body, so he’s always using his full potential. That’s why he could pick up the teachers desk by the leg and throw it so hard it went halfway through the back wall.”  
  
Izaya stayed silent, his mind in overdrive. It wasn’t like Shinra to lie or spread rumours, as he was far too uninterested in other humans to find any need for it. If Shinra was saying this, then it probably happened.  
  
“That was back in elementary school though, I’m sure he’s changed since then.”  
  
“Changed how?” Izaya asked.  
  
“He’s probably a lot stronger now. When I saw him a month or so ago, he looked a lot taller and stronger. I don’t think he realised, but he crushed a street sign when we were talking.”  
  
“Crushed..?”  
  
“He gets really angry and into a lot of fights, so he probably did it without realising.” Shinra looked out the window, “He should be coming through the gates soon, so I can point him out.”  
  
Izaya nodded slightly and walked over to the window.  
  
“You know, I think you two would be good friends.” Shinra said quietly, “So long as you don’t tease him.”  
  
“I’m not a bully, Shinra.”  
  
“That’s debatable.” Shinra chuckled, “But if you were to tease Shizuo-kun, it wouldn’t end well for you.”  
  
“And why is that?”  
  
“Well, he doesn’t have a limiter on his emotions either. He gets really angry really quickly, which is why he gets into fights. It’s sad actually, because he seems to hate violence. Ah!” Shinra pointed a finger toward the school gates, “That’s him.”  
  
“He doesn’t look very strong.”  
  
“That’s what everyone says.” Shinra stepped away from the window and took his place at his desk, “You’ll see soon enough.”  
  
“When can you int…” Izaya’s sentence trailed off, and Shinra looked up at the brunette. Izaya had the most unreadable expression on his face, but there was a spark of some sort dancing behind his eyes. Following his line of sight, he noticed that Izaya and Shizuo were staring at each other- one from above, and one from below.  
  
Shinra took a step back without realising, completely thrown by the scene in front of him. Izaya had never shown this much interest in one of ‘his’ humans before, and the whole scene seemed to be incredibly intimate.  
  
Time restarted after a few more seconds, and Shinra watched Izaya turn to face him. “Shinra?”  
  
“Eh?”  
  
“When can you introduce us?”  
  
“Oh, um. How about this afternoon?”  
  
Izaya gave a sharp nod before striding toward the door. “I’ll be back before class starts.”  
  
Shinra watched his friend leave before placing his head on the desk and trying to decide whether what he’d witnessed was a good or bad thing.  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
After finishing the conversation with Izaya, Shizuo jumped off his bed and jogged to the bathroom. Stripping off quickly, he ran himself a cold shower and stepped inside. Izaya was coming for him. Even though he didn’t want to, Izaya was going to do _those things_ with him.  
  
Shizuo shivered violently and leaned his head against the cool tile. As much as he wanted to holdtouchkisslicksuckthrust _love_ Izaya, he didn’t want to do any of that if the other man wasn’t completely into it himself. He didn’t want something physical if he couldn’t hold him afterward and run his fingers through brunette hair.  
  
Shizuo exhaled deeply and watched as the cold water worked its magic. As much as he wanted to _possess_ the flea, he’d have to either ‘lose’ him during their chases so that they were never alone together, or stay as in character as possible and scare him off by upping the violence.  
  
‘ _Like he’d be scared of me, dumbass Flea._ ’  
  
Turning off the tapes, Shizuo wrapped a large towel around his hips and walked out of the bedroom, not bothering to dry himself properly. He pulled out his laptop from its hiding place and turned it on, checking that his place was locked and secure whilst the computer loaded.  
  
He pulled on a pair of worn-out sweatpants and sat on the edge of his bed, opening up his email and downloading the file. It took a few seconds to download, ending up as a compressed folder on his desktop.  
  
‘ _That’s weird…_ ’  
  
Taking a deep breath, he unzipped it and was presented with a folder containing two documents and a video. Fingers shaking, he double-tapped the video and turned his volume on.  
  
“ _Hello Tsukumoya. My name is Yagiri Namie, and I… work… for Orihara Izaya._ ”  
  
Shizuo blinked at the screen in shock. He’d been ~~hoping for~~ expecting a video of Izaya in a compromising position, not a message from his secretary.  
  
“ _I was certain you would open this file, as you’re the same sort of person as_ that man _, but in the event that you have not and have decided to simply send it on, I would like to greet Heiwajima Shizuo._ ” Namie paused for a moment, trying and failing to hide her displeasure, “ _First of all, I would like to state that I only work for Izaya because he pays me well enough. I do not have any form of bond with that idiot, and am only doing this because he has become more irritating than usual._ ”  
  
The woman sighed heavily, eyes darting to a place off camera where some murmuring could be heard. “ _It was not my plan to become involved in this at all, but current circumstances have placed me in a position of power. Instead of explaining, allow me to show you…_ ”  
  
The camera moved and Namie disappeared, a shaky view of Izaya’s office taking over the screen. The murmuring became louder as the camera approached a couch.  
  
“ _Sh-Shizu-cha-ahh,_ ” The camera panned, recording a certain informant in a very compromising position. Shizuo stopped breathing, his heart becoming caught in his throat, as he took in the view. Izaya was sprawled out on his back, his shirt riding up just a little over his waist and flashing the smallest amount of pale skin.  
  
His face was relaxed, with a small smile on his lips and a soft pink barely dusting his cheeks. Shizuo was transfixed by the expression, it being more erotic and sweet than he’d ever dared to imagine.  
  
“Beautiful…” he murmured, unaware that he was speaking out loud. It was the only word he could use to describe what he was seeing, and even then it didn’t do the sight any justice. The idea that Orihara Izaya had _that look_ on his face when dreaming about Heiwajima Shizuo…  
  
The camera moved again after a few moments and cut off his train of thought, moving back to its original position. “ _I am now working in a disgusting workplace thanks to this nonsense. Orihara is sure to murder me once he discovers that I have filmed him in this position-_ ” Namie smirked, as though the potential threat on her life was amusing, “ _-but I cannot deal with this nonsense any further. This idiot refuses to acknowledge his own feelings, and it’s beginning to interrupt my work. It’s_ disgusting.”  
  
“ _I have attached both Orihara’s schedule for the next two months and his file on Heiwajima. Fix this. I, of course, can offer you no reward for doing so, but I imagine that seeing him in such a state is reward enough… I can help, I suppose, if need be and I am not busy doing other things. However, I will not help outside of working hours._ ”  
  
The murmuring grew louder, causing the woman to frown. “ _I am not opposed to you blackmailing or killing him either. In the event that you do either of those, I would urge you to hire me as your secretary, Tsukumoya. I’ve added my resume to the bottom of Izaya’s schedule._ ” With another look toward the camera, she turned it off.  
  
Shizuo stared at the screen as though he was hoping something extra would play. It couldn’t be real- It had to be some sort of joke. A trick or a trap. Did Namie and Izaya know he was Tsukumoya? If they did, surely she wouldn’t have addressed both of them separately…  
  
Remembering that she’d attached Izaya’s file on him, Shizuo exited the video and hesitantly opened the document.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Izaya turned off the shower and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist. He dried himself quickly and methodically, not leaving a single patch of skin wet. He hung his towel on the rack and stepped on his scales.  
  
‘ _58 kilograms_.’  
  
With a small smile, he stepped off the scales and inspected himself in the mirror. It wasn’t so much out of vanity, but to see how his assortment of bruises and shallow cuts were healing. No matter how godlike he was or how impeccable his reflexes, Izaya was still human and capable of becoming injured.  
  
Unlike a certain beast.  
  
Happy with his reflection, he began to dress himself in the outfit he had ~~carefully~~ chosen earlier. It wasn’t that different to what he usually wore, but it was slightly more form fitting. The long sleeved black shirt fit snugly around his chest and waist, and the black pants only barely fit around his hips. He would be wearing his usual, loose-fitting coat over the top, but it was the thought that would count.  
  
He inspected himself once again in the mirror, drying his hair once he was satisfied with his appearance. It was bizarre really, to think that Orihara Izaya would go to such lengths to look ~~handsome~~ appetising. He’d never had an issue in the past, and had always had a massive amount of groupies hanging off his every word and throwing themselves at him.  
  
If Shizuo had been a woman, he would have just thrown her against a wall and ~~attacked her neck and ripped off her clothes~~ casually seduced her. The fact that Shizuo was a man, a man who had never had any interest in Izaya or his body (unless you count the fact that he was constantly trying to break it) made things slightly more difficult. As if adding insult to injury, Izaya just _knew_ that he had no chance of becoming (what he’d recently discovered to be) the Seme.  
  
“You can never just make things easy for me, can you, Shizu-chan?”  
  
Turning off the hair dryer, Izaya ran his fingers through his hair until it sat in a position that he liked. He wouldn’t risk any hair gel or spray today, not when such things could turn off the beast. No one enjoyed getting their hands sticky after touching someone else’s hair. Giving himself one more look over, he smiled at his reflection and prepared to leave for his hunt.  
  
_Zrrt-Zrrt Zrrt-Zrrt Zrrt-Zr-  
  
_ His personal phone rumbled in his pocket and he plucked it out with his thumb and index finger (as his pants were far too tight for anything more). He frowned at the caller ID before answering.  
  
“What do you want, Shinra?”  
  
“ _You’re so cold, Izaya-kun! Can’t I just feel like phoning a friend?_ ”  
  
“A friend?” Izaya chuckled into the phone, shrugging on his coat. “Celty is in the room, is she?”  
  
“ _You know me too well._ ”  
  
“What do you want?”  
  
“ _Are you coming to Ikebukuro today? If you are, or aren’t, could you stop by my apartment for a bit?_ ”  
  
“No.”  
  
“ _Don’t be like that, Izaya-kun._ ” Shinra whined, causing Izaya to roll his eyes.  
  
“Nothing good ever comes from me visiting you.”  
  
“ _Haha! So I’ll see you in around half an hour?_ ”  
  
“Shinra, I’m no-”  
  
“ _Wonderful! See you then~!_ ”  
  
Shinra ended the call and Izaya frowned, looking at the phone. He could call back and insist that he wasn’t going to visit today, but Shinra probably wouldn’t answer now. His only other option would be to go and cut Shinra somewhere non-vital, to make sure he didn’t pull this sort of thing again in the future.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
“ _Shizuo-kun! Are you busy? I need you to co-_ ”  
  
“No.” Shizuo replied gruffly before hanging up the phone. He had no time to put up with Shinra today, and wasn’t interested in entertaining any of his requests. He ignored the vibrations of his phone as it desperately tried to catch his attention, and returned to the document in front of him.  
  
It was strange seeing his life in black and white like this. The information Izaya had collected was seemingly inconsequential, more about his likes and dislikes than strengths and weaknesses. There was less than a paragraph of information on his parents, and two paragraphs on his younger brother.  
  
Thankfully, the information had more to do with Kasuka and Shizuo’s relationship than anything else, and it didn’t look as though Kasuka would become a target of Izaya’s any time soon. Shizuo had often wondered why the informant hadn’t tried to use Kasuka against him, but could only guess it had something to do with the fact that Shizuo never harmed Mairu or Kururi.  
  
The rest of the information listed was baffling, and Shizuo honestly had no idea how Izaya had even come to discover half of it. There was a list of his acquaintances and friends, with some unexpectedly scornful notations added about some of the people listed.  
  
There was also a list of Shizuo’s favourite cafés and restaurants, what he liked to order, what he didn’t like, and even what he pretended to like. Hell, Izaya even knew how he liked his coffee and that he drank warm cocoa every night while he watched the news.  
  
If Shizuo hadn’t been flattered, he’d be terrified.  
  
When he found the blueprints to his apartment, he lowered his laptop onto the bed and stood up slowly. Izaya didn’t know he was Tsukumoya, so it was unlikely that he’d bugged the apartment but Shizuo still felt he should check.  
  
It only took a matter of minutes, given the small size of his apartment, and Shizuo found nothing too suspicious lying around. He felt a little crazy for searching, but he rationalised that his paranoia was probably justified. This was Orihara Izaya, after all, and he could never risk letting his guard down even for a second.  
  
He ran a hand through his hair and decided to make himself some warm milk to calm down. He’d been overloaded with information lately and it had begun to take its toll in the form of a headache. The fact that he’d barely been able to get more than an hour or two of sleep each night for the last few weeks didn’t help either.  
  
As he waited for his milk to warm in the microwave, he allowed himself to wonder about what Shinra had wanted. The underground doctor probably wanted to discuss Celty or try to get another blood sample out of him, but he’d already seen Shinra once that day so it was possible that something else had happened.  
  
_Ding!  
  
_ The sound of the microwave pulled him out of his head and back into reality. He grabbed his milk and swished it in the glass a little before taking a large sip. He walked back toward his bedroom and picked up his still vibrating phone. He was tempted to answer it, but Shinra was the sort of person to trick you if he wanted something.  
  
Instead, he cancelled the call and opened up his messages, deciding that the safest thing to do would be to text Celty.  
  
[ Yo. Everything okay at your place? Shinra keeps calling me and it’s pissing me off. ]  
  
It wasn’t eloquent, but it was to the point. He kept a hold of his phone and cancelled the next three calls as he waited for Celty’s response.  
  
[ Sorry Shizuo, I don’t really know. I’m on a job at the moment… ]  
[ Do you think he’s in trouble? Could you check on him? He probably wouldn’t ask me for help because he worries… ]  
[ Sorry again Shizuo. Shinra is an idiot but I don’t want him to be hurt. ]  
  
Shizuo frowned and cancelled another call before replying.  
  
[ It’s fine. I’ll have a look. ]  
  
_Zrtt-Zrrt_  
  
[ Thanks, Shizuo. (^∀^) ]  
  
“What sorta face is that?” Shizuo chuckled, tossing the phone onto the bed. He was still shirtless and wearing sweatpants, so he’d have to change before heading over to Shinra’s apartment. He wasn’t going to answer one of those calls either, he’d let the bastard stew.  
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**_Six years ago._ **

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“How is he?” Kasuka asked Shinra after he left the bathroom. Shizuo had refused to leave the bathtub, even though both Shinra and Kasuka had asked him to, and had stayed silent as Shinra patched him up. It was incredibly painful to witness, and the air surrounding the blonde was heavy with sadness.  
  
“The cuts and bruises will heal quickly, and there shouldn’t be any scarring.” Shinra replied, drying his arms with a towel, “They looked far worse than they were, fortunately.”  
  
“Good.” Kasuka replied. Despite his brother’s monstrous strength and rapid healing, he couldn’t help but worry whenever he came home covered in blood.  
  
“Kasuka-kun…” Shinra said, scrunching up his face as he tried to figure out how to bridge this topic, “Your brother, does he-”  
  
“I can’t talk about that.”  
  
“Yes, of course. You’re his brother, it wouldn’t be right for you betray his confidence.” Shinra smiled, “I, on the other hand, have no loyalty to anyone but my Celty, so would you be willing to listen to what I think?”  
  
Kasuka studied him for a moment, but after discerning that listening to the future almost-doctor wouldn’t harm his brother, nodded slightly and led the boy to the kitchen.  
  
“Can I get you something to drink?”  
  
“Water, please.” Shinra replied, taking his seat, “If I’m lucky, maybe the water here will give me super strength as well!”  
  
Kasuka ignored the remark and poured the older boy a glass of water quietly. He placed it on the table in front of him, then took a seat. “What is it that you’d like to say?”  
  
“Ah, straight to the point, just like Shizuo-kun.” Shinra smiled, “It’s just something that I’ve noticed for a while now. Your brother, he’s in love with Izaya.”  
  
Kasuka’s expression didn’t change, but Shinra noticed the small twitch in the boy’s fingers. “You don’t have to confirm it, it’s just something that I’ve noticed. Shizuo-kun could probably catch Izaya if he wanted to, but no matter how angry he gets he never does.”  
  
“I see.” Despite the fact that one of his brother’s secrets was out, Kasuka was happy to hear that even those close to Shizuo still believed him to have no control over his emotions. If anyone were to suspect otherwise and mention it to Izaya, it could turn into a terrible situation.  
  
“Izaya could probably do more damage to him as well, you know. It’s not as if he doesn’t have access to guns or poisons.” Shinra took a quick sip from the clear glass in front of him, “But he doesn’t. I think he returns your brother’s feelings, but doesn’t realise it yet.”  
  
“…”  
  
“Do you want to know why I think that?”  
  
“…” Kasuka didn’t reply, not trusting himself. Shinra seemed to understand and continued.  
  
“Do you know what happened today? Ah, if Shizuo-kun has been like that ever since he got home, then you probably don’t.” Shinra’s smile fell and was replaced by a frown, “Izaya thought Shizuo was jealous of him because he received chocolate from so many girls, and decided to go home with one he thought Shizuo liked.”  
  
“Oh…”  
  
“It seems pretty terrible, right? Izaya doing that… Well, the thing is, that girl actually seemed to have a crush on your brother. Izaya had mentioned it to me yesterday.” Shinra sighed, “She gave Izaya Giri chocolate, but had Honmei chocolate for Shizuo, if the rumours are correct. Izaya found out and, being the bastard he is, decided to ruin her plan a bit.”  
  
Kasuka wasn’t sure whether to be more surprised at Izaya’s obliviousness to his own jealousy or the fact that this girl had (apparently weak) feelings for his brother. “Does brother know?”  
  
“About the chocolate? No.” Shinra lazily traced the rim of the half empty glass, “About Izaya taking her to his house…”  
  
“Why are you telling me this?”  
  
“I’m tired of them fighting like this, but they’re both too stubborn to change. Shizuo would punch me if I ever told him any of this, even though he asks for advice about it and says it’s about his relationship with you, so I was hoping…”  
  
“That I’d continue to support him.”  
  
“Yes. It might seem cruel, but I think they’ll both be alone forever if they aren’t with each other.”  
  
“Brother wouldn’t be.” Kasuka mumbled before he could stop himself. If Shizuo hadn’t fallen in love with Izaya, he wouldn’t have to act this way and would probably be happier.  
  
“Whatever the case, they need our help, Kasuka-kun.” Shinra’s smile returned, though it was tinged with sadness, “They can’t keep living this way.”  
  
“I know.” Kasuka glanced toward the bathroom, remembering how distraught and broken Shizuo had looked. “I’ll do what I can.”  
  
“Great! Hopefully, we’ll get them together before we graduate!”  
  
Kasuka smiled internally at Shinra’s optimism and hoped that he was right. It had been three years of pain for his brother already, and he didn’t know how much longer the blonde could take it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
There are a few things that one should know about Kishitani Shinra. The first (and most important) is that he doesn’t really care about humans. He focuses everything he has on a certain Irish Dullahan, and therefore finds humans (or creatures with heads) to be boring.  
  
The second thing you need to know about Shinra, is that he has two friends- Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo. He met the two of them when he was still a child and befriended them in order to make Celty happy. These friendships are anything but conventional, often resulting in Izaya being chased by an angry Shizuo, whilst a terrified/laughing Shinra is used as a projectile.  
  
The third thing you need to know is that the above scenario happens at least once a year because of Shinra’s meddling. Shinra still held out hope for his two friends, believing that they could, at the very least, have some sort of friendship if they tried hard enough.  
  
Shinra sat on the couch in his living room, tapping a foot impatiently as he waited for one guest to arrive and the other to answer the phone. He knew that the more he called Shizuo the angrier he would become, so even if he didn’t answer the phone he could expect a visit at some point (and a punch to the ribs).  
  
He had already prepared himself mentally for the physical and emotional pain he was sure to encounter today, and was reflecting on his life choices. He knew that his two ‘friends’ were idiots who would never put the moves on each other, but he had to _try._ If Izaya and Shizuo finally got together, Shizuo would reign in Izaya and that would free up Celty for more date nights.  
  
“Ah, Celty. The things I do for love!” He sighed to the room, closing his eyes to picture he shadowy neck. He hit the redial button on his phone without looking once he’d been sent to Shizuo’s voicemail again and smiled to himself stupidly.  
  
It wasn’t until he felt something cool and potentially sharp press gently against his Adam’s Apple that he peeked open an eye, finding a very irritated brunette staring at him.  
  
“Don’t you know it’s rude not to knock?” Shinra asked, mildly annoyed at his fantasy being interrupted.  
  
Izaya chuckled, “You’re the one who wants me here, Shinra. I didn’t come because I wanted to.”  
  
“I didn’t force you, Izaya-kun.” Shinra smiled. The knife pressed into his neck a little harder, but he maintained eye contact with Izaya.  
  
“I suppose cutting you would probably enrage that pet monster of yours.” He sighed, lowering the weapon and sheathing it somewhere in his jacket.  
  
“Don’t call Celty a monster.” Shinra replied sternly.  
  
“Fine, fine.” Izaya said, dismissing Shinra with a flourish of hands before seating himself, “I’m here. What do you want?”  
  
“Just wait.” Shinra replied, standing up to walk toward the kitchen. He’d originally had a fantastic excuse worked out, but after Izaya’s rudeness he didn’t feel the need to explain himself. Izaya could wait quietly for hours, for all Shinra cared.  
  
Pouring himself some water, he tried contacting Shizuo again only to have his call go directly to voicemail. _‘He must have turned his phone of-’  
  
**BANG!  
  
**_ “SHINRA, YOU BASTARD!” Shizuo’s voice bellowed, echoing through the apartment, “YOU BETTER BE FUCKING DEAD OR DYING IF YOU’RE CALLIN’ ME THIS MUCH!”  
  
“Ah, Shizuo-kun! I’m so glad you cou-”  
  
“I mean it, Shinra!” Shizuo stepped toward the bespectacled man, grabbing him by the scruff of the neck and lifting him two feet off the ground, “You’re so fucking annoying! What d’ya want, eh?”  
  
“How rude, that’s not how one should treat their host, Shizu-chan.” Izaya drawled, and Shizuo felt a shiver run down his spine.  
  
He wasn’t ready for this. He couldn’t face Izaya yet.  
  
Shizuo gulped and dropped Shinra, ignoring the pained cry the man made as he hit the floor. Without any hesitation, he turned on his heel and walked back out of the apartment and to the stairwell.  
  
He was vaguely aware of the questioning noises coming from the apartment behind him, but didn’t dare look back. He didn’t trust himself around Izaya right now and didn’t want to do anything ~~in front of witnesses~~ he’d regret later.  
  
Back in the apartment, Shinra looked bewildered as he dragged himself up off the floor. “Izaya-kun, did you do something to Shizuo-kun?”  
  
“No?” Izaya replied honestly, too confused by the situation to censor himself.  
  
The men looked at the still-open door, trying to figure out what had happened. If they didn’t know better, they would swear that Shizuo had been angry, threatened Shinra, then run away when he heard Izaya. The situation was so ridiculous and implausible, it couldn’t possibly be tru-  
  
“I’ll be going, then.” Izaya said quickly, leaping from his seat and power walking toward the exit. Shinra nodded, unsure of what else to do. Once he was alone again, he gave up trying to decipher what had happened and decided to message Celty instead.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

**[ Tell me someone else saw that! ]**

  
**[ Saw what? ]**

**  
[ I saw it! Is it the end of the world? ]**

**  
[ SAW WHAT? ]**

**  
[ Orihara Izaya is chasing Heiwajima Shizuo through Ikebukuro!! ]**

**  
[** **ヽ** **(** **ﾟ** **Д** **ﾟ** **)** **ﾉ** **]**

**  
[ I don’t believe you. Go troll somewhere else. ]  
  
**

**[ I saw it too! Did anyone take a picture?  
  
**

**[ Who’d be stupid enough to take a picture? What if they saw you? ]  
  
**

**[ I did! (CLICK HERE TO OPEN ATTACHMENT) ]**

**  
[ That’s got to be photoshop, right? ]**

**  
[ It looks real… and everyone is talking about it… ]**

**  
[ IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! ]**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
“Shizu-chan, you really should stop running.” Izaya called out in what he hoped was a teasing voice, “I am faster than you, so it’s only a matter of time before I catch you~.”  
  
“Fuck off, Flea. I’m not in the mood!” Shizuo grumbled back, picking up the pace. He’d never really attempted to outrun Izaya before, and he wasn’t entirely sure he could manage it. However, desperate times called for desperate measures, and he had to try.  
  
He jogged down an alleyway and bolted as soon as he was out of sight, running as hard as he could toward the dead end in front of him. There was a window frame around five metres above the ground, and if he really _tried_ he was sure he could run up the wall and latch onto it. After that, all he’d have to do is swing himself further up until he reached the rood.  
  
He only had around twenty seconds to make the climb, fifteen if Izaya moved a little faster. Swallowing nothing, he sprinted as hard as he could toward the wall, planting a foot _into_ the bricks and propelling himself upward. He overshot the mark, blindly grabbing at the window above the one he’d aimed for. He managed to catch it with the tips of his fingers and pushed himself higher.  
  
It was a superhuman feat, one that even he couldn’t replicate if he tried. He made it to the roof of the building within nine seconds and crouched alongside the edge, waiting for Izaya’s reaction to the empty alley while he caught his breath.  
  
“Shizu-chan really underestimates me.” Came a breathless remark from behind him. Shizuo turned around in time to see Izaya stepping from the fire escape to the roof. “I know these alley’s better than you, Shizu-chan. You can’t outrun me.”  
  
Shizuo frowned in order to hide his fear. He couldn’t be around Izaya, not now and not today. Not after they’d had that conversation and he’d seen that video and he knew that Orihara fucking Izaya wanted to recreate his wet dreams as some sort of _exposure therapy_.  
  
“Nothing to say?” Izaya chuckled, _sauntering_ toward the ~~cowering~~ crouching blonde.  
  
“I told you to fuck off.” Shizuo retorted, his voice straining slightly. He honestly couldn’t blame Izaya for smirking at him.  
  
“What an interesting choice of words.” Izaya came to a stop mere feet away from Shizuo, leaning on a hip and pouting his lips slightly. “Doesn’t Shizu-chan feel like playing with me today?”  
  
“Look, louse!” Shizuo hissed, rising to his feet and trying to calm his pulse, “I said I’m not in the mood!”  
  
“Perhaps I could change your mind?” Izaya began to walk toward the blonde slowly.  
  
Shizuo considered his options. On one hand, he knew by the look in Izaya’s eyes that the informant wasn’t really into this. Though his body might lust for him, his mind sure as hell didn’t, and Shizuo didn’t want to taste what loving Izaya could be like only to have it ripped away.  
  
On the other hand, Izaya’s pants were _tight_ and his jacket had fallen open and he looked _delicious_ and Shizuo could think of a thousand different ways to touch him. He almost reached out toward the informant before stopping, reminding himself of what it was he really wanted.  
  
If he went along with Izaya now, he’d never have a chance at a real relationship with him. It would be cheap and meaningless, and Shizuo would be tossed aside as soon as Izaya became bored. Shizuo wouldn’t be able to handle it if and when that happened, which meant he couldn’t give into temptation.  
  
No, he was going to have to _woo_ the bastard first, or be wooed himself. He scrunched his toes and set his jaw as he rose to his feet. “I told you I’m not in the mood, Flea! It’s your last chance, eh!”  
  
“Oh?” Izaya’s eyes widened slightly in confusion at the sudden change, “That’s too bad, _Shizu-chan,_ because I am.”  
  
Izaya took two quick steps forward and Shizuo’s eyes darted around him. There was only one escape, but it was going to hurt. The predatory glint in Izaya’s eye convinced him to take the hit though, and Shizuo jumped backward onto the ledge. He gave glared at the brunette (so it came across as apologetic rather than angry) before stepping backwards and onto thin air.  
  
He fell back down toward the alley, his eyes meeting Izaya’s as he reached out a hand to catch a windowsill. The two men starred at each other for a moment that seemed more like hours, silently challenging each other.  
  
Shizuo’s grip weakened slightly and he was forced to break eye contact, choosing to spring off the building and back into the alley. He started running as soon as his feet hit the ground, refusing to turn around despite every instinct in his body demanding it.  
  
‘ _I wonder what face he’s making?_ ’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shinra opened the door to find a confused and annoyed Izaya on his doorstep.  
  
“Are you going to let me in, or make me stand on your welcome mat?”  
  
“No, come in!” Shinra replied, opening the door a little more before walking off to the dining room, “I wasn’t expecting you to come back so… soon. Well, at all, actually.”  
  
The front door slammed shut and Izaya silently made his way to the dining room, taking a seat opposite Shinra and trying to mask his confusion. “Oh? You did invite me, and Shizu-chan, it would seem.”  
  
Shinra chuckled nervously, “I suppose I did.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
Despite the friendly tone, Shinra knew to tread carefully. Whatever had happened between Izaya and Shizuo had left Izaya annoyed and looking for an outlet to vent his frustrations on. “I uh, I thought it was time you two had a talk and tried to work things out?”  
  
Izaya furrowed his brows and frowned at the answer, before breaking into laughter. The reaction was so unexpected, Shinra almost fell off his chair when he jumped. Izaya laughed for a few minutes, slender arms wrapping around his waist and tears falling from his eyes.  
  
“I don’t think it’s funny. It’d stop a lot of damage and-”  
  
“Oh, Shinra!” Izaya wheezed, “It looks as though you and I have similar ideas.”  
  
“Similar ideas?” Shinra swallowed something thick, not liking where this was going.  
  
“Believe it or not, I need a temporary truce in this war of ours.” Izaya stopped laughing and his face hardened. The switch between expressions was eerie. “You’re going to help me.”  
  
“Wha-”  
  
“You heard me.” Izaya rose from his chair, looking down at his friend, “You’re going to help me get close to Shizu-chan. It shouldn’t be hard as the beast is quite stupid, but it’s obvious I cannot do it alone.”  
  
“…why?”  
  
“Does it matter?” Izaya turned on his heel and walked toward the exit, “Just do it.”  
  
“Izaya-kun, do you…” Shinra stopped himself, deciding it was better not to ask. “Fine.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
With that, Izaya left the apartment and a confused Shinra. When he was sure that the informant wasn’t coming back, the underground doctor pulled out his phone and sent a message.  
  
[ Kasuka-kun, it’s Shinra. We either have a break-through or a problem. ]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[ Tom-san, is it alright if I take another day off? ]  
  
Shizuo re-read the message, still feeling an immense amount of guilt for even considering an extra day off work. Not only did he enjoy spending time with Tom, it was one of the few times he felt needed and as though he were making a difference.  
  
He saved the message to his drafts folder, and flopped onto his bed, a hand running through his hair. He couldn’t risk going to work and seeing the flea like this. He definitely needed more time for everything to sink in and to get him used to the idea. Shizuo really couldn’t afford another reverse-chase- it would raise too many questions.  
  
He reached for his phone and unlocked it, keeping his eyes closed as he navigated his way to his drafts folder. He opened the message and sent it, tossing his phone on the mattress beside him and shoving a pillow over his face.  
  
Tom wouldn’t mind, which somehow made it _worse._ He deserved to be reprimanded for causing his personal life to interfere with their work once again. He felt his phone vibrate next to him but didn’t have the heart to check the reply, choosing to squish the pillow into his face even further. He closed his eyes and, despite his mortification and guilt, managed to slip into an uneasy sleep.  
  
**_BANG-BANG-BANG!  
  
_** Shizuo stirred, understanding that there was an unpleasant noise but lacking the ability to care about it. He kept his eyes closed, willing whatever it is to go away.  
  
**_BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!  
  
_** “Go ‘way…” he slurred, not bothering to raise his voice enough to be heard. He sighed happily when the noises stopped and almost slipped back into his dreamless sleep.  
  
_Creak.  
  
Click.  
  
_ Shizuo’s eyes shot open, recognising the sound of his door being opened. He couldn’t remember if he’d locked it, never having any real reason to, and felt the sting of annoyance. He sat up, moving toward the edge of the bed and leaning sideways so he could see the lounge through his door. There was no one there, but they could have easily hidden in the kitchen.  
  
He put the weight on his feet and looked away from the door for a split second, only to feel something cold and hard wrap around him like a cocoon. “What the fuck?!”  
  
Something bright entered the side of the cocoon, burning Shizuo’s eyes. It took a moment for him to realise it was a PDA with a message written on it.  
  
[ Shizuo! Are you okay? Where’s Izaya? ]  
  
“Eh?” Shizuo replied, not sure of what was happening and unable to think with sleep clouding his brain. “What? Izaya’s not here?”  
  
The PDA disappeared only to return a second later, [ Are you sure he hasn’t done anything to you? Is your brother alright? ]  
  
“What?! Izaya did something to Kasuka!?”  
  
[ He did?! ]  
  
“I DON’T KNOW! YOU TELL ME!” Shizuo yelled, more out of fear than anger. The cocoon shook slightly then disappeared altogether. Shizuo fell lightly onto the bed and found Celty standing in the doorway, nervously shifting on her feet. “Celty?”  
  
[ Do you have your phone? Did you lose it? ]  
  
Shizuo raised an eyebrow at his best friends bizarre behaviour, “No… I fell asleep, sorry I didn’t answer your texts?”  
  
Celty’s fingers danced along the keyboard, writing and erasing several messages before settling on one, [ Did you mean it? ]  
  
“Did I mean what?” Shizuo was beyond confused at this point and starting to question Celty’s sanity. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”  
  
[ Don’t make me say it, Shizuo… ]  
  
[ Check your phone. ]  
  
Shizuo furrowed his brows but obliged her request, reaching a hand out to blindly grab his phone. He opened it and found several messages from Celty before a tap on the shoulder interrupted him.  
  
[ Check your sent messages. ]  
  
A feeling of dread pooled itself deep inside Shizuo’s stomach and he had the sudden urge to break his phone and run away. He opened up his sent items and was surprised to see his last sent message had not been to Tom, but to Celty.  
  
‘ _NonononononononononoNO!_ ’  
  
He didn’t have to open it to know what it was, but he did so anyway. Somewhere inside him there’d been hope that it wasn’t what he knew it was, but he knew it was what he feared.

 

[ Celty, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I didn’t think you’d support me loving the flea. We aren’t dating, and I don’t plan on telling him or Shinra. Really, please don’t tell Shinra. ]  
  
The phone slipped out of Shizuo’s hand and his the floor with a soft thump, and time stopped moving. How could Shizuo have been so careless? Why did he keep that message in his Drafts instead of deleting it? What if he’d sent it to someone else? Did Celty tell Shinra? What was she going to do? Did she hate him for lying? Did she figure anything else out? What was Shizuo meant to do now?  
  
Cold but strong hands gripped his shoulders and shook him slightly in an attempt to bring him out of his daze. His eyes watered slightly, not from tears but from physical pain. It was too much, too fast, and a total sensory overload.  
  
Celty softened her grip once she saw his face, shifting awkwardly as if she was unsure of what to do. Shizuo stared blankly at the wall in front of him, barely realising that the dullahan had wrapped her arms around him and was drawing him into an embrace.  
  
They sat motionless until the room grew dark, Shizuo’s breathing slowly becoming more steady and even. His thoughts repeated themselves, becoming more hate-filled and violent as they cycled through his brain.  
  
_‘See? You aren’t smart enough for Izaya… can’t even keep one secret… Celty hates you now for lying to her… You aren’t worth anything at all… you’re going to be alone forever and you deserve it…’  
  
_ Celty tightened her grip around Shizuo’s shoulders and Shizuo was sure she was trying to say something comforting. He smiled sadly and tapped her shoulder, signalling that it was okay for her to let go.  
  
She did, reluctantly, taking a step backward and holding out her PDA. She’d managed to type a message at some point, and Shizuo leaned in to read it.  
  
[ It’s okay. It doesn’t change anything. And I won’t tell Shinra! :) ]  
  
Shizuo chuckled a little, smiling softly at his friend. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”  
  
[ It’s okay. Did… you send that message tonight by accident? ]  
  
Shizuo’s shoulders sunk slightly, “Yeah… I’m sorry…”  
  
[ I’m sorry I found out by accident! If I had known I’d never have read the message! ]  
[ And I’m sorry to breaking in! I thought… I thought you must be in trouble and asking for help! ]  
  
“It’s ‘kay.” Shizuo rose to his feet, pressing a hand against his bedroom wall to steady himself. “Thirsty.”  
  
Celty nodded and followed the blonde into the kitchen, preparing a message as he poured himself a glass of water. He lifted it to his lips and swallowed it in three mouthfuls.  
  
[ Do you want to talk about it? ]  
  
Shizuo sighed and placed the glass in the sink and clenched his fists. He didn’t have to tell Celty everything, just the parts about Izaya. If he left out the part about Tsukumoya, it should be fine for now. “Guess I probably should, huh?”  
  
Celty shrugged, but her curiosity was palpable. They both took a seat at the small table, and Shizuo told her as much as he could, starting with the day they first met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh, so long! So long to write, so long to update, but I hope this chapter was worth it! It's actually the size of two chapters, which is why it took a little longer to update.
> 
> I'm sorry to be such a tease when it comes to these two idiots, but as soon as they're ready (and Izaya stops being such an oblivious jerk), they'll get together immediately! Ah, it's hard to write about these two sometimes. I feel like smacking my head on the table.
> 
> Anyway! Thank you for reading and for the awesome comments you've all been leaving :) I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	15. Chapter 14

**[PRIVATE POST]**

What is real?  
  
What is fake?  
  
Does this world exist, or is it a figment of your imagination?  
  
Are you the figment of someone else’s imagination?  
  
Is this world nothing more than a simulation run by our children generations from now?  
  
Do we see things the same way others do?  
  
Is what we know fact or fiction, or even a shadow of what really is?  
  
Would it make a difference if it were?  
  
Ahh, those are some difficult questions. I highly doubt that even someone such as myself would be able to find all of the answers. Still, I have attempted to do just that. The past is one place you may always turn if you find yourself in need of help. Millions upon millions of people have felt just as you do now, have experienced the same situations, and have sought the same answers.  
  
How about a quick story? I’ll attempt to condense it into something small enough to understand, don’t worry.  
  
Let’s say that, for your entire life, you have been chained to the side of a wall in a cave. You can’t turn your body and are only able to see the wall directly ahead of you. The cave is dark, but there is a fire behind you which illuminates the cave just a little, but someone or something unseen is creating shadows.  
  
These shadows dance along the wall, as they always have, and you’ve become accustomed to them. You’ve named them, studied them, and spoken to others about them. You hear echoes, noises that are faint and have studied them also. It sounds like a truly terrible existence, doesn’t it? Ah, but it is all you have ever known. You’ve never been anywhere but this cave, so you might find you even enjoy your existence.  
  
In any case, you have watched these shadows and heard these echoes for so long that you have begun to notice patterns in their behaviour. You discuss it with the few others who are chained beside you, who are amazed by how you are able to make such accurate predictions. You tell them that you are doing nothing but paying attention to your surroundings, but you are venerated anyway.  
  
You are respected, and your companions look to you for guidance often.  
  
Until, one day, someone unchains you and leads you out of the cave. You see sunlight for the first time and cower until your eyes focus. When you are finally able to look around, you see _life_ for the first time. Trees, green and vibrant with leaves slowly moving in the breeze. You feel the grass beneath your feet, and the white, soft, puffs of clouds moving above you.  
  
You’re confused. Though you find it beautiful, this is entirely alien to you. You ask the one who led you from the cave for an explanation, and they name what you are seeing.  
  
“Those aren’t trees,” you say in reply, “Trees are dark, thin things with a hazy outline. These _things_ are too vibrant.”  
  
You’re told that everything you knew was only a shadow of what is. You don’t believe them, not at first, because you’ve spent your entire life watching shadows and you know exactly what a tree is. After some more time taking in your surroundings, you notice the sun. It is so obviously the source of all light, that you realise that you’ve only ever seen shadows.  
  
Nothing you have ever known has been real.  
  
You decide to go back inside the cave and share what you’ve learned, only to discover that your former companions don’t believe you. They’ve been in the cave, whilst you’ve been outside, and believe that you’ve gone mad. No matter how much you tell them, they can never believe you.  
  
They gesture toward the wall and tell you to look at what a tree _really_ looks like. Unfortunately, your eyes are no longer accustomed to the darkness and you can’t see anything. You can no longer see the shadows or hear the faint echoes. Your companions laugh at you, no longer able to respect your words of wisdom.  
  
That was the story Socrates told to explain why some believe Philosophy to be nothing more than nonsense. He went on to discuss his reasoning, but I haven’t the inclination to discuss that here. I will mention that Socrates was possibly one of the most irritating philosophers. Have you ever heard of Socratic Questioning? It’s essentially an excuse to answer any question with another question- something I’m sure a certain informant has been inspired by.  
  
But I digress. The Allegory of a Cave is quite a useful story, even when separated from its intended purpose. If a man has lived his entire life believing one thing, is it possible that there is something more that he hasn’t been able to see? If he does have the opportunity to see beyond the shadows, would those who surround him be able to accept his words?  
  
More than that, would those who have always seen things in the light ever believe that the shadows existed? What can the freed man see that others can’t? If the freed man had known he’d be this lonely, would he have stepped outside of the cave at all?  
  
Ah, it’s a bit hard to think about, isn’t it? No matter who the man speaks to, there will always be someone who can’t see what he has or can. Fortunately, there will always be someone out there who is willing to try and believe you, even if they’re incapable of seeing what you can. Sometimes, they can even tell you about the things you still can’t see, the things that lay beyond the light and the shadows.  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
[ So you’ve never hated him? ]  
  
[ I never guessed… you were really convincing! ]  
  
“Guess I was, might not be now though.” Shizuo laughed a little, “I really am sorry I never told you. It’s not like I didn’t trust you or anything, it’s just… you know?”  
  
Celty nodded, seemingly understand what Shizuo’s wild gesturing seemed to mean. [I know how you feel. Especially when they’re an idiot.]  
  
Shizuo smiled at that, “Well, you might have it worse than me then.”  
  
Celty moved her fingers over the keyboard slowly, as if she were taking great care in the words she was choosing. [ Are you sure you aren’t going to tell Izaya? What if… he’s lying as well. ]  
  
“I don’t thi-” Shizuo was cut off by the sound of his phone chiming with the ringtone he’d assigned Kasuka. “Ah, do you mind?”  
  
Celty shook her helmet in reply and Shizuo nodded in thanks before answering the phone. “Kasuka?”  
  
“ _Brother, are you at home?_ ”  
  
“Yeah, Celty’s here too…” He scratched the back of his neck and looked at the floor, “She uh, I accidentally told her ‘bout Izaya… and me…”  
  
“ _Can I come over?_ ”  
  
“Uh, sure. That should be fine.”  
  
“ _I’ll see you soon._ ”  
  
Kasuka hung up before Shizuo could say another word, and he lowered the phone slowly. “Looks like Kasuka is comin’ over…”  
  
[ Do you want me to go? I don’t mind. ]  
  
“No that’s… I’m sure it’s fine.”  
  
****_BANG-BANG-BANG._  
  
The blonde and the headless rider both looked at the door, wondering who would visit Shizuo at this hour. Shizuo felt his heart leap into his throat when he realised it could be Izaya attempting his exposure therapy once again.  
  
Celty seemed to read his mind, [ Do you mind if I get it? ]  
  
He shook his head in reply and watched as she strode toward the door. She seemed to take a breath just before her slender fingers wrapped around the doorknob and she pulled the door open.  
  
“Good evening, Celty-san. Is brother here?”  
  
“Kasuka?” Shizuo stumbled over to the door, confusion written across his features, “But you were just-”  
  
“I told you I would see you soon. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t interrupting anything.”  
  
“Interrupting? It’s just Celty…” Shizuo replied, looking anywhere but ahead of him.  
  
Celty shook her helmet as her shoulders shook slightly, typing out a message for the younger Heiwajima.  
  
“Yes, I was worried as well. Thank you for looking after my brother.” Kasuka bowed his head slightly. “May I come in?”  
  
Celty and Shizuo both moved out of the way quickly, clearing a path for the brunette. “Is everything okay?”  
  
“Everything is fine, brother…” Kasuka replied, taking a seat on the couch, “I think we need to talk. About Orihara-san.”  
  
“So you found out already…”  
  
“It was hard not to.” Kasuka crossed his legs and stared at Shizuo, who shrunk slightly under such an intense gaze, “I was wondering if you had changed your mind.”  
  
“…”  
  
Celty watched the two of them interact, unsure of whether she should be privy to such an intimate conversation. [ I might give you both some privacy. ]  
  
“Celty-san, if you don’t mind, would you give us your opinion?”  
  
[ If… you would like my opinion… ]  
  
“On what?” Shizuo asked, still confused. Kasuka was rarely this forceful, and it had him wondering if his brother knew more than he let on.  
  
“On if you should settle for simply watching over Orihara-san.”  
  
“I already told y-”  
  
“You’re miserable, brother.”  
  
[ I… sorry, Shizuo. I agree with your brother. ]  
  
“What? But you hate Izaya!”  
  
[ But you don’t… maybe… ]  
  
[ Maybe you can see something we can’t. Or we can see something you can’t. ]  
  
[ But you can’t help who you love and I want you to be happy. ]  
  
[ If being with him would make you happy… then… ]  
  
Celty shrugged her shoulders, hoping to convey her feelings. Shizuo’s face softened slightly, touched by the support of his best friend.  
  
“I really shoulda told you sooner, huh?” Shizuo smiled, “Thanks.”  
  
“Two of us think you have a chance, brother.” Kasuka interjected, “I think it’s time you started to believe you did as well.”  
  
Shizuo sighed, long and heavy, “What do I do then? He’s such a… shitty flea, he’s not normal, you know?”  
  
[ If he’s already chasing you around then maybe it won’t be too hard. ] Celty typed, hoping to reassure the blonde.  
  
“That’s true. From what you’ve told me about Orihara-san, the more you run, the more he’ll chase you.”  
  
“I can’t just keep running every time I see him! What are people going to think?”  
  
“Does that matter?”  
  
“But what about work?”  
  
[ I’m sure Tom-san will understand if you take some time off. ]  
  
“…”  
  
[ What do you have to lose? I can help you if you’d like :) ]  
  
“That’s very kind of you, I’m sure brother will need all the help he can get.”  
  
“Do I even get a say in this?”  
  
[ No. ]  
  
“No.” Kasuka uncrossed his legs and leaned toward his brother slightly, “You deserve to be happy, brother. Let us help you.”  
  
Not trusting himself to speak, Shizuo nodded his head a fraction in surrender. It had been almost a decade and he really hadn’t made any progress, not that he’d tried to, so who was he to say they were wrong?  
  
“Very good. Let’s work out a plan.”  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Izaya leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. No one interesting was online and he didn’t feel like being mocked by Tsukumoya who, most likely, knew all about what had happened between him and Shizuo that evening.  
  
He was bored and in desperate need of a distraction, but the universe seemed to be against him. He didn’t even have any work that could take his mind off what had happened. For the first time in his life, he felt truly helpless.  
  
Not only were his advances rebuffed (though the look on Shizuo’s face seemed to suggest that they may not have been entirely ineffective), but the idiot had literally jumped off a building to escape him. If Izaya’s ego had been a regular size, he’d be mortified.  
  
Luckily, he had no such issue. The problem _couldn’t_ be him, because no matter how much he and the beast hated each other, Izaya was more than attractive enough. No, the problem had to be with Shizuo.  
  
He opened his eyes and leaned forward, grabbing the mouse with a little more enthusiasm than was needed. A few clicks later and he found himself staring at Shizuo’s file. The answer had to be in here somewhere, and in the event that it wasn’t, he would search all of Ikebukuro looking for it.  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Celty walked silently into her apartment and dropped her keys on the kitchen bench before noticing her roommate asleep on the couch. As slinked over to him as quietly as she could, smiling inwardly at the face he was pulling and the way his glasses sat crooked on his nose.  
  
She brushed the hair away from his face before gently removing his glasses, folding them up and placing them on the coffee table. She liked watching him like this, he always looked so peaceful and _quiet_. Not that she didn’t appreciate the boisterous welcome she usually received when she came home.  
  
_‘I wonder if you know what’s happening between those two…’_ She thought to herself. ‘ _You probably have an idea, right?_ ’  
  
Shinra smacked his lips together and groaned, a small smile shaping his lips as if he were answering her.  
  
_‘I wish I could talk to you about this… I’m sorry that I can’t.’_  
  
With that final thought, she picked the doctor up carefully and carried him to their bedroom as if he were a child. The last thing she needed was him waking up and pouting because he’d spent a single night away from her.  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_Nine years ago._ **

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_“You piss me off.”_

_“Oh? Too bad, I thought you and I could have some fun.”_

_“Shut up.”_  
  


_  
“I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you! **I’ll kill you!** ”_

_  
“I’ll make sure he goes home and doesn’t stalk you.”_

_“I wouldn’t stalk_ him _, Shinra.”_

 _“Shut up, idiot! I’ll kill you if you follow me home!”  
  
  
  
_ Izaya replayed the events of the day over and over, studying them intensely. It shouldn’t have bothered him, being dismissed by what must be an utter brute, but it did. It was infuriating. He was Orihara Izaya, and that blonde was _nothing._  
  
Izaya groaned and rolled onto his stomach, shoving his face into a pillow. If he were nothing, he wouldn’t have been able to see through him so easily, and to do it today of all days…  
  
He had been genuinely interested in the blonde, wanting to meet him ever since he first heard about him (when he still thought he was a she). Of course, he might have wanted to use him, but that wouldn’t be for a little while yet.  
  
And those eyes… the passion, the unbridled anger and complete transparency. It was something that Izaya _needed_ to see again. He honestly wasn’t sure he could go through life without seeing it at least once more. It was so raw, so human, so-  
  
The knock on his door drew him out of his thoughts and he pushed himself off the bed. The twins needed to be fed and watered, and he wouldn’t allow himself to wallow in his bedroom like some love-struck thirteen-year-old girl.  
  
No, he had been presented a problem and he’d just need to solve it. If he couldn’t… well, it didn’t bear thinking about. Another knock, slightly louder, and he dragged himself off the bed. __  
  
‘You might not think about me now, Shizu-chan, but you will. I’ll make sure I’m the only thing you ever think about.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh! So long between updates!
> 
> I've been suffering from a bit of writers block (which I'm trying to break through using any means necessary), so this is only a tiny update (my excuse is that it wraps up the last chapter). I've got the next chapter plotted out (and it should be infinitely better than this one, and longer!) but I am sorry about the length in between updates!
> 
> The next few chapters are going to have a lot more plot in them as well, so that should definitely make up for this one!
> 
> Thank you for reading :D <3


	16. Chapter 15

**_So he’s just gone?_ **

**_  
You don’t think Orihara finally killed him?_ **

**_  
I’ve seen that guy pick up a truck, there’s no way!_ **

**_  
But *I’ve* seen Orihara take down street signs with his knives!  
  
_ **

**_No way!_ **

**[CLICK LINK TO VIEW ATTACHMENT]**

**_Look for yourself!_ **

**_  
What!!!!!_ **

**_  
Are they monsters?!_ **

**_Scarier than the Kuro-biker!  
  
_ **

**_So he’s dead?_ **

**_Wouldn’t that other guy be happy if he’d killed him?_ **

****

**_Yeah… and he’s been in Ikebukuro more…  
  
_ **

**_He has that scary look on his face all the time!_ **

**_I don’t care! Just keep them away from me!_ **

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**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 **Orihara Izaya, reborn!  
  
Orihara Izaya:  
** Where is he?  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** Good morning, Orihara.  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** Where is who?  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** You know who I’m talking about. Or are you starting to slip in your age?  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** You must be frustrated if that’s the best you can do.  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** Whatever. Just tell me where he is.  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** Who is ‘he’? You must be more specific.  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** Shizu-chan. Where is he?  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** I know he isn’t dead, but he hasn’t been seen in Ikebukuro in over a week.  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** And he isn’t at his apartment either.  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** Are you saying that you’ve been to his apartment?  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** Could it be that you miss him?  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** Don’t be disgusting.   
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** Do you know or not?  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** Of course I do.  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** How much?  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** You can’t afford it.  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** Don’t tell me you’ve been snooping through my finances?  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** That’s not what I meant. Not everything is paid for in money.  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** What are you talking about? Just tell me what you want.  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** I want nothing, I’m just looking out for Shizuo.  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** What does that mean?  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** I don’t think you have the purest of intentions, and I have been asked to keep his information a secret.  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** By who?  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** They didn’t tell you to keep that quiet as well, correct?  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** Ah, you’re far too clever for me.  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** So who told you to stay quiet?  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** I expect a payment first.  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** For only this much information, I won’t be paying full price.  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** I never said I wanted your money, I want information.  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** Have I finally found something that you haven’t? Fine, what is it?  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** I want to know what your intentions are with Shizuo.  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** My intentions? Are you his father now?  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** Orihara, you won’t get my information until I get yours.  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** Fine. I want to fuck him, get rid of these unhealthy dreams, then kill him.  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** Still saying it’s only exposure therapy?  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** I don’t want false information.  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** What are you talking about? That’s the truth, as strange as it might be to hear that coming from me.  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** I suppose that’s all you’re capable of at present. I expect an update in the near future.  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** What are you on about? As much as you enjoy mocking me, you can’t seriously believe I feel anything but hatred for that beast?  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** Who knows.   
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** …  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** Just tell me who told you to keep his location a secret.  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** Ah, you won’t believe me.  
  
**Orihara Izaya:  
** Just spit it out.  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi:  
** Shizuo did.  
  
**Orihara Izaya, confirmed dead!  
  
**

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_One week earlier_ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I don’t understand.” Shizuo said, scratching his temple with a finger, “You want me to hide?”  
  
[It does make some sense] Celty replied, typing slowly, [He’s used to finding you whenever he wants…]  
  
“The best offense is a good defence.” Kasuka added.  
  
“I don’t think that’s how that saying goes, Kasuka…” Shizuo sighed, “If I… want to get him, shouldn’t I be around?”  
  
“No. He needs to come after you, and you can’t be trusted right now.”  
  
Images of Izaya sauntering toward him came to mind and Shizuo cleared his throat. Kasuka had a point. “What about work though? And…”  
  
[I’ll talk to Tom. I’m sure he’ll understand, you’ve never missed a day so you’re probably owed some.]  
  
[What else do you need help with?]  
  
The brothers shared a look, and Kasuka answered first, “Nothing I can’t help brother with. I don’t mean to be rude, but would you mind speaking with Tom-san now? It’s getting quite late…”  
  
Celty rose from her position on the couch and nodded. [I won’t tell Shinra either, but I still think he’d be able to help.]  
  
“Help make things worse…” Shizuo muttered under his breath.  
  
Celty’s shoulders shook slightly and she nodded again, raising a hand to say her goodbyes for her as she left. It wasn’t until they heard Shooter drive away that the brothers started speaking.  
  
“You need to stop being Tsukumoya.”  
  
Shizuo sighed long and heavy as he leaned back in his seat. “I know, but I can’t.”  
  
“If you want to do this properly-”  
  
“I know, I know… it’s just…”  
  
“You can have him back if it doesn’t work.” Kasuka placed his hand on his brothers shoulder lightly. “But it is going to work.”  
  
“I don’t think I can do this again if it doesn’t, Kasuka. I can’-”  
  
“It’s going to work.”  
  
“What if it doesn’t?” the blonde turned his head so that his eyes could meet his brothers. He was scared and he needed Kasuka to tell him it would be alright. Kasuka was the smart one, so if he said it then he might just be able to believe it.  
  
“If it doesn’t, then you’ll try again and again until it does. Whether Orihara knows it or not, your feelings are mutual.”  
  
Shizuo let out a breath and closed his eyes tightly, nodding once.  
  
“Get your things together, you’ll be staying with me for a while.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was the fifth consecutive day that Izaya had been to Ikebukuro. It had taken three days of ~~soul-searching and confidence building~~ research for him to venture toward the city initially, something that he now regretted. The beast had somehow slipped out without being seen, and had managed to get Tsukumoya to keep his location a secret.  
  
It was an unfair advantage. None of Izaya’s usual sources had been able to tell him anything he didn’t already know, and the internet was alive with rumours of Shizuo’s possible demise. For the first time since he had met the beast, Izaya almost wished that he wasn’t the only one who knew so much about him.  
  
Today, Izaya had visited all of Shizuo’s usual haunts yet. He’d read his file on the blonde so many times by now he’d essentially memorised it (not that he hadn’t before), but still felt as though he was missing something. Namie had mocked him for it, as expected, but had offered him no help.  
  
Tom, Shizuo’s senpai and employer, had been even less helpful. All that man had done was _smirk_ and say he had no idea where Shizuo had run off to, and wasn’t sure when or if he would be back. It took every piece of self-control Izaya possessed to not torture the idiot in the street.  
  
He obviously knew something, but it was possible that the something he knew wouldn’t be helpful.  
  
Frustrated, Izaya found himself standing in front of Shinra’s front door but couldn’t remember walking there. He chuckled to himself, amused with his own strange behaviour. He pressed the buzzer with his index finger and leaned against a wall, waiting for the door to open.  
  
_Crash!  
  
_ Izaya rolled his eyes dramatically and pressed the buzzer again, only to be met with silence. Shinra was obviously pretending that he wasn’t home, which was quite the annoyance. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small, black leather case that contained his lock picking tools. The door was locked electronically, but if Izaya were loud enough then Shinra would probably attempt to stop him.  
  
Izaya cleared his throat and pulled out a piece of metal, jamming it haphazardly into the lock and wiggling it around. He could hear muffled whispers on the other side of the door, followed by heavy footsteps moving quickly. Once the footsteps faded, another set replaced them, coming to the front door.   
  
Taking a step backward and placing his tools back into his pocket, Izaya tried to look as innocent as possible for when the door opened. He heard the door unlocked and open hesitantly and Izaya jammed his foot into the opening.  
  
“Shinra, it’s rude to keep a guest waiting.” He sung, hoping to sound as annoying as Shinra was acting.   
  
No response.   
  
“I could be bloodied and beaten, is this any way to treat a friend and potential patient?”  
  
Izaya strained his ears only to hear a soft tapping, followed by a PDA being shoved into his face.  
  
[Are you hurt?]  
  
“Terribly, I’m afraid. I’ve never been so offended in all my life.” He pouted. _‘Where is Shinra?’_ “Are you going to let me in?”  
  
The PDA was pulled inside momentarily, then shoved back out again.   
  
[No.]  
  
Well wasn’t this a pain? “Why not? Are you afraid it will make Shinra jealous?”  
  
The door pressed against his foot painfully and for a brief second Izaya thought the Dullahan might actually use it to cut his foot off. Thankfully, Celty appeared to have the same thought and the pressure lessened slightly.  
  
[No. I’m busy.]  
  
“Busy? Do you have guests? I promise that I’ll play nice until Shinra comes home.”  
  
[Go away.]  
  
“Ah, so there’s someone there I shouldn’t see. I wonder who it could be..?” Ah. ‘ _Shizu-chan._ ’  
  
[No one. Go away.]  
  
“Fine, fine. If that’s what you want, then I will acquiesce just this once.” He waved a hand dramatically and wiggled his foot. “Ah, it appears I’m jammed in. Do you mind?”  
  
The pressure on his foot increased momentarily as if in warning before releasing completely. Taking his chance, he twisted his body and crouched down before ramming the door open with his shoulder. Too surprised by the movement to stop him completely, Izaya managed to barrel inside the door and past the startled Dullahan.  
  
He landed in a tight roll but lost his balance, his torso hitting the floor. He lifted his head just in time to see a mop of blonde hair jumping out the window.  
  
“Ha!”  
  
Jumping to his feet and dodging Celty’s sloppy attempt to stop him, he sprinted past Kasuka and followed Shizuo out the window and into the street.  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_Earlier that day  
  
_ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shizuo was pacing the large apartment so much that Ruri actually wondered if he’d wear a hole into the floor. The thought would ridiculous to anyone else, but anyone else wouldn’t have the same amount of strength as the impatient blonde.  
  
She wasn’t entirely sure what was happening, having only been given a little information, but she’d been privy to enough of the brother’s silent conversations that she was sure that Shizuo was in some sort of trouble.   
  
It had surprised her when Kasuka had brought him home a few days earlier, as the older Heiwajima never visited the apartment (apparently too afraid of tarnishing his younger brothers reputation). What surprised her more, however, was the way that Shizuo had been acting.  
  
He seemed impatient, but he no longer had a dangerous aura surrounding him. He didn’t seem angry or violent, only impatient and frustrated. It was as if a part of him were missing.  
  
“Sorry.” He mumbled for the third time that hour, noticing her watching him yet again. He clenched and unclenched his fists but stopped his pacing, choosing to look at his feet instead. “I uh, I wont lose it or anything, don’t worry.”  
  
“I know.” She replied quietly. This entire situation was strange and she hoped Kasuka would hurry up with whatever important work had suddenly popped up. Whatever urgent work it was, it popped up at least once a day and kept Kasuka glued to his computer in another room. “I’m sure he’ll be done soon.”  
  
Shizuo nodded and began pacing again, his eyebrows furrowing. Ruri continued to watch him out of curiosity for a few moments before walking to the kitchen to make some tea. The blonde probably wasn’t thirsty, but it might take his mind off of whatever was bothering him.   
  
The kettle had only just boiled when she heard the door to Kasuka’s study click open, and she poked her head out of the kitchen door to see if he was done. The brothers were staring at each other in silent conversation once again.  
  
“Would you like some tea?” She asked quietly, feeling guilty for intruding on their moment. Both pairs of eyes snapped to her, though Shizuo’s drifted back to his brother as if he were waiting for his answer.  
  
“No. We have to leave for a few hours.” Kasuka replied before turning back to his brother. “It’s time.”  
  
Ruri had been tempted to ask what it was time for, but the words died on her tongue when she saw Shizuo’s reaction. His entire face transformed at that sentence, changing from the worried, frustrated look to one full of joy. His smile was wide and his eyes eager, as if he were a child.   
  
It almost looked as if he were shaking with happiness as he stumbled around the apartment in search of his bow tie and vest, hurriedly trying to put them on. It was endearing how his fingers seemed uncooperative in tying his bow tie, and Ruri couldn’t stop herself from wanting to help.  
  
She stepped over to him and reached out her hands, lightly tugging the material away from his fingers and expertly tying it into a nice bow. The brothers watched her curiously, and the tips of Shizuo’s ears went slightly pink.  
  
“Thanks.” He mumbled, embarrassed at having someone else help dress him.  
  
“Whatever it is, you want to look your best.” She took a step backward and inspected her work.  
  
He nodded quickly and mumbled another thank you, then looked at Kasuka as if waiting for permission.  
  
“Let’s go.” Kasuka said, Shizuo brushing past him and jogging to the door as soon as he heard the words. Once they were alone, Kasuka turned to Ruri, “Thank you.”  
  
“What for?”  
  
“Helping brother.”  
  
Ruri smiled just a little and nodded. She didn’t know what she had done to help, but she knew Kasuka wouldn’t say it for no reason.  
  
“We’ll be back in a few hours.”  
  
Once he left, she went back to the kitchen and boiled the water once again. Leaning against the counter, she decided that perhaps it was better that she didn’t know what was going on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Izaya landed hard, too caught up in the messy blonde hair disappearing to correct himself. He’d possibly hurt his ankle but he brushed it off as unimportant. He’d just jumped out of a building and hadn’t died, and there were more important things to think about.  
  
Like Shizuo _getting away.  
  
_ “Where are you going, Shizu-chan?” He called out as he picked up the pace, chasing the man in front of him. It felt wrong, this wasn’t how this was supposed to go. For the second time in a week, Izaya was the one chasing Shizuo.  
  
The idea of it made him laugh like a madman, and he was tempted to try and rip out a street sign. Instead, he settled for throwing three knives at the sign just in front of Shizuo. Shizuo seemed to anticipate this however, and made a sharp turn down an alleyway to his right, dodging the sign completely.  
  
Muttering a curse under his breath, Izaya cut down the alleyway beside him and climbed up a fire escape as quickly as he could. Even if Shizuo had stayed on the ground, Izaya would be able to see him more clearly and chase him with fewer obstructions.  
  
He sprinted to the edge of the building and leapt to the next one, spotting Shizuo in the street over. He repeated the motion and leapt to yet another building before bolting to the fire escape and sliding down. His palms burnt with the friction, but he could worry about that later.  
  
He ran to the mouth of the alley he landed in and looked both ways frantically. Shizuo seemed to be avoiding the populated areas, so he shouldn’t be too hard to spot.  
  
Yet he was. It was as if he’d disappeared into thin air.   
  
“Shit.”  
  
Scowling, Izaya placed two hands on the dumpster beside him and took a shaking breath. The beast was meant to rampage and chase _him_ , not just disappear into thin _fucking_ air like some sort of hallucination.  
  
Enraged by the chase and letting Shizuo slip through the net, he drew his leg backward and kicked the dumpster in front of him as hard as he could. He gasped when the pain radiated throughout his leg, and balled his hands into fists.  
  
“Shit, shit, shit!” He yelled through clenched teeth, slamming his fists into the lid of the dumpster with each word.  
  
Closing his eyes, he tried to regain his composure. He pushed himself off the dumpster and decided to walk to the train station. He couldn’t go back to Shinra’s apartment to get patched up, especially if the doctor wasn’t there, and decided to just force Namie to do it instead.  
  
With a final glance at his surroundings, he limped away.  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_Earlier that day  
  
_ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

The brothers were waiting in the parking lot beneath Kasuka’s apartment building for the private car Kasuka had ordered. It was silent, save for the sound of Shizuo tapping his foot impatiently on the floor.  
  
“Brother.” Kasuka said quietly, looking pointedly at Shizuo’s foot.  
  
“Ah, sorry.” Shizuo muttered, rubbing the ball of his foot into the pavement as if to scrub away the nervous tapping. “Bit nervous…”  
  
“As long as you stick to the plan, everything should be fine.”  
  
“Yeah…”   
  
An uneasy silence took over the parking basement once again and Kasuka wondered if he’d actually preferred the tapping.   
  
“He’ll show up today, I’m certain.”  
  
“You sure Shinra won’t be there?”  
  
“Celty-san assured me that he wouldn’t be.” Kasuka pulled his phone from his trouser pocket and handed it to Shizuo. “Have a look for yourself.”  
  
Shizuo eyed his brother nervously before taking the phone. He unlocked it and opened the messages with his thumb, reading it out aloud.  
  
“’I told Shinra to go pick out clothes for me to wear. Embarrassed face, sad face, sad face.‘” He handed the phone back to Kasuka and shook his head.  
  
“She’s a very good friend to you, brother.” The brunette said quietly, remembering Shizuo complaining about how creepy the bespectacled man could be when it came to his love interest.  
  
“I should probably do something nice for her…”  
  
“Just remember not to get caught and I’m sure that will be all the present she needs.”  
  
“Yeah, but I dunno how I can manage to do that. The flea is… he’s _fast_ , I don’t think I can out run him.”  
  
The car they’d been waiting for drove into the parking area and pulled up in front of them. The driver jumped out of the car and walked quickly toward them, opening the door for them both.   
  
“You know him better than anyone else.” Kasuka replied once they were seated, “Do something he wouldn’t expect.”  
  
“I think running from him is something he wouldn’t expect.”  
  
“Would he expect you to hide?”  
  
“Hide? Uh, depends on where. He knows I won’t let your clothes get dirty I guess, so it’d be hard to hide anywhere.”  
  
“They’re your clothes, brother.” Kasuka said quietly, before thinking for a moment. “You should hide somewhere dirty then, if you don’t think you can lose him.”  
  
“But-”  
  
“They can always be washed. You’ll be jumping out of a window anyway, so why would a few dirty clothes be a problem?”  
  
“Because… you gave ‘em to me.”  
  
Though Kasuka’s expression stayed the same, he was honestly touched. He knew Shizuo cherished everything he was given, but it still made him quite happy.  
  
“Please, brother. I just want you to be happy. Nothing else matters, especially not your clothing.”  
  
Shizuo looked like he was going to protest further, but caught a glimpse of the smile only he could see on his brothers face. “’kay.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shizuo waited for twenty minutes before venturing out of the dumpster, paranoid that Izaya had somehow tricked him and was waiting outside of it. He lifted the lid slowly, peering through the small crack. The street looked empty, but he still felt cautious.   
  
He closed the lid again and sent Kasuka his location, deciding to wait it out inside the dumpster and ask for the car to come find him. Kasuka replied after a minute with an ‘okay’, and Shizuo let out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding.   
  
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his half-empty packet of cigarettes and plucked one out, lighting it as soon as it was fastened between his lips. It had been hard, harder than anything he’d done before, to not jump out of the damn dumpster when Izaya had thrown his fit.  
  
He knew that the informant must have hurt himself by how uneven his footsteps had sounded as he walked away, and Shizuo hated himself for not jumping out and carrying him to Shinra. Izaya injuring himself was his fault, and he’d just let him walk off alone.  
  
What if he got jumped? He’d still make it out alive, Shizuo knew that, but would his attackers be able to land a punch now? What if people with experience tried to hurt him? The thought sent a chill down his spine. As if anticipating his line of thought, Kasuka sent him another message with an update on Izaya. It seemed as though he’d made it onto his train safely and was on his way back to Shinjuku.  
  
Shizuo smacked his head on the wall of the dumpster and groaned before lifting the lid and exiting. He tapped the ash from his cigarette then let it hang loosely between his lips as he inspected the damage to his clothing.  
  
He smelled awful, but the bulk of the stains were on the lower half of his legs. “Kasuka said it was fine…”  
  
Taking a final drag from his smoke, he watched as the car pulled up in front of him. He dragged the smoke and stomped on it with a little more force than necessary before getting in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY! I'm slowly coming out of my writers block, so there should be another update in the next two days. I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to reply to your comments yet (I will, don't worry!), but I want you all to know I love every single one of them!
> 
> For those of you following Summer Holiday, I should be updating that as well (FINALLY) and more frequent updates will be happening!
> 
> I also have an ic tumblr for Tsukumoya (and also a crack one for Izaya's mother), so if you ever want to kick me up the butt for not updating or want to read about Tsukumoya being a douche, I've put the links on my profile. 
> 
> Now that that's out of the way! Thank you for reading and putting up with the dreadfully slow updates! I know where these stories are going now, and seem to be recovering from writers block, so the chapters should increase in length as well. This one is only small, but I wanted to get it out as quickly as possible for you guys (which is why this is, yet again, not proofread, haha).
> 
> The next few chapters will feature a very, very frustrated Izaya and an impatient Shizuo, so hopefully that will make up for everything :D
> 
> Thank you for putting up with me and for reading! <3


	17. Chapter 16

**_A few hours from now._ **

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 “There’s something you don’t know, Shizuo-kun…” Shinra took another sip of his blue cocktail, wincing when it entered his mouth. He’d never been one for alcohol, and even this burned his tongue.  
  
“Eh? And what’s that?” Shizuo snapped back, staring at his matching drink with distaste. Sure, it was sweet, but not sweet enough to hide the bitter taste of alcohol.  
  
“I saw you.”  
  
“Saw me?” Shizuo chuckled, “Yeah? I see you too, since you won’t leave me alone.”  
  
Shinra smiled softly, trying to arrange his thoughts. The alcohol had dulled his senses, and he was no longer wary of Shizuo’s anger (not that he ever really tread carefully sober), “No, Shizuo. I _saw_ you, before Izaya and I came into the classroom. I knew you were there.”  
  
“What are you-”  
  
“The disk. That game.” Shinra closed his eyes as if remembering, “I knew you’d want to see it, so I left it on my desk for you.”  
  
“Shinra-”  
  
“I never told him who you were, actually I wasn’t exactly sure until a little earlier today… Actually, I wasn’t sure until right now… I mean, you’re _Shizuo_ , the beast! The Fortissimo of Ikebukuro! No offence of course.”  
  
Shizuo’s face turned red as he panicked. He had the sudden urge to either run or snap Shinra’s neck. “I dunno what you’re talking about.”  
  
“Do you want me to say it?”  
  
“...no.”  
  
“I know who you are, Shizuo.”  
  
“Please….” Shizuo begged, not wanting Shinra to say it out loud, not wanting to lie if he did.  
  
Shinra leaned in, oblivious to the danger of doing so, and whispered to the flushed blonde beside him, “I know you’re Tsukumoya.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Namie had already left by the time Izaya had arrived home, leaving him to tend to his injuries alone. His ankle had become more painful after the adrenaline had left his system, as had the aching almost-burns on his palms. They were easy enough to fix himself, but he decided to call Shinra and ~~demand~~ ask that he ~~drop whatever useless thing he was doing and~~ come to Izaya’s apartment ~~immediately~~ when he had the chance.  
  
Izaya reasoned that having the almost-doctor inspect his wounds was the intelligent thing to do (as running and jumping were two of his most important abilities), and that it had nothing to do with him wanting to complain about Shizuo. In fact, the situation was laughable and not at all a blow to his ego.  
  
It didn’t affect him at all to know that not only was the beast running away from his attractive (sought-after, and admired) self, but that he had no idea why, or even where the blonde was currently staying. It was _not_ a blow to know that his rival informant was in on it, and that he was the last to know about anything.  
  
It wasn’t frustrating or painful in the least.  
  
He leaned from his position on the couch and picked up the television remote with his fingertips, debating with himself over whether he should turn it on or not. If he did, Shinra would assume that nothing had happened and everything was fine. If he didn’t, Shinra would assume that nothing had happened and everything was fine.  
  
Wait.  
  
He dropped the remote and ran his hand through his hair, ignoring the faint pain that coursed through his palm at the contact. Why was he even thinking about this? Was this problem with Shizuo so overwhelming that he couldn’t focus on other, more pressing matters?  
  
He groaned at the thought. It was utterly ridiculous to think that the Fortissimo of Ikebukuro could occupy this much of his time. It was ludicrous that he couldn’t stop his thoughts from drifting back to their last up-close encounter and the way Shizuo had looked at him, or the way Shizuo had pressed him against the wall of that alleyway, or the way he touched him in his dreams…  
  
It was infuriating and Izaya suddenly had the urge to either touch himself or dive headfirst off the roof of his building. Thankfully, he didn’t have to make the choice as a loud buzz reverberated throughout his apartment, signalling Shinra’s arrival.  
  
He stood up slowly and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself, before he limped to the door. He opened it to find a very annoyed Shinra on his door step, carrying a small bag in his hand and a scowl on his lips.  
  
“You aren’t dying.”  
  
Izaya laughed, “Would you prefer it if I was?”  
  
Shinra grumbled something incoherent and brushed his way past the informant and into the apartment. He was in absolutely no mood to put up with Izaya’s antics, not after the disappointing message he’d received from Celty. Despite his shopping spree, it had been made quite clear that he would no longer be attending a private fashion show.  
  
“The only time you’ve ever demanded I come here was when you fell on your own knife.” Shinra grumbled, slamming his bag down on the coffee table, “So I had just _hoped_ that you’d be dying.”  
  
“I’m so sorry to disappoint you, I’ll do my best next time.” Izaya replied sighing, walking slowly toward the couch. “Unfortunately, I’m not accustomed to being the pursuer.”  
  
“The what?” Shinra almost laughed as he pulled out some alcoholic swabs and gauze. “Who could the Great Orihara Izaya deem worthy of chasing?”  
  
Izaya winced at that but hid it as he sat on the couch, holding out his palms. “It isn’t that _they_ were worthy, only that it was _necessary_. I didn’t _intend_ on chasing Shizu-chan out _your_ window.”  
  
“My window?” Shinra asked quizzically, “What are you-”  
  
“I came for a visit. I must say, I was hurt that the courier wouldn’t let me in. If only she’d told me she was entertaining, I might have left.”  
  
“Entertai- Who was there?!” Shinra asked, slightly panicked. He had _known_ a fashion show was too good to be true.  
  
“Shizu-chan and Kasuka-kun, from what I saw. I was a too little preoccupied to ask for the guest list.”  
  
“Why did you chase him out a window?”  
  
“Because he jumped out of it.”  
  
“And you didn’t see anything strange about that?” Shinra asked in disbelief. It so obviously looked like a set up.  
  
“About him running? Of course, but I can’t find out why until I catch him.” Izaya replied easily, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
Shinra stared at him for a minute, hands stilled and mouth slightly open. Without thinking, he held the back of his hand to Izaya’s forehead in search of the fever that must be there. There was no way he could miss something so glaringly obvious.  
  
“My ankle and my palms are injured, I’m not _ill_.” Izaya said in the same tone one would use on a child, and Shinra fought a snicker.  
  
“You looked a little flushed. Give me your hands.”  
  
Izaya did as instructed, managing to keep a straight face despite the burning of the alcohol on his palms.  
  
“Is that everything?” Shinra questioned, peering at the brunette over his glasses.  
  
“Were you expecting a more riveting conversation?” Izaya teased, though it sounded almost bitter, “Would you like to talk about boys whilst we do each other’s nails?”  
  
“…sounds like you want to talk about a certain ‘boy’.” Shinra muttered in return, his eyes a little more playful than Izaya would like.  
  
Izaya’s only reply was an over the top eye roll.  
  
Shinra smiled kindly then slapped an adhesive bandage onto Izaya’s palm, eliciting a small yelp. “If that’s the case, then there’s no need for me to be here. Your ankle is probably fine, and you can finish your other palm yourself.”  
  
Standing up, the underground doctor began to pack away his things. He could almost hear the gears turning in Izaya’s head as he fought to find an excuse, and struggled to contain his chuckle when his childhood companion spoke up.  
  
“If _you_ want to discuss Shizu-chan, I suppose there’s no helping it. You’ll just talk on and on regardless.”  
  
“I don’t think I have much to say, Izaya-kun.” He snapped his bag shut and turned to face Izaya, “if that’s all, I’ll be leaving. I don’t want to be away from my honey for too long!”  
  
Izaya shot out a hand as the doctor tried to leave, grabbing his wrist with a little more force than necessary. “You said you would help.”  
  
Shinra stopped and turned, not bothering to hide his amusement. “You _demanded_ that I help.”  
  
“Semantics.” Izaya grinned, baring his teeth, “You haven’t been very helpful.”  
  
“Don’t blame your failures on me, I don’t even know what’s been happening.”  
  
“I haven’t failed at anything.” Izaya snapped, giving Shinra’s wrist a painful squeeze before dropping it. “Where were you today? Why was Shizu-chan with Celty, or is he staying with you?”  
  
Izaya looked almost pitiful with how desperate he was, and Shinra had to hide his smile. “He is not, I can’t have another man sleeping in the same house as Celty. It would be scandalous!”  
  
“Then why was he there?”  
  
“I don’t know, but I don’t like it.” Shinra said, reasoning that he wasn’t truly lying. He didn’t know for sure that Celty, Shizuo and Kasuka had laid a trap for Izaya, and he didn’t like the fact that he didn’t know.  
  
“Find out.” Izaya turned away from him and applied the adhesive bandage to his other palm gently, “He’s not at his apartment either.”  
  
“Have you visited his apartment?”  
  
“I’ll wire your payment for today’s services over as soon as you leave.”  
  
“If you can admit that you miss him, I’ll give you half off.”  
  
“Get out, Shinra.”  
  
“Fine, fine.” Shinra replied happily as he placed his bag in his other hand, “I’ll see if I can find out what happened, but I’m not an “information broker” so I doubt I’ll hear about where he’s hiding. Why don’t you ask that informant friend of yours?”  
  
“Informant friend?” Izaya fought the urge to sigh and roll his eyes, “I can’t.”  
  
“So you have and he wouldn’t tell you.”  
  
“I didn’t say that.”  
  
“You didn’t have to, but I’m interested in why he didn’t.” Shinra paused, adjusting his glasses absent-mindedly. He wasn’t all that interested really, but he did enjoy watching Izaya squirm.  
  
After a long moment of silence, Izaya released the sigh despite himself and pinched his brow, “He said Shizu-chan told him not to.”  
  
“He knows Shizuo-kun?” Shinra replied, failing to hide his surprise.  
  
“So it would seem. Honestly, I always knew he had bad taste, but to think he associates with a protozoan like Shizu-chan…” Izaya leaned backward, shaking his head slightly. “I think he’s slipping, actually. He’s been quite strange lately.”  
  
“Strange?”  
  
Izaya opened his eyes, staring at his childhood companion with a peculiar expression. “As I said, I’ll wire you the payment. I think you’ve had quite enough information from me today.”  
  
Knowing that Izaya wouldn’t give him anything else, Shinra bade the informant farewell and left the apartment. Once he was safely behind the thick metal doors of the elevator, he pulled his phone out from his coat pocket.  
  
[Whatever you did today seems to be working, but don’t try to get too cosy with my Celty!]  
  
After sending the message to Kasuka, he sent a quick (and slightly graphic) text to his roommate, sighing happily to himself. If his two childhood friends stopped fighting and started dating, then surely he’d get more date nights with his beloved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Private Post**

It was a lie when it was said that Heiwajima Shizuo is no longer unable to control his emotions. Though he is currently able to control his emotions more than he lets others know, he is still prone to violent fits and irrational acts, especially when those he cares most for are in harm’s way.  
  
It’s funny, isn’t it, that those who have been on the receiving end of his supposed rage still may attempt to fight him a second time. They gather friends and weapons, make plans in dark corners, then strike all at once. They do so when he has let his guard down, hoping to have the upper hand.  
  
It is in these quiet moments, when Shizuo looks unguarded, that these attackers are the safest. He is often lost in his thoughts, thinking about the one thing that stops his anger in his tracks. It isn’t difficult for him to keep his head when he is already thinking about the one he’d give it up for.  
  
The people beaten will crawl away injured and regroup, licking their wounds and swearing vengeance.  
  
Unfortunately, not everyone is so lucky as to find Shizuo in such a forgiving mood.  
  
I can recall an incident that occurred some eight years ago, after Shizuo had found a group of slightly older boys threatening to beat the object of his desires to a bloody pulp. During the first incident, he’d let them off relatively easily. He’d only broken one or two bones on each member of the small group, which all healed normally and without complications.  
  
Unfortunately, these same teens had decided that the only reason they were injured was because of Orihara Izaya, and reasoned that the best thing to do would be to break all two hundred and six of his bones as compensation. So, they waited and made various plans, agreeing that they would lynch the soon-to-be informant in an alleyway as he walked to school one autumn morning.  
  
What they hadn’t planned for, however, was Shizuo’s unwavering devotion and protectiveness. After hearing about this plan, he waited for the group to show at the pre-determined meeting place in order to talk some sense into them. This is where the group made their most fatal mistake.  
  
From what I’ve heard, not only were the boys unrepentant, they were also adamant that Orihara deserved hospitalisation and had decided to go into graphic detail about exactly how beaten they wanted him to be. They were speaking with Heiwajima Shizuo, Orihara Izaya’s archenemy, so this would surely save them from another doctor’s visit.  
  
Shizuo has stated that he doesn’t exactly remember what happened after that. He flew into such an incredible rage that the only things he remembers from the experience are the sounds of bones shattering and terrified screaming, and the colours red and dark brown. By the time he ‘woke’ from his trance, only three minutes had passed and each and every teenager (bar himself) was unconscious.  
  
He called an ambulance and ran home, hoping no one noticed the blood staining his hands and school shirt, and did not go to school for three days. One of the boys was so badly injured that his doctors feared he may never walk again (though this information was hidden from Shizuo), and two required life-saving surgery. Another had to be fitted for a full set of dentures.  
  
It’s truly terrible, isn’t it? Well, I suppose it seems terrible, but you can never truly blame Shizuo for what happens once he enters a true fury. His brain works against him, and he is no more able to control it than he’s able to control his eye colour. He can mask it, but it will always be there, hiding under the surface.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  


**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It had been a while since Shizuo and Kasuka had arrived home and Kasuka had convinced Shizuo to have a shower. He didn’t want to, choosing to fidget constantly as he tried to work out how to have an argument with Kasuka in a way that would mean they weren’t actually arguing. At the rate he was chewing his lip, Kasuka had honestly wondered if he’d eat it by accident.  
  
“Brother.” He said, hoping the word would prompt some sort of response.  
  
“’m fine.”  
  
“You aren’t fine.”  
  
“I’m fine.”  
  
“You aren’t f-”  
  
“Why can’t I just go to him now?” Shizuo blurted out more loudly than he’d originally intended. Kasuka was suddenly thankful that he had no neighbours, “I mean… It’s not that I just wanna do… do _that_ with him, not that I _don’t_ want to, b-but! But maybe if I’m really good-”  
  
“No.”  
  
“But I read a few of those stories online, and sometimes if you do a _really_ good job-”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Bu-”  
  
“Shizuo.”  
  
Shizuo stopped in his tracks, unclenching the fists he’d subconsciously curled and staring at his feet. Kasuka never called him by his name without a good reason.  
  
“That won’t work. I thought you wanted more from Orihara.”  
  
“I do! But-”  
  
“Then just wait.”  
  
“Okay but what if-”  
  
“Does that idea involve going to him right now?”  
  
“…yes.”  
  
“Then no.”  
  
“Damn it!” Shizuo raised his voice, then shot Kasuka a frightened look. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… to yell at you… I just…”  
  
Kasuka watched as his brother crouched down and folded in on himself, breathing shakily. He walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder gently.  
  
“I love him, Kasuka. I don’t want to, and I know he hates me, but all I wanna do is just…”  
  
“I know.” The brothers shared a silent moment, waiting for it to pass. Having the end in sight, a conclusion to almost a decade of hurt and unrequited love was almost unbearable. It was finally close enough to see, but that somehow made it seem further away.  
  
“Orihara-san?” Ruri’s voice broke the silence, her footsteps echoing throughout the room as the two Heiwajima’s held their breath. “I didn’t, um, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but…”  
  
“How much did you hear?”  
  
Ruri’s eyes widened a little, shocked at the emotion in Kasuka’s voice. It sounded the same as it always did, only… heavier in some way. She exhaled, eyes flitting between the two men. “I heard enough.”  
  
“Shit…” Shizuo grumbled, happy his face was already in his hands.  
  
“Shizuo-san… can I talk to you? I know it’s not my place, but…”  
  
“I don’t know that it’s a good idea.” Kasuka interjected, moving in front of Shizuo a little as if to protect him.  
  
“It’s fine… She’s basically family, right? Or… sorta like it?” Shizuo mumbled, slowly straightening himself out as he rose but keeping his head low as he tried to hide behind Kasuka.  
  
The brunette turned around, frowning in a way that only Shizuo could see. After a moment, he nodded, “I’ll be outside.”  
  
He walked past Ruri, nodding slightly as he passed her. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust _her_ , but he didn’t exactly trust anyone with Shizuo or his feelings. He clicked the door shut behind him and pulled out his phone, only to notice that it was flat. With an inaudible sigh, he plugged it in before making his way to the study.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Celty! I’m home!” Shinra squealed as he barrelled through the front door, eager to see his dullahan. He wondered if perhaps today would be the day she greeted him in a sexy apron or school girls outfit and salivated at the thought. No matter how impossible a reality that would be, no one could take his fantasies away from him.  
  
He trotted through the entrance and into the apartment, humming a song only he recognised to himself as he searched for his beloved. A soft tapping sounded from the couch and he snapped his head toward it, immediately changing course.  
  
“Celty!” He chirped, throwing himself over the back of the couch so he could land atop her. Sadly, his plans were thwarted when his limbs caught by black shadows which thrust him toward the ceiling.  
  
[What are you doing?!]  
  
“I couldn’t help myself! Whenever I’m around you, I lose all thought and reason and only wish to be trapped against yo- mmmph!”  
  
Celty shook slightly with embarrassment, ignoring the muffled noises coming from the shadow gag she’d place on Shinra’s mouth.  
  
[Don’t say things like that so bluntly!]  
  
“Mmms rmmmhhphh uuurrmm!”  
  
Even though she couldn’t make out the words, Celty knew he’d said something embarrassing and had her shadows tighten their grip slightly.  
  
[I’m not in the mood for this. Leave me alone.]  
  
Shinra’s expression suddenly turned from one of happiness and amusement to concern.  
  
“Mmmr urrrr mmmrrkkeerrr? Mmmrrreee?”  
  
Celty typed a message on her PDA as she lowered Shinra to the couch. [No… but I don’t want to talk about it.]  
  
“Mmrt mrrppnnd?”  
  
Celty smiled inwardly at Shinra’s continued attempts at conversation and removed the shadow gag. [I don’t want to talk about it.]  
  
Shinra took her hand and squeezed it softly, beaming at her, “That’s fine, but you’ll tell me when you’re ready.”  
  
Celty shrugged noncommittally and tried to pull her hand away, only to find that Shinra was refusing to let it go.  
  
““What are you doing?” I’m holding your hand, and I have a question for you.” Shinra said for her, tightening his grip ever so slightly, “Why were Shizuo-kun, Kasuka-kun, and Izaya-kun here today? I know it must have been a trap, but I want to know _why._ Why are you speaking with them? Why did this happen when I wasn’t here?”  
  
Celty snatched her hand away and ignored the look of hurt on Shinra’s face, grabbing her PDA from her lap. [I can’t tell you. Nothing strange is happening.]  
  
“It’s nothing strange but you can’t tell me?”  
  
[I can’t.]  
  
“Don’t you trust me?”  
  
[Of course I do!]  
  
“Then why won’t you tell me?”  
  
[Because I can’t!] Celty stood up quickly, taking a few steps backward to put space between the two of them. [I can’t! Don’t ask me!]  
  
Seeing how upset his love was, Shinra flew to his feet as well. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to upset you! I just need to know they aren’t doing anything strange with you!”  
  
[!!!!!!]  
  
[You don’t trust me???]  
  
“Of course I do, but-”  
  
Celty held up a hand, cutting him off. [I’m going out. I’ll be back later.]  
  
“Wait!” Shinra run in front of her, holding his arms out by his sides slightly, “It’s dark outside, you shouldn’t go out alone!”  
  
[I don’t want you to come.]  
  
“I know…” Shinra swallowed the lump in his throat, “Just stay here. I need to go out anyway, and there’s no point in both of us leaving.”  
  
Celty’s body language told him that she didn’t believe him, but he was already stepping back into his shoes. “I’ll be back later.”  
  
Shinra turned and left before she could argue, and tried to think of where he could go for a few hours.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[If you were wondering, which I’m sure your brother is, Izaya-kun is fine. Well, he’s annoying but fine. And you and I need to talk about today.]  
  
Kasuka exited the message application on his phone and placed it back on the counter top. He closed his eyes and leaned backward, wondering just how he’d explain this to Shinra. It wasn’t that he had wanted to keep him in the dark about their actions, but with Shizuo and Celty close by all day he couldn’t exactly tell him.  
  
After a moment, he pushed himself upward and propelled himself toward the room where Ruri and Shizuo were talking. He didn’t exactly want to interrupt, but he knew Shizuo would want to know that Izaya was fine and they had been in there for quite some time.  
  
He raised a hand to knock on the door, only to have it swing open and Shizuo’s face tower over the top of him.  
  
“Kasuka!”  
  
“Brother?”  
  
“Uh…”

  
“Shizuo-san…”  
  
“…” Kasuka leaned to the side to look at Ruri’s face, then looked back at his brother. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“Nothing! Nothing is wrong! I just…” Shizuo shifted his weight and darted his eyes around, as if he could pluck an excuse from the air, “I just… need to go.”  
  
“You’re hiding, brother.”  
  
“I am...”  
  
“Why do you need to go?”  
  
“I just… I do. I need to think.”  
  
Kasuka looked at the guilty look on his girlfriends face then stepped out of Shizuo’s way.  
  
“Thanks. I’ll see you soon.”  
  
Shizuo quickly walked out of the room, picking his smokes and wallet up off the coffee table as he passed it before leaving the apartment. Kasuka kept his eyes on Ruri, silently asking her what happened.  
  
“I didn’t think… I don’t regret talking to him, but I didn’t think he’d be so…”  
  
“Sensitive?”  
  
“Yes…” Ruri sighed, walking toward Kasuka, “But he needed to hear it.”  
  
“Hear what?”  
  
Ruri stopped a few feet away from Kasuka, before quietly replying. “That Orihara is… human.”  
  
“Brother is human.”  
  
“Yes he is, but… He’s like me.” She took another step closer, fingers twitching, “We aren’t as breakable. I just asked him to be certain that he loved him, and not-”  
  
“It’s been almost ten years.”  
  
Ruri stopped moving, staring at her feet as she listened to Kasuka.  
  
“Ever since high school, I’ve watched brother suffer and pine to Orihara. I’ve watched him break over and over. He does love him.”  
  
“I didn’t realise… I thought…” Ruri took another step closer, closing the gap between them. Her fingers brushed Kasuka’s, only for him to snatch them away from her. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“He isn’t a monster.”  
  
“I know he isn’t, but he needs to think of Orihara’s feelings as well.”  
  
“Orihara loves him.”  
  
“How do you know?”  
  
“I kno-”  
  
“How? By the sounds of it, he’s terrified.”  
  
“He isn’t afraid of my brother.”  
  
“He’s afraid of his feelings, if he has any.” Ruri replied, voicing rising slightly in pitch, “Have you considered how this may affect him?”  
  
“He loves my brother, whether he realises it or not.”  
  
Ruri shook her head sadly. “I hope you’re right, because if you aren’t then the both of them will be in a lot of pain.”  
  
Kasuka nodded once, “I know.”  
  
Ruri simply looked at him, wishing she could see an expression of some sort. It was hard enough when he wasn’t upset, but to be so expressionless when he was made her feel hopeless. Without saying anything more, she walked past him and into the kitchen. She’d wait until Shizuo returned to apologise again, but that didn’t mean she thought she was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!
> 
> BUT! I am totally on a roll right now and am actually writing _another_ chapter for this right now! I'm only posting this because it hit a pretty good stopping point, _but there will be more._
> 
> I saw somewhere in the comments that someone called that it'd become a bit angsty, and you were right. It's all getting a little complicated really, if only these two idiots would just... ;jdh;ahg
> 
> In any case, PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR MORE! And don't hate poor Ruri too much, she's only doing what she thinks is right, and Kasuka and Shizuo really do need to think about what all of this means.


	18. Chapter 17A

**_A few drinks from now.  
  
_ **

**Orihara Izaya  
** That doesn’t make any sense.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** It doesn’t? Or could it be that you are simply unable to understand it.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** No, it doesn’t make any sense. You and I both know that guns are illegal in Japan, it would be near impossible for a teenager to acquire one.  
  
**  
Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** Unless they have the right connections.  
  
**  
Orihara Izaya  
** The right connections? And what connections would those be?  
  


**Tsukumoya Shinichi, reborn!  
  
  
**

**Orihara Izaya  
** Is this some kind of joke?

 **Orihara Izaya  
** You can’t answer me, so you’re going to play a game instead?

 **Orihara Izaya  
** Very well, I’ll play along. Welcome, Tsukumoya 2.0.

 **Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** uzAYa

 **Orihara Izaya**  
Very funny.

 **Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** i cl0ve yoU nso mucsh iszaya

 **Orihara Izaya  
** Excuse me?

  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** I’m sorry about this, Orihara. It would seem as though I am having technical difficulties. Perhaps you should sign out and come back in five minutes.

 **Orihara Izaya  
** And miss this? I think I’ll stay~

 **Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** ikzaya give me your numebr i can'ot remember it rtight now

 **Orihara Izaya  
** It looks like your bug loves me, Tsukumoya.

 **Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** don't caltl me tfhat, uaSe qmy real name

 **Orihara Izaya  
** Your real name? Don’t tell me you’ve been using an alias!

 **Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** Orihara, please exit the chat.

  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** i loove yuo iziaya eenv though you're shitty shvitty shitty i lovde lvoe love izyaa izaya Izaya

  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** i wanna heaur yaou xsay mcy nhame

 **Orihara Izaya  
** Your name? I’ll scream it from the rooftops!

 **Orihara Izaya  
** I’ll even come visit!

 **Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** realcly? really recally? no lei?

 **Orihara Izaya  
** Of course~, just tell me what it is…

 **Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** oxh mby ogbd

 **Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** okay are yobu ready? my name ois

 **Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** promise uoy wopn't be mad?

 **Orihara Izaya  
** Promise~

 **Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** you're sgo nicfe izaya!!v!  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

ok  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

mcy name

 **Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** itS;;;  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi**

reADy?// ork,,,  
  


**Tsukumoya Shinichi, confirmed dead!  
  
**

**  
Orihara Izaya  
** Oh, no fair!

  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** You shouldn’t try to take advantage of another’s weakness, no matter how fleeting.

  
**Orihara Izaya  
** You’re no fun, Tsukumoya. To think you’d start a prank and not finish it.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** Or couldn’t you think of a believable name? With how you’ve been lately, I bet you were going to say you’re really Shizu-chan, right?

 

 **Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** You caught me, Orihara. I was definitely going to say I’m really Shizuo.  
  
**  
Orihara Izaya  
** That’s a bad joke, even for you.  
  
**  
Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** Don’t tell me you’re disappointed that I’m not your ‘Shizu-chan’.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** Of course not.  
  
  
**Orihara Izaya  
** But you have reminded me of some urgent business.  
  
  
**Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** Good luck with your attempted sexcapade, Orihara.  
  


**Orihara Izaya, confirmed dead!  
  
  
  
Tsukumoya Shinichi  
** Fuck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shinra had been walking around the city aimlessly, doctors bag in one hand and face pointed to the pavement. He never really left the apartment (why would he when everything he ever wanted was usually there with him?) and was unsure of where exactly he should go for a few hours.  
  
He could go to visit Izaya again, but he really was in no mood for theatrics and denials. He could probably go to the Awakusu-kai headquarters under the guise of a house call, but for what purpose? No one there was ill, and he wasn’t close enough to anyone there for that to be acceptable.  
  
Just the thought of Shiki’s gaze penetrating his very soul was enough to force his feet to still as he shivered slightly. Humans were strange indeed.  
  
_Thud!  
  
_ A loud noise directed his attention to the park across the street where he saw Shizuo angrily stomping a cigarette into the ground. Shizuo, the one who had been with his beloved when he was not, who had probably caused these problems in the first place.  
  
With a deep breathe, he straightened his back and walked across the street, ignoring the cars honking at him, and straight up to Shizuo.  
  
“Shizuo! I have a- huh?”  
  
He tilted his head and squinted. Was this really Heiwajima Shizuo?  
  
“Whaddya want, Shinra?” the blonde snapped back, picking up the destroyed and half buried cigarette butt and placing it into his ash pouch. “Not in the mood for your shit today, so spit it out so I can punch you.”  
  
“Shizuo-kun, have you been…” Shinra shook his head and decided not to ask. “Come with me.”  
  
“I _said_ , I’m not in the mood!”  
  
“And I said to come with me.”  
  
Shizuo glared at the bespectacled man and mumbled something about glasses being crushed into certain body parts, but started to follow him anyway. They were both silent, not noticing the way the residents of Ikebukuro parted for them on the street, until they reached a bar.  
  
“What are we doin’ here?”  
  
“Drinking.”  
  
“I don’t drink.”  
  
“Neither do I, Shizuo-kun.” Shinra replied in a bored voice before opening the door with his free hand, “After you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_A little while ago..._ **

****

****

****

****

 

 

 

 

 

  
  
The door shut quietly behind Kasuka and silence filled the room. Shizuo kept his eyes at his feet, and Ruri wondered if asking to talk to Shizuo was a good idea after all. She knew she wasn’t family, but she couldn’t help but worry about the man Kasuka cared for so much. She cleared her throat and gestured toward a chair.  
  
“Maybe we should sit down…”  
  
Shizuo jumped slightly then moved quickly toward a chair, the look on his face similar to that of a child caught misbehaving. It made her heart hurt slightly to think she was this intimidating, but she ignored the feeling and went to sit across from him. No matter how sweet he seemed, he was just like her, and she needed to talk to him.  
  
“You love Orihara Izaya?”  
  
“…yes.”  
  
“I see.”  
  
Silence once again as she tried to put her thoughts into some sort of order and Shizuo fidgeted nervously.  
  
“Orihara is… human.”  
  
“…I know.”  
  
“And you’re-”  
  
“I know.”  
  
They stared at each other, Shizuo with wide eyes and Ruri attempting to hide the pity in hers.  
  
“I don’t know what’s going on, or for how long, but Orihara is… if you just want to… sleep with him… you should stop.”  
  
“…”  
  
“You need to think about this, Shizuo-san.”  
  
“…”  
  
“You might hurt him.”  
  
Shizuo sighed, bending his neck so he could bury his face in his hands. “I know… my strength…”  
  
“That’s not what I-”  
  
“I try to control it, but sometimes it’s just hard.”  
  
“Shizuo-san, I meant emotionally hurt.”  
  
“…”  
  
“Are you sure you care for him? That this isn’t just one form of obsession turning into another?”  
  
“I… think so?”  
  
“You think so?”  
  
“…yeah.”  
  
Ruri sighed, wondering if she was doing any good. “Why do you love him?”  
  
“Why?” Shizuo repeated, eyes darting up to meet Ruri’s as if he were surprised by the question. “I just… do.”  
  
“What do you love about him?”  
  
“Well… he’s not afraid of me.”  
  
“…”  
  
“…”  
  
“Is that all?”  
  
“No! I… he’s also…”  
  
“What about his personality?”  
  
Shizuo laughed softly, “It’s pretty shitty.”  
  
“His looks?”  
  
“…not shitty.”  
  
“So you like how he looks and that he isn’t afraid of you?”  
  
“Yes- I mean, no! There’s more than that!”  
  
“But you can’t say what or why?”  
  
“I just… I just know, okay?”  
  
“Okay. I believe you.” Ruri replied, heart beating loudly in her ears.

 

“It’s… I like it.”  
  
“Like what?”  
  
“That he’s shitty…” Ruri watched as Shizuo seemed to transform before her eyes. The constant scowl he usually wore morphed into a small, shy smile, and his eyes seemed wider and kinder than usual. His posture seemed to straighten with whatever he was thinking about, and he had a different air about him. “ _Izaya_ … he’s smart and clever, y’know, but not just book smart. He’s smart in everything he does.”  
  
Ruri nodded, not knowing how else to react.  
  
“And he’s funny, too. And he’s really good with people, not just ‘cause he says he loves them ad nauseam, but because he just _knows_ them. He doesn’t really wanna hurt anyone, he just… he’s good withpeople but not _with people_ , y’know? He’s lonely.”  
  
Ruri felt a little surprise at hearing Shizuo use a term like ‘ad nauseam’, but put it down to Shizuo being influenced by his younger brother. “I believe you.”  
  
“But…” Shizuo sighed heavily, sadness morphing his features once again, “You’re right. I’ll just hurt him. He doesn’t know how to _be_ loved, or to love only one person, and he just hates me.”  
  
“It… he seems interested…” Ruri tried, knowing that the brunette in question was completely obsessed.  
  
“Yeah, in sex, but I don’t want that.” Shizuo caught himself, looking up at Ruri with an ashamed expression, “I’m-! I’m sorry! I shouldn’t… shit- I mean! Sh-shoot!”  
  
“It’s fine Shizuo-san…” Ruri blushed faintly.  
  
“N-no, I’m… this is why! I can’t even hold my tongue in front of a lady!”  
  
“It’s-”  
  
“Sorry!” Shizuo was already on his feet and headed toward the door. Ruri stood, trying to figure out how to prevent him from leaving but it was already too late. Shizuo opened the door and Kasuka was on the other side, hand raised and ready to knock.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
“What can I get for you two gentlemen?” The bartender asked, using incredibly formal speech despite the poor quality of the bar. Given that they were in Ikebukuro, it was likely that the man recognised Shizuo, and didn’t like the look of his companion in the doctor’s coat.  
  
“Uh, well… I’ll have whatever Shizuo-kun is having!” Shinra replied, having absolutely no knowledge on alcohol whatsoever. Celty couldn’t drink, so why bother learning anything about it?  
  
He turned to Shizuo who, despite being clad in a bartenders outfit, had an incredibly confused look on his face. “Uh,”  
  
“Shizuo-kun?”  
  
“Just gimme a second.” He replied, brow furrowed as he tried to recall the name of the chocolate drink he had with Tom, “It’s… chocolate?”  
  
“Shizuo-kun, you’re dressed like a bartender and you don’t know what to order other than “It’s chocolate”?”  
  
“Shut up!”  
  
“We don’t have the necessary ingredients for anything chocolate based, sir…” the bartender interjected softly, slightly nervous but managing to keep a professional air about him. “What sort of things do you enjoy? I could make a recommendation.”  
  
“Uh, well, I guess I like sweet stuff, but I don’t like fruit much.” Shizuo scratched his head, awkwardly looking at the bar in front of him.  
  
“I see, I could make you a-”  
  
“What colour is it?” Shinra interrupted, “Cocktails have different colours, right?”  
  
“Blue?”  
  
“No black?”  
  
“Blue is fine.” Shizuo said, allowing the bartender to leave and mix their drinks.  
  
“Black is better…”  
  
Shizuo rolled his eyes, “Why’d ya drag me here? Have a fight with Celty or somethin’?”  
  
Shinra frowned and Shizuo felt a small amount of pity for his companion, but wasn’t looking forward to the rant he was bound to here.  
  
“Something like that… Why were you with her today?”  
  
“Me?”  
  
“You.”  
  
“Oh uh, just wanted to visit?” Shizuo lied, averting Shinra’s eyes.  
  
“It didn’t have anything to do with Izaya-kun?”  
  
“No…”  
  
“Right. Well, my Celty and I…”  
  
“You fought over somethin’ stupid like that.”  
  
“…”  
  
Shizuo sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling guilty for causing a problem between Celty and Shinra, “Look, I’m sure it’ll be fine. You’re always a dumbass, she’s probably used to it.”  
  
Shinra pouted at that, and both he and Shizuo were silent as the bar tender placed their drinks in front of them, only nodding in thanks before staring at the blue drinks in front of them.  
  
“I still think black is a better colour.”  
  
“Shut up. It’s not even a colour.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“It’s a _tone_ , idiot.” Shizuo replied easily, taking a small sip of his drink and slightly cringing at the subtle taste of alcohol, “I thought you were meant to be smart.”  
  
Shinra squinted at him, taking a sip of his own and reacting in a similar way. He found what Shizuo had said to be a little odd, but not enough to question it. Still, he didn’t like being corrected and was still bitter about _who_ his and Celty’s fight had been about, and decided that Shizuo needed to suffer as much as he had. “I saw Izaya-kun today.”  
  
Shizuo picked up his drink and took a large sip as his other hand threatened to break the bar. “So fucking what?”  
  
“I heard you’re hiding.”  
  
“Eh? Who said that?” Shizuo grunted, doing his best to sound annoyed as Shinra finished his drink in a few gulps.  
  
“Excuse me, bartender-san, can we have two more?”  
  
“I’m not finished.”  
  
“You will, we’re both drinking.”  
  
“I don’t wan-”  
  
“I thought you hated informants.”  
  
“I do, they’re shitty liars who get off on makin’ other people miserable.” Shizuo finished his drink just as the bartender brought over the new ones, and he winced at the sight of it. “Why?”  
  
“Izaya-kun said you’re friends with one, that guy who has been bothering him since we were in… high school…” That’s right, not long after that stupid game…  
  
Shinra looked at Shizuo from the corner of his eye, noticing how fidgety he’d suddenly become. Everything made sense now that he thought about it, but this was _Shizuo._ Shinra was certain that this was a lie, but there was only one way to be sure. He decided to try and stay calm, hoping it would catch the blonde off guard.  
  
“There’s something you don’t know, Shizuo-kun…” Shinra took another sip of his blue cocktail, wincing when it entered his mouth. He’d never been one for alcohol, and even this burned his tongue.  
  
“Eh? And what’s that?” Shizuo snapped back, staring at his matching drink with distaste. Sure, it was sweet, but not sweet enough to hide the bitter taste of alcohol.  
  
“I saw you.”  
  
“Saw me?” Shizuo chuckled, “Yeah? I see you too, since you won’t leave me alone.”  
  
Shinra smiled softly, trying to arrange his thoughts. The alcohol had dulled his senses, and he was no longer wary of Shizuo’s anger (not that he ever really tread carefully sober), “No, Shizuo. I _saw_ you, before Izaya and I came into the classroom. I knew you were there.”  
  
“What are you-”  
  
“The disk. That game.” Shinra closed his eyes as if remembering, “I knew you’d want to see it, so I left it on my desk for you.”  
  
“Shinra-”  
  
Judging by the reactions he was getting, Shinra was convinced.  
  
“I never told him who you were, actually I wasn’t exactly sure until a little earlier today… Actually, I wasn’t sure until right now… I mean, you’re _Shizuo_ , the beast! The Fortissimo of Ikebukuro! No offence of course.”  
  
Shizuo’s face turned red as he panicked. He had the sudden urge to either run or snap Shinra’s neck. “I dunno what you’re talking about.”  
  
“Do you want me to say it?”  
  
“...no.”  
  
“I know who you are, Shizuo.”  
  
“Please….” Shizuo begged, not wanting Shinra to say it out loud, not wanting to lie if he did.  
  
Shinra leaned in, oblivious to the danger of doing so, and whispered to the flushed blonde beside him, “I know you’re Tsukumoya.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Four drinks later, and the awkwardness of Shinra’s discovery had passed. Shinra had begun ordering twice as much for Shizuo who, despite being vaguely dizzy, seemed unaffected by the alcohol. Shinra, on the other hand, was incredibly tipsy.  
  
They moved to the kitchen after the bartender had offered them more ‘privacy’ (apparently, the sight of Heiwajima Shizuo drinking was driving the customers away) and had been gifted a large bottle of vodka for their trouble. Shinra had insisted they do shots, as he couldn’t taste the alcohol as much, and had somehow managed to strong arm Shizuo into it.  
  
This, unsurprisingly, led to a very open and sloppy conversation.  
  
“I _don’t know_ how you _do it_ ,” Shinra slurred, taking a sip of the water a kitchenhand had insisted on giving him, “Doesn’t he just… he’s so _annoying._ ”  
  
“Yeah but,” Shizuo covered his mouth, burping just a little, “He’s so _cute._ But you can’t say that, a’right?”   
  
“Yes, yes, just drink.” Shinra poured another three shots and pushed two over them toward Shizuo.  
  
“I dunno, I’m startin’ to feel a bit dizzy.”  
  
“So?”  
  
“…” Shinra had a point, supposedly, so he down the next two shots quickly and tried to keep them down. “I just… why does he wanna fuck me, but not love me, eh? Shitty flea, always d-oing shitty shit.”  
  
“He’s just in deeenial,” Shinra drawled, pouring Shizuo another two shots, “He’ll come around.”  
  
“It’s not nice to lie, Shinra.”  
  
“You can’t talk.”  
  
“Yeah but, that’s to help him.” Shizuo looked at the new shots, “Didn’t I just drink those?”  
  
“No,”  
  
“Oh,” Shizuo glared at the shots, not trusting them, “But I’m feeling dizzy…”  
  
“So?”  
  
Shizuo downed the shots. “So… shitty flea…”  
  
“He loves you, I think.”  
  
“Nah,”  
  
“I think he does,” Shinra smiled, putting down the vodka and taking another sip of his water.  
  
“Why?”  
  
“It’s a long story, you’ll get bored and beat me up!”  
  
“Nah, c’mon, tell me.”  
  
“Fine, but just because Celty is a little upset with me doesn’t mean she won’t beat you up if you… beat me up?”  
  
Shizuo snorted, “I don’t think she’d give a shit.”  
  
“Then I won’t tell you,”   
  
“Shinra…” Shizuo tried for menacing but ended up whining instead.  
  
“Fine, just don’t look at me like that. It’s creepy.” Shinra finished his water, then the remainder of his cocktail, “Well, I guess it started back in middle school.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! This chapter was meant to be a trip down memory lane, but I've decided to split it and turn that into another chapter by itself. So this is Part A, and that other chapter is Part B (and will be out shortly).
> 
> Why am I doing it that way? Who knows! I'm crazy. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading despite my slow updates, I love you all! <3


	19. Chapter 17B

Shinra had only just started Middle School, but it was already evident that he wouldn’t be making any friends. The bespectled boy had shown no interest in any of the people around him, and had a strange air about him. It was obvious to everyone who saw him that he was only at school in order to count down the minutes until the end of the day.  
  
Shinra’s disinterest in those surrounding him seemed to allow him a strange insight into people that other children his age lacked, given that they were too wrapped up in how they assumed others perceived them to actually notice anything. Luckily for Shinra, he only cared about how one being viewed him, and really could not care any less about his classmate’s thoughts or feelings.   
  
That’s quite possibly the reason why he picked up on how strange Orihara Izaya was the moment he met him. Unlike his peers, he saw past the calm and collected façade and into the depths of something he could only assume was loneliness.  
  
Of course, he wouldn’t know what such a feeling was, as he never felt lonely himself, but Izaya looked like what he assumed it was. This made Izaya the perfect prey, and Shinra quickly began to berate him into to co-founding a biology club as Celty had suggested he make friends.  
  
The details aren’t entirely important, but after some time, Izaya finally agreed and quite a few things that Shinra found inconvenient happened. Those things, however, aren’t exactly relevant to this story.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“O-oi!” Shizuo spluttered, already annoyed with Shinra’s shitty storytelling, “Whaddya mean th-they ain’t revel ants?”  
  
Shinra almost dropped his glass, laughing loudly at Shizuo “Revel ants? What are revel ants?”  
  
“Huh? How should I know?” Shizuo replied, indignant. “If ya don’t know what they are, why’re ya talkin’ about ‘em?”  
  
“Are they ants that enjoy dr-drunken dancing?” Shinra asked, laughing harder at the mental image his own description had conjured, “Do you think they wear lil’ party hats?”  
  
“Wha? Why would they need party hats, idiot! They’re ants, s-so it’d be confruction hats!”  
  
Shinra shook his head, glad that he’d decided to try and pace himself, “You’re right, it only makes sense.”  
  
“Well yeah,” Shizuo sipped his drink, finishing it off before eyeing the next one, “’Cause they’re miners an’ all… but whad ‘oes that have ta do with ‘Zaya?”  
  
“Some things should be kept private and stay between a man and his party ants, Shizuo-kun.”  
  
Shizuo pouted, and Shinra thought he resembled a kicked puppy, “But I wanna know.”  
  
“Then ask the ants.”  
  
“They won’t hear me over the music though.”  
  
“Music?”  
  
“Prolly techno since they’re partying…” Shizuo replied, screwing up his face in disgust, “Shitty fuckin’ ants.”  
  
Shinra shook his head again and sighed happily, “So would you like me to keep going?”  
  
“Ya sure the ants won’t let you tell me that bit?”  
  
“They won’t.”  
  
Shizuo sighed dramatically and closed his eyes. “Fine, keep goin’ then.”  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One thing that Shinra always seemed to notice about Izaya was that, despite how often he claimed to love humans, he seemed to be somewhat bored of them. It wasn’t something that most would notice, but there was never any fire in his eyes unless one of “his” humans did something to exceed his expectations.   
  
Of course, this very rarely happened as Izaya was able to easily read a persons’ motivations and thoughts as though they were nothing more than a children’s picture book. In fact, for the most part, Izaya would lie and say a person had done something unexpected when it was obvious that he had anticipated it.   
  
Shinra couldn’t understand why Izaya was so enamoured with humans, nor did he try to understand why. Dullahans are much more interesting and beautiful than boring old humans. Still, he managed to see things about Izaya that the brunette would desperately try to hide. The boredom and loneliness were so obvious to Shinra that it didn’t occur to him that no one else had noticed it in Izaya.  
  
Without meaning to, he began to learn more about Izaya as the years went by. For instance, he had two younger twin sisters, who he seemingly had high hopes for. The day after they’d failed his ‘test’, he was a little more loud than usual in an obvious attempt to fill the silence. Shinra was certain that Izaya had thought the twins would react differently, but they instead decided to become one person instead of ‘proving’ themselves.  
  
Izaya, after the inconveniences briefly mentioned earlier and the problem with his sisters, seemed to change slightly after that. He began doing more dangerous things, pushing the limits of his own understanding of humans and seeing how far he could go whilst still accurately predicting the outcome.  
  
He was always right, it would seem, and it was obviously starting to bore him. The more disappointed he was, the larger his smile would be, and the more he’d ‘test’ those surrounding him. It defied reason but, once again, Shinra wasn’t interested enough to ask about it.  
  
In any case, Shinra continued to learn more about the popular boy with no friends who he’d attached himself to. Izaya came from a normal family, with two absent but apparently caring parents and the two sisters mentioned earlier. He spent the majority of his time alone, watching those around him and trying to predict their actions.   
  
It wasn’t until a certain incident, that needs no explanation here, that Shinra realised that his observations had indeed been both correct and unfinished. Izaya wasn’t just lonely and bored, he was also quite protective. It’s a strange thing to say, given how flippant the man seems to be with those around him, but if you look closely you can see it easily.  
  
He won’t involve those he seems closest to in his schemes. Can you remember any time he has used Kadota for his own gain? Even if he uses Celty, he tries to leave Shinra out of it for the most part. In fact, the only one he seems to involve whenever he can, even if it’s to his own detriment, is Shizuo.   
  
Even when his plans look close to succeeding, he will often risk it all in order to irritate or punish Heiwajima Shizuo. It’s strange, isn’t it? Izaya isn’t an idiot, he’s always been at the top of his classes and able to think thirteen steps ahead of others. He has backups for his backups, and is more than capable of controlling the country should he desire it.  
  
It’s strange how he will risk everything, every single time, in order to play with Shizuo.  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Iz not playin’, Sheenrah.” Shizuo slurred, eyebrows furrowed, “He ‘ates me.”  
  
“It’s flirting and we both know it.” Shinra replied, finishing his water as the waiter brought more drinks over, “He just wants to pull your pigtails.”  
  
“I don’ ‘ave pigatils.” Shizuo mumbled, fingers pulling lightly on his hair, “An’ he’s… y’know.”  
  
“Trust me, Shizuo-kun. I know Izaya-kun better than you do.”  
  
Shizuo looked up quickly and narrowed his eyes, glaring at the Shinra he assumed was the real one (but not finding it strange that he was currently seeing double), prompting Shinra to put both his arms up in mock surrender.  
  
“Sorry, sorry! But haven’t you heard that saying? “You can’t see the forest for all the trees?” You’re too close to see what I can!”  
  
Shizuo’s gaze softened slightly and he stood up, swaying slightly as he pulled his phone out from his concealed pocket. “I’ll… be ri-right back, mmkay? Gotta… make a call… yeah…”  
  
Shinra didn’t bother arguing as Shizuo stumbled off, pulling out his own phone and searching his contact list until he found the number he wanted. He pressed the call button and raised it to his ear, humming slightly as it rang.  
  
_“Yes.”  
  
_ “Kasuka-kun! It’s Shinra!”  
  
_“We didn’t do anything strange with Celty-san.”  
  
_ Shinra’s eye twitched a fraction “Yes, well, I’ll be wanting a _full_ report on whatever happened today.”  
  
_“Certainly. If that’s everything, I’m right in the mid-”  
  
_ “Shizuo-kun is drunk and has wandered off with a smartphone he pulled out of nowhere.”  
  
_“…”  
  
_ “I’m assuming you’re Tsukumoya-san today, so you might want to keep an eye out.”  
  
_“How did you kn- shit.”  
  
_ “Kasuka-kun, did you just swear?” Shinra asked, honestly surprised. His only reply was frantic typing, so he decided to pry a little more, “Has Shizuo-kun arrived?”  
  
_“…yes.”  
  
_ “Should I… I don’t think I can wrestle the phone from him.”  
  
_“Just… give me…”_ Kasuka trailed off, the sound of a keyboard being almost beaten to death one key at a time the only indication he was still on the line, _“I… it’s over now. If you could find my brother, I would appreciate it.”  
  
_ “Will he be angry?”  
  
_“I don’t believe so, but…”_ more typing, followed by what sounding suspiciously like a fist hitting a desk, _“Orihara-san may be looking for him tonight. Try to stay under the radar.”  
  
_ “How can I hide from Izaya-kun when he’s looking for us?”   
  
_“Stay at the bar you’re at currently. I’ve already ensured that anyone who knows you are where you are will stay quiet.”  
  
_ “You make it sound as though you’re the yakuza, Kasuka-kun.” Shinra laughed, shakily getting to his feet to search for Shizuo.  
  
_“I’m not, however, there are others who owe Tsukumoya-san many favours.”  
  
_ “I’m not sure I should be hearing this.”  
  
_“I’m very sorry. Please go get brother before he does something stupid.”  
  
_ The phone went dead and Shinra removed it from his ear, certain that the younger Heiwajima must be panicking even if his tone didn’t show it. He walked out of the kitchen and into the main bar, spotting Shizuo almost immediately. He had somehow acquired a phone book and was looking through each and every page.  
  
“Shizuo-kun,” Shinra called hesitantly, approaching him slowly, “What are you doing?”  
  
“Can’t ‘member ‘zaya’s number.” Shizuo replied, eyes scanning the page quickly, “Wanna call ‘im.”  
  
“I don’t think he’s listed, Shizuo-kun.”  
  
“I know, but I can find ‘omeone elses numba and ask ‘em.”  
  
Shinra laughed nervously, hoping his next move wouldn’t backfire too much, “Shizuo-kun, I’ll give you his number if-”  
  
“REALLY?!” Shizuo leapt to his feet, stumbling backward and swaying slightly, “REALLY SHINRA?”  
  
Shinra took a step back, nodding a little, “Only if you listen to the rest of my story.”  
  
“But…” Shizuo looked down sadly, his fingers fidgeting restlessly, “Wanna call ‘im now…”  
  
“Don’t you want to know more about him?”  
  
“I guess…” Shizuo conceded, “Promise?”  
  
“If that makes you come with me.” Shinra stepped forward and grabbed Shizuo’s wrist, dragging him back to the kitchen as the bar staff watched in horror and wonder, “Come along now.”  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Orihara Izaya has always made time to play with Heiwajima Shizuo, ever since he first heard about him. It was seven years ago, give or take, that Izaya first asked Shinra about the person known as “Shizu-chan.” Izaya had assumed that Shizuo was female, given the name, which led to Shinra not knowing who he was talking about initially.   
  
After a few sentences, the misunderstanding was cleared up and Shinra had boasted about his sort-of friend, Heiwajima Shizuo.  
  
“Shizuo isn’t a girl.” Shizuo beamed, remembering the day Izaya had brought up, when Shizuo had thrown a desk at a wall. “Ah, I remember that day! He ended up hurting himself again after that, but he wouldn’t let me insp- uh, help him. He’s always like that, he never lets me have fun.”  
  
Izaya gave him a somewhat bemused look, but didn’t say anything else.  
  
“Anyway, why did you think he was a girl? You probably shouldn’t tell him that.”  
  
“’Shizu-chan’ was the name I was given, and it’s quite feminine.” Izaya sighed. “So, you saw him supposedly throw this desk?”  
  
“I did! It was mi-”  
  
“Define ‘throw’.”  
  
“Eh?” Shinra gave Izaya a quizzical look, not realising that others might doubt Shizuo’s legend if they had never seen him in action, “Well, he threw it. He picked it up by the le-”  
  
“Don’t lie to me, Shinra.” Izaya warned, tone sickly sweet.  
  
“I’m not.” Shinra smiled, nonplussed. “Shizuo-kun wasn’t born with a natural limiter on his body, so he’s always using his full potential. That’s why he could pick up the teachers desk by the leg and throw it so hard it went halfway through the back wall.”  
  
Shinra watched the information sink in, noticing a funny sort of light bouncing around in Izaya’s eyes. He didn’t think too much of it, but couldn’t help notice how different Izaya looked. Instead of his usual boredom, it was as though the boy were actively excited.  
  
After a few moments of silence, Shinra began to speak once again. “That was back in elementary school though, I’m sure he’s changed since then.”   
  
“Changed how?” Izaya asked, obviously trying to hide the eagerness in his voice.  
  
“He’s probably a lot stronger now. When I saw him a month or so ago, he looked a lot taller and stronger. I don’t think he realised, but he crushed a street sign when we were talking.”  
  
“Crushed..?”  
  
“He gets really angry and into a lot of fights, so he probably did it without realising.” Shinra looked out the window in attempt to hide his smile, “He should be coming through the gates soon, so I can point him out.”  
  
Izaya didn’t say anything, instead walking to the window a little more quickly than he usually would.  
  
“You know, I think you two would be good friends.” Shinra said quietly. Celty would be proud of him if he managed to bring people together, he was sure. “So long as you don’t tease him.”  
  
“I’m not a bully, Shinra.”  
  
“That’s debatable.” Shinra chuckled, “But if you were to tease Shizuo-kun, it wouldn’t end well for you.”  
  
“And why is that?”  
  
“Well, he doesn’t have a limiter on his emotions either. He gets really angry really quickly, which is why he gets into fights. It’s sad actually, because he seems to hate violence. Ah!” Shinra pointed a finger toward the school gates, “That’s him.”  
  
Shinra turned away from the window and watched Izaya’s expression. He was wearing his usual smile, but it looked a little more genuine than it usually did.   
  
“He doesn’t look very strong.” Izaya stated after a moment, shifting his weight from foot to foot ever so slightly.  
  
“That’s what everyone says.” Shinra stepped away from the window and took his place at his desk, “You’ll see soon enough.”  
  
“When can you int…” Izaya’s sentence trailed off, and Shinra stood and looked at the brunette. Izaya had the most unreadable expression on his face, but there was a different spark of some sort dancing behind his eyes. Following his line of sight, he noticed that Izaya and Shizuo were staring at each other- one from above, and one from below.  
  
Shinra took a step back without realising, completely thrown by the scene in front of him. Izaya had never shown this much interest in one of ‘his’ humans before, and the whole scene seemed to be incredibly intimate.  
  
The spark had changed, from curiosity and excitement to something familiar that Shinra couldn’t place. It was so…   
  
Time restarted after a few more seconds, and Shinra watched Izaya turn to face him. “Shinra?”  
  
“Eh?”  
  
“When can you introduce us?”  
  
“Oh, um. How about this afternoon?”  
  
Izaya gave a sharp nod before striding toward the door. “I’ll be back before class starts.”  
  
Shinra watched his friend leave before placing his head on the desk and trying to decide whether what he’d witnessed was a good or bad thing. Izaya didn’t seem bored, but for the first time since Shinra had met him, he seemed dangerous and like some sort of predator.  
  
If Shinra had been capable of it, he would have been worried for Shizuo’s safety.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Izaya logged out of the chatroom with a massive smile on his face. He’d never seen Tsukumoya lose control over anything, let alone his own chatroom. In fact, he would have assumed that such a thing were impossible had he not seen it himself.  
  
With a smile, he leaned back in his chair and spun himself around slowly. Even if Shizuo were hiding from him, or running away at the sight of him, that didn’t meant that he couldn’t locate him. The cracks Tsukumoya had unintentionally shown him only made Izaya feel more confident in his abilities.  
  
He allowed his chair to stop moving and leaned his head in a palm. Hastily scrawled notes on once white paper littered his desk, but no answer jumped out at him. Maybe he was thinking about this the wrong way. Shizuo wasn’t just like anyone else, he had always been an enigma Izaya couldn’t crack.  
  
Izaya closed his eyes tightly and tried to think. Shizuo was unpredictable, which meant that he might very well be hiding in Izaya’s apartment. Izaya chuckled at that, ignoring the strange pang in his chest at the thought, and decided to follow that train of thought.  
  
He’d be somewhere he hated, somewhere Izaya hadn’t looked.   
  
Izaya opened his eyes and frowned. Shizuo hated a great many things, and Izaya was but one man.   
  
“It can’t be helped.”  
  
He rose to his feet and pulled out his phone, sending a group text before grabbing his coat. If he wanted to find his Shizu-chan, he’d have to do it the old fashioned way- with bribery, threats, and his own eyes and ears.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After Izaya had been introduced to Shizuo, things became quite a lot livelier at Rajin. Shinra was honestly surprised at the difference in both his friends, noticing that something seemed different about Shizuo (not that he could say what it was), and Izaya seemed more energetic.  
  
Instead of quietly manipulating those around him, it was as though he were suddenly attempting to prove something to himself. His plans and schemes became more daring and complicated, and he pushed those around him to their limits.  
  
He no longer lied and said that people exceeded his expectations unless they truly had, but even then he seemed bored by them. It was as though he were chasing a high of some sort, desperately searching for something he wasn’t sure existed.  
  
He sought Shizuo out on a near daily basis, taunting him into chases and dragging him into his plans. There was no scheme that Shizuo wasn’t included in, and he could always be found watching the bottle blonde whenever he had free time.  
  
He dropped the façade of model student, allowing himself to be seen more for what he was. He was energetic and enthusiastic, talking more to Shinra about ‘Shizu-chan’ and less about humans until his name came up in almost every conversation.  
  
“How do you think I can kill him?” he asked the never-to-be doctor as they walked home one afternoon, Shizuo’s roar in the distance filling the air.  
  
“He is human, Izaya-kun,” Shinra reiterated for what felt like the hundredth time that day.  
  
Izaya nodded, chewing his lip in thought, “What if I took his heart?”  
  
“You want to steal his heart?” Shinra replied, amused by the choice of words.  
  
Izaya stopped walking, cracks beginning to show in his mask, “I said br-destroy.”  
  
“Were you about to say ‘break’?”  
  
“Underneath my boot, maybe.”  
  
“Izaya-kun, you’re blushing.”  
  
“I am not!” Izaya half yelled, going slightly pink in the process as he began to walk once again, “Don’t be so disgusting.”  
  
Shinra laughed, making a note of the reaction so he could use the same trick in the future. “Are you sure you want to kill Shizuo-kun?”  
  
“What else would I want to do with him?”  
  
“You could tie him to a table and let me perform a vivisection!” Shinra suggested happily, “Then I could show you what his heart looks like!”  
  
“This is why you have no other friends, Shinra.”  
  
“I don’t need any friends, Izaya-kun. Not when my honey is waiting for me at home! One day, I’ll get home and she’ll be waiting in an apro-”  
  
“I-ZA-YA-KUN!” Shizuo boomed from behind them, and Shinra was sure he felt the earth move beneath him, “WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING!”  
  
“Ah, it looks like you’ll have to walk home alone, Shinra.” Izaya beamed, smiling widely. Shinra wondered if Izaya knew how he looked whenever Shizuo called his name, but couldn’t be bothered asking, “It looks like I need to run!”  
  
Izaya spun around, smirking at Shizuo, “Shizu-chan! What a wonderful surprise! Are you here to escort me to my door?”  
  
“Don’t be disgusting!” Shizuo spat, storming up to the brunette as his face went red with what Shinra assumed was anger, “I’m here to kick your arse, flea!”  
  
“As fun as that sounds, I’d rather not play with you.” Izaya lied, standing his ground, “Didn’t you like my present?”  
  
“Who would like a stink bomb in their locker!”  
  
“I thought the smell would remind you of your homeland.” Izaya laughed, “Monsters enjoy the smell of sulphur, correct?”  
  
“I’M NOT A MONSTER!” Shizuo bellowed, taking a swing at Izaya. He swung too wide, and both Izaya and Shinra dodged it easily. Shinra watched the two as they danced around each other, noticing their expressions.   
  
Though Shizuo looked incredulous, there was the slightest upward tug at his lips. Izaya didn’t even bother to hide his grin, laughter flowing out of him as he studied Shizuo’s face. After a few minutes of dancing though, he frowned slightly before sprinting off, Shizuo right on his tail.  
  
For whatever reason, the frown bothered Shinra, and he’d never been able to figure out why it always appeared just before Izaya ran away.  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I dun geddit.” Shizuo slurred.  
  
“What I’m saying, Shizuo-kun, is that Izaya-kun has always been his happiest around you.” Shinra replied, leaning back in his chair. “He isn’t lonely now that you’re here.”  
  
Shizuo smiled at that, only to have it falter moments afterward. “Wait… I remember that day…”  
  
“You do?”  
  
“It… was right before…” Shizuo paused, resting his face in both hands, “Valentine’s Day, r-right?”  
  
“Valentine’s Day?”  
  
“With… the girl…”  
  
“Girl? Oh.” Shinra frowned, remembering how he found Shizuo soaking in a bathtub tinged red with his own blood, and how unresponsive he had been. “Yes, I remember that.”  
  
“If… If he… Izaya… with a _girl…_ ” Shizuo choked out, hands still covering his face, “Then… I’m a _guy,_ Shinra!”  
  
“Yes, you are.”  
  
“He hates me.”  
  
“He doesn’t hate you.”  
  
“He says he hates me!”  
  
“You say you hate him, Shizuo-kun.”  
  
“I love him!” Shizuo’s hands tightened into fists, “and… and that girl!”  
  
“Had a crush on you, Shizuo-kun.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“Izaya-kun took her home because he heard she was going to give you chocolate as a way of confessing.”  
  
“ _Huh_?” Shizuo’s hands dropped onto the table, sending small cracks throughout the wood, “What?”  
  
“Izaya-kun, he rationalized it by saying he was “protecting beauty from the beast,” but I think he was jealous.”  
  
“’Cause he wanted the girl?”  
  
“Because he wanted you.”  
  
Shizuo stared at Shinra in disbelief, not understanding what the underground doctor was saying.  
  
“Don’t you remember how he’d antagonize you even _more_ on Valentine’s and White Day?” Shinra replied cooly, as if this were the most obvious thing in the world, “If you’re chasing him, no one can confess to you.”  
  
“But I don’t wan’ anyone else to confess to me.”  
  
“Izaya-kun doesn’t know that.”  
  
“He never asked!”  
  
“Shizuo-kun…” Shinra warned, hoping he wouldn’t start an argument. He pulled out his phone and text a quick text to Kasuka, asking him to send them a car.  
  
“…sorry.” Shizuo said sheepishly, lowering his voice substantially, “Can I call ‘Zaya now?”  
  
“After we get you back to Kasuka-kun’s apartment.”  
  
“Promise?”  
  
“I will give you a number, Shizuo-kun.”  
  
“’kay.”  
  
Shinra rose to his feet after receiving a confirmation text from Kasuka, then waited for Shizuo to climb to his. After a few wobbles, Shizuo reluctantly put his arm around Shinra’s shoulders for stability before they slowly made their way to the exit.   
  
The car would be meeting them in the alley behind the kitchen, so Shinra decided to wait outside where Shizuo could smoke.   
  
Luckily for Shinra, they’d picked exactly the right time to exit as the subject of the evenings’ conversations had just entered the bar they were leaving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF CLIFFHANGERS. 
> 
> But I am also not sorry, because I am a terrible human being, hahaha. I hope you liked this chapter and gained a little more insight into Izaya! It was a little tougher to write this one, but I _think_ it turned out okay!
> 
> The next chapter should be out sometime this week, which I am very excited about actually, so yeah! Thank you for reading! <3


	20. Chapter 18

**_A few hours from now…_ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Izaya chose to walk home from Ikebukuro rather than catch the train. For the first time in recent memory, he did not want to be around his humans. It was a strange feeling for him really, feeling this naked and exposed.

 

Orihara Izaya was an observer, not a subject to be watched and analysed. He couldn’t stand being in the spotlight because, as much as he liked to think otherwise, he was transparent. The shadows gave him a place to hide, and shining a light on others only helped him stay unseen.

 

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

 

Even if another person was able to see through his smoke and mirrors, they weren’t supposed to see through _him_.

 

He pulled his hood up and over his head, looking at the ground as he walked. Anyone who recognised him would surely think he was the same as he usually was.

 

But was he? Izaya couldn’t answer that question.

 

Maybe he’d always been this way.

 

Maybe he’d always _felt_ this way.

 

It would make sense if he had, because then he wouldn’t have to admit that Shizuo might be changing him.

 

He wouldn’t have to admit that Ikebukuro’s strongest man could see through him, as if he were made of glass.

 

He wouldn’t have to admit that he was fragile. He could say that this was all a part of some plot, some game that he’d created subconsciously.

 

Looking ahead, he saw his building and felt a surge of relief. No, he hadn’t changed.

 

He couldn’t have changed.

 

He wouldn’t allow himself to change.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[ Nothing is more dangerous than a cornered animal. Be careful. ]

 

Shinra almost laughed at the text, not bothering to reply as he stuffed his phone back into his pocket.  He’d received multiple texts from Kasuka but, upon seeing the final one, hadn’t bothered to check the rest. He and Shizuo were outside in the alleyway waiting for the private car Kasuka had sent for them. There was nothing wild about Shizuo, who was currently humming something under his breath.

 

‘ _Kasuka-kun worries too much._ ’ He thought quietly to himself, leaning against the alley wall. To say he was drunk would be an exaggeration, but he did have a pleasant buzz going.

 

“Shinra, are you _sure_ I can see Izaya?”

 

“I thought you only wanted a number?” Shinra replied happily, closing his eyes.

 

“Yeah but… Can I see him?”

 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

 

“Why not?” Shizuo asked, his tone childish. “I wanna.”

 

“Well, that’s up to Kasuka-kun.”

 

“Tch.” Shizuo kicked the wall, leaving a small hole in his wake, “He won’t lemme see him.”

 

“Maybe that’s for the best, you’re drunk.”

 

“Am not.”

 

“Are so.”

 

“Am not!”

 

“You can’t even walk properly!”

 

“DOESN’T MEAN I’M DRUNK, _SHINRA!_ ” Shizuo yelled, effectively stopping the argument whilst simultaneously causing him to jump in shock at the loudness of his own voice. “’m fine…”

 

“Shizuo-kun, I know it hurts but you need to wait.”

 

“What do you know, eh?” Shizuo snapped back, “I’ve waited _ten years._ Ten! And I don’t wanna run away from that idiot!”

 

“What idiot?”

 

Shinra felt his blood chill, turning his head slowly to where a very familiar voice sounded. “Izaya-kun… how long have you been standing there?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_Thirty minutes from now…_ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Celty was sitting on the couch and staring at her phone. She’d been trying to think of a message to send Shinra, but still couldn’t decide how she felt. She was both angry and worried, and was tempted to simply send him a message asking him to return home so she could ‘yell’ at him some more.

 

Her thumb moved slowly over the keypad as she thought it over. Shinra would come home if she asked, even if it was so she could be mad at him in person. The idea of it made her feel both flattered and slightly disturbed.

 

 _‘Is Shizuo like Shinra?’_ she wondered, thoughts trailing into another direction. She had always thought that Shizuo was like her, but the way his face looked when he talked about Izaya honestly made her think otherwise.

 

_‘He doesn’t deserve Shizuo.’_

 

_Zrrt! Zrrt!_

Celty jumped and fumbled with her phone, shadows stretching out around her protectively. If she had a heart it would surely be beating wildly, and it took her a moment to calm herself enough to realise that her phone was vibrating.

 

She didn’t recognise the number at all, but she answered it nonetheless.

 

“…”

 

_“Celty-san, can you hear me?”_

_‘Yuuhei-san!?’_ Celty tapped a finger twice against the phones microphone.

 

_“Celty-san, please do not panic, but I’ve had word that Kishitani-san and my brother have been involved in an… incident-”_

Celty almost dropped the phone, rising to her feet as she sprinted to the front door.

 

_“Kishitani-san is tending to my driver, but I think they might both need to be collected.”_

Celty tapped the microphone again, frustrated that she couldn’t speak. She had questions that needed answering, and tapping to someone who didn’t understand what her taps meant was beyond exasperating.

 

_“I will text you the address. Please do not worry, Kishitani-san is uninjured. I am sorry that I have brought you into my family’s troubles in this way.”_

_‘Shizuo’s troubles?’_

_“I’m sure that Kishitani-san will explain everything to you once you see him. If you could please bring both Kishitani-san and my driver to my apartment building, I would be grateful. We can speak more when you get here.”_

Entering the parking lot, Celty ended the call as Shooter rode up. Within seconds, her phone received a message from Kasuka with Shinra’s location, and after briefly explaining the situation to Shooter, they took off like a shot.

 

Neither Celty nor Shooter would waste any time reaching Shinra if he was possibly injured, and Kasuka’s poor explanation didn’t exactly ease their worries. As they sped through the city streets, Celty hoped that she’d find her peculiar doctor in one piece.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Izaya-kun… how long have you been standing there?”

 

“Long enough to hear that a protozoan believes me to be an _idiot._ ” Izaya replied icily, stepping out from the back door of the bar and toward the two men. “Shizu-chan, _what_ are you _doing?_ ”

 

Shinra closed his eyes and prayed to Celty that Shizuo wasn’t doing something Kasuka would blame him for later. He turned around, despite all of his instincts telling him not to, and his jaw went slack with shock.

 

“You’re his vet, Shinra. Tell me, can monsters actually get fevers?”

 

Shinra didn’t trust his voice so he only nodded in response, walking over to his bright red companion and laying a hand against his forehead. “Shizuo-kun, you’re burning up. We need to get you home immediately.”

 

“’m fine…” Shizuo muttered in reply as Kasuka’s car pulled up. “Don’t wanna go home yet…”

 

“Shizu-chan can come with me.” Izaya stated, his words going unheard by the underground doctor.

 

“Shizuo-kun, this isn’t something to argue over.” Shinra grabbed his arm and dragged him to the car, “You’ll become even sicker at this rate, and you don’t want Kasuka-kun to worry.”

 

Shizuo frowned, mumbling something under his breath as he was shoved inside the vehicle. The car door closed behind him, leaving him no time to think of a way to escape. Fortunately for him, someone else had already decided to help him with that.

 

“Shinra, I said that Shizu-chan is coming with me.”

 

“This isn’t the time, Izaya-kun.” Shinra replied happily, as if he were declining the offer of a cup of coffee, and slowly made his way to the other side of the vehicle, “Maybe he can come and play when he’s feeling a little better.”

 

Izaya took a deep breath and smiled, “No, I think I’d like to play today.”

 

“Izaya-kun, I re-” Shinra was cut off by the sound of air escaping a tyre, “What did you do?”

 

Izaya ignored the question, walking over to the car and opening Shizuo’s door. “Shizu-chan, get out.”

 

Shizuo turned a darker shade of red but complied, extricating himself from the vehicle with great difficulty as the driver’s door opened. A tall man, far too muscular to only be a chauffeur, climbed out of the vehicle and squinted at Izaya.

 

“Hanejima-sama has instructed me to ensure that Heiwajima-sama returns home this evening.” He said darkly, “Please step away from Heiwajima-sama.”

 

Izaya turned on his heel, laughing at the command. “Oh? I don’t think that I will, bodyguard-san.”

 

Shizuo spluttered something unintelligible as Izaya took a step closer to the driver.

 

“Izaya-kun, I don’t think you should be picking a fight right now.” Shinra tried, slowly walking back toward Shizuo so he could attempt to stuff him back into the vehicle.

 

“I wouldn’t _dream_ of fighting, Shinra.” Izaya laughed, spreading his hands out beside him as if to prove he was unarmed, “I’m only here for Shizu-chan.”

 

Shizuo nodded rapidly in agreement, only to be ignored by the other three men.

 

“ _Leave_.”

 

“Or what? Are you going to break my arms, bodyguard-san? A leg?”

 

“Izaya-kun…”

 

“’Zay-ya…”

 

“If you do not desist, I will do what is necessary.” The driver replied, shifting his feet into a defensive stance, “I will give you two seconds to leave.”

 

“Two? How gracious! As a reward for your kindness, how about I count them out for you?”

  
Shinra shook his head in disbelief, unsure of what to say to try and diffuse the situation.

 

“One!”

 

The drivers hand reached for something in his jacket pocket just as Izaya jumped onto the roof of the car, landing gracefully on the balls of his feet.

 

“Two!”

 

The driver turned his head in time to see Izaya’s foot come hurtling at him. He dodged it just in time, only to be struck by the tip of the informants elbow. He hit the ground hard, hand still in his jacket pocket, and made no movements.

 

Shizuo made a strange noise which sounded suspiciously like a squeal, and Izaya stepped off the roof of the car. He landed gracefully on the bodyguard’s back, a large smile on his face.

 

“Shizu-chan, come with me.”

 

Shizuo hid his face in a hand but stumbled toward Izaya anyway. He held out a hand and grasped the back of Izaya’s jacket softly, and Shinra couldn’t help but compare him to a baby elephant holding onto its mother’s tail.

 

Izaya turned to look at Shizuo with a strange expression before turning his attentions back to Shinra. “Shizu-chan and I are leaving. Don’t try to stop us.”

 

Shinra sighed heavily but made no move to stop the two men as they slowly exited the alley. When they’d rounded the corner, he leaned against the car and pulled out his phone. Kasuka was not going to be happy with this turn of events and he was not looking forward to the emotionless look of disappointment he’d face when he saw him next.

 

Still, he couldn’t help but chuckle to himself. Izaya, the man who can read almost everyone, seemed utterly oblivious to Shizuo’s reactions. Shinra was certain that Izaya hadn’t even noticed how easily the blonde followed him.

 

“Idiots.” He smiled to himself, before pushing the call button and waiting for Kasuka to answer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_Five years ago…_ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shizuo _really_ didn’t like alcohol. He had decided that the moment he had smelled it, but curiosity and an overwhelming desire to become something a little closer to normal pushed him into sipping the bitter liquid.

 

He pulled a face, glad that he was trying it in his own home, and downed the rest of the bottle. Shinra had always said that he metabolised things faster than other humans, which meant he might possibly be okay after drinking that much. Not to mention the fact that by drinking it all quickly, it meant he didn’t have to taste it over and over again.

 

Shizuo scrunched his face tightly and walked to the kitchen, turning on the tap and sticking his open mouth underneath it to wash the taste away.

 

_‘Disgusting.’_

 

After a few gulps, he turned off the tap and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He still had the phantom burning of alcohol on his tongue, and decided that pudding, as always, would cure everything.

 

Wobbling to the fridge, he pulled out a small pack and yanked it out. Carefully, he tried to peel the lid back but used far too much strength, ripping the container in half instead.

 

“Oh.”

 

Well, it would save on washing up. He licked the pudding off his hands, then scooped out the remainder from the package with a finger. He hummed at the taste, the bitter alcohol forgotten, and dumped the empty container in the bin.

 

_‘Wonder what Izaya is doing…’_

Stumbling to the bedroom, he pulled the laptop Kasuka had gifted him out from its hiding space and flopped onto the bed. It took three tries to enter his password correctly, and two tries to locate his chatroom.

 

Luckily, Izaya wasn’t online.

 

Shizuo rolled onto his back and groaned. He wondered if drinking was maybe the wrong thing to do, because all it had done was make him more affectionate.

 

He closed his eyes, smiling at the thought of sitting next to Izaya. To have him so close, their legs brushing up against each other as the smell of his Izaya’s shampoo flooded Shizuo’s senses. Shizuo would slowly, gently, reach out his hand and take Izaya’s pinkie in his, squeezing with the slightest amount of pressure.

 

They wouldn’t have to say anything to each other, they could just be next to each other.

 

“Prob’ly better if we don’t say anything.” Shizuo laughed, smiling at his own imagination.

 

After taking Izaya’s pinkie, Shizuo would lay his head on Izaya’s shoulder. He could smell Izaya’s jacket, his hair, his skin…

 

Maybe he’d move his head slightly upward and place tiny kisses on the crook of his neck. He could rub his nose along Izaya’s jawline as he detached his pinkie from Izaya’s. He’d run that hand along Izaya’s lower back, slowly, until it reached his waist. Shizuo would tilt his head up higher and place a kiss on Izaya’s cheek as he pulled him closer, then bury his face in his hair.

 

They wouldn’t have to do anything sexual. Izaya wouldn’t have to kiss him. Shizuo just wanted to have him _there._

But Izaya wasn’t there, and he likely never would be.

 

Shizuo threw an arm over his eyes as his chest heaved.

 

_Hurts, hurts, hurts, hurts, **hurts**!_

“I just want to hold you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It wasn’t that Shizuo couldn’t walk by himself, but that Izaya’s shoulder was far too tempting. He’d stumbled out of the alley after Izaya, keeping a firm grasp on the back of his jacket, but couldn’t convince his legs to move any faster, too busy staring at it to concentrate. This apparently irritated the informant, who suddenly stopped once they’d walked a few blocks.

 

“Shizu-chan.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You’re slow. Can you attempt to use those monstrous muscles for something useful and hurry up?”

 

Shizuo smiled shyly and slumped against Izaya’s shoulder, “Sorry ‘Zaya.”

 

Izaya gave him a strange look and sighed, “Will you move faster if I help you?”

 

Shizuo nodded enthusiastically and wrapped an arm around Izaya’s waist, flinching when the informant tensed. “Did I… it… hurt?”

 

“Don’t be idiotic.” Izaya replied quickly, placing a firm hand on Shizuo’s back and pushing him forward. “I’m just not used to being this close to monsters. You stink like a brewery.”

 

Shizuo snorted, “You stink, Flea.”

 

“I don’t _stink_ , Shizu-chan”

 

“Ya do, like flowers and nice shit… Flower shit.”

 

“Be still my beating heart!” Izaya exclaimed dramatically, “How poetic!”

 

“Don’t be shitty, you always stink but… it smells nice.” Shizuo trailed off, pointing his head down to resist the urge to shove it into Izaya’s neck.

 

Izaya didn’t reply verbally, choosing to pick up the pace instead. They weren’t far from Shizuo’s apartment, and if he was being this agreeable then it wouldn’t be hard to sleep with him and get it over and done with.

 

“’Zaya, where are we goin’?”

 

“Can’t you recognise your own neighbourhood?”

 

Shizuo looked around and took in his surroundings, “Are we going to my home?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Why?”

 

“It’s closer.” Izaya replied tiredly, as if he’d explained this a thousand times before, “It’s closer.”

 

Shizuo stopped walking, pulling Izaya to an abrupt halt. “Can’t.”

 

“Is Shizu-chan shy?”

 

“No…” Shizuo replied. There were many good reasons why Izaya shouldn’t come to his apartment, the most worrying being his cups in the sink and dirty underwear in his hamper. If Izaya were coming to his home, he wanted it _spotless._

“Good.” Izaya pushed Shizuo’s back again, forcing him to stumble forward, “Hurry up, I don’t want to be seen with you.”

 

“Can we… go to your home?” Shizuo tried, eyes wide with worry.

 

“It’s too far away, and I don’t want you there.”

 

“Oh…”

 

Izaya shot a glance at Shizuo from the corner of his eye and wondered why the blonde had such wide eyes. He didn’t have time to ponder it though, as the sound of a horse neighing soon drew his attention elsewhere.

 

Shizuo seemed to have the same reaction, and straightened himself up. He grabbed Izaya’s wrist lightly and pulled him forward into a jog, “Hurry up.”

 

For the first time in a long time, Izaya was speechless. He hurried along behind Shizuo, formless questions begging to spill from his lips. By the time they approached Shizuo’s apartment building, he’d already forgotten that they were enemies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's another chapter coming out in a few hours! I ended up rewriting a lot of this because I had an idea pop into my head, and even though it was meant to be longer, I couldn't wait to get it up! As usual it isn't proofread, so if you find any errors before I go back through it, let me know! <3


	21. Chapter 19

The sound of a worried horse echoed throughout the alleyway and brought a smile to Shinra’s face. He hurried out of the car he was sitting in and jogged to the mouth of the alley in time to see Celty dismount Shooter.

 

“Celty!” He yelled happily, attempting to embrace her as shadows restrained him. He beamed at her regardless, ecstatic that she was near him. “I’m fine! There’s no need to inspect me!”

 

Smoke pulsed out of Celty’s neck rapidly and she punched him lightly in the stomach, but her shadows didn’t stop searching him for wounds until she was certain.

 

[What happened?!]

 

“Izaya came to pick up Shizuo, which led to a fight.”

 

[Did Shizuo-]

 

“It wasn’t Shizuo-kun.” Shinra interrupted, Celty’s fingers stilling, “Izaya-kun was the angry one this time. I’ve never seen him so angry, he actually attacked Kasuka-kun’s driver! Well, maybe you could call it self-defence, he _was_ going to pull out a retractable baton from his coat pocket.”

 

Celty’s chest heaved in a mock sigh at the information. [Where are they?]

 

“Shizuo followed Izaya and they left.”

 

Celty’s fingers flew across the keypad as she typed a response, only for Shinra to cover it with his hand. “Shizuo will be fine.”

 

The dullahan’s fingers slackened, and she leaned forward in order to bump her helmet against Shinra’s face. Unfortunately, in her hurry to leave the house she had completely forgotten to put it on.

 

She ripped her hands away from Shinra’s, feeling through the smoke as if she couldn’t quite believe it.

 

“!!!”

 

Shinra laughed happily at Celty’s actions, “You look nicer without it.”

 

_‘That isn’t the point, Shinra!’_

“I know, that isn’t the point. Can you make one with your shadows?”

 

“Nnghh.”

 

The bodyguard, still lying on the ground, groaned loudly. Celty ran over to him as he looked up and offered him her hand.

 

Unfortunately, all the man saw was a headless, black-clad reaper asking for his hand, and after letting out a small scream he promptly passed out again.

 

Celty’s shoulders slumped forward and she ignored Shinra’s offended muttering. It wasn’t as if she wasn’t used to such things happening, but it didn’t make it any nicer when they did. Still, she couldn’t leave the man on the ground.

 

Using her shadows, she managed to bundle him up nice and tight and called Shooter over, who had added a side carriage to himself. She placed the bodyguard/driver in the carriage and climbed onto Shooter, an excited Shinra soon following and wrapping his arms around her.

 

She ignored the shiver that ran down her spine when Shinra kissed the space between her shoulder blades and squeezed the handlebars slightly instead, signalling for Shooter to take them to all to Kasuka’s apartment building.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shizuo had been tempted to kick in his own door by the time they reached it. He was holding Izaya’s wrist gently in one hand whilst the other rummaged through his pocket, gripping his keys only to lose them again. In his current state, retrieving his keys was apparently a two hand job, but he refused to let go of Izaya’s wrist for anything.

 

The informant seemed to understand, slapping Shizuo’s hand away and delving his own into the pocket to pluck them out. Shizuo tensed as he felt slim fingers rub against his thigh, painfully aware that it was only thin material that separated those fingers from his skin.

 

After an uncomfortably long time, the fingers soon wrapped around the keys and pulled them slowly from Shizuo’s pocket. Shizuo heard them enter the keyhole and turn, but he refused to look as he was dragged inside his own home. His face was burning, and though Izaya had incorrectly diagnosed him with a fever, it didn’t make it any less embarrassing.

 

When the door shut, the two men stood there, unsure of what to do next.

 

“Tea..?” Shizuo asked tentatively. Still holding Izaya’s wrist, he could feel the brunette’s pulse speed up at the question. Did Izaya think he was going to poison it?

 

“You should change.” Izaya said finally, leaning some of his weight against Shizuo’s side so that he could toe off his shoes, “Take your shoes off when you’re inside.”

 

Shizuo complied quickly, too blissful at Izaya leaning on him to snap anything back. After their shoes were removed, Shizuo started to walk to his bedroom before noticing that he was dragging Izaya along behind him.

 

He stopped quickly, staring at his hand on Izaya’s wrist in an effort to figure out how to both let go and keep holding him. Izaya seemed to be thinking the same thing, and they were silent for a moment.

 

“Shizu-chan, are you taking me to your bedroom?”

 

Shizuo’s fingers flew off of Izaya’s wrist and into his pockets. “No!”

 

“You aren’t?”

 

“J-just… need to keep an eye on you.”

 

“So you are taking me into your bedroom?” Izaya’s tone was playful but the question itself was hopeful.

 

“No! Shitty… flea… I’ll… wait here!” Shizuo stormed into his room and slammed the door, only to open it a second later, “Don’t move! Or leave! Stay!”

 

Izaya’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, but the corners of his lips twitched upward. “I wouldn’t dream of leaving.”

 

Shizuo nodded firmly and closed the door again, leaving Izaya to his thoughts. He could clearly hear the sounds of fabric tearing, and he chuckled to himself. The blonde must distrust him so much that he’d risk ruining his clothes in order to change more quickly.

 

“…”

 

Shizuo was ripping clothes off of his body in the next room, and Izaya was just waiting in the lounge like a fool. Wasn’t this what he had come here for? Wasn’t he supposed to be in there having his own clothes ripped off?

 

He’d sit on Shizuo’s lap as his shirt was torn clean from his body, lips crashing into his own as he writhed. Shizuo would lean him backward and lick down his chest and stomach, then rip his pants off with his teeth and take Izaya’s aching erection into his mouth.

 

The informant would run his fingers through his hair, grabbing him and begging him for more-

 

Izaya couldn’t stand waiting any longer, his imagination playing far too many tricks on him. He needed to have Shizuo, and he needed him _now._ He didn’t bother knocking on the bedroom door, opening it quickly as he removed his jacket.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“…”  
   
“…”  
   
_‘…’_  
   
“…”  
   
“…”  
   
_‘…’_  


Ruri walked into the living room and watched as the three people sitting on the lounge and chair stared at each other. Feeling uncomfortable, she placed the tray on the small table quietly. “The tea is ready.”

 

“Thank you.” Kasuka replied, his eyes not leaving Shinra’s.

 

Shinra stared back, knowing he’d receive a lecture whether he looked away or not. Even though he didn’t really care that much for other humans, he couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable with Kasuka’s piercing gaze.

 

Celty seemed to be having trouble with it as well, receiving a second hand scolding just by sitting next to Shinra.

 

“Thank you, Ruri-san. I’m sure it will be delicious.” Shinra said, reaching for a cup.

 

“…”

 

Kasuka’s wordless warning caused Shinra’s hand to retract before he poured the tea. “On second thought, I’m not that thirsty. I’ll have some later.”

 

Ruri nodded her head and peered at Kasuka. She hadn’t seen him like this before, and though he still had no expression on his face, he had an air of rage around him.

 

Celty, never one to react well in situations such as this, slowly pulled out her PDA and typed a message.

 

[I’m sure Shizuo is fine]

 

“I agree.” Ruri replied after reading, “I’m sure that Yuuhei-san is right about Orihara-san’s feelings.”

 

“It isn’t his physical body that Kasuka-kun is worried about.” Shinra said quietly.

 

All eyes fell on Kasuka, who remained motionless.

 

“Celty-san, would you be able to collect my brother?”

 

[Do you know where he is?]

 

“I imagine that he’s at his apartment.” Kasuka replied, leaning forward to pour himself some tea, “Would you be able to collect him?”

 

Celty nodded, her shadow helmet moving up and down as she rose to her feet. She was glad to be given an excuse to leave.

 

Kasuka sipped his tea slowly and took a moment to collect his thoughts, “If it’s fine with you, I’d also appreciate it if you could give me a lift.”

 

Celty tilted her head, wondering why Kasuka would ask her when he could drive himself. [Yes… Where would you like to go?]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shizuo was lying face down on the bed, his shirt only barely covering his shoulders. It looked as though he’d fallen over as he’d been changing and had passed out before finishing.

 

Izaya stared at him from the doorway, weighing up his options. He could wake Shizuo up, or take embarrassing photographs of him, or leave and act as though none of this had ever happened. He could kill him if he really wanted to, but he didn’t feel the urge at all.

 

Instead, he tiptoed over to the bed and looked at Shizuo’s back. It was skinnier than it should be, and he could clearly see the outline of Shizuo’s ribs as he breathed. He reached out a hand to trace them but caught himself before he made contact.

 

 _‘What are you doing?!’_ He asked himself angrily, unsure as to why he even wanted to touch Shizuo. He straightened himself up and turned away, ready to leave and contemplate this urge, only to have something take a hold of his waist.

 

Looking down, he saw Shizuo half way off the bed with both arms wrapped around his waist as his head pressed into his stomach.

 

“Shizu-chan, what are y-”

 

“I want to… keep you warm.”

 

“What?”

 

“Cold all the time.” Shizuo slurred, only barely awake. He pulled Izaya into the bed with him and readjusted his arms, bringing him as close as he could. His face nuzzled into Izaya’s neck, lips moving softly against the skin, “Warm.”

 

Izaya was too surprised to struggle, feeling ~~comforted~~ wary of the arms around him. They were capable to bending steel, so it was only natural to want to keep an eye on them.

 

“I’m not _cold,_ Shizu-chan.”

 

“Cold inside.”

 

“That doesn’t make any se-”

 

“ _Stay._ ”

 

Izaya wasn’t entirely sure what to say to that, given that he wouldn’t be able to escape even if he tried. With a sigh, he relaxed slightly into Shizuo’s hold.

 

“Want to… protect… from people… hurting you…”

 

“No one hurts _me_ , Shizu-chan.”

 

Shizuo pressed his lips against Izaya’s neck gingerly before he whispered his reply, “They do.”

 

Izaya wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. Not only was Shizuo saying that people wanting to hurt him was awful, he was saying it as if he didn’t chase him around with a street sign every opportunity he got.

 

“You… just help… people.”

 

“Wha-?”

 

“Help them… but... they’re stupid.” Shizuo paused, sighing happily. Izaya was holding him back now, clinging to him tightly and it made Shizuo’s heart beat quickly. “You don’t want to hurt… you help.”

 

The blonde shifted, leaving one hand to run up the back of Izaya’s shirt whilst the other played with his hair. Shizuo’s eyes were closed, eyelids too heavy to open, but he smiled softly when Izaya leaned into the touch.

 

“Shitty but… good. Good Flea. Smart.” He said, his fingers lightly brushing trails along Izaya’s back.

 

Izaya shivered despite himself, his own eyes closing. It felt good to hear these things about himself, but it also felt awful. He had never thought of himself as emotional, but he couldn’t quite help clinging to Shizuo in response to his words.

 

“ _My_ Flea.” Shizuo murmured, sleep finally winning the battle. “ _Mine._ Lo…v…”

 

“Shizu-chan?” Izaya squeezed Shizuo’s arms tightly only to receive a content hum in return, “Shizu-chan!”

 

It was obvious that Shizuo wasn’t going to be waking up any time soon. Izaya panicked, wondering if he’d be able to escape Shizuo’s clutches. A part of him hoped that he wouldn’t be able to, as the hand in his hair and the hand along his back were comforting in a way he hadn’t thought possible.

 

He savoured the moment despite himself, closing his eyes and leaning in toward Shizuo's face. At the last second, however, he seemed to realise what he was doing and pulled himself away. It took a few minutes to extricate himself from Shizuo’s arm and, when he had, he wasn’t sure what to do.

 

He stood over the bed and watched Shizuo sleep. His face was quite different to how it usually was, with the scowl wiped clean from its surface. Would it return when he remembered what he’d said to Izaya? When he remembered holding him so gently?

 

Would he remember?

 

Izaya wanted to make certain he would. He searched the humble apartment, locating what he needed quickly. It only took another moment to leave his message, after which he slipped on his shoes and out the door.

 

He decided to walk back to Shinjuku, feeling too exposed to catch the train. It was funny really, because Shizuo hadn’t said anything too grand or earth shattering. Still, his words kept running through Izaya’s head.

 

_“I want to… keep you warm.”_

_  
“Mine.”_

_“Good Flea.”_

 

His hand clenched the handle of his knife as he tried to find some normality in the situation. He wasn’t sure what any of this meant, but he was going to find out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shizuo woke up to sunlight trying to break through the curtains, a minor headache reminding him of the shots he’d had with Shinra the night before. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling as memories from the night before came flooding back.

 

There’d been shots, and Shinra had discovered he was Tsukumoya and that he was in love with Izaya. He groaned at that, pulling both arms over his face. The last thing he needed was to hear Shinra’s awful “jokes” about it all.

 

There had also been a fight, but it wasn’t one he’d been a part of. He remembered watching Izaya elbow a tall man in the head, Izaya’s voice asking him to come with him…

 

Shizuo rolled onto his stomach, fighting the urge to squeal. He was a grown man! He shouldn’t be _this_ excited over something that was likely a dream!

 

But it had felt so real…

 

More memories came back to him, hazy but there. He remembered holding Izaya close to him in his bed, talking to him, having Izaya hold him back tightly…

 

Shizuo flew off the bed, landing on the ground with a loud _thump_. He sat up quickly and searched the room for Izaya. It wasn’t likely that he’d spend the night with him, but _maybe_ -

 

It took a few seconds for Shizuo to realise that he wasn’t in his room at all, but at Kasuka’s apartment. He couldn’t remember coming back the previous evening, so maybe it really had all been a dream?

 

_Knock, knock._

“Yeah?”

 

The door opened slowly, Kasuka’s face peering in through the gap.

 

“Brother, it’s late. You should shower after last night.”

 

“Last… night?”

 

“You went drinking with Kishitani-san.” Kasuka replied, “Don’t you remember?”

 

Shizuo scratched his head and looked at his feet. “I… Shinra brought me here?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And Izaya?”

 

Kasuka shook his head.

 

“Right.” Shizuo laughed awkwardly, trying to mask his disappointment, “Must’ve been a dream.”

 

“Yes.”

 

The brothers stood in silence, one staring at the other. “I’ll… have a shower. Sorry for the trouble, Kasuka.”

 

“It’s fine, Brother.”

 

The door closed, and Shizuo picked some clothes to change into after his shower.

 

Of course it didn’t happen.

 

How could it happen?

 

It wouldn’t.

 

Izaya didn’t want him.

 

Izaya wouldn’t have let him hold him.

 

He wouldn’t have let him whisper such things into his ear.

 

He wouldn’t have brought him back to Kasuka’s apartment or his own.

 

It was a ridiculous notion.

 

The thoughts kept spiralling through his head as he made his way to the small bathroom, stripping once the door closed behind him.

 

_‘Idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot…’_

 

He turned the taps in the shower on, adjusting the hot tap so that it was turned entirely. He closed his eyes and walked in, burying his head under the stream.

 

Izaya wouldn’t want him.

 

He’d only want to find out why he’d been running from him.

 

He’d sooner stab him than hug him. What a useless dream.

 

Shizuo lifted his head and opened his eyes, grabbing the soap and squishing it in his palm. How could he ever be so stupid as to think it wasn’t a dream?

 

He opened his palm slightly and moved it to his chest, rubbing it in vigorously.

 

“Stupid, stupid, stu- huh?”

 

He rinsed the suds off his chest when he noticed the black writing on his stomach. He squinted at it, the lines beginning to fade from the water. It was unmistakeable.

 

He jumped out of the shower, slipping on the tiles and falling to the floor loudly.

 

“Brother? Are you alright?” Kasuka called out from the next room.

 

“Y-YEAH!” Shizuo yelled back, staring at his stomach as best he could. It seemed to be enough for Kasuka, who padded away softly.

 

“Monster?!” Shizuo muttered to himself, rising to his feet so that he could inspect his stomach in the mirror. Sure enough, the kanji for “monster” was written neatly on his stomach, a small heart beside it.

 

In the kitchen, Ruri jumped when she heard Shizuo yell something indecipherable. She smiled to herself, knowing that he’d found the message Izaya had left for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE IT IS, A LITTLE LATE BUT IT IS HERE!
> 
> SO MANY QUESTIONS!
> 
> How did Ruri know about the message? Where did Kasuka go? Why did Kasuka want Shizuo to think it was all a dream?
> 
> Guess you'll have to wait and see ;)
> 
> EDIT: Apparently the bottom half of this chapter was cut off D: but it's fixed now!


	22. Chapter 20

**[Private post]**

 

I don’t want to wait any longer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

******

Celty had lived in Ikebukuro for quite some time and had, despite her traditionally fearsome appearance, managed to make quite a few friends over the years. They were people she would stop and speak to if she saw them, and who occasionally came to visit her and Shinra.

 

It was nice and she always felt included, but she was never really asked to “hang out” by anyone other than Shizuo or Shinra (who obviously doesn’t count). Celty never mentioned it, but a part of her longed to be asked to the bathroom by a close girlfriend to powder her currently missing nose.

 

So, to say that she was excited when Ruri asked her out for coffee was an understatement. She still felt awful about her argument with Shinra (even though she _knew_ she wasn’t wrong), and an escape was just what she needed.

 

It was still early enough for the women to avoid the lunch rush, but late enough that both could be easily identified if they weren’t careful. They chose to meet separately at a quiet café that was under the protection of the Awakusu-kai, a suggestion made to Celty by Shiki after what she believed (incorrectly) to be a very subtle text message.

 

She left Shooter, who whinnied at her encouragingly, in the special area she’d been told about and approached the café. It was quite small, with only two people working there and a handful of tables, and looked for a place to sit. She wouldn’t mind basking in the sunlight cascading through the windows, but decided on a table near the back. Ruri was quite famous, after all, and there was no telling who might interrupt them if she were recognised.

 

It was only a few minutes after she’d sat down that what looked to be a young woman entered the store, wearing a headscarf, baggy clothing, and oversized sunglasses. The woman looked around nervously but seemed to relax after seeing Celty, and walked over to her.

 

[I’m sorry, I’m waiting for someone!] Celty typed as the woman sat down across from her. She was just about to show the stranger the message, when she picked up on their aura.

 

“Celty-san, thank you for agreeing to meet with me.” Ruri said, slowly taking off her sunglasses and folding them up. “I know you’re busy.”

 

Celty waved a hand back and forth in front of her, and clearing her first message to write a new one.  [No, it’s nice to be asked out. Thank you for thinking of me.]

 

The idol smiled almost shyly, fingers playing with the sunglasses in front of her. “Have you ordered?”

 

Celty shook her helmet, [I didn’t know what you would like.]

 

Ruri seemed confused by the response, seeming to forget that Celty wouldn’t be able to eat or drink during their coffee date, then flushed very slightly. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking when I asked you here.”

 

[It’s fine, I don’t mind! I like having dinner with Shinra every night and it’s nice to be asked out.]

 

“I guess you don’t get to come out much either.” Ruri replied, understanding completely. One of the staff came and took Ruri’s order, and the two sat in silence as they waited for it to arrive. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, but more an appreciative one. Celty wondered if Ruri had ever been asked to the bathroom or for advice on what to wear, but decided she shouldn’t ask.

 

Ruri’s tea arrived and she took a sip, holding the cup in both her hands. “I… I’m not sure how to start this conversation.”

 

[Is something wrong?] Celty asked, wondering if there were problems between Ruri and Kasuka. She wasn’t sure that any of her experience with Shinra would be helpful, but she was willing to sit there until they’d hashed out a solution.

 

Ruri shook her head at the message, before changing her mind and nodding. “It’s about Shizuo-san… and Orihara-san.”

 

[Did they break something?] Celty asked cautiously, not sure of how much Ruri knew and not wanting to break Shizuo’s confidence.

 

“You know about them, right? About how Shizuo-san is… how he feels?” Ruri paused, realising that Celty might feign ignorance if she thought she was fishing for information, and tried to think of something else to add. “I spoke to Shizuo-san about it, and I know you two are very close. You don’t have to tell me anything, but… I was hoping I could talk to you, if you’re willing to listen?”

 

Celty’s thumbs hovered above her keyboard as she tried to figure out what to say, before she lowered her PDA and nodded. Less could sometimes be more, and if Shizuo had trusted Ruri enough to speak to her about everything, then she would listen to everything the young woman had to say.

 

Ruri smiled a little, before dipping her head a little. “There’s one other thing...”

 

The dullahan tilted her helmet sideways, as if to ask what it was.

 

“Please don’t tell Yuuhei-san.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

******

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Izaya wasn’t sure how Shizuo got into his apartment so quietly, and wondered whether he had left the front door unlocked. It didn’t sound likely, but there weren’t a lot of other explanations. Ah, but perhaps Namie had given the blonde a key? He wouldn’t put it past her, she was always doing things to-_

 

_“Izaya.”_

_Izaya looked up, setting his eyes on the wall behind Shizuo rather than on the man himself. He couldn’t seem to look him in the eyes, and he shifted his weight nervously._

_“Shizu-chan, as you can see I’m a little busy.” Izaya motioned toward the towel wrapped around his lower half, which was currently the only thing covering him. “If you’re that desperate to see me, you could always try booking an appointment or-”_

 

_“Izaya…” Shizuo closed the distance between them quickly, his arms wrapping Izaya in a tight embrace as a small but emotional kiss was placed on the top of Izaya’s head. “I missed you. Where have you been?”_

_“Wh-what?”_

_The arms around him tightened slightly, followed by a deep sigh. “You were meant to be home hours ago, I’ve been looking for you.”_

_“Looking…?”_

_“You know I can’t sleep unless you’re here.”_

_“Here?”_

_Shizuo pulled back slightly, bumping his forehead against Izaya’s lightly as a cheeky smile found its way to his lips. “No games. You know you always lose.”_

_Izaya didn’t respond, choosing instead to lick his suddenly dry lips. He had the feeling that Shizuo was right, and that he’d lost in several very passionate ways in the past. Before he knew what he was doing, his hands moved away from the towel he’d been gripping and onto Shizuo’s chest, running them slowly upward before snaking them around his neck._

_Yes, this felt safe._

_Izaya’s towel dropped to the floor and Shizuo laughed a little. “You’ll catch a cold like that.”_

_“Maybe you should warm me up then.”_

_“Maybe I should.” Shizuo grinned, leaning toward Izaya. He stopped half way, lips nowhere near as close as they should be. “Don’t be lazy, louse. If you want a kiss, you’ve gotta get it yourself.”_

_Izaya pouted, indignant. “Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?”_

_“You want it more than me.” Shizuo replied, bending down to ghost his lips over Izaya’s neck. “C’mon, don’t be shy, I know you want one.”_

_Izaya shivered, his fingers fisting the back of Shizuo’s shirt. He tilted his head to the side so that it looked as though it were resting on his shoulder, and Shizuo pulled back slightly._

_“It’s not fair if you run away, Shizu-chan.”_

_“Like you’re one to talk.” Shizuo replied in mock annoyance, moving back toward Izaya just a little. He was staring at Izaya’s lips, which curled at the ends._

_“Stay still, I don’t want to bitten.” Izaya smirked, his voice lower than it usually was._

_“Like hell you don’t.”_

_Izaya chuckled and moved slowly toward Shizuo, pleased to see that the blonde couldn’t seem to stop himself moving in as well. They bumped noses gently, hot breath teasing the others lips as neither wanted to give in first. Izaya stifled a whimper as Shizuo’s tongue darted out and licked his lower lip, closing his eyes, unable to bear Shizuo’s gaze any longer._

_His arms tightened around Shizuo’s neck and he arched his back, pushing his entire body into Shizuo as their lips crashed into each other. His mind went blank completely, being consumed by everything Shizuo embodied, until he felt his back felt something soft._

_He opened his eyes when Shizuo pulled away, gasping for breath as wet kisses were trailed down his jaw. Shizuo must have carried him to his room, but he couldn’t remember a thing._

_“Sh-Shizu-”_

_“Not again.”_

_“Haaa! Shizu-ch-”_

_“I don’t get paid enough for this.”_

_“M-More!”_

 

“Yes, more. But it still won’t be enough.”

 

“Shizu-chan!”

 

“Wake up, it’s ten in the morning and a Tuesday.” Namie snapped, having no time for this nonsense. “Do not make me film you again.”

 

Izaya cracked open an eye and scanned what he could see of the room, then crossed his legs. He hadn’t had another accident, so to speak, but it was incredibly obvious to anyone who knew anything about the male body that it was a very close call.

 

“I’m flattered, Namie-san, but I don’t think that would be very responsible of you.” He adjusted in his seat, having fallen asleep in a sitting position on the couch. Stretching his arms out by his side, he made a deep noise as his bones popped, then curled back into himself. “What do you want?”

 

“I don’t get paid enough to clean that.”

 

“Is that all?”

 

Namie smirked, and Izaya felt a shiver run down his spine. “Namie-san?”

 

“Izaya?” Shizuo called hesitantly from downstairs.

 

Izaya felt his heart skip a beat and shot Namie a filthy look, receiving only a laugh in response.

 

“You can come up now, Heiwajima-san.”

 

When Namie clicked out of the room, Izaya flew from his bed and into the bathroom. Not because he wanted to look nice for Shizuo or hide the erection that dream-Shizuo definitely hadn’t given him, but because he had no idea what else to do. Clicking the door shut, he waited.

  
  
  
  
  


******

  
  
  
  
  


**_The night before…_ **

 

 

 

 

_“Good evening, Hollywood-san.”_

Ruri ended the call and stared at the phone in her hand, wondering who the hell had called her. She realised that it was stupid to end the call before discovering the caller’s identity, but her instincts warned her that whoever called her was dangerous.

 

Dangerous enough to make a monster such as herself fearful.

 

Her phone vibrated again, the mysterious caller using what must have been a private number, and she took a deep breath. There were only two beings that she could see ever beating her, and they were currently indisposed as one was busy collecting the other, very drunk, one.

 

Still, she was a woman before she was anything else, and the fact that she was currently the only person in the entire apartment building sent a chill down her spine. She decided to check the locks before answering, not caring when the call dropped out as it started to ring only a few moments later.

 

She moved to the bathroom and closed the room behind her, taking one long look in the mirror in an attempt to steady herself before she answered the call.

 

“Hello.”

 

 _“Hello! I didn’t scare you, did I?”_ The voice said happily, laughter very clear in the man’s voice. “ _That really wasn’t my intention at all, Hijiribe-san!_ ”

 

Ruri frowned, not enjoying the man’s teasing at all. “Who is this?”

 

 _“Eh~! You don’t know?”_ The man laughed as though it were the funniest joke in the world, _“This is Orihara Izaya. I thought you might know who I was, given that Kasuka-kun just came for a visit.”_

“Where is Yuuhei-san?” Ruri asked, a little too quickly for her own liking. Izaya’s mocking tone combined with her own instincts made her fearful; terrified and angry all at once.

 

Izaya sighed heavily, as if he were bored by Ruri’s assumption. _“I can see him getting into a taxi from here. You can call him if you’d like, but I don’t like waiting.”_

“What do you want?”

 

_“An exchange.”_

“An exchange?”

 

_“I will give you information on your family, your father in particular, if you do something for me tonight.”_

“I already have that information.” Ruri replied, annoyance clear. She’d received it for free from an online informant, and she didn’t want to owe Izaya a thing. “Goodbye.”

 

Ruri ended the call again, closing her eyes and taking several deep breaths. Orihara Izaya was not a person that she wanted to become involved with, especially since he was the only one she’d ever heard of surviving a fight with Shizuo.

 

Pocketing her phone, she ignored its vibrations and exited the bathroom as the door to the apartment opened. Shizuo was being half carried by Celty’s shadows as he giggled, a massive, sleepy smile on his face.

 

“I’ll get the door.” She said quietly, walking quickly to Shizuo’s room to open the door. Celty guided Shizuo in, taking great care to place him on the bed as best he could.

 

“’Zay-ya….”

 

“What happened?”

 

Celty shook her head, knowing as much as Ruri. The women stood there, watching as the blonde flopped around on the bed until he found a pillow to hug.

 

“Shizuo-san, are you alright?” Ruri asked, feeling mildly concerned at his behaviour.

 

“He lemme hug ‘immmmm!” Shizuo slurred happily, eyes still closed. He kissed the pillow and snuggled further into it, causing both women to bolt from the room.

 

[He’s having a strange dream!] Celty typed, panicking about Shizuo’s admission as she thrust the PDA toward Ruri.

 

Ruri nodded, smiling a little. “It must be… Thank you for bringing him here.”

 

Celty nodded and checked the time, jumping once she saw how late it had gotten. [I should go, I have a job later and I’d like to check on Shinra.]

 

Ruri felt her phone stop vibrating as she walked Celty to the door, thanking her once again for her kindness as she left. After she closed and locked the door, she snuck into Shizuo’s room and took his flip phone. She found Izaya’s number easily enough, and typed it into her own before returning Shizuo’s phone and sneaking out to call.

 

It rang once before Izaya answered, his voice a little breathless. _“Did you change your mind?”_

 

“I don’t want information.” Ruri replied, turning to look back at Shizuo’s now closed door. “What did you want?”

 

_“What are you planning to do when I tell you?”_

 

“I plan on deciding whether or not I should help you.”

 

_“And if you don’t?”_

“Then I forget what your request was, so long as it doesn’t harm anyone.” Ruri paused, continuing in a slightly quieter voice. “If it harms Yuuhei-san or Shizuo-san, I will stop it from happening.”

 

Izaya was silent on the other line, and Ruri wondered if he was still connected. After an uncomfortably long pause, she heard a faint sigh. “ _Is Shizu-chan there?_ ”

 

“…yes.” She answered hesitantly, taking a few steps toward his room as if to protect him from an unseen threat. “Why?”

 

 _“I left Shizu-chan a message, and it needs to stay there until he sees it.”_ Izaya’s voice was void of the mocking trill from earlier, replaced by what sounded like a shy whisper. “ _Kasuka-kun may try to remove it._ ”

 

“Remove it?”

 

_“It’s located on his stomach. I need you to ensure that Kasuka-kun does not see it before Shizu-chan does.”_

Ruri didn’t respond, too busy with the questions buzzing through her mind. She’d _said_ that she trusted Kasuka’s assessment and believed that Izaya had some romantic, if complicated, feelings for Shizuo, but to actually hear that he was leaving messages for him… Did this mean that Kasuka was right? Was Izaya fooling everyone and actually attempting to harm Shizuo? What would happen if Shizuo didn’t see it?

 

_“Hijiribe-san, have you made a decision?”_

 

“Why do you want me to help you?”

 

_“It’s a message for Shizu-chan, don’t you think he should see it? It’s illegal to go through someone else’s’ mail, so you’d really be saving Kasuka-kun from prosecution.”_

“That doesn’t…” Ruri shook her head, finding herself annoyed and confused by the conversation. “Why do you want him to see it?”

 

_“Isn’t it the norm for the writer of a letter to hope it’s seen by the intended recipient?”_

“Yes, but… why do you want him to see it?”

 

The phone was so silent that Ruri pulled it away from her ear to check that it was still connected. She heard no breathing, no mumbling, and the feeling of _dangerdangerrunnow_ washed back over her. She opened her mouth to say something, but couldn’t think of a single word.

 

 _“As I said,”_ Izaya said finally, his voice stern and slow, as if he was hoping he wouldn’t have to repeat himself after this. _“It is a message for Shizu-chan, and Shizu-chan should receive his message. Kasuka-kun will not want him to see the message, but it is not his decision.”_

Ruri swallowed and nodded, even though it couldn’t be seen. Her lips twitched very slightly, despite the perceived threat, as she realised something that she was certain Izaya hadn’t.

 

“I understand.”

 

_“What is your answer?”_

“No.” Ruri replied quickly, “I won’t lie to Yuuhei-san, and I won’t do whatever you tell me.”

 

_“Hi-”_

Izaya’s voice was cut off when Ruri ended the call and pocketed her phone. She was certain that Kasuka was fine after speaking with Izaya, and as she expected him to arrive home shortly, she immediately went to the room Shizuo was in.  Slowly, she sneaked through the door and crept toward the bed, getting close enough to see that there was a message on his stomach.

 

She couldn’t make it out, but she figured that it wasn’t meant to her so it didn’t really matter.

 

There was no telling how many times Shizuo’s shirt would ride up during the course of the night, and she didn’t feel comfortable changing him into a longer shirt, so she settled for dragging the sheet caught beneath his feet over the top of him. She made sure that Shizuo was as covered as possible, then stood back to inspect her handiwork.

 

“Good luck, Shizuo-san.” She whispered, smiling to herself as she left Shizuo’s room. As she made her way back into the lounge room, she ignored the three new missed calls from Izaya and decided to send Celty a message instead. Even if she kept this from Kasuka (and a frustrated Izaya), she needed to talk about it with someone.

 

[Celty-san, I’m sorry to trouble you, but could we meet tomorrow? I’d like your advice on something.]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

******

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Most of Shinra and Celty’s acquaintances assumed that the couple lived in their apartment alone. Though this was true for most of the year, there were occasions when the third occupant would return, gas mask clad and full of brilliant advice.

 

Neither Shinra nor Celty were ever given much, if any, notice to when this third occupant would return, often accidentally finding him in a series of increasingly disturbing positions. In addition to this, neither could ever recall a time when they had seen him enter with his luggage. It was as if he simply appeared and disappeared whenever he felt like it.

 

This was why, when Ruri had mentioned to Kasuka that she would be meeting with the Headless Rider, the younger Heiwajima had decided to meet with Shinra and leave Shizuo to his own devices in his apartment. After everything that had happened, he felt that Shizuo needed some time to himself to process recent events, and that he and Shinra both needed to have a conversation.

 

He didn’t bother sending Shinra a message to let him know that he was planning on a visit as he was certain that the underground doctor would be expecting him after the events the day before. On the elevator ride to Shinra’s apartment, he wondered what he should say once he arrived. He felt guilty for how stern he was when Shizuo was missing, but another part felt as though it was well deserved.

 

Despite popular opinion, Kasuka believed that Shizuo was quite fragile. He’d seen his face, screwed up in agony because of how often his body betrayed him, far too many times to count and wished desperately that he could prevent that from happening again. He wanted his brother to be happy, but would settle for him being content and loved the way he deserved to be, and would do anything within his power to ensure that happened.

 

The doors to the elevator crawled open once he reached the floor of his destination, and he dawdled the few steps to Shinra’s door. He stood outside, hand poised in front of the buzzer, trying to arrange his thoughts. He was guilty, angry, indignant, and worried.

 

With an inaudible sigh, Kasuka realised that he would never have the time to organise his emotions, and pressed the buzzer.

 

“Coming!” Shinra’s voice sang out over the sound of slow footsteps. The door opened after a series of locks were undone, and Kasuka found himself face to face with a smiling Shinra. “Kasuka-kun, I thought you’d stopping by!”

 

Kasuka nodded, “May I come in?”

 

“Are you going to beat me up? Celty isn’t here right now, but if you cut my lip open she might kiss it better!” Shinra chirped, more to himself than to Kasuka, as he opened the door wide enough to let the idol in.

 

Kasuka didn’t think it was wise to ask precisely _how_ someone without a head could kiss anything, and ignored what had been said as much as he could. He stood just inside the doorway, waiting as Shinra used every lock he could.

 

“Are you expecting someone?”

 

Shinra sighed, his body rising and falling dramatically. “I have a… feeling.”

 

“Is this a bad time?”

 

“No, no, no.” Shinra ushered Kasuka in further, guiding him to the lounge room. “It’s only a feeling! And you should always trust your instincts.”

 

Kasuka nodded, feeling a little perturbed by Shinra’s remarks, but put it down to Shinra being, well, Shinra, and took a seat on the couch. Shinra took a seat near him, leaning back as a look of exhaustion flashed across his face.

 

“Are you here to scold me again?”

 

“No.”

 

“I don’t know what they did together, if that’s what you’re going to ask.” Shinra sighed, as if he had planned for this conversation. “I can give you some medication to give him as well. I don’t think Izaya-kun has any diseases, but you probably don’t trust that.”

 

“No, I think it will be fine.” Kasuka shifts subtly in his seat, uncomfortable with the thought of his older brother engaging in something so intimate. It’s natural, and Kasuka was by no means a prude, but it was hardly something he enjoyed thinking about his own blood enjoying. “Izaya-san seemed healthy.”

 

“Izaya-kun always has managed to survive, it’s not surprising that he’d come away from their first time unscathed.” Shinra adjusted his glasses, not wanting to admit to the relief he felt at that statement. He knew that Shizuo would rather harm himself than Izaya, but with how drunk he’d been the evening before, he couldn’t say he didn’t worry about his former classmates. “And Shizuo-kun?”

 

“Physically fine.”

 

“Physically?”

 

Kasuka blinked and looked at the wall behind the underground doctor, not knowing how to reply. Shinra made a small noise, before speaking for him.

 

“He doesn’t remember.”

 

“He did, partially.”

 

“Did?”

 

“…”

 

“Kasuka-kun-”

 

“He wouldn’t want for it to happen that way.” Kasuka interrupted, speaking a little more quickly than usual. “It’s better this way.”

 

“Better for who?” Shinra ignored the look he was given and leaned forward in his seat, “Shizuo-kun would feel worse thinking it hadn’t happened at all.”

 

“I disagree, especially when Izaya-san…”

 

“When you say he seemed healthy, do you mean that you went to see him?”

 

“…yes.”

 

“And that’s why you’re here now.” Shinra laughed a little, though the sound was devoid of any real humour. “Izaya-san probably didn’t lie to you, whatever he said.”

 

Kasuka felt his blood run cold, recalling the conversation he’d had the evening before. If Izaya had been telling the truth, then that meant that not telling Shizuo what had happened was definitely the right decision. Unfortunately, that also meant that Shizuo’s dreams of making Izaya his were dashed.

 

“I thought you believed he returned brother’s feelings.”

 

“I didn’t say that he didn’t, I just said that I don’t think Izaya-kun lied.”

 

“I’m not sure what that means.”

 

“It means that Izaya-kun isn’t being honest with himself!”

 

Kasuka and Shinra jumped, the underground doctor’s head searching the room wildly. He located the source of the voice quickly enough, finding his father standing by the balcony.

 

“Dad?!”

 

“Shinra! You didn’t even notice me when I came home!” Shingen exclaimed, heartbroken by the snub he received from his son. “I’ll forgive you, but you can’t look at me like that! I live here as well!”

 

Kasuka’s eyes drifted between the two clad in white coats, wondering how he failed to notice the older man. “Kishitani-sensei?”

 

Both Kishitani’s snapped their attentions back to the Heiwajima, Shinra’s face clearly showing annoyance whilst Shingen’s remained a mystery.

 

“This is a bad time.” Kasuka said finally, rising from his chair and adjusting his shirt. “I’ll leave so that you can greet each other properly.”

 

“Nonsense! You can’t leave when the story was getting interesting!” Shingen replied loudly, taking a few steps forward.

 

“Interesting?”

 

“It’s like one of those dramas Emilia loves to watch. I’ve seen quite a few with her, so I think I’ll be able to hand out some good advice.”

 

Kasuka looked at Shinra, feeling helpless and unsure of how to proceed. “I don’t think-”

 

“This isn’t a drama, and you won’t be helpful.” Shinra snapped, mind already conjuring images of Celty deflating once she arrived home to see Shingen.

 

“Shinra, this is a drama! There’s love and sex and all of the things I warned you about.” Shingen’s tone became cooler as he spoke. “Izaya-kun is not a good influence on you. The youth of today are too fast, they don’t respect anything.”

 

Kasuka watched as the Kishitani’s continued their back and forth, becoming increasingly confused as the conversation (if you could call it that) progressed. After some minutes, he received a message, happily reading it to escape the argument.

 

[Need time alone. I’m staying in one of the other apartments tonight.]

 

“Kasuka-kun?”

 

Kasuka pocketed his phone and looked at Shinra, who seemed to have stopped his argument with Shingen. “Brother is staying in another apartment tonight. He seems… dejected.”

 

“Well, if it were me and Celty and I thought it was a dream, I’d be heartbroken too! I don’t think I’d be able to live without her!”

 

“Where is Celty-kun?”

 

“She went to coffee with a friend.”

 

“A friend? Celty-kun is making more friends? Are they human?”

 

Shinra sighed, already overwhelmed with his fathers useless questions. Kasuka was tempted to reply, but decided it was better not to.

 

“I’ll ask her when she gets back, I’m sure she won’t mind answering a few of my questions. I wonder if she’ll call me ‘father’ this visit…” Shingen hummed to himself at the thought, then took a seat beside Kasuka. “From what I can tell, you’re Shizuo-kun’s brother. Do you mind if I take some of your blood while you’re here?”

 

Thought no one else could tell, Kasuka grimaced so viciously it felt as though his face would break. “No, I’d rather you didn’t.”

 

“Fine, fine. I just thought it might be something fun to help pass the time until Celty-kun comes home.”

 

“Why would Kasuka-kun be here for that long?” Shinra asked, ignoring how rude the question sounded.

 

“Celty-kun will have more information on this.”

 

“How do you know that?”

 

“It’s what happened in Emilia’s drama last week.”

 

Even though the idea was ridiculous, Kasuka quietly agreed and decided to wait until Celty returned. If nothing else, he might be able to ask her to speak to his brother, which would surely help him out of his depression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS TOOK AGES TO WRITE! I'm sorry it ends so abruptly, but it's just about 5k in length and I decided to post this now so that you guys had at least a small update! Don't worry though, I've got all the notes written out for the other half and will (hopefully) have it posted in the next week or two.
> 
> If you spot any mistakes, please feel free to point them out!


	23. Chapter 21

**_Thump, thump, thump…_ **

****

**_BANG!_ **

****

**_THUD!_ **

 

Namie looked up from her desk and toward the staircase, a small frown forming on her lips. She could hear the muffled voices of the men in the room above her, followed by what sounded suspiciously like a squeal.  
  
She stood immediately and gathered her things, slinging her bag over her shoulder as she moved away from her desk. It was one thing to walk in on Izaya fantasising about Shizuo, but another thing entirely to hear Izaya’s fantasies becoming a reality.   
  
Clicking over to the door, she swiped her timecard and pulled out her phone. By the time she’d reached the elevator, she’d already sent a very politely worded text to her unfortunate employer which explained that she would not be cleaning anything he dirtied that day.  
  
The doors of the elevator slid open and she stepped inside, humoured to feel her phone vibrate in reply. Of course, it might not have been from Izaya, and her heart skipped a beat as she imagined it being from her dear brother. She fumbled with it, unlocking the screen only to internally groan at the sender.  
  
  
[Namie-jou, you are needed at my home. Don’t worry, I’ve told Seiji-kun you won’t be able to watch him tonight, but he promised to let you follow him all day tomorrow!]  
  
  
Namie’s phone creaked with the pressure she was applying with her hand, a deep scowl settling on her face. She was tempted to throw it at something, possibly Shingen himself, but decided against it. There were so many ways she could punish him, why should she limit herself?  
  
As she considered all the ways she could make him cry, she received another, newer message that was no less irritating.  
  
  
[Namie-san, he hasn’t done whatever he said he has. If you come over and promise to torture Dad a little, I’ll ask Celty to take some candid photos of Seiji for you!]  
  
  
The anger that had swelled within Namie died down a little at the message from Shinra, enough that she could form a coherent reply.  
  
  
[I’d rather eat broken glass.]  
  
  
The doors to the elevator opened just as she sent the message and she exited briskly, almost literally running into the man who was waiting outside the doors. She moved just in time, shooting him a dirty look before attempting to leave once more.  
  
“Yagiri-san, if you wouldn’t mind coming this way.”  
  
Namie turned back toward the man who she’d almost walked into and shot daggers at him. She felt her phone vibrate once more and spared it a glance from the corner of her eye. The new message was from a number she didn’t recognise, but she was certain it was connected to the previous two she’d received.  
  
  
[Yagiri-san, I hope sending a car wasn’t too presumptuous.]  
  
  
As much as Namie wanted to punch the man before her, she decided against it and followed him instead. She was just glad she still had a scalpel in her handbag for when she arrived at her destination.

 

 

 

 

******

 

 

 

 

**_Some years ago, during Middle School…_ **

 

 

 

Shinra had befriended Izaya in an effort to both appease and impress the dullahan with whom he lived, which meant that the two seemed to spend a lot of time together. Shinra never visited Izaya’s home (Celty wouldn’t be able to witness the friendship if he had), but Izaya had become a regular at Shinra’s apartment.  
  
If asked, Izaya would surely laugh and say that it was because there were fewer prying eyes, but it was obvious to anyone who knew him that he actually enjoyed Shinra’s company. Well, he enjoyed being about to study Shinra in his natural habitat. The boy was always strange, arrogant enough that Izaya knew he had a secret, but aloof enough that he might truly have no idea that he was being so interesting.  
  
In any case, Izaya was a founding member of the Biology Club, so it was only to be expected.   
  
By their final year of middle school, Izaya seemed to be spending less and less time at the Kishitani home. It brought certain questions to the surface, as Izaya hadn’t exactly been known to have friends so much as he had admirers.  
  
That was why Shingen, after being informed by a worried Celty that Shinra’s shady friend wasn’t visiting as often, decided to ignore his son completely _(“He’ll be fine! He’s just like me, he’s irresistible and he knows it!”_ ) and speak directly to his suspiciously well-mannered friend instead.   
  
Shortly after Celty’s demand, Shingen came home earlier than usual one evening. Celty had told him in advance that Izaya would be visiting, and he found himself standing face-to-face with an escaping Orihara.  
  
“Ah!”  
  
“Ah?”  
  
“Izaya-kun!”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
Shingen leaned forward, eyeing the boy as who nervously adjusted the strap of his bag. Celty had been right when she said that something seemed a little off about him, but a lot of things seemed off in Ikebukuro. It would be strange for a child to grow up even a little normal.  
  
Izaya seemed bemused by Shingen’s inspection, paying absolutely no mind to the gas mask he was wearing. “Are you Kishitani-sensei?”  
  
“I am. Are you Izaya-kun?”  
  
“I am.” Izaya replied, unable to entirely hide the small smirk pulling at his lips. How bowed his head instead to feign respect, nonplussed . “It’s nice to meet you, but I was just le-”  
  
“Leaving? It’s no good for a young boy to walking the streets when it’s dark! I’ll take you home.”  
  
“It’s not dark-”  
  
“No need to thank me!”  
  
“B-but, what about Shinra-kun?”  
  
“Shinra? I’m sure he’s fine!”  
  
“B-”  
  
“Shinra! I’ll be taking Izaya-kun home!”  
  
There was a distracted grunt from the living room where Shinra was playing video games with Celty, and Shingen clapped his hands together.  
  
“See? Shinra doesn’t mind. Now let’s get you home before your parents worry.”  
  
Izaya nodded, unable to think of a way out of this situation. He followed Shinra out the door and into the elevator, which they rode to the ground floor in silence.

 

 

 

 

******

 

 

 

 

[You hung up on him?!] Celty typed in disbelief. It had occurred to her that hanging up on Izaya was usually the best course of action, but Ruri had to have been the only person (aside from Shinra or Shizuo) who she’d ever known to actually do it.

 

Ruri smiled shyly and nodded, feeling a twinge of guilt at her admission. “I did what he requested, I just didn’t want him to think he could force me.”

 

Celty’s helmet bobbed up and down as he agreed, and she typed her reply as quickly as she could. [I understand. He’s that sort of person, isn’t he?]

 

The pair shared a small, slightly more comfortable laugh at the informant’s expense before continuing.

 

[So why did you do it?]

 

“I… think Yuuhei-san is right… about Orihara’s feelings.”

 

[!?]

 

“After speaking with him… He didn’t give me the chance to say yes, he immediately attempted to blackmail me.”

 

Celty resisted the urge to type another reply comprising only of symbols, choosing to imitate a deep breath as she waited for Ruri to continue.

 

“I don’t think Orihara-san is the type of person to blackmail someone straight away. I think that, maybe, he’d try to manipulate me into wanting to do as he wants instead of using brute force.”

 

Celty nodded at little. [He does try to convince people…]

 

“If that’s the case, then he must have really wanted to my help, so it must be important to him that Shizuo-san remembers seeing him yesterday.”

 

[Remembers him? Why wouldn’t he remember seeing him?]

 

Ruri stared at her cup intently, as if it held the answers she was looking for. “Shizuo-san was intoxicated and wasn’t sure that… Yuuhei-san told him it was a dream.”

 

Celty almost fell out of her chair. Kasuka had never been anything but supportive, even of Shizuo’s feelings for Izaya, so why wouldn’t he want him to remember? Shouldn’t he be revelling in his brother’s happiness?

 

[Is this why you want to keep this between us?]

 

Ruri nodded and kept her eyes low. “I’m very sorry to drag you into this, but as Shizuo-san’s friend… I… No, it’s… I really needed to talk to someone. I’m sorry to put this burden on you.”

 

Celty shook her head slowly, smiling internally. She felt special for having Ruri confide in her, and she didn’t want her to feel awful about it.

 

[I’m glad you told me! Really I am!]

 

[I was wondering though… what do you think we should do?]

 

Ruri smiled just a little, the corners of her lips barely moving. “I think that Shizuo-san and Orihara-san need to figure this out for themselves. I trust Shizuo-san to make the right decision, and I’ve told him about my reservations… Yuuhei-san will try to intervene or help guide Shizuo-san.”

 

[So you think that we should stop others interfering?]

 

Ruri nodded.

 

[I can’t give you my answer yet, but I will think on it deeply. Thank you for confiding in me.]

 

Ruri replied with thanks, but was interrupted again when both her phone and Celty’s rang out. Pulling it out, the two women soon realised that they were both sent similar messages.

 

[Ruri-san, I am Celty’s father and I need you both to come home!]

 

[Daddy’s home, Celty-kun!]

 

Despite having no head, it was obvious that both Ruri and Celty shared a look of disgust.

 

 

 

 

******

 

 

 

 

**_Some years ago, during Middle School…_ **

****

 

 

 

The sun was still setting as the odd pair walked the streets. Several concerned passers-by watched them with a suspicious gaze, but ultimately none attempted to stop them. Izaya was fidgeting, his eyes darting around in search of a distraction, whilst Shingen ignored the behaviour completely.

 

The young brunette would come up with an excuse occasionally, giving Shingen as many reasons as he could to separate, but the man gave him nothing but cheerful responses. It was Izaya’s flighty behaviour that made Shingen want to watch him now, and he wondered just where it was that Izaya wanted to be.

After several blocks and some silence, the scientist decided to casually and subtly ask just where it was that Izaya wanted to be.

 

“Izaya-kun, is there someplace other than home you’d like to be?”

 

Izaya stopped walking for all of a second before resuming his steps, shrugging off the question as though Shingen had asked about the weather.

 

“I don’t want to be any trouble. I just want to get home before my mother wor-”

 

“Aren’t your parents in America?”

 

“…”

 

“I don’t know if you know this, Izaya-kun, but this isn’t the direction you live in.” Shingen stopped and moved his arms around as he spoke, almost punching the innocent pedestrian beside him. “Are you lost? Afraid that I’ll harm you? I’ve never been scary, and you’re terrified, aren’t you! Are you taking me to the Police?!”

 

Izaya shifted his weight and stared at his feet, his still-young mind racing. He’d overheard some teachers discussing the rumours of a strange child at another school, one who was supposedly “superhuman,” and he’d wanted to see for himself. He had a rough idea of where the school was, but had no idea what the identity of the child in question was.

 

On some level, he was hoping they’d be wearing a cape, but he was a little sure that they wouldn’t be. Still, they would surely rescue him from his boring life, so they’d be a superhero to him.

 

“Izaya-ku-”

 

“You can come if you want, but it’s something I’d like to stay private.” Izaya interrupted, a little more quickly than he would have liked. Shingen obviously wasn’t going to leave him alone, and if he was anything like Shinra then he’d be interested in finding the superhero as well.

 

“Are you visiting another friend? A girl..? Or maybe… a boy?”

 

“A boy.” Izaya replied casually, missing the implication entirely. He wasn’t even sure that the superhero was a boy, but most that he’d heard of were.

 

“Where is he?”

 

“…at school.”

 

“Which school?”

 

Izaya sighed long and hard, not bothering to look at Shingen who was walking beside him once again. “I don’t know, but I think he’ll find me so it should be fine.”

 

“Find you? Do you have a GPS chip in your wrist?”

 

“No, but if he’s important then he’ll find me. That’s how these things happen.”

 

Shingen didn’t say anything to that. He’d been around for long enough to know that silence was sometimes the best thing to get a person to talk, and Izaya seemed to love the sound of his own voice. Sure enough, after a few minutes of nothing but the sounds of traffic and their feet occasionally scuffing the pavement, Izaya started to explain further.

 

He’d worked out some sort of fantasy in his mind. A few weeks earlier, he’d had a feeling of some sort. It was as if the wind had suddenly changed direction, and it was as though a hole opened inside of him. He could sense something, but he had no idea what it was.

 

Shingen was both disturbed and curious by Izaya’s confession, as he seemed far too young to be experiencing an existential crisis. As he continued to listen, however, he realised that it wasn’t the case at all. The way Izaya described it was similar to the feeling you have when you hit on a hand. Eventually the hand becomes numb enough to forget, but when the pressure is removed, the blood slowly starts to flow again.

 

Slowly but surely, you experience warmth, then tingling, then pain, before your hand finally feels normal again. For Izaya, it was as if something inside of him were tingling and he longed to find it. It was a strange thing, but Shingen couldn’t find a reason to invalidate it.

 

After further discussion and more descriptions of Izaya’s superhero, Shingen slowly realised that he knew the superhero in question. Peering out the corner of his eye hole, he made a very quick decision.

 

“I think you’ve been reading too much manga, Izaya-kun. There’s no such thing! I’d be the first to know if someone like that existed!”

 

Izaya’s shoulders sank slightly, and he stopped walking once again. He looked disappointed, having been sure that he was onto something.

 

“Besides! You should wait until high school before you run around in the middle of the night looking for urban legends! What would you do if you found this hero?”

 

Biting the inside of his cheek, Izaya furrowed his eyes as he thought. He was going to lie at first, but decided that the truth sounded far more unbelievable than anything he could come up with. “I want to be his friend.”

 

Shingen laid a heavy hand on Izaya’s shoulder and flagged down a taxi. With a sigh, he pushed Izaya into the back seat and gave the driver directions and some cash. As the taxi pulled away, he stood on the footpath and scratched the area where his scalp met his mask.

 

Shizuo would have killed the brunette, he knew that, but he couldn’t help feeling guilty when Izaya had confessed so much. He aimed a small apology in Izaya’s general direction then turned around, slowly making his way back to his apartment.

 

 

 

******

 

 

 

 

The group in the living room at Shinra’s apartment was a motely bunch to say the least. There were caring friends, a friend who cared only to further their own agenda, and two monsters who loved their brothers more than anything else (one, admittedly, loved their brother in a far less acceptable manner). At the centre of it stood a mad scientist, who had their hands on their hips as they looked dramatically out of the window.

 

It was impossible to tell that Shingen was standing dramatically, but he was kind enough to let those surrounding him know that he was.

 

“Why am I here?” Namie asked, one hand hidden in the handbag she’d chosen to keep close to her, despite Shingen almost wrestling it away from her. She gripped her scalpel tightly, hoping against hope that she’d have a reason to use it. This was cutting into her Seiji time.

 

“You’re Izaya-kun’s secretary.” Shingen explained, shifting his weight to his other foot. “You know things that we might not.”

 

“I’ve sent anything relevant to that pervert friend of his.”

 

“I never got any mail from you!” Shinra objected, wriggling a little close to Celty on the couch.

 

Celty moved a little further away from Shinra, internally face palming at how accepting Shinra seemed to be of his own… fault.

 

“Not you, the _other_ pervert. The one he’s always talking to on his computer.”

 

“Tsukumoya-kun?” Shingen asked, head snapping toward Namie quickly. He knew that name, as the mystery man had helped him with a few important-

 

“Tsukumoya Shinichi?” Ruri interrupted Shingen’s thoughts with her own question. The name was unusual, and given that they’d mentioned a computer, and Izaya was an informant…

 

“Do you know Tsukumoya-kun, Ruri-san?” Shinra asked, though he his eyes were fixed firmly on Kasuka’s.

 

“If it’s the same… Yes. He helped me with something earlier.”

 

“I see.”

 

[Why does Shingen know someone Izaya knows?]

 

“That’s top secret!”

 

Despite the lack of emotion on Kasuka’s face, Shinra was _certain_ that he was just as confused as he was about his father’s connection to Tsukumoya.

 

“Why does it matter? He has everything about that man now anyway. I sent it to him myself.”

 

“What was it?” Kasuka asked cautiously. “What did you send him?”

 

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

 

“...”

 

“If he’s anything like that man, then he won’t tell you.” Namie answered herself, sighing long and hard. “It was disgusting. It was about his _obsession_ with Heiwajima. That’s all I want to say.”

 

“Obsession?”

 

“Ah.” Kasuka moved a little in his seat, catching on quickly. Shizuo had never really told him about anything that Namie had sent him, which meant that whatever it had been must have been quite… exciting.

 

“Well, we already knew that Izaya-kun was obsessed with Shizuo-kun! That’s why we’re here, because they’re taking too long to-”

 

“Kishitani-sensei, did you and your father drag me here to brainstorm ways to play _matchmaker?_ ”

 

“Yes!” Both Kishitani’s replied, not an ounce of shame to be found in their voice.

 

Namie looked at them with a blank face, then at the other occupants in the living room, before pulling her bag over her shoulder and getting to her feet. “Idiots.”

 

She strode to the door, leaving the others in confusion. It wasn’t until she was gripping the door handle that Kasuka finally piped up.

 

“Don’t you want your employed to be happy?”

 

Namie paused, her shoulders moving as if she’d dry retched. “I don’t care what he is.”

 

“If you don’t care either way, why don’t you aid us?”

 

Namie gripped the door handle a little more tightly and closed her eyes, wondering why the hell she cared enough to say what she was about to say. Her body turned slightly, allowing the others to see her disgusted expression. “If you knew them at all, you would know that the best way to help is to stay out of it. You’ll only make things worse.”

 

She was gone before anyone could think of a reply. Ruri and Celty shared a look, both agreeing with what Namie had said, but that didn’t seem to be enough for the remaining males.

 

After some terrible ideas were exchanged and more tea was had, Shingen decided that it might be better if he went to speak with Izaya directly. He left, despite the various protests by the two couples, and made his way slowly over to Izaya.

 

 

 

******

 

 

 

 

Shinjuku was quiet, save for the sounds of a man beating his fists against the wall. The wall crumbled like paper beneath his knuckles, distracting its assailant enough that he didn’t notice the two curious onlookers. Both voyeurs wore a saddened look on their face, though both expressions were hidden by masks.

 

After a moment of heavy breathing, the man left. Several walls faced the same fate as he made his way home.

 

 

 

******

 

 

 

 

 

[Izaya-kun! I know you’re home, it’s rude to leave a guest outside!]

 

[I saw you looking out the window, I know you’re in there!]

 

….

 

[It’s rude to leave a guest waiting on the doorstep like trash!]

 

…

 

[Izaya-kun]

 

[You found the boy you were looking for, didn’t you? Are you mad at me for lying to you all those years ago?]

 

…

 

[I can help.]

 

…

 

[I’ll leave, but I’ll be back.]

 

Of course, Shingen didn’t leave. He pulled the keys he’d taken from Namie’s bag during their earlier scuffle and let himself into Izaya’s apartment. Quietly, so as not to alert the occupant of his arrival, he walked over to the couch and took a seat.

 

It was unlikely that Izaya would be down this evening, so after making himself comfortable, he sent a message to his son to state that he wouldn’t be home and not to file a missing persons report.

 

 

 

 

******

 

 

 

 

Shizuo started to strip the moment he entered the apartment, leaving a small trail of clothes behind him as he made his way to the bedroom. He pushed the door open, his eyes searching the darkness hopefully, then stripped down to his boxers.

 

Collapsing on the bed, he stayed spread out for all of a minute before curling into the foetal position. It would have been too cool for anyone else, but he didn’t mind.

 

He kept his eyes open for as long as he could, as if he feared the images that awaited him on the backs of his eyelids. His exhaustion finally over powered him, and he fell into a restless sleep. For the first time in a long time, he hoped he wouldn’t dream about Izaya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY! It doesn't look like a lot happened in this chapter D:
> 
> I was meant to have this finished for Christmas, but I got busy and then my computer decided to crash multiple times D: BUT IT'S HERE.
> 
> I'M SORRY NOTHING HAPPENS! It's all very anticlimactic!


	24. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Quick recap of the last few chapters (because this was way more confusing than I thought it would be!), and the basic plot:
> 
> Shizuo is in love with Izaya, and has been since he first met him. Izaya, being the oblivious guy he is, has no idea. 
> 
> Izaya’s whole deal is that, the first time he met Shizuo, he saw something in his eyes (unadulterated rage) that was so desperately human that's he's been chasing it ever since and trying to replicate it.
> 
> Shizuo, on the other hand, fell head over heels and has taken it upon himself to protect Izaya. He confided in Kasuka back in high school, and together they've created Shizuo’s secret identity- Tsukumoya Shinichi.
> 
> The purpose of this persona is to keep Izaya safe.
> 
> Which brings us to the last few chapters:
> 
> Kasuka is quite overprotective, and wants everything to be perfect for Shizuo. He thinks Izaya feels the same way, and is trying his hardest to make sure everything goes well for Shizuo.
> 
> At first, he worked with Shizuo, and the pair decided he needed to play hard to get (by keeping a distance from Izaya, and, ultimately, running away from him). This only made Izaya more interested.
> 
> Shinra, who Kasuka has decided to confide in, became mad because they included Celty in all of this. He tried to confront Shizuo about it, but ended up getting drunk with him instead.
> 
> Izaya then turned up, beat Kasuka’s driver (who'd been sent to collect Shizuo), and ran off with Shizuo. Shizuo wound up cuddling Izaya and passing out, only to wake up at Kasuka’s apartment after Celty was sent to pick him up. 
> 
> When Shizuo asked Kasuka if he'd spent the night with Izaya, Kasuka lied and said he hadn't, because he incorrectly assumed the two had slept together (everyone thought this). Shizuo found a message left from Izaya, and ended up going to see him behind Kasuka’s back.
> 
> Izaya suffered yet another (almost) wet dream, much to Namie’s delight, as Shizuo had come to see him.
> 
> Meanwhile, Kasuka, Shinra, Celty, and Ruri have a meeting so they can plot a way to get Shizuo and Izaya together. Shingen appeared out of no where, dragged Namie along, then the both of them disappeared.
> 
> Shingen has actually been keeping an eye on Izaya since he was a child, and honestly does want to help.
> 
> Celty and Ruri have formed their own little alliance secretly, because they believe that Shizuo and Izaya need to sort things out for themselves. They're actively trying to stop Kasuka and Shinra from meddling.
> 
> I think this catches everyone up? But I'm not too sure. I've tried to be vague and forthcoming at the same time so I'm not sure how that's worked out! If I've missed something, leave me a comment and I'll add it in!

**_Earlier that day, Rakuei Gym…_ **

  
  
  


“Why would I do anything to help that bastard?” Though the words were tinged with bitter hatred, they were whispered quietly. Despite his reputation and abilities, Eijirou was smart enough to know that letting Mikage catch him yelling and cursing would only result in a concussion. 

 

He mightn’t be the brightest at times, but he did learn from (repeated) experience. 

 

“I’ll pay you-”

 

“There isn’t enough money in the world!” Caution forgotten, Eijirou couldn’t help but be offended by the insinuation that he could be bought so easily a second time. 

 

“Hm...” Rubbing the bottom of his gasmask as if it were a chin, Shingen thought quickly. If money wouldn’t work this time, there  _ had  _ to be something else that would.

 

“The only reason I’d watch him is because I’m aiming, that rat bastard, do you even know what he  _ did!? _ ” 

 

“With your sister?”

 

“Yeah! Wait, how’d you kn-”

 

“You’ve already told me three times. You have such a terrible memory, I’m starting to wonder if Izaya-kun did anything at all!”

 

It was only years of training (and more than a few concussions) that stopped Eijirou from punching Shingen, though he was forced to take a step backward. “Are you accusing my sister of being a liar!”

 

“Oh, no! Of course not!” Shingen waved his hands in front of him quickly, as if he were warding off the statement altogether. “If your sister were to tell me Izaya-kun did something, I’d believe it!”

 

“Then why don’t you believe me!”

 

“You aren’t your sister.”

 

“What does that have to do with anything?! Huh?!”

 

“Unless you were spying on them-”

 

With a soft gasp, Eijirou staggered backward slightly before closing the gap between himself and Shingen quickly. “I would  _ never  _ spy on my sister when she’s… she’s doing  _ that! _ ”

 

“I’d hope you don’t spy on her at all.” A heavy hand gripped Eijirou’s shoulder as its owner spoke to him quietly. “Sharaku-sensei is a beautiful woman, but not beautiful enough to cause her own brother to have such feelings.”

 

“I don’t spy on her!” Eijirou tried (and failed) to shrug the hand from his shoulder, and jabbed a finger in Shingen’s direction. “You’re twisting my words!”

 

“My mistake! I’ve met so many people with incestuous feelings, it’s difficult to tell who is who.” Humming again in thought, Shingen looked between Eijirou and the tall man standing behind him. “If neither of you will watch Izaya-kun, then I suppose there’s no other choice.”

 

“I haven’t agreed to anything!”

 

“I’m afraid I cannot assist you, as my duties with the Awa-”

 

“You’ll have to watch Shizuo for me instead!”

  
  
  
  


******

  
  
  
  
  


**_Somewhere in Ikebukuro…_ **

  
  
  
  


“ _ Disgusting. _ ” With her nose pointed upward, Namie pulled a handkerchief out of her purse. She wrapped it around her hand loosely, securing it in her palm by forming a fist. Sighing for what must have been the hundredth time that day, she positioned her fist just in front of the door. 

 

She really didn’t care enough to be here, but as she had the distinct feeling that she wouldn’t be left in peace until things were sorted, she felt as though she had no choice. She rapped on the door three times, making sure each knock was louder than the next, then waited.

 

And waited.

 

And waited.

 

But no answer came.

 

She  _ knew  _ there was someone inside, as she’d actually seen them enter. After waiting another moment for an answer, she raised her fist again, this time knocking as loudly as she could.

 

It only took a few minutes of urgent banging for her to wake whoever was so rudely ignoring her from inside. Though she could hear the cursing and thumping from within the dirty looking apartment, she chose not to cease until they were stomping toward the door.

 

It was only when the inhabitant began fumbling with the lock that she realised how dangerous a situation she was in. Still, this  _ was  _ a matter of urgency, so she swallowed any reservations she might have and took a step backward.

 

The door flew open just as she moved, and a tired looking face looked out at her.

 

“What?!”

 

“Move.”

 

“Huh-”

 

“And put on a shirt.” She snapped, interrupting anything Shizuo might have said before sneaking under his arm and into his apartment. “As much as  _ that man _ might enjoy seeing you like this, I really have no desire to myself.”

 

“Wha- hey!” Shizuo turned around and followed Namie with his eyes, kicking the door closed with his ankle as he folded both arms across his chest in an effort to hide his modesty. “You can’t just-!”

 

Namie dropped her bag to the floor by her feet loudly, effectively silencing Shizuo before he continued with his useless rambling. She turned in a slow circle, inspecting the humble apartment critically. Apparently satisfied, she unwrapped the handkerchief from her hand and laid it on Shizuo’s couch- not out of concern for its cleanliness, but to make a statement.

 

After taking a moment to sit and adjust herself, she crossed her legs and lazily looked toward Shizuo. “Did you kill him?”

 

Shizuo didn’t respond verbally, a horrified expression flooding his features. It soon morphed into one of confusion, as if he were wondering whether she was actually being serious.

 

“Did you kill Orihara Izaya after I let you into his apartment?”

 

“I… What would you ca-”

 

“I need to know whether I should seek alternative employment.”

 

“Wh-”

 

“Did you kill him?” Namie didn’t so much as blink when she asked again, instead simply moving her hands to rest atop her knee. “I know it wouldn’t have been deliberate, but with your stren-”

 

“I didn’t fucking-”

 

“I see.” She nodded matter of factly, as if she were mentally taking notes. “Does he require medical assistance?”

 

“Medical-?” Unable to fully understand what he was being asked (or trying not to), Shizuo leaned heavily against his front door. “What do you think I… did to him?”

 

Namie scrunched her nose in disgust at the question, as if the mere thought was enough to turn her stomach. “You went there to sleep with him.”

 

“I-! I didn’t!” Pushing himself back off the door, Shizuo took a few steps forward as his face turned red. “I wouldn’t! I’d ne-!”

 

“Don’t lie to me, Heiwajima. You’re not very good at it, so it’s just insulting.” With yet another sigh, Namie closed her eyes.

 

She didn’t want to be here, and certainly didn’t want to be discussing her employer’s sex life.

 

Shizuo’s mouth opened and closed several times as he attempted to think. It was obvious that this woman knew more than he’d assumed, and lying further might only make things worse. If he’d been more awake, or less emotionally drained, he might have been able to think of some way to react. But as it was, the only thing he could think to do was collapse. 

 

Even as the Fighting Doll fell to his knees, Namie didn’t falter. She sat silently for what she felt was an appropriate amount of time, her expression softening only slightly at the edges. As much as she hated Shizuo for how he’d treated Her Seiji, she couldn’t help but pity him in that moment.

 

He looked how she always felt.

 

Broken and helpless.

 

Full of dashed hope.

It honestly might be worse for Shizuo, given how closely he’d gotten.

 

“I’ll make tea.” Not bothering to wait for a reply, Namie rose to her feet and walked toward the kitchenette. 

  
  
  
  


******

  
  
  
  


**_Some years ago, during Middle School…_ **

  
  
  
  


“Izaya-kun! Have you come to see me today?” Shingen asked happily, almost touched by his newfound friendship.

 

With his hand on the door handle, Izaya sighed heavily. He’d been so close to freedom, and yet, this old man still managed to sneak up on him. If he were being honest with himself, he would’ve realised that it had all been his fault. Shinra had told him that he wouldn’t be at home as he was visiting a friend in hospital, but the idea of Shinra  _ having a friend  _ was so laughable that Izaya had assumed it was a poorly constructed lie.

 

So it had only been natural for him to sneak in through Shinra’s unlocked front door and poke around his house in an effort to locate him. Izaya knew that Shinra still had a secret, and being rebuffed with such a terrible excuse had only made him more eager to discover it.

 

But alas, Shinra truly wasn’t home, and by the time Izaya had realised, it was too late.

 

“I’m sorry, the door was unlocked.” Screwing his face into something that looked more pleasant than pained, Izaya turned to face Shingen with a bitter smile. “I thought Shinra was here.”

 

“Oh, didn’t he tell you? He’s visiting a friend in hospital.” Nonplussed by Izaya’s explanation, Shingen took a few steps toward him. “I thought you two were friends!”

 

“He did tell me...” Izaya replied cooly, managing to refrain from mentioning how impossible it seemed for Shinra to have any other friends. “I just thought I’d-”

 

“Snoop?” With a laugh, Shingen paced the rest of the distance toward Izaya and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s go get something to eat. I’ll be your friend for today!”

 

“I’d really rather not-”

 

“Don’t worry about money! I’ll pay your way!”

 

“But-”

 

“I’m sure we’ll be good friends! We have a lot in common!”

 

Izaya spluttered out a series of half formed excuses as he was unceremoniously pushed out the door and guided to the elevator.

  
  
  
  


******

  
  
  
  


**_Izaya’s apartment, Shinjuku…_ **

  
  
  
  


As he limped down the stairs, Izaya wondered why his stomach was behaving so strangely. He’d heard from a great many sources about things such as butterflies, but the idea that he might be experiencing them was almost laughable.

 

Just because he’d heard someone sneak inside his apartment didn’t mean that it was Shizuo. In fact, all signs pointed to the intruder being Shingen. Still, there was something not unlike hope swelling in his chest.

 

Not that he’d ever call it that. 

 

There was no reason for him to feel so childish over the remote possibility that Shizuo had returned.

 

Why would he care, anyway? If the idiot had changed his mind and returned, then that wasn’t anything to celebrate.

 

Well, perhaps it was, but not for the reasons his body was alluding to.

 

No, Izaya wasn’t excited or hopeful. He was a realist.

 

Shizuo wouldn’t come back.

 

And if he did…

 

Izaya wouldn’t care, anyway.

  
  
  
  


******

  
  
  
  


**_Some years ago, during Middle School…_ **

  
  
  
  


The restaurant Shingen had decided they should visit was new, with the smell of fresh paint wafting through the air as they entered through the door. The tables and chairs were awkwardly arranged inside, as if the owner hadn’t been too sure of where to place them. The bar was the only place that seemed even close to finished, though only two stools had been stripped of their plastic wrapping.

 

Izaya found it concerning, given that he was still a young boy and no one else knew that this strange man was leading him about, but he tried to put any ill thoughts out of his mind. He’d been practicing with the knife he’d found at home for some time now, and was young enough to still believe himself to be immortal.

 

If Shingen’s father were to try any  _ funny business,  _ then surely he’d be able to fight his way out.

 

Of course, this confidence evaporated the moment a gigantic foreigner stepped out from the kitchen.

 

He was  _ huge-  _ easily fifteen feet tall and seven feet wide, with bright white teeth shaped like pincers. It was terrifying to meet a giant in real life, and despite his best efforts, Izaya found himself stepping closer to Shingen.

 

“Kishitani-shachou-sensei!” The giant beamed happily, his strange Japanese shrinking him from fifteen feet to ten. “You come for sushi? Bring boy as payment!”

 

“Well I left my wallet at home, but I was hungry so I picked him up along the way!” Shingen replied, slapping a hand on Izaya’s head. “He’s a good worker! And has good, strong teeth.”

 

Confused and appalled, Izaya puffed out his chest in a show of defiance. His hand reached into his pants, gripping the small blade he’d been practicing with. Even if he couldn’t take on the giant- who was now at least twenty-two feet tall- he’d give them something to remember him by.

 

“I’ll call you Susie!” Simon continued, clapping his hands together happily. “Entertain customers, bring in lots of hungry stomachs!”

 

“Isn’t that good, Izaya-kun? You’re only young, but you already have a job!”

 

Taking a step backward, Izaya’s gaze flit between his kidnappers. He didn’t know what entertaining would require, but as he’d never enjoyed the spotlight all that much, he couldn’t think of anything  _ worse. _

 

“Where you going, Susie?” Simon asked, smiling as Izaya continued to back away. He took three long steps forward and reached a hand out toward Izaya, only to retract it quickly when something silver flashed in front of him.

 

Izaya stopped moving but kept his hand outstretched, the small blade he was holding shaking in his grip. It wasn’t until both Shingen and Simon were watching him that he realised that he wasn’t afraid, and that what he’d thought was a scream tumbling out of him was something far stranger.

 

“Izaya-kun, it isn’t funny to try and stab people.” Shingen scolded, shaking his head sadly. “You should put that away before-”

 

Another flash of silver shot between Shingen and Simon before embedding itself in the wooden beam beside Izaya. The child looked at it with wide eyes, not entirely believing what he’d seen.

 

“Put that away, kid.” A tired sounding voice said sternly from behind the bar. “This is a place of peace, and I won’t have you trying to spill any blood here before we’ve officially opened.”

 

Rather than comply with the (reasonable) demand, Izaya sunk further into his defensive stance. He eyed all three men warily, the manic smile on his face unshakable. So, there were three of them now? It was unlikely he could take them all on, but at the very least, he might manage to make Shingen cry.

 

“Samia, you frightened him with your joke.”

 

Joke?

 

“Susie, I’m sorry! I was joking! Joking!” Simon closed the distance between them quickly, grabbing Izaya’s wrist as he swung the knife toward him again. He picked Izaya up easily despite his struggles and tucked him under an arm, then walked over to the bar before plonking the child down on a stool. “Sorry, sorry! Here, order what you like, make Kishitani-shachou-sensei pay!”

 

Shingen sat himself down beside Izaya happily and pulled out his wallet. He placed it between them carefully, taking note of how Izaya relaxed once he saw it. 

 

“If I were going to sell you, Izaya-kun, it wouldn’t be for sushi!” Shingen waited until Simon and Denis had moved far enough away before mumbling a quiet  _ ‘at least not for  _ this  _ sushi’,  _ then swivelled in his stool so he could face Izaya. “What are you going to order?”

 

Running his finger down the price list in the laminated menu, Izaya stopped once he found the most expensive item. Usually, he’d decline and eat at home, but as he’d been  _ humiliated,  _ it was only fair that he received some form of compensation. 

 

“otoro.”

  
  
  
  


******

  
  
  
  


**_Kishitani Apartment, Ikebukuro…_ **

  
  
  
  


There was no doubt that both Celty and Ruri cared deeply for their partners, and that there were very little things that they would do for them. If someone so much as looked at them the wrong way, there was a strong chance that a rain of Hellfire would fall upon their heads, setting fire to their lives as they knew it.

 

Those men were special to both the women. It wasn’t just that they accepted them in their entirety, but that they possessed several attributes that made them highly desirable. For example, both Celty and Ruri found Shinra and Kasuka to be caring, intelligent, and well intentioned. 

 

Unfortunately, none of these attributes were all that clear at the present. In fact, they were hidden almost entirely by the utterly ridiculous conversation they were having.

 

“I could try and drug them!” Shinra exclaimed, almost spilling his long cold tea as he jumped in his seat. “We could drug them, I could take some samples, and then we could lock them in a room together!”

 

“That sounds ridiculous.” Kasuka replied, gently setting his tea upon the coffee table. “So it may work. I’ve seen an American movie along those lines...”

 

“Um...” Ruri looked over at Celty with a panicked gaze. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

 

“Eh? How come?”

 

[I don’t think it’s wise to drug Shizuo, Shinra. What if it doesn’t work?]

 

“Oh, you have a point.” Sighing, Shinra leaned back into the couch. “You’re so smart, Celty!”

 

If Celty had eyes, she’d be rolling them.

 

“What if we write letters to each of them?” Kasuka suggested carefully. “To convey their feelings appropriately.”

 

“That’s good! I don’t think Orihara-kun would be able to express himself, so we could do it for him!” Launching himself off the couch, Shinra jogged over toward the kitchen. He returned a second later with a pad and pencil, and started to write something. “How do we start?  _ Dear Shizuo-kun, you aren’t as good as Celty, but you’re okay! I love you so much, but not as much as I love Celty! _ ”

 

[You can’t write that!] Celty typed frantically before shoving her PDA in Shinra’s face. 

 

“Why not?” Shinra asked, honestly confused, before his expression darkened. “...because Shizuo-kun will start thinking about you like that-”

 

[NO!]

 

“Ruri-san, do you still have Shyamalan-san’s contact number?” Ignoring the argument Shinra and Celty were having, Kasuka pulled out his phone. “If you ask him-”

 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea...” She replied nervously, desperately trying to think of a way to explain to Kasuka just how  _ awful  _ an idea that was. “He might make things worse?”

 

“He hasn’t written any romances...”

 

“He’s a director.”

 

“I’ll see if I can find one of the writers for Vampire Ninja Carmilla Saizou.” Kasuka flipped through his phone with a serious expression. “They were quite romantic.”

 

Ruri and Celty exchanged another look, though this one was far more desperate.

 

“Why don’t we make them go to dinner?” Almost yelling, Ruri seized the attention of everyone in the room.

 

[That’s a good idea! They probably won’t fight if there’s a nice atmosphere!]

 

“Kishitani-san, we could escort them secretly.”

 

“What if Shizuo-kun sees us?”

 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea!” Ruri tried again, this time rising to her feet and physically moving between both Kasuka and Shinra.

 

Kasuka studied her expression carefully, then pocketed his phone and rose out of his chair. He hadn’t seen Ruri this expressive since the first moment they met, and worried that something might be wrong. “We should think on it some more and discuss this later.”

 

[That’s for the best!]

[We shouldn’t rush into anything!]

 

“Yes.” Kasuka’s hand seized Ruri’s, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Sorry to stay so late. We’ll organise another time to discuss things tomorrow.”

 

“Oh, is that the time already?” Shinra pulled out his own phone and checked the time, ignoring his father’s message totally. “Well then, we’ll see you later!”

 

As Ruri and Kasuka exited the apartment, Ruri couldn’t help but smile. Even if Kasuka was an idiot at times, the firmness of his grip made her feel safer than she’d ever felt before.

  
  
  
  


******

  
  
  
  


**_Shizuo’s apartment, Ikebukuro…_ **

  
  
  
  


“Get up and stop behaving like a wounded animal.” Namie instructed as she held two cups of tea. “I made this the opposite way I make that man’s, so there’s plenty of milk and sugar in it.”

 

It took more energy than Shizuo believed he had to push himself off the ground. He eyed the tea Namie held out to him curiously before taking it, as if he were afraid something might crawl out of it. 

 

“Thanks.”

 

Namie nodded curtly as she reclaimed her seat, then took a long sip from her cup. It wasn’t the tea she preferred, but it was the cheap kind she’d drunk when she first began working at Yagiri Pharmaceuticals, and the nostalgia made it palatable enough.

 

The pair sat in silence, slowly draining their respective cups as they thought. Namie was finding herself relating to Shizuo’s broken expression and red eyes far more than she was comfortable with, but somehow managed to keep her silence. Even if Shizuo and Izaya were mostly opposites, she was certain that if she were to stay quiet for long enough around Shizuo, he’d respond just as Izaya would.

 

“We… I didn’t… you know, do that.” Namie’s patience paid off when Shizuo finally mumbled out the words as he fidgeted with his cup. “But...”

 

“Did you try?”

 

“...No.”

 

“Did Izaya?”

 

“...”

 

Swallowing the bile that rose in her throat at the thought of her employer doing anything remotely sexual, Namie shifted in her seat. “He’s disgusting.”

 

“No, I mean, he’s…” Shizuo scratched the back of his head as a childlike smile broke out on his lips. “I hate him?”

 

Rolling her eyes, Namie fought the urge to groan. “Are you… unscathed?”

 

Unsure of what that meant, Shizuo let his eyes wander over to Namie’s. “I think so?”

 

“Your knuckles are cut.”

 

“Ah...”

 

“Did you beat him?”

 

“What? No! I told you I-”

 

“Then what  _ did  _ you do?” Namie interrupted cooley. “If you managed to  _ escape,  _ then you must have done something.”

 

No longer able to meet her gaze, Shizuo looked at his hands. “I think he needs a doctor, but I didn’t want to call Shinra.”

 

“...”

 

“He, uh… He was moving when I left, but… I didn’t mean to do it, and he said he was fine, but I couldn’t stay after that.

 

“Heiwajima,” Namie’s voice lost any softness it might have had earlier, becoming almost clinical. “Tell me what you did.”

 

“...”

 

“Do I need to go back to that apartment?”

 

“...I don’t… think so...” After taking a moment to steel his nerves, Shizuo drained the rest of his tea and set the cup on the floor. He leaned his elbows on his knees and knit his fingers together as he closed his eyes. “I think that’d do more harm than good. I dunno that he’d want anyone to see him right now, and it’s not like he was bleeding...”

 

“That’s hardly an indicator of someone’s health.”

 

“...Yagiri-san, why are you here?”

 

“I’ve been forthcoming with my reasons. I came to ask whether you’d murdered Orihara Izaya.”

 

“Yeah, but you don’t care, right? About him? Especially not about me.” With his eyes still closed, Shizuo squeezed his hands together. “What do you want?”

 

“Peace and quiet.” Namie answered quickly, setting her half finished tea on the floor beside her feet. “If you tell me what happened, I’ll tell you what that means.”

 

“I could force you to tell me now.”

 

Namie scoffed and recrossed her legs, and Shizuo realised that the only person being intimidated was him.

 

“He just… jumped at me. And I didn’t know what to do, so I... I punched him.”

 

“You punched him?”

 

Shizuo released his hands and balled them into fists. “Into the wall.”

 

“ _ Into  _ the wall?”

 

“Yeah, look, I didn’t mean to! He just… he just… he was so fast! And… I felt his bones crack when I did it and-”

 

“But there was no blood?”

 

“Huh? No, but-”

 

“And he was  _ in  _ the wall?”

 

“Yeah, I think so? And he-”

 

“That’s enough, I don’t need to hear any more about your  _ foreplay. _ ”

 

“Oi, it ain’t  _ foreplay!  _ Stop sexualising it!” He hissed, a familiar burning sensation inching through his body. “I don’t get off on it!”

 

Dismissing Shizuo’s claims with a wave of her hand, Namie stood and brushed off her skirt. “If he’s fine, then I’ll be leaving.”

 

“Huh? ”

 

“You might want to trust the women in your life more than the men, Heiwajima.” Namie advised cryptically as she retrieved her bag and pulled it over her shoulder. “Those monsters probably won’t ruin your life.”

 

“Monsters? Hey, what are you talking about?!”

 

Namie paused for a brief moment as she thought, then continued to the door. “I’ll check on Izaya in the morning. Go to bed.”

 

As the door clicked shut behind her, Shizuo wondered just what she’d meant. He didn’t know any monsters other than maybe Shinra, but she couldn’t have meant him. No one in their right mind would trust Shinra with anything.

  
  
  
  


******

  
  
  
  


**_Some years ago, middle school…_ **

  
  
  
  


Izaya had sat quietly on his stool until the strange giant brought their food. He’d never eaten otoro before, but given how expensive it was (and how much Shingen had complained about its price), he was determined to enjoy it. 

 

To his young taste buds, the fish tasted far too bitter. It made him almost screw up his face in disgust, but watching Shingen attempt to eat through a mask somehow made the experience more enjoyable. 

 

Shingen wasn’t the sort of person Izaya usually watched, but that didn’t mean he found himself disinterested by him. On the contrary, despite his annoying personality, Shingen was far more interesting than Izaya had ever expected.

 

“Izaya-kun, did you ever find your friend?”

 

“Huh?” Izaya replied eloquently, swallowing a half-chewed mouthful before continuing. “You said Shinra was at the hospital.”

 

Apparently giving up on his sushi, Shingen pushed the plate away and swivelled on his stool so he could watch Izaya more closely. “Your superhero friend! If a boy like that exists, I’d like to meet him!”

 

With a scoff, Izaya focused more intently on his otoro. “I wouldn’t introduce him to you.”

 

“You wouldn’t?”

 

“No.”

 

“We could all be friends!”

 

“We’d be too busy.”

 

“Busy? Doing what!?” Leaning on his elbow, Shingen studied Izaya’s careful expression from behind his mask. “Saving the world?”

 

“Don’t be childish.”

 

“I don’t think someone who believes in superheroes gets to tell me that.”

 

“I never said he was a  _ superhero, _ ” Izaya replied casually. “I just said he was interesting.”

 

“Because he’s strong?”

 

Izaya shrugged, “Because he’s human.”

 

“There are a lot of humans you can be friends with. Ones who actually exist! If you keep chasing urban legends, you’ll never end up a success.” It was obvious that Izaya was doing his best to ignore Shingen’s very good advice, so he decided to ask something slightly different. “What is it you want to be when you’re older? Maybe you should focus on that instead.”

 

Izaya’s hand stilled so briefly over the last piece of otoro that Shingen might have missed it altogether had he not been watching.

 

“I want to be stronger.”

 

“Like your friend?” Shingen laughed a little and drummed his fingers on the counter. “I don’t think you could ever be that strong, Izaya-kun.”

 

“I don’t want to be.” Izaya replied, as if he were explaining this to a child. “I want to be  _ strong. _ ”

 

A faint pink dusted Izaya’s cheeks as Shingen’s silence seemed to linger, and he felt some regret at how honest he’d been. As he swallowed another mouthful, he smiled as innocently as he could, before adding: “Or an astronaut. Who really knows?”

 

Shingen returned the smile despite the slight shiver that ran down his spine.

 

This child would be trouble in the future.

  
  
  
  


******

  
  
  
  


**_Izaya’s apartment, Shinjuku…_ **

  
  
  
  


“I’m calling the police.”

 

“On a defenceless old man?”

 

“You might be  _ old,  _ but you aren’t defenceless.” Izaya retorted quickly. “Get out.”

 

“I’ve come all this way, so the least you can do is let me sleep.”

 

“I’ll let you sleep if you let me choose  _ where  _ you sleep. We’ll see how well that mask of yours really works.” 

 

“There’s no need for  _ murder. _ ” Snuggling further under his stolen blanket, Shingen gave Izaya an innocent look (not that he’d know it). “Did Shizuo-kun finally beat you up?”

 

Unable to hide his wince as he might have liked, Izaya ignored the question. “Shouldn’t you be at home with Shinra? Or did he kick you out?”

 

“Shinra would never kick me out. He loves his father.” Watching as Izaya limped slowly through the lounge room and toward a chair, Shingen dragged himself into a seated position. “Is anything broken?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Your bones.”

 

“I don’t believe so.” 

 

“I know Shizuo-kun was here before-”

 

“Then you’d also know that he left.” The sentence was icy and designed to stop Shingen from asking any further questions. 

 

“After he beat you up?”

 

“You can only call it a beating if your attacker uses a closed fist.”

 

“So he  _ did  _ do this-”

 

Crossing his legs, Izaya only barely managed to keep his voice even. “Why is it you’re here?”

 

“Oh, didn’t you check your messages?”

 

“I’ve blocked your number.”

 

“What! How could you do such a cold thing?!”

 

“I warned you what would happen if you continued to send me those ridiculous messages.”

 

“Ridiculous? I was updating you on my travels!”

 

“Careful, you’re starting to sound as though you really believe I’m interested in them.”

 

With an offended huff, Shingen wrapped his blanket around his chest and stood up. He eyed Izaya warily, his eyes travelling over his body in search of any bruises or breaks.

 

“Stop looking at me like that, it’s disgusting.”

 

“Did you break anything?”

 

“The wall in my bedroom, but it’s nothing someone like you should concern themselves with.” Following Shingen’s lead, Izaya rose from his chair on shaky legs and readjusted his shirt before stumbling off toward the stairs. “I’m going to bed. Make sure you’re gone before Namie-san comes in.”

 

“Izaya-kun, you should let me inspect your wounds. I’ll even give you a lollipop afterward!”

 

“I’m not sharing my spoils of war with the likes of you, Shingen.” He paused briefly, the extended his hand out so that he could reach the banister of his staircase. “I’m fine. He barely touched me.”

 

“I know, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t injured.”

 

“Goodnight, Kishitani-san.”

  
  
  


******

  
  
  
  


**_A few hours earlier, Izaya’s apartment_ **

  
  
  


“Izaya?”

 

For the first time since he’d met Shizuo, Izaya felt genuine fear. As he cowered in the bathroom with his back pressed against the door and his erection straining against his pants, he realised he had no idea what to do.

 

“Is… I got your message?”

 

His heart pounded roughly in his chest, threatening to tear him apart from the inside. It was so ridiculous that it was laughable, really. To be afraid of someone like  _ Shizuo?! _

 

He turned around and gripped the door handle as he took several deep breaths. Now was the perfect time. All he had to do was walk out and let Shizuo’s beastly instincts take over.

 

Besides, hadn’t he engineered this from the start? He’d left the message on Shizuo’s stomach, so of course that would have triggered his memory. And now, the idiot was standing in his room, right beside his bed.

 

Everything was going according to plan, so why did he feel so  _ nervous? _

 

He twisted the handle of the door before he realised what he was doing, then shoved it open quickly. As Shizuo came into view, he feared he might actually be having a heart attack.

 

Shizuo’s bleached hair was still damp, so obviously he’d only recently showered. The smell of his aftershave ( _ aftershave?! _ ) wafted over toward Izaya, and before he could stop himself, he was running.

 

It took three strides for him to get close enough to Shizuo, and he lost any grace he might have had because of his enthusiasm. He stomped on the floor loudly before leaping toward him, arms outstretched despite his better judgement.

 

Shizuo’s face broke into a smile- something soft and delicate and  _ beautiful.  _ He opened his arms just as Izaya collided with him, wrapping them around his body tightly.

 

“Shizu-”

 

Having realised what was happening, Shizuo’s grip loosened and slipped down to Izaya’s arms, before tightening once again. In a second, Izaya was flying toward the bed, laughing happily as he landed on it.

 

Yes, this is what he wanted! 

 

He landed on his feet and launched himself back toward Shizuo, only this time, the smile had been replaced with something different. The panicked expression confused Izaya, who didn’t realise until it was too late that he’d made a mistake.

 

Shizuo wasn’t throwing him on the bed.

 

Shizuo was throwing him away.

 

His shoulders were gripped painfully before he had a chance for move out of the way, and he was tossed like a doll into the wall of his bedroom. He slid down it slowly, laughing strangely as he hit the ground.

 

“Izaya?! Shit, shit! Shit, I’m sorry! Hey, hey Izaya?! Fuck!” Izaya looked up at Shizuo, puzzled at his reactions. Isn’t this what he wanted? “Shit, I’m sorry! Fuck, fuck, fuck! I’m- SHINRA! I’ll ca-”

 

“Don’t.”

 

“You’re hurt, shit,  _ I hurt you! _ ”

 

“‘m not hurt, Shizu-chan.” Still unwilling to concede, Izaya reached out a hand. “Help me up.”

 

Shizuo stood frozen as he watched Izaya’s hand shake in front of him. He licked his lips as he took a step forward, reaching out his own hand so that it brushed against the tips of Izaya’s fingers.

 

“I’m just going to hurt you again.”

 

“Shizu-”

 

“I’m sorry! Fuck, I’m…. I’m so sorry.”

 

Even as Shizuo bolted out of the room and down the stairs, Izaya stayed smiling. There was nothing else he could do, and even if he could, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to.

 

Once again, Shizuo’s eyes lacked the spark of fierce anger he’d been searching for, replaced by something as boring as panic. As his back slid sideways and off the wall, he wondered just what it would take to see that expression again.

 

Though he’d lost this battle, he wasn’t surrendering the war.

  
“Shizu-chan is such an idiot.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From the depths of Hell, this story returns!
> 
> I'M SO SORRY IT'S TAKEN SO LONG FOR ME TO UPDATE! The things happening in this chapter were a bit hard to write, and honestly it's so sdkljgmniskdg 
> 
> I SWEAR IT WON'T TAKE ANOTHER NINE MONTHS FOR AN UPDATE! I won't say when I'll update again, but it really won't be that long!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading (even though this is super late)! As always, if you spot any typos, feel free to point them out! <3
> 
> Thank you! <3<3


	25. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone waits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a brief catchup on what's happened in the fic so far at the beginning of the last chapter!

**_Somewhere in Ikebukuro…_ **

  
  
  
  


Spying, as it turned out, was far more difficult than it appeared. To a seasoned professional such as Egor, it really should have been as simple as breathing. Unfortunately, his partner seemed intent on making things more difficult.

 

Between arguing over directions, how loudly he seemed to need to speak, and how often he needed to use the bathroom, the world's simplest task soon became its most arduous. 

 

Luckily, there were very few places in Ikebukuro that Shizuo might wander, and it didn’t take them long to figure out that he’d fled to his apartment. There was no telling when he might have arrived, given that Eijirou had  _ insisted  _ on answering the slew of texts he received despite never turning his phone on silent and forcing Egor to wait as he replied to each and every one.

 

Honestly, it wasn’t until Egor was about to greet the very attractive and vaguely familiar woman who walked past that Eijirou decided that the job was worth doing after all. He’d shoved at Egor’s back, forcing him to step along and toward the derelict apartment building where Shizuo was hiding.

 

It hadn’t been easy to find suitable cover for them, but once they’d decided on a place (which, again, hadn’t been easy), they’d sat themselves down and waited.

 

From what they could see, the lights in Shizuo’s apartment were still on, but there wasn’t much movement from within. There’d been no indication that he’d move again that evening, but as Shingen had insisted on their cooperation, they stayed regardless.

 

As the minutes turned into hours, the pair sat in total silence. Eijirou’s mystery texter soon stopped contacting him, but Egor found that the silence was somehow even more irritating. The only sounds that echoed throughout the night were that of traffic and his companions breathing, which he somehow considered to be smug.

 

How could someone possibly breathe in such a smug way? In all his travels, Egor couldn’t recall a single other person he could say the same thing about. But Eijirou… His breathing was definitely smug. It made Egor feel almost certain that Eijirou was hiding something from him.

 

“I know.” The words came out carefully, though Egor was certain this would work. Eijirou wasn’t exactly at the pinnacle of intelligence, and more dangerous and intelligent men had fallen victim to this ruse.

 

Eijirou’s body stiffened as a small breath escaped him, but Egor hid his smile. The man was so easy to read that this was practically cruel, but if there was a secret, he needed to be in on it. 

 

“How did you find out?” Eijirou’s voice was small, and he clutched his phone carefully. “Did the brats tell you?”

 

“Brats?”

 

“Kururi might not be a brat...” His free hand moved to his chest and he scratched himself thoughtfully. “Mairu definitely is though. She’s the biggest brat, and always twisting my words! They both do that actually, but it’s always worse when it’s Mairu! Or when they’re together, and they’re always together! It’s even worse online because Kururi really gets you off guard. I can’t believe the mouth that kid has, where the fuck do they learn to talk like that, anyway? You know they keep threatening to have me arrested?! Just because Kururi has a nice rack?!”

 

Sinking into the wall they were slumped against, Egor wondered if there was some way to make Eijirou stop talking. He truly had no idea what he was talking about, but as Eijirou now believed he did… 

 

“Yes, they told me.”

 

Eijirou stopped mid-sentence and looked into the near distance. With a heavy sigh, he unlocked his phone and opened an app before shoving it in Egor’s face.

 

“Pokémon?”

 

“Don’t tell anyone. It’s not good for the Dojo’s image if I fight in the street, and these gym leaders are really tough.”

 

“I won’t.” Carefully, Egor pushed the phone back toward Eijirou, who leaned away from him immediately. Why a grown man was playing a child’s game was beyond him, but it wouldn’t be the strangest thing he’d ever seen. “Turn the volume off.”

 

As his body shielded his phone from prying (and now likely bored) eyes, Eijirou granted Egor’s request and turned the volume down. Happy with his lie, he opened his messaging app and sent a single message, then reopened his game. Just because he’d used it to cover his tracks didn’t mean he didn’t want to play.

  
  
  
  


******

  
  
  
  


**_Shizuo’s apartment, Ikebukuro..._ **

  
  
  
  


Minutes, weeks, seconds, hours, years, months- Shizuo couldn't remember how long he stayed on his couch.

 

Occasionally, his eyes would close, desperate for some escape from the banality of Shizuo’s depression. Images of Izaya’s face would cloud his senses; formless memories that held no true shape or meaning.

 

He could see the saltiness of Izaya’s sweat, taste the feeling of his arms clinging around his neck, smell the way he'd so desperately said his name, and felt the the way he looked at him.

 

Holding onto that last feeling was like torture. Shizuo wasn’t worthy of feeling anything as blissful as that, and it took a great deal of effort to push it away from him. The hollowness in his chest threatened to suck his soul right out of his body, but that was all he deserved.

 

With his focus elsewhere, other, more intrusive thoughts and fantasies wound themselves around his veins. They stopped the flow of blood to his heart as it pumped faster and faster, electrocuting him until his body was set alight from the inside. 

 

The hardness pressed against his stomach had been an illusion- there was no way it could have been real. Much like the longing in Izaya’s eyes, it was nothing more than his memories twisting the truth into something more palatable.

 

For the thousandth time, Shizuo’s eyes shot open. The self loathing and guilt washed over him, making him feel like nothing more than a common pervert. A monster with no self control or reason.

 

Ruri’s words echoed throughout his mind like some irritating chorus, making things worse and worse and worse.

 

How could he verbalise something as powerful as the love he felt for Izaya? He  _ couldn’t  _ rationalise it, no matter how many times he’d tried. It was as natural and obvious to him as rain or smog or dirt or hunger.

 

For the second time in his life, Shizuo considered the unthinkable.

 

As bile filled his throat, Shizuo stepped onto the floor and padded toward the bathroom. As much as he disgusted himself, he couldn’t exactly fight the urge to relieve himself forever, and it wouldn’t be much of a punishment even if he could.

 

Rather than just pull his sweatpants down, once he reached the toilet, he stepped out of them completely. His shirt soon followed, and he leaned a shoulder against the wall beside the toilet as he relieved himself.

 

He felt dirty, but it didn’t seem like the sort of thing he could simply scrub away. Still, it was worth a shot.

 

Though he knew it would confuse the pipes, Shizuo flushed the toilet anyway. He moved over to the shower and turned the cold water on, then stepped in quickly.

 

The icy water shocked his body, making the oxygen in his lungs feel thicker than it had moments ago. He shivered violently as his toes began to numb, but at least he was feeling something.

 

It only took five or so minutes for the chill to become unbearable, forcing him to turn the water off completely. He stood in the shower with his face pressed against the wall as he caught his breath ,wondering what he should do next. The image of Izaya’s broken smile flashed behind his eyes before he had the chance to stop it, and he gripped the hot water tap tightly. 

 

He turned it as far as he could, the chill of the water warming quickly as it poured out from the cheap shower head. It felt pleasant at first, but the warmer it became, the more his skin began to burn. He was warming too quickly, and it felt as though razors were steadily being dragged over every inch of skin.

 

Steam clouded the small bathroom quickly, doing nothing to disguise the deep feeling of loathing. He deserved this, and worse. 

 

Hell, he shouldn’t be able to feel this anyway. It was yet another thing he was taking that didn’t belong to him.

 

Minutes, weeks, seconds, hours, years, months- there was no telling how long Shizuo stayed in the shower. It wasn’t until the water had cooled again that he seemed to really wake up.

 

He fumbled with both the taps, having forgotten which he’d turned on in the first place, and stopped the water. Fresh and salt water ran down his face and to his chest in bullets, which heaved quickly.

 

“ _ Hurts. _ ”

 

Whether he’d meant to say anything was debatable, as the word was more choked than spoken. With his breath caught in his lungs, his chest stopped moving and the unforgiving pounding of his heartbeat eased. His eyes slipped closed, and he let a long breath out through his mouth.

 

He took another through his nose, feeling like a thief as he did, and held it.

 

Then released it, hesitantly, out his mouth.

 

Having calmed himself slightly, he opened his eyes and squinted through their sting at his stomach. The message Izaya had left there was nothing but a memory now, having been washed away and down the drain.

 

It was fine. Shizuo didn’t deserve any reminder of that night he’d been allowed to be so close to Izaya.

 

With another long exhale, Shizuo stepped out of the shower and his stupor. He wiped a towel over himself quickly, barely drying anything, then padded out of the bathroom. 

 

Shizuo was selfish.

 

A monster.

 

A  _ real  _ monster.

 

He knew he didn’t deserve Izaya, or any sort of bliss. There was nothing in this world that could make up for what he’d done, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t  _ try. _

 

If he were to give up now, then he’d be worse than a monster.

 

As he stepped into his boxers- the  _ nice  _ pair- Shizuo promised himself that he’d fix things as best he could. He’d find a way to make amends, and even make things better.

 

He wasn’t going to give up, even though he wanted to.

 

His punishment would be to make things up to Izaya, no matter how hard it was.

 

Crawling into his bed and into a ball, he swore quietly to himself that he’d never hurt Izaya again.

 

He’d continue through this agony, because it’s the only thing he could do.

 

Shizuo wasn’t going to surrender yet.

  
  
  
  


******

  
  
  
  


**_Somewhere (else) in Ikebukuro…_ **

  
  
  
  


[He bought it.]

 

The flash of the incoming message illuminated the woman’s face, and the barest hint of something other than boredom crept across it. She deleted the message with a flick of her thumb, then pocketed her phone as she changed course and started to walk home. With that sorted, there was no need to interfere.

  
  
  
  


******

  
  
  
  


**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

  
  
  


**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

  
  
  


**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

  
  


**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

  
  


**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

 

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

**Tsukumoya Shinichi’s turn!**

  
  
  
  


******

  
  
  
  


**_Izaya’s apartment, Shinjuku…_ **

  
  
  
  


The morning sun slipped through the still open blinds in Izaya’s bedroom, brushing against his eyes until he couldn’t help but blink. It was too bright, but he couldn’t find the energy to get up from where he’d slept and close them. With the little energy he had, he instead rolled onto his side, an ache in his neck causing him to groan loudly with the effort.

 

_ Why  _ he hadn’t slept in his luxurious bed was beyond him now that he was paying the price for it. He might be able to convince himself that he’d slept against his injured wall in case Shizuo had returned, but even that seemed far too unlikely for him.

 

Perhaps it was better if he just didn’t think about it.

 

He ignored the footsteps echoing from the staircase, the sound too irritating for even him. If Namie wanted to barge in on him with what smelled like coffee, then he wouldn’t stop her. After recent events he felt little shame for it, as it wasn’t as if she hadn’t caught him in more precarious and unexplainable positions. Still, he had the strangest feeling that he was forgetting something.

 

“Rise and shine!”

 

_ Oh no. _

 

“If I’d known you were sleeping on the floor, I would have slept in your bed!” Shingen’s cheery voice felt like daggers, and Izaya had the strangest urge to see how many times he’d have to bang his head against the wall in order to knock himself out. “You should have told me you were giving up your bed! You’re a terrible host, but I’ll let you off this time since you never have any visitors..”

 

If it wasn’t for the smell of coffee, Izaya really might have injured himself. As it was, the scent was far too tempting, and he forced himself to sit up properly. With his eyes still closed, he reached out a hand soundlessly, waiting for a cup to be handed to him.

 

“Oh, I didn’t make any for you. You’re too young for caffeine!” After delicately lowering himself to Izaya’s bed, Shingen crossed his legs and held his mug of coffee with both hands. “Or you’ll get even more wrinkles. I couldn’t help but notice the products you keep in your bathroom-”

 

“Do you mean that you searched my bathroom cabinet?”

 

“How else would I find a toothbrush!”

 

“Maybe Shinra has a spare.” Not bothering to hide his annoyance, Izaya stifled his groan as he slid up the wall and to his feet. “You should go and see if he does.”

 

“There’s no point now, I already found one.” Wilfully ignorant of Izaya’s demand disguised as a suggestion, Shingen shook his head calmly before placing his coffee on Izaya’s nightstand. “In any case, now isn’t the time for dental hygiene. Remove your clothing!”

 

Though he was certain that Shingen wasn’t trying to bed him, Izaya couldn’t help but laugh. “But what would Emilia-chan say if she heard you asking me that?”

 

“She’d probably ask why you haven’t! I know you aren’t shy, so hurry up!”

 

With his back pressed firmly against the broken wall, Izaya smiled coldly. “Why would I do that?”

 

“Why?” Shingen took a step toward him, his eyes looking to see if Izaya’s hands were empty from behind his mask. “You’re injured, and I’m a medical professional! You should be flattered that I’d offer you my services!”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“You can barely walk, and sleeping on the floor probably did more harm than good.” Content that Izaya wasn’t armed, Shingen closed the distance between them and wrapped an arm behind his back and under his shoulders. Izaya put up some resistance at first, not really wanting to go too easily, but soon gave in and allowed himself to be led to the bed. “Were you afraid a monster mightn’t be under your bed?”

 

“Aren’t you meant to worry that they  _ are  _ under the bed?”

 

“I think we both know that you’re more hopeful than afraid of that prospect, Izaya-kun.” With Izaya slouched on the edge of his bed, Shingen pulled his shirt off him as if he were a child. There was a large, dark bruise just beside his spine, but there didn’t seem to be any serious damage. 

 

“Didn’t I tell you to leave before Namie came in for work?” Izaya shrugged away the feeling of Shingen’s fingers prodding his tender skin. “Or are you such a masochist that you’re waiting for her?”

 

“Is that why you hired her! She really is quite dominant, isn’t she?” He picked his coffee back and stepped toward the bedroom door. “It looks like she isn’t coming in today, so by your own word, I can stay!”

 

With that, Shingen dashed out the door and down the stairs. Even if Izaya didn’t look to have any weapons, he didn’t want to take the risk of having something thrown at him.

 

A humourless chuckle echoed through the room as Izaya listened to Shingen scamper away. It was soft at first, but seemed to multiple, becoming louder, and louder, and louder until it blocked out each and every pesky thought that tried to enter his head.

 

He laughed with wild abandon, ignoring the coughing fits and pains shooting through his spine. He bent himself in half and wound his arms around his stomach, trying in vain to stop his stomach aching, before he fell backward and his back the soft cushioning of his mattress.

 

He kept laughing as his throat dried and his began to tear. It wasn’t until his body was silently shaking with silent giggles that he stopped, no longer able to use it to hide from himself.

 

For the first time since he was a small child, Izaya didn’t get out of bed.

  
  
  
  


******

  
  
  
  


**_Shizuo’s apartment, Ikebukuro…_ **

  
  
  
  


Shizuo had never been very good at lying. It wasn’t so much the lie, but the aftermath. There were so few good reasons to lie, and though he really didn’t want Kasuka to worry about him, he couldn’t stop himself from feeling guilty.

 

The fact that he’d just texted him rather than answered his phone only made the guilt stronger, especially when it was coupled with Kasuka’s (imagined) worried face. He’d always believed that there was good in Shizuo, but that was only another reason to tell him everything was fine.

 

[Brother, I know you aren’t in the building.]

 

Shit.

 

[I’m at home.]

[Sorry]

[My home, I mean]

[Not that yours isn’t homey? I just wanted to be at my home]

[Sorry]

 

Shizuo’s phone shook in his hand as he watched it. A minute ticked by with no response, making him feel antsy. Was Kasuka going to be mad with him? Or send a car? Shizuo really didn’t want to see anyone.

 

[How much time do you need?]

 

After releasing a long breath, Shizuo considered his answer. Though he’d made himself a promise earlier, he still didn’t feel all that confident.

 

[I don’t know]

 

He sent the text before he could change his mind, then quickly locked his phone and pocketed it. He leaned back on the couch before pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, still not entirely sure of what he was supposed to do. It felt as though his body was abnormally large- like he was nothing more than a five year old who wanted nothing more than to shrink himself away.

 

When his phone alerted him to a new message, he pulled it out slowly, his eyes avoiding the screen for as long as possible before he finally conceded.

 

[Take care. Everything will be okay, brother.]

 

The phone dropped onto the couch as Shizuo toppled onto his side. His eyes closed shut, and he hugged himself as hard as he could.

 

Kasuka was smart, so he must be telling the truth- even if it didn’t feel like he was- but it wasn’t enough. Waiting for things to change wouldn’t be enough.

 

For years, Shizuo had waited.

 

He’d almost convinced himself that just watching Izaya would be enough- that protecting him was all that he deserved.

 

It was true that Shizuo didn’t deserve Izaya, or the happiness that came with that. The incident last night had driven that home to him, repeating like an old movie on rainy days. He didn’t deserve Izaya before, and he sure as hell didn’t now.

 

But how could he make it up to him if he did nothing? If he sat idly by and waited for things to change, then they never would. He couldn’t live with himself knowing that he’d hurt Izaya and done nothing to make it up to him.

 

His grip on himself loosened as the promise he’d made himself the night before blared in his mind.

 

He had to make it up to him, but the only thing he could offer was himself.

 

It wasn’t much, but if it was everything he had, then just maybe it could help.

 

Despite his doubts and intense self-hatred, Shizuo sat himself back up and retrieved his phone. With renewed determination, he opened a browser and went to the Dollars website.

 

Someone, somewhere, would have information on Izaya. Regardless of how injured he was, it wasn’t like he’d stay in bed. Izaya was strong, and wouldn’t let himself be hurt by what Shizuo had done. How could he, when he hated Shizuo with such a burning passion?

 

No, he’d be out and about, looking for ways to piss Shizuo off, which meant that Shizuo could judge his behaviour and come up with a plan.

He just had to find him.

  
  
  
  


**

  
  
  
  


**_Izaya’s apartment building, Shinjuku…_ **

  
  
  
  


The sound of the automatic doors opening was hidden by the loudness of the traffic outside when Namie entered the lobby. She carried a large bag in her hand, one large enough to house a variety of medical supplies, but she looked anything but worried. 

 

She tapped into the lobby at her regular pace, unfazed by the prospect of finding her employer broken on the ground. If anything, she felt more irritated than concerned. Upstairs, she would find two children- one with an ego bruised more badly than his body, and the other wearing a gasmask.

 

Though she’d like to say that she could smell Shingen’s bullshit from outside of the building, it was her employers who had let her know he was there. It had made her want to leave Izaya to his own devices, but given the circumstances, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to get away with it. If nothing else, the fact that she could remain professional about things was something she treasured, and she wouldn’t let anyone other than Seiji impact her enough to change that.

 

As she walked toward the elevator, her shoulders tensed and her steps became heavier. She felt a sense of dread, which only strengthened when she noticed the numbers above the elevator ticking down like a bomb. Her eyes flicked toward the stairs, but she decided not to avoid whatever was coming to the ground floor.

 

It was probably another resident in the building and no one she knew. Besides, she wasn’t willing to go to so much effort to see her employer.

 

The elevator tinged just as she had reached it, and the doors opened to reveal an empty box. Namie stood still as her eyes moved around it, not quite believing what she was seeing. Well, it didn’t matter anyway. With no occupant, there’d be no one to distract h-

 

“Namie-jou, I thought you’d take the stairs!” The voice echoed from the nearby stairwell, causing Namie to nearly jump into the elevator. She ignored the heavy breathing and tapped the close button as quickly as she could, hoping in vain that she wouldn’t have to put up with such an idiot.

 

The door to the stairwell burst open, spewing forth a man in a white labcoat and gasmask. He jogged toward the elevators and leapt between the closing doors, then put both his hands on his knees as he fought to catch his breath. “You thought you’d lose me, but I’m not one to mess with!”

 

“...” Namie’s silence was loud, but not enough to scare Shingen away.

 

“If you’re here about Izaya-k-”

 

“...”

 

“I didn’t know you’d be so worri-!”

 

“ **...** ”

 

“This is no way to treat your elders!” Straightening himself up, Shingen pushed at every available floor button. “Stop being so childish!”

 

Namie’s snort of derision was the only thing Shingen received in reply, but it didn’t stop him from continuing.

 

“Izaya-kun isn’t here.”

 

“...”

 

“If you’d like to check on him, he’s with Shinra.”

 

“...”

 

“I had no idea you were this dedicated to him. Could it be there’s a workplace romance?” Shingen scratched at his temple and eyed Namie suspiciously. “Emilia was right, after all.”

 

“Don’t be disgusting.” Namie spat as the bile rose in her throat.

 

“Then are you this dedicated to your work? I underestimated you!”

 

“Tch.”

 

“But Izaya-kun isn’t here. So you should think of this as a paid holiday!”

 

The doors opened to reveal the third floor, but closed again quickly.

 

“Stop talking.”

 

“You don’t believe me?!” Indignant, Shingen stumbled backward. “I’m trustworthy!”

 

“Shut up.”

 

The doors opened on the fourth floor, then closed once again.

 

“I know what you’re doing, Namie-jou.”

 

“Whatever you think you know is wrong.”

 

“So you admit you’re up to something!”

 

The doors opened, again, then closed, again.

 

“Tch.”

 

“Well, I won’t let you get away with it! You aren’t the only one with secrets!”

 

“...”

 

The doors opened again, but this time, Shingen placed his hand between them to keep them open. Namie kept her gaze straight ahead, silently judging the empty hallway.

 

“Izaya-kun has no breaks and is in bed.”

 

“Why should I care?”

 

“You came to patch him up didn’t you?” Shingen nodded toward the bag in Namie’s hand, and watched as her knuckles turned white around the handle. “He’s receiving the finest medical care, so you’re not needed. I’m sorry to break it to you like that, bu-”

 

“Why should I care?”

 

“Shouldn’t you know that for yourself? I can’t tell you everything, even if I am wise. There are things you need to discover for yourself! Stop relying on your elders so much!”

 

“Yo-!”

 

“I’ve made to punch your card, so don’t let the door hit you on the way out!” Shingen nudged his head toward the door hurriedly.

 

“I-!”

 

“If you don’t care, then you have no reason to stay!”

 

Namie’s eyes widened and her face grew dark, frustrated with the way she was being treated. She took a step forward toward the door, then spun around quickly to face Shingen. Her lips soundlessly attempted to speak, but she hadn’t the foggiest idea of what to say.

 

“Unless I was wrong. Could it be there’s an office romance after all?!”

 

Before she could stop herself, Namie’s fist flew into Shingen’s throat. He stumbled backward, clutching at his throat as he coughed and struggled to breathe.

 

She ignored her aching hand and carefully stepped out of the elevator as if nothing had ever happened, then turned her head to speak over her shoulder. “Don’t punch me out.”

 

With that, she walked toward the staircase. She wasn’t invested enough to argue, and though she was annoyed, she wouldn’t fight it.

  
  
  
  
  


**

  
  
  
  
  


**_Somewhere in Ikebukuro…_ **

  
  
  
  


Unbeknownst to the duo spying on Shizuo, another group of spies pull up to the curb outside of the dingy apartment in a van. It parked on the street beside the one Eijirou and Egor are currently hiding in, unintentionally hiding its occupants from prying eyes.

 

Inside, the driver and his passenger sat quietly. They can’t help but feel as though they shouldn’t be there, but can’t bring themselves to leave, either. It was true that Shizuo was someone they felt concern for (though they weren’t sure why they should be concerned), but they weren’t his family and he was an adult. If it hadn’t been for the seemingly emotionless appeal of Shizuo’s younger brother, they wouldn’t have even known he was in trouble.

 

What trouble he was in was a mystery, and one they weren’t too keen to pry into. They suspected that Izaya was up to something, and though neither particularly wanted to get in the middle of that, there was a serious chance that Shizuo might murder anyone who dared pick a fight with him at home and land himself in a jail cell.

  
With no movement outside the van, the two occupants recline their seats and wait in silence for whatever awful thing is set to befall Shizuo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very long chapter where not a lot happens. Sorry about that! 
> 
> But! 
> 
> After this, things are definitely going to be happening! We just needed to get through the rest of this bit.
> 
> Stay tuned, because shit's insane haha. Thank you for reading! <3


End file.
